Father and Son
by Ronja-R
Summary: Sequel to "With A Little Help From My Friends".
1. Chapter 1

I made my deadline =)

This story is a sequel to "With A Little Help From My Friends" which goes AU after the season four finale and is set a few years into the future. This story picks up the day after WALHFMF ends and Chuck has just found out he is the father of Blair's son.

I haven't finished outlining this story yet but I should assume it will be around ten chapters. And there's not going to be another sequel to follow it, so the storylines will be resolved before this one is over =)

Hope you like it!

* * *

><p>For the first time in what seemed like forever Blair felt relaxed. She had arrived back at her father's chateau a few hours earlier, having taken the night flight to Paris, and had finally gotten to hold her boy again. They had never been apart for this long before and even though the reunion held some mixed emotions she was glad to be near him again.<p>

She had stretched out on her side on the bed, leaning on her left elbow, resting her cheek in her hand. Sebastian was curled up next to her sleeping soundly and with her right hand she gently caressed him, running her hand through his blonde hair and down his side, occasionally stopping to caress his cheek. She knew she should have stayed in New York until the whole mess she had created had been settled but she felt her son needed her more. She could go back to the city in a week; by then Chuck would have had time to calm down and think about things rationally. He would have had time to realize that the last thing he wanted to do, and the last thing that he should do, was to stay out of his son's life. Blair had done more than enough damage to his future relationship with Sebastian. He should work to remedy that. He was the only one who really could.

Looking at her son, holding him, talking to him, it all served to make her feel more guilty. Her only comfort was knowing he was still very little and perhaps he could overcome the damage she had caused. He could still grow up with both his parents and never even remember a time when his father was not around.

The one whose wounds might not heal was Chuck. She didn't want to think about how he had reacted or of the conversations they had had before she left. She had never seen him like that and she hoped she never had to again. Knowing that she was the one who had caused it made it a hundred times worse. She had once promised herself to do her best to protect him from those who tried to hurt him and instead she had become the one who hurt him the most.

Her arm was starting to get sore from supporting her upper body. She stretched it out and rested her head on her shoulder, coming on face level with Sebastian. He had been incredibly clingy since she had arrived back home and she didn't mind one bit, except for when he wanted to come with her to the bathroom. Once he woke up from his afternoon nap she would go outside and play with him for a while but for now she was content to just lie there with him. Watching him sleep calmed her, though it also stung a little with the reminder of how many moments like this his father had missed out on. That feeling had been there his whole life and Blair wondered if it would ever go away. At least if Chuck and Sebastian were brought together they wouldn't keep missing out on these things. She had to be careful though. It scared her to think Chuck might still go too far in the other direction and want full custody. She thought it highly unlikely since he knew it wouldn't be good for their son but she didn't dare to completely dismiss the thought. What they needed was to find a balance.

Sebastian sighed in his sleep and scrunched his face for a second. Then he mumbled something and seemed to relax even further. Sometimes he reminded her so much of Chuck and other times it was hard to know who he looked like. All she really knew for sure was that he had gotten his father's eyes and not his mother's. The rest of his features were more difficult for her to distinguish. She had thought about studying a photo of him next to photos of herself and Chuck at that age but hadn't gotten around to it yet. It didn't really matter who he looked like. He was theirs no matter what and she loved him more than she had ever loved another person. She knew she would love any child she bore no matter what but she also knew that there was something special about Sebastian because of who his father was.

She reached out her arm and wrapped it around him, snuggling closer. He wouldn't nap for much longer but she didn't think she could stay away until he woke up again. She closed her eyes and slowly drifted off. Her last thought before falling asleep was about Chuck, wondering how he was doing.

* * *

><p>It was lunchtime in New York. Chuck returned home after spending one more night in the hotel room he had hidden out in after his first confrontation with Blair. He was alone in the apartment, without a clue as to where Nate was and not really caring. When he walked inside his bedroom he spotted his phone and briefly wondered how many missed calls he had. Probably more than he wanted to know. He wondered if any of them were from Blair.<p>

He sat down heavily on the edge of his bed and slowly began to loosen his bowtie. The day before he had told Blair he wasn't going to try and fight for his rights to his son. Now it all seemed unreal, like it had just been a bad dream. There was no way he had an unknown child with Blair.

He forced himself not to think about it, or about his decision. It was the hardest decision he had ever made and on one level he deeply regretted it. On another he knew it was the best solution. He couldn't think of any other way to keep the innocent child from being caught in the middle. He just hoped his son would be able to forgive him someday for not being there.

He wasn't sure how long he had sat there when the bedroom door opened. He glanced lazily to see who it was and didn't feel very comforted when his eyes fell on Emmy. Seeing her reminded him that when the bomb dropped about his son he had been about to break up with her. He wasn't sure what he was going to do about that given what had happened between him and Blair and it felt like one of the least important things to figure out right now. He did wish though that she hadn't shown up. If he had wanted her company he would have gone to her place, not to his own apartment.

"There you are, _finally_!" Emmy exclaimed and strode over to him, letting her handbag drop to the floor as she went. "I've been calling you time and time again since the day before yesterday; I've been worried out of my mind!"

"I'm not in the mood" he said tiredly.

"Nate's been looking for you too" she said, walking inside his bathroom to fill up a glass of water. "He said something crazy, something about you and Blair and… Where on earth have you been?"

"Not in bed with Blair if that's what you're asking" Chuck said in monotone.

"Don't be ridiculous" she said, coming back out with the glass of water. She handed it to him and began to take off her jacket, walking towards his closet to hang it up. "I was worried something had happened with that whole… project of hers."

"Oh something definitely happened…" Chuck said. "Nothing I care to talk about right now. If you don't mind I'd rather be left alone."

"You've been left alone long enough" Emmy said. "Please Chuck, you have to _call __me_. You can't just disappear like that."

"I do what I damn well please" he said sullenly. "I need time to myself. We can talk in the morning."

"At least come back to our place" Emmy said. "I'll draw you a bath, we'll order in Chinese food. I've got a lot of work to do on my project before tomorrow so I won't be bothering you much. But I can't concentrate on work when something's clearly going on with you."

Suddenly the bedroom door which she had closed flew open and nearly hit her on the shoulder. She recoiled and gave Nate a surprised look as he came barging in.

"Chuck!" he exclaimed. "There you are! Thank God, I was running out of places to look. Did you talk to Blair? What's happened, tell me!"

"Can somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?" Emmy asked, looking a touch annoyed.

"Can somebody please respect my request to be alone?" Chuck snarled back. "I do not want to talk about this right now. Do you understand?"

Nate looked from Chuck to Emmy and back. He thought Emmy's presence might be just what Chuck needed, but not right now. He didn't blame his best friend if he needed some time to make some form of sense of what had happened before he even attempted to explain it all to his girlfriend. He turned to Emmy and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Listen Emmy, why don't you go back to work and I'll talk to Chuck? There's a lot of stuff going on and it's a touch complicated and I don't think this is the right time to try and explain it."

"Your suggestion is that I go to work and then go home and try not to think about it?" Emmy said skeptically. "That's not going to work."

"Chuck will call you in the morning" Nate insisted and walked over to grab her jacket. "There's nothing you can do here today."

Emmy looked highly skeptical and turned to her boyfriend.

"Just talk to me" she begged. "Whatever it is we'll deal with it together."

"Nate's right, it's better that we speak in the morning" Chuck said, a bit more composed now. "Go on home and… come by for lunch tomorrow if you're free."

She studied him with a frown for a minute before slowly nodding and putting her jacket back on.

"Okay then" she said. "Promise you'll call me if you need me."

"I'll see you out" Nate offered and ushered her out the door.

Chuck sighed heavily and leaned his head back so that he was staring at the ceiling for a moment. How was he going to be able to explain everything to her? He had decided to end their relationship and she had no idea, now all of a sudden the woman he had essentially left her for had turned out to have betrayed him and he had a child out of nowhere. It wasn't easy knowing what to do with that.

Nate returned a few minutes later and closed the door behind him, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

"It really is true then…" he said. "You have a child. A child with Blair."

"The boy's name is Sebastian" Chuck mumbled, letting himself fall back on the bed. "Figures she'd name a kid after seafood."

"So what are you going to do?"

"There's nothing _to_ do" Chuck sighed.

"Where is Blair now?"

"I don't know and I honestly don't care."

Nate frowned. He had expected Chuck to be fully focused on finding out more about the child and working on how he would win joint custody but instead his friend seemed lethargic and uninterested.

"Well, I mean…" he stuttered. "What is it like to suddenly have a _child_?"

"You don't want to know" Chuck said and rubbed his eyes. "This is not exactly how I wanted to become a father."

"Yeah, no shit." Nate paused for a moment. "What's he like? Who does he look like?"

"How the hell should I know?" Chuck snapped.

"Sorry. I figured you had asked Blair this kind of stuff."

"All she did was babble about what shows she watched when she nursed him and other useless stuff. I wish I knew what happened, how we ended up like this, but it's not like I can ask her. She'll either lie through her teeth or give me some nonsense answer that doesn't help me one iota."

"It seems like Dan knows a hell of a lot more about all of this than any of the rest of us. You should call him."

"Well I would if I could find the area code for Hell."

"I can't believe he knew this all along and he didn't say a thing."

"It's not Humphrey's silence that bothers me" Chuck pointed out sullenly.

"He's never been your friend but he has been mine" Nate replied. "The fact that he could keep something like that secret… I would have never pegged him for the kind of guy who would lie by omission about someone having a child."

"If Humphrey's hypocrisy surprises you then you must not have been awake these past few years" Chuck remarked dryly.

Nate walked over to the bed and sunk down next to Chuck, staring at the ceiling. He didn't have the first clue what to say or what to do.

"So how… are you taking all of this?" he asked.

"Just swell" came the sarcastic reply. "Finding out you're a parent doesn't really rank with the noteworthy stuff of your day."

"Come on man, be serious. _I_'_m_ shocked and appalled. I can only imagine how _you_ feel. I still can't believe Blair would keep something like this from you."

"Turns out I didn't know her like I thought I did… Turns our she didn't love me like I thought she did."

Nate nodded slowly.

"Now what?"

"Now nothing" Chuck sighed. "Life goes back to something that pretends to be normal."

"What, you're going to let Blair get away with this?" Nate exclaimed.

"If there was any way I could launch a vendetta without that child getting caught in the crossfire I would be plotting the grandest takedown of my life" Chuck said. "As is… the bitch wins."

"Dude, you can't let her get away with this" Nate objected. "Come on man, she completely screwed you over! Don't you want to know your son?"

"Of course I do!" Chuck snarled. "But what happens to him? He's supposed to shuttle back and forth across the Atlantic, going between his mother, the only parent he's ever known, and the father he's never laid eyes on? I swore I would never subject my children to the kind of crap I went through growing up."

"That crap was your mother being either dead or MIA" Nate pointed out. "Shouldn't you be making sure the kid has both his parents in his life?"

"Being raised only by his mother is better than two broken homes on two separate continents and half his time spent with a father he'll probably never be able to bond with."

"You don't know that."

"Oh, yeah, sure, him and I will bond instantly because of the genetics we share. He'll be super excited to shuttle back and forth between his parents. He'll cross the Atlantic on the back of a flying unicorn and we'll go chasing rainbows and find the pot of gold."

"Why the hell can't Blair move back here?" Nate questioned. "New York is her home. You can't tell me she prefers the boring French countryside. You saw her this past week. She was ecstatic to be back in Manhattan, back where she belongs. Clearly rural France bores her out of her mind."

"Are you really that naïve?" Chuck snorted. "Do you think she kept him a secret all these years because she likes to share? She doesn't want me involved, that much is pretty clear."

"Why the hell do you care what she wants?" Nate asked. "Blair has forfeited any rights to have an opinion." He paused and shook his head. "I just can't wrap my mind around it. It doesn't sound like her to do something like this. Something must have happened; something weird must be going on."

"What are you saying, this is all _my_ fault?" Chuck snarled. "Blair could never do something this bad so obviously it must be because of me or something I did? Because I'm always the one most at fault, aren't I?"

"Take it easy, that's not what I meant. Something might have been going on completely unrelated to you. Maybe Louis and his family were involved."

"I don't care" Chuck snarled. "I don't _want_ to care. What Blair did should not be dismissed and it shouldn't be forgiven. I don't want to know what drove her to make the decisions she's made because I don't want to feel any sympathy for her after what she's done. Forget about what she's done to me and think of what she's done to my child. If she thinks I will forgive her for this she's as deluded as her curly-haired co-culprit."

Nate studied him for a moment. He looked really haggard but at least he wasn't drunk off his ass as Nate would have expected him to be.

"Have you slept much?" he asked.

"Not really" Chuck mumbled.

"You look like you're going to fall asleep at any moment. Why don't you get some shut-eye and I'll see if I can get a hold of Blair."

"What for?"

"She should come over here and talk this through."

"We've talked. The decision has been made. Enough said."

"I think it's a mistake."

"I think what you think is irrelevant."

"Fine, but I'm going to call her anyway" Nate said, sitting up and scooting to the edge of the bed. "If you don't want to talk to her right now then that's your business but I would like an answer or two."

"Don't bring her over here" Chuck said. "I don't want to see her."

Nate nodded and urged Chuck again to try and get some sleep. He walked out of the room and dialed Blair's new number.

* * *

><p>"Do you think Blair wants some dinner?" Roman asked Harold while putting the finishing touches to his casserole.<p>

"She ought to be hungry when she wakes up" Harold answered.

"How is she?" Roman asked. He had been out when Blair returned to the chateau and when he got in she had fallen asleep.

"She seems to be just fine" Harold said.

"Her New York problem worked itself out?"

"I assume it has. She didn't say anything to me but she seemed to be in a good mood when she got home. We haven't really had a chance to talk; she's been busy with my grandson every moment since she got in. She seems really calm though. I'll go wake her up and see if she wants anything to eat."

He walked down the hall towards his daughter's bedroom and heard voices when he approached. He knocked on the door and opened it to find an exhausted Blair being subjected to a million questions from Sebastian, who had woken up from his nap and was curious to know more about what his mother had been up to that had kept her from coming home.

"Did you meet the king of America when you were away?" Sebastian asked, standing on his knees on the bed and lightly shoving her hips to get her to get up.

"America doesn't have a king, honey" Blair yawned.

"Then who is as important as a king that he would be so important that you couldn't come home?"

Blair reluctantly sat up and stretched a little, for the hundredth time thinking to herself that something needed to be done about Sebastian's grammar.

"I had a problem in New York and I had to take care of it" she answered.

"Hey Blair bear" Harold said from the door.

"Hey Dad" Blair yawned.

"Are you hungry? Roman made casserole."

"Don't like casserole" Sebastian pouted.

"There are pancakes for you."

"Pancakes?" Blair echoed. "For dinner? You've been spoiling him while I've been away." She yawned again and stretched. "Casserole sounds good. I'm not very hungry but I probably should eat something. Come on Sebastian."

The boy quickly got down on the floor and ran over to the door where he halted and turned to look at his mother.

"Hurry up Mom!"

"I'm coming."

She got up and cast a glance in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, she had bags under her eyes and her clothes were wrinkly. Normally this would upset her but she felt calm. She ran her fingers through her hair a few times and then joined her son by the door and took his hand. They walked towards the kitchen and Sebastian kept asking her questions.

"Do they have pancakes in America?"

"Yes."

"Do they have maple syrup?"

"They do."

"Do they have meatballs?"

When they reached the kitchen Roman came over and lifted Sebastian up in his chair before greeting Blair with a kiss to each cheek.

"Blair, it's great to have you back."

"Merci Roman" Blair smiled. "Dinner smells lovely. I'm sorry I'm not all that hungry."

"That's alright. How was your flight?"

They kept making small talk while they sat down to eat. Blair would have preferred getting a few more hours of sleep but she managed to eat at least a little bit of dinner. Sebastian finished long before the rest of them and Blair let him go off and play with the Tintin toys she had bought for him in the States.

"So did you get everything settled out when you were over there?" Harold asked as soon as Sebastian had left the kitchen.

"Well… Yes and no" Blair answered and reached for the bowl of salad.

"Meaning what?"

"What was even going on?" Roman asked. "It sounded like you were in quite the trouble. What happened?"

"A shady journalist found out about Sebastian and threatened to publish the news unless I paid him three million dollars" Blair said. "Only he gave me ten days to come up with the money and the whole affair seemed strange so I asked my friends to help me figure out what was really going on."

"You have friends in the States besides Dan?" Roman asked.

Blair froze for a second, her fork halfway to her mouth. Then she continued to eat and a serene smile came over her face.

"You know" she said. "Serena, Nate."

"Charles?" Harold asked.

"And Charles" Blair admitted, momentarily losing her serene smile. "They all helped me even though I didn't tell them what it was all really about."

"Were you able to stop that man?" Roman asked.

"If they weren't we would have read about it in every newspaper by now" Harold pointed out dryly. "What happened Blair? Did you end up having to pay him?"

"My son will not end up in the media" Blair said. "At least not for the moment."

"Was it really so wise to involve Charles in the affair?" Harold asked.

"I thought Blair aimed to tell him everything" Roman interjected.

"I thought so too, a few years ago" Harold said. "But then you opted for silence Blair bear, which I still don't think is the best choice. Yet the choice was made and by asking for Charles to help you, you took a great risk. It's rather something of a miracle that he didn't learn the truth while he was busy helping you."

"He did" Blair chirped.

"He _did_?" Harold exclaimed, dropping his fork.

"What did he say?" Roman asked, thinking this was the best piece of gossip he had heard in months.

"He… took it okay" Blair said evasively.

"Blair" Harold said sharply. "What happened? Can we expect Charles Bass to come banging on our door any day now, demanding his son?"

"He's not going to fight me over Sebastian" Blair said. "Everything is fine, Dad. Don't worry about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check in on my son."

She rose and left the table, leaving the two men to share confounded looks.

"If he took it that well then this is good news" Roman said after a minute.

"I have known that boy since he was only a few years old" Harold said, leaning back in his chair with a skeptical frown. "He has never been the type to let things go or to just give up. Blair seems really calm so perhaps what she's saying is true and our lives can continue on as before. I just have a feeling that there's more to this story than she's telling us."

"Either he's agreed to let her raise Sebastian on her own or he's not" Roman pointed out. "What more can there be to the story?"

"I don't know. But she isn't telling us everything."

"I think you're worrying too much" Roman said and got up to start gathering the dishes. "The two of them staying here with us is splendid."

"For us, yes" Harold agreed. "Though it can't be what Blair has planned for Sebastian's entire childhood. If not sooner then they'll have to move when the time comes for him to start school. I always assumed that when the time was right Blair would take my grandson to New York to be united with his father. She got him enrolled in the best school on Manhattan after all."

"Now that may not happen" Roman said, cheerful at the thought of Sebastian growing up in France.

"We'll see" Harold said. "The last word has not been said in this matter. That much I feel sure of."

He got up and left the room, leaving Roman to deal with cleaning up and doing the dishes. He wasn't sure what to make of Blair's news or her own reaction to the events. If Blair was telling the whole truth he wasn't sure he liked it much and he was surprised that Chuck Bass would let his son go that easily. He knew his grandson needed a father figure in his life and that himself and Roman were a touch too old for the role. He could only hope that Blair and Chuck would be able to work out some form of agreement that would benefit everyone involved. Sebastian especially.

* * *

><p>Chuck sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes, unsure of how long he had been sleeping. He had slept much better than he had expected, completely free of dreams and with no interruptions. Still he didn't feel much more energized than before he had gone to sleep and he didn't feel the least bit better about his situation.<p>

After taking a shower he went into his closet and on autopilot picked out a grey shirt and a matching suit. He glanced over at his phone while he got dressed and decided to keep ignoring it. He had spoken to Emmy already, he had spoken to Nate, and whoever else might call him he could care less about. Even if it was Blair.

When he walked out of his bedroom he could hear voices. For a second he froze, worried that one of them might belong to Blair. Then he recognized his sister's mumbles and groaned. He hoped Nate had invited her over for his own sake and not because of anything related to Blair and the child.

He walked into the kitchen where Serena was seated on a barstool by the island, talking to Nate who was making an omelet. They both turned their heads when they heard Chuck enter and Chuck regretted having left his bedroom. He wanted peace and quiet right now, not tons of questions and talkative company.

"Is it true?" Serena asked him with wide eyes.

"So much for keeping it under wraps" Chuck sighed and reluctantly walked over to them.

"Chuck" Serena said sternly. "Tell me Nate's been getting stoned again."

"He probably has" Chuck acquiesced and took a seat on the barstool next to hers. "But if you're referring to Blair's special secret then yes, it's true."

"I do not believe this" Serena declared, getting down from her seat to start pacing back and forth.

"Join the club" Chuck mumbled.

"Want something to eat?" Nate offered.

Chuck glared at him.

"Yes Nathaniel. All my problems can be solved by your special omelet."

"Don't take it out on the omelet" Nate said. "You have to eat."

"This doesn't make any sense!" Serena said. "Blair would not keep something like this from me."

"Oh she wouldn't keep it from _you_?" Chuck scoffed. "Here I thought her not telling _me_ was the biggest issue."

"There must be some mistake" Serena said. "Blair is capable of some pretty weird things but this goes beyond anything she would do."

"Look, there is no mistake" Chuck barked. "She flat out told me that it's true and she had no excuse. She didn't want me involved so she made sure I never knew a thing."

"Until Dan let the cat out of the bag" Nate said.

"Yeah, thank so very much sis for bringing him into our lives. That's another thing that kills me. She told Dan Humphrey but she never told me. How much do you want to bet that he was there holding her hand while she gave birth and I had no idea what was going on? That he was there for every significant moment of my son's life, moments Blair felt I shouldn't be a part of? That he's the god damn godfather when I never even got to be the father."

"Enough Chuck!" Serena said sharply. "I know Blair's lies to me aren't as bad as her lies to you but when it comes to Dan she has betrayed me every bit as much as she betrayed you."

"The hell she has" Chuck snorted.

"Alright, that's enough" Nate said and handed Chuck a plate filled with omelet. "Arguing isn't going to help matters."

"This is just… too weird" Serena said. "Blair having a child? Keeping secrets is one thing but this is a pretty big effin' secret. I don't think it's even _possible_ to keep something like this a secret. Someone would have found out even if Blair and everyone around her managed to keep their mouths shut. I mean we're talking about a pregnancy here, and a child."

"Someone _did_ find out" Nate pointed out.

"How can this have been the secret Blair asked us to help protect?" Serena wondered. "How could she spent that much time with us and never-"

"Serena would you please be quiet!" Chuck scowled. "It's bad enough going over all these questions in my head. It doesn't help to hear you saying them."

Serena walked over to him and threw an arm around his shoulders.

"Chuck I'm really sorry" she said. "I can't imagine what you must be feeling. _I_ feel betrayed. I feel like crap and you must be feeling ten times worse."

He glared at her. He knew she was trying to be supportive but she wasn't helping. He pushed aside the omelet having only taken a handful of bites from it and walked to the living room. He sank down on the couch and wished Serena would leave and preferably take Nate with her. He didn't want to have to have the conversation about his next planned step with her. Having it with Blair and with Nate was bad enough.

Serena walked into the room and sat down on the couch next to him. She didn't say anything at first. She was torn between feeling furious at Blair and wanting to find some upside to the whole situation. Things were going to get ugly real soon and she wanted to find some way of minimizing the damage. She felt so bad for Chuck and wanted to help him find a good solution to this very unexpected twist.

After a few minutes Nate appeared in the doorway and leaned against the doorpost. He had run out of things to say. He hadn't had time enough to think through it all for himself, let alone figure out how to support his best friend through this new development.

"Maybe this can all amount to something good in the end" Serena said carefully. "Maybe… Maybe you guys can be a family."

"I can't be a family with her" Chuck said, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "This is too much. You can't rebuild from this."

"As if there's anything you or Blair cannot do."

"Turns out there is."

"You love her" Serena reminded him gently. "She's forgiven you for some pretty bad stuff. You can do the same for her."

"I wonder at what point you're supposed to stop forgiving each other and realize too much damage has been done and it's time to move forward" Chuck mumbled. "Besides S, this is too big to forgive."

"You love her" Serena insisted gently. "You were going to leave Emmy for her."

"You're leaving Emmy?" Nate said with a surprised frown.

"Not now" Chuck said, opening his eyes and looking over at Nate. "I need… I need time to think."

"You can't stay with her if she's not the one you want" Serena objected. "You said you were ending it whether you would be with Blair instead or not."

"You said what?" Nate exclaimed. "Have you gone mad?"

"How is this the most important thing right now?" Chuck asked with disbelief.

"Leaving her would be a big mistake."

"Are you hot for my sister or for my girlfriend?"

"This is not a joke Chuck" Nate said. "Emmy is good for you, you know that."

"It takes a bit more than that" Serena objected.

"The topic of my love life is now closed for discussion" Chuck said. "Don't I have enough troubles as it is?"

"You do have to think about it though…" Serena said carefully. "Emmy has to know about all of this. As long as you're sharing your life with her this concerns her a great deal. Even if you leave her tomorrow she still has a right to know or she will always wonder. Until she finds out from another source that is."

"I know" Chuck said. "You're right. I just don't know how to tell her."

"She believes you guys will get married someday" Nate said. "When you do tell her she's going to think of that kid as her stepson."

"She's never going to be a stepmother to him" Chuck said, marveling at how foreign the word sounded. "Whether we stay together or not."

"What do you mean?" Serena asked.

"He's giving Blair full custody" Nate explained. "The child will stay in France. I doubt anyone of us in this room will ever even see him in person."

"But… That's insane" Serena objected.

"I am not having this discussion with you Serena" Chuck said. "My mind's made up. It was the hardest decision I ever made in my life so don't try and change my opinion."

"But…"

"No" Chuck said. "That's how it's going to be. Who am I to uproot that boy's whole life and everything he knows?"

"You're his father" Serena said.

"There's more to fatherhood than just DNA" Chuck said in a desolate tone. "Being in his life would make me happy. Turning his world upside down would make him unhappy."

"Why do you keep talking like you wanting to be in his life is some sort of crime?" Nate asked. "Like his life changing to make room for you would somehow make you the villain? Blair did this. She put you all in this position. Why not let her take the blame?"

"My son… loves his mother. She's the only parent that he knows. I can't turn him against her. Do you have any idea how difficult it is as a child to be mad at your parent? He won't not love her no matter what happens and he shouldn't have to feel conflicted over it. I'm not handing Blair any victories. My decisions are based on what would be best for the kid."

Nate walked over and slumped on the couch next to Serena.

"I don't get to say this very often but… you're being a moron" he said. "You think you can just put it from your mind and go on like nothing happened. All three of us know that's not going to be possible."

"For that matter so does Blair" Serena added. "I'll bet you anything she expects you to change your mind and fight her for the boy."

"Maybe she doesn't know me as well as she thinks she does" Chuck said. "Just like I don't know her as well as I thought I did."

He stared blankly at the coffee table, drained of emotion. He didn't want to think about Blair anymore. He didn't want to imagine what she was up to or what was going through her mind. For the first time he had lost his faith in her completely. He had never before truly believed that she didn't love him anymore but after finding out the truth he didn't see how she possibly could feel anything for him still. The Blair he had known and loved would have come through for the people she loved and nothing would have been able to make her do something this hurtful to the people she cared about the most. The Blair who had kept her pregnancy a secret and hidden his son from him was a stranger.

He sat on the couch for over an hour together with Serena and Nate. None of them said a word during that time. He wondered whose side they would end up being on. Nate would be in his corner but he couldn't know for sure with Serena. Blair was her best friend after all and he didn't doubt that Blair could win her over if she tried. If Serena and Nate took opposite sides in this mess that could really ruin their budding relationship.

* * *

><p>Blair woke up in the middle of the night from Sebastian shaking her. She opened her eyes and frowned, wondering what was wrong. He didn't usually come and wake her unless there was something wrong.<p>

"What is it sweetie?" she mumbled sleepily. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"No" he whispered. "Just checking."

"Checking what?"

"That you're still here."

Without a word Blair pulled him closer and tucked him in with her. The calm she had been feeling was beginning to slip away. Chuck had had a point in that any major changes would be difficult for Sebastian. It was obvious that being parted with his mother for this many days had had an effect on him and being a part-time parent only had never been a part of her plan. She had ignored the possibility of Chuck and her sharing custody without sharing a life and a home and somehow that had now become the best case scenario. Or at least the best scenario that was in any way realistic. But it would mean a world of adjustment to her child, especially since it also meant moving to another country and living in a vibrant city rather than a peaceful country-side chateau. Somehow she had to find a way of making Chuck a part of Sebastian's life without making too many drastic changes in the child's life.

"It's okay, little Bas" she whispered and kissed her boy's brow. "I'm right here. Mommy will never leave you for long. And when I do go away I will always, always come back."

* * *

><p>Kind of a slow opening but things will start to pick up pace by the next chapter =) Let me know what you though!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two!

People have been commenting on Sebastian's blonde hair. Part of it is just me being Scandinavian – a lot of brunettes here were blonde as children and didn't turn brunette until puberty so it's kind of natural to me. Most of all though it's based on Chuck being blonde as a child. In "_Gone __with __the __Will_" there was a photograph of little Chuck on Bart's desk (actually a photo of Ed Westwick) and he's blonde in that picture. I was unable to find a still online to link to but go re-watch the episode and check it out. It's really kind of sweet that Bart kept a picture of little Chuck at his desk. Anyways, I made Sebastian blonde to tie him closer to Chuck, so no worries that it's a hint that Chuck might not be the father after all. He is.

One additional thing… Since Monday I haven't been able to reply to reviews. I don't know if it's a bug or if the site is changing the review-reply system or what it is. Just thought I'd let you know.

* * *

><p>Chuck opened the fridge and took one look at the leftover omelet from the previous night and decided to have Alice get him breakfast at the office. He closed the refrigerator door and nodded to Nate who was walking into the kitchen to have breakfast.<p>

"Hey" Nate greeted. "Get any sleep last night?"

"I took a few pills" Chuck admitted.

"Feel the least bit better?" Nate asked and opened the refrigerator to find something to eat.

"Can't say that I do" Chuck said. "But there's no use crying about it. I have to try and move on. Put Blair and that child from my mind."

"I still think you guys need to have a good talk" Nate said.

"We've talked enough."

"Whatever went on back when she got pregnant there is a story to tell" Nate said, closing the refrigerator door and shoving a waffle in the toaster. "I'm not saying it will make you feel better or that it will make everything okay or that it will change a damn thing."

"Then why should I hear it?"

"Because even if it changes nothing, at least you'll know" Nate said.

Chuck shrugged.

"Perhaps. But Nathaniel, right now I don't even want to lay eyes on her. And I bet she's back in France by now. She's been away from that child for over a week and my guess is that's a new record. She must be over there single-parenting to her heart's desire to make up for all that lost time."

"So, uh… What are you going to do about Emmy?" Nate asked. "She's coming over for lunch today, right?"

"Damn, I completely forgot about that" Chuck said. "I was going to go to the office and get some work done."

"You can't hide from her" Nate pointed out and poured himself a glass of orange juice. "If you ask me you-"

"You don't have to tell me" Chuck said, holding up his hands. "You want me to marry her and make a dozen other kids with her and at the end of my days tell the whole world she was what made my life grand."

"I think she's good for you" Nate said. "Look I know Blair made you happy once but Emmy makes you happy too. The difference is, Emmy's never made you miserable."

"Is that enough?" Chuck asked, realizing as he said the words that it was a genuine question. Things had changed now, he had no idea what he felt for Blair anymore, but did that change whether or not his feelings for Emmy were enough?

"I guess it depends" Nate said. "What do you want out of life? Out of your relationships?" He took a sip of orange juice and sat the glass down on the counter. "Look, if at the end of the day you realize you still want Blair, even after all of this, then what the hell, go for it. I will think you're insane but if your love for her can survive _this_… then it must be more than anyone else can ever compete with. However if you don't want Blair anymore then you need to ask yourself what you _do_ want. The kind of all-consuming rollercoaster ride you had with Blair; the kind of love that can make you too happy for words but at the cost of a hell of a lot of unbearable pain? Or the love that makes you happy, plain and simple?"

"It's not just a matter of my own feelings" Chuck pointed out. "What about Emmy? You said last night that she expects marriage. That's how serious this relationship is to her. She wants me to be the person she has a family with and I've been hesitant about truly committing to her for a long time. Maybe to her I'm what Blair is to me? The person who can give the high highs but also the low lows. I could stay with her for the rest of my life and take all the love she wants to give me but the question is what would I be giving back? Should I stay with her to make myself feel better even though I'll never love her as much as she likes to believe that I do?"

"Stop comparing your feelings to her and your relationship with her to what you had with Blair" Nate said. "That's the problem, stupid. Appreciate her for what she is."

"I do."

"No not really. You're not getting it and it's so obvious."

"Then enlighten me" Chuck said, getting irritated.

"You think you don't love Emmy enough yet everything you just said points to the opposite. If you didn't love her you wouldn't concern yourself with being the kind of partner she deserves. I get that you have some issues to work out with yourself but if you break up with Emmy now you're a real dumbass. If you let her go she may not come back, no matter how much she loves you. So while you try and figure things out don't do anything drastic in your relationship. You might end up alone."

"String her along while I try to make up my mind?" Chuck said with disbelief.

"Don't throw her away until you've found out for sure whether the grass is greener on the other side."

"That was the worst analogy ever."

"You'll thank me for it later" Nate said. "I've got to get to class. Blair and her little project has made me fall behind."

"Nate…" Chuck said. "Should I tell her? I mean, I have to tell her, but… What the hell do I say?"

"Trust me, there isn't any way to cushion the blow of this particular news" Nate said. "Just tell her what you know and be done with it."

"Solid advice" Chuck said dryly.

"I'm here to help!" Nate chirped and grabbed his waffle on the way out.

* * *

><p>Chuck ended up staying home. When Emmy came over for lunch she found him almost exactly like she had the day before, sitting on the edge of his bed looking like he had just won the lottery and lost the ticket. She got an odd sense of déjà vu walking inside his bedroom but when he looked over at her he looked a touch more welcoming than he had the day before.<p>

"I forgot to order lunch" he said.

"That's… That's okay" she replied, setting her purse down on his dresser. "I'll cook."

"I haven't got a clue if there's food in the apartment."

"I'll grab something on my way back to the office then."

He nodded. She walked closer and studied his face. He looked haggard still. She was really worried about him and hoped he would open up and tell her what was wrong. He had always had a tendency to close up when something was bothering him and at times it could be almost impossible to penetrate the wall he put up. She had hoped he had gotten past that by now since it had been a while since the last time he had shut her out but these past couple of days told a different story.

"Chuck it's okay if you don't want to tell me everything" she said. "You have to promise me though never to pull a disappearing act like this again. I've barely slept these past few days, I've been worried sick."

"I never meant to make you worry" he said. "I just couldn't deal with seeing anyone and I couldn't tell you what was going on."

"Couldn't?" she echoed, feeling hopeful. "Does that mean that now you can?"

Chuck shook his head slowly and laughed bitterly.

"Emmy I…" Then he shook his head again and changed lanes. "Do you like the name Sebastian?"

Emmy wrinkled her forehead, wondering what on earth he was talking about.

"What?"

"Would you have picked that name for your kid? I'm not really fond of those overly long names. Keep it short and simple."

"Sebastian is a nice name" Emmy offered. "I don't see the relevance."

"It's what Blair named our son."

He laughed again, the same bitter laugh. Emmy just stared at him, thinking this must be some kind of joke or that he had lost his marbles completely.

"What did you say?" she asked.

"Emmy I am such a goddamned fool" he said. He got up and began to pace back and forth with his hands on his hips. The bitter laugh was gone, now he was just bitter. "She manipulated me real good. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of how she played me. What does that say about a person when they can do something like that?"

"Please, I don't understand what you're talking about."

"Blair just… She just came back into our lives, out of the blue, and asked us for a favor. We did what she asked because she's our friend, she's part of the club, she…"

"Stop pacing Chuck and just tell me what happened. What did Blair do?"

For a second he gave her a crooked smile but then it was gone. He had to hand it to her, she was the one person who would take his side no matter what and assume someone else had messed up. His friends and family tended to have a "well what did you do to cause it?" reaction but never Emmy. He had always found her a touch naïve in that aspect but at the same time it was nice to have someone have that much faith in him.

"We all took time from our lives and our schedules to help her" he said. "She acted like she was really grateful. She…" He stopped himself from telling her about how Blair had shown interest in him. That part of the story was one she could be spared. "What could possibly compel a person to get someone to… The big secret we were helping her protect? It turns out the person we were really preventing from finding out was me. She _used_ me, had me doing her bidding, had me doing everything in my power to help her keep the most important news of my life from me. It kills me that I worked so hard to help her keep a secret from _myself_."

"The secret… You have a child?"

He nodded. He couldn't bring himself to confirm it in words. Emmy swallowed and shook her head a little with disbelief.

"Your ex-girlfriend… bore you a child? But… Wasn't she the one who was engaged to that prince? How could she have had your child if…"

He walked over and grabbed Jack's envelope from the nightstand. He fished out the birth certificate and walked over to her, handing her the piece of paper. She took it and studied it with incredulity.

"Sebastian Charles Waldorf…" she read.

Chuck twitched when she said the full name. He hadn't read the birth certificate for himself. He hadn't known Blair had named the child Charles for a middle name.

"Born February 15th 2012…" She looked up at Chuck. "Born in February, that means he was conceived in…" She did the math quickly in her head. "May. Blair and the prince announced their engagement around early summer, didn't they? How can she have had _your_ child at a time when she was deeply involved with someone else?"

"How do you think, Emmy? She and I had sex. It happened once while she was with Louis and she walked out of my life for good later that night."

Emmy couldn't stop herself from giving him a disapproving look.

"You're the one who always talks about the sanctity of marriage" she pointed out. "I didn't know you felt engagement to be different."

"I've only done it that one time" Chuck said. "Clearly it was the biggest mistake of my life. Look I don't condone cheating no matter how much debauchery I've indulged in when I was younger. I can't really explain how it happened and it doesn't really matter anymore."

"I just don't understand" Emmy said, studying the birth certificate. "Nowhere here does it say you are the father. She gave the child your name but what does that prove? If the two of you only slept together once during the time of conception and she was engaged to another man odds are this child is not yours at all. Don't you think she might be lying to protect the child? If that prince finds out he has a son out there-"

"It crossed my mind" Chuck cut her off. "It's not Louis' kid."

He walked back to the nightstand and grabbed the paternity test from the envelope. He handed it to Emmy who eyed it quickly.

"Did _you_ run this paternity test?" she asked.

"No. It was my uncle Jack."

"Your uncle Jack?" Emmy echoed, thinking this just got weirder and weirder. "You don't speak to your uncle Jack. You hate him."

"How the paternity test came about is neither here nor there" Chuck said.

"Judging by what you've told me about him in the past I'd say it's highly relevant" Emmy said. "How do you know this test is for real? He could be faking it just to mess with you."

"True, but Jack is not the only one who's been telling me this. That rodent Dan Humphrey was the one who first told me. When I confronted Blair she confessed right away. Then on top of that Jack shows up with a paternity test and a birth certificate, right at the same time. That's one coincidence too many."

"Not if Jack's faked paternity test gave Blair an idea" Emmy argued.

"Then why would she have named him Charles? If anything Jack would have to be the one making use of Blair's lies and why would he do that? Why do that _now_? That kid is my son, Emmy. A son I know nothing about and have no connection with."

"Chuck I'm so sorry" Emmy said. "This… This is just… I can't even imagine what you're going through right now."

"If one more person says that to me…"

Emmy put the documents down on the bed and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"We'll get through this" she said. "You want to be in your son's life and we'll make room for him. I've only met Blair briefly and after hearing about all of this I can't say I find her even remotely likeable but we'll find some way of making it work, having her in our lives. The important thing is that you and your son-"

"I told Blair I would let her have full custody" Chuck said, shrugging her off.

"Why?"

"Emmy I'm not having this discussion with you too."

"Excuse me but I think I have a right to ask" Emmy said. "This child is a part of you. Why would you not want him?"

"Of course I want him" Chuck snarled. "I also want what's _best_ for him."

"You're afraid you and Blair will end up in a long, bitter custody battle" Emmy guessed. "That would be upsetting for him."

"What an understatement." He shook his head again and groaned. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so cold with you. The fact is that there is nothing anyone can say or do to change this for the better. I have a son I will never get to raise and that's something I have to find a way to live with."

She nodded slowly.

"If that's what you feel you need to do… Whatever you decide I will support you."

He knew he should be grateful but sometimes he just wanted to grab her by the shoulders, shake her and ask her if she had any concern at all for what _she_ needed and wanted. She must have some other opinion other than just supporting whatever he chose to do. The child may be his but as long as they were together it would have a great effect on both their lives. Then again maybe she recognized that and chose to go along with his decision because it meant the least amount of change to her own life.

"You know, I…" Emmy began. "I always heard so much about Blair and how she was part of your gang and how the two of you had this passionate love affair. You haven't spoken of her much but the others have. I admit I found her just a little bit intimidating. You're entitled to have a past and I generally don't care about your previous girlfriends. I care who you love now and I know that person is me. But on occasion it has been a touch… well, daunting to hear about the kind of relationship you had with that woman. It's a lot to compare to, you know?"

"There's nothing to be intimidated by" Chuck said bitterly. "She took my child from me. That is not a great love."

Emmy nodded. She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind, holding him closer. He didn't want to be held, not by her or anyone else, but he let her. In that moment he hated Blair for turning Emmy's life on its head. There were so many innocent bystanders hurt by her actions and it wasn't fair. Emmy deserved better than to have this kind of thing dropped on her.

"Thank you" he said and placed his hand over hers. "I know this is… shocking to you."

"I'll confess" she said and kissed his shoulder blade. "I wanted to be the only woman you have children with. It's vain, I know, but…"

"I may share a son with Blair but I'll never have a family with her" Chuck said, even more bitterness welling up inside him.

"It will be okay" Emmy whispered against his shoulder.

He wasn't so sure. He had a sneaking suspicion he would never be truly okay again. Just because he was letting Blair keep the child that didn't mean he wouldn't always want his son. Perhaps he would one day have children with Emmy, or with some other woman, though that would not help him much with this problem. Every step of the way he would wonder about his firstborn. If Sebastian did the same kind of things as the other children, if they looked alike, when different milestones had taken place.

"Look, I… I need some time alone" he said. "I also need to get back to work. I'm falling way behind."

"Come home tonight" Emmy said and kissed his cheek. "I'll make you feel better."

He doubted that she could but didn't say anything. She gathered her things and left and he was alone again. Slowly he walked to the bed and got the documents Emmy had put there. He went and put them in his safe and wished he could lock his feelings up as easily.

* * *

><p>Blair returned to her mother's penthouse five days later. Leaving Sebastian again so soon had been hell. He had cried and clung to her legs and begged her not to leave again. She had promised him she would be back real soon but that hadn't seemed to matter. Yet she knew she had to go back to New York. She had to speak to Chuck again, that was the most important part. She also needed to talk to Serena and Nate. They had to know everything by now and she had to do some damage control. She may deserve their dislike but she couldn't stand it. If they turned their backs on her she had no friends at all left and that outlook was far too bleak.<p>

She had only been back for a few hours when Serena paid her a visit, having been tipped off by Dorota. Blair walked down the stairs to greet her and had to force herself to take each step, frightened to hear what Serena would have to say.

She found her friend leaning over the small table in the hallway, adjusting the flowers in the vase. She must have heard Blair descending the stairs but chose not to acknowledge it which gave Blair the feeling that Serena wasn't sure how to act in this situation either and was nervous too. She harked to get her friend's attention and wished she knew what kind of facial expression would go best with this moment.

Serena looked up at her.

"You came back so soon?" she said.

"I had to. I had some unsettled business."

"Really? Any other secret children you need us to protect?"

Serena's words came out with more venom than intended and she could see Blair recoil a bit. Yet she didn't regret what he had said or how she had said it. She had wanted to see things from Blair's point of view, wanted to be on her side, but all she could think and feel when standing face to face with her former best friend was how disappointed she was and how betrayed she felt. It felt really good to let some of that disappointment out and if Blair was hurt by her words then it wouldn't make her cry herself to sleep.

"This hasn't been easy for me" Blair said carefully. "I've wanted to tell you. Believe me, I've wanted to."

"Nothing's been stopping you" Serena said.

"I had to tell Chuck first" Blair said. "I assume he's told you everything by now."

"Oh, so you had to tell Chuck first, that's where the hold-up was" Serena said in a mock-understanding tone. "And, when were you planning on telling him exactly? Perhaps you were going to send him an invite to the child's wedding?"

Blair swallowed, then cocked her neck and crossed her arms over her chest. Serena had no right to judge her. She didn't know and she didn't understand. She couldn't expect her best friend to react in a favorable way but she had expected her to be willing to listen before she judged.

"Why are you here, S?" she asked.

"I think the better question is why are _you_ here."

"I came because I have to talk to Chuck."

"Maybe you should just leave him alone" Serena said. "He's already given you what you wanted. You're going to rub it in now?"

"He has not given me what I wanted" Blair objected. "What I want is a family for my son. I want Chuck and me to-"

"Well you can't have that" Serena cut her off sharply. "Blair I don't understand. If a family is what you wanted then why haven't you told Chuck the truth before? Both parents are kind of an essential part of a family, don't you think?"

"I know you probably think that my goal is to keep Chuck away from my son. That's not true. Ever since I got back to New York the other week I kept trying to find a good moment to tell him everything."

"How does that work in your favor?" Serena asked, crossing her arms over her chest just like Blair had done. "You kept the kid a secret for over three years and you want bonus points for deciding to come clean a few weeks ago? Well you're getting none. You didn't even manage to tell him the truth. He found out on his own."

"It's not as easy as it sounds" Blair said. Her tone turned pleading. "S, you remember the talk we had the night before we were launching our takedown? Everything I said that night was true. I love Chuck. I've never stopped wanting a future with him. Things just… got in the way. Louis, then Emmy… I was going to tell him I was pregnant, I swear, but by the time I knew my child was his it was too late. I was too pregnant to return to the Upper East Side unnoticed and he was already in another relationship. I wasn't sure he would be glad to hear the news."

"That's bull" Serena snorted. "You knew he would be glad. You just weren't sure he'd want _you_."

"Maybe" Blair mumbled and looked down at the fingers she had begun twisting.

"I can understand that" Serena said. "What I don't understand is how you thought you had the right to keep his child from him just because he might not want to be with you. That boy is his son no matter what and he still has the same rights to him."

"Everything just… happened so fast" Blair said. "I-"

"I suppose I could somehow, someday find it in my heart to forgive my best friend for not sharing the biggest news of her life" Serena said in a tone that was anything but friendly. "If that was where the betrayal ended. Your son, Blair, is not just your family."

"I _know_" Blair said. "Chuck-"

"He's my nephew" Serena pointed out. "I don't want to think of how Mom will react when she finds out her first grandchild is already over three years old."

"First of all Lily is not Chuck's mother" Blair said defensively. "_I_'_m _a mother and I know what it means. I bore my child, nursed and bathed and changed him, taught him his first words, taught him how to walk. Second of all Lily has no grounds to judge me. She never told Rufus about… whatever that half-brother of yours' name is."

"Scott" Serena filled her in. "That was different. She didn't raise him and keep him from Rufus."

"No she gave him away and never told Rufus about him and how is that better?"

"It just is."

"I didn't expect you to not have a problem with this when you learned the truth" Blair said. "I didn't expect you to shrug your shoulders and not be hurt by the fact that I never told you about my son. But I did expect you not to judge me."

"Then you were naïve. I don't _want_ to judge you but I can't not react that way. It's my nephew we're talking about here Blair."

"He's not Eric's child" Blair argued. "Chuck and you aren't _siblings_. Your mom was married to his dad for like three weeks and Lily and Chuck signed some papers to keep Bass Industries from falling into Jack's hands. That's not family that is a business deal."

"A lot of things have happened since then. Then again you weren't here to see it, were you? You're so out of touch with all of us that Nate and I could have gotten married and you wouldn't have known it."

"So you're mad at me for not staying in touch?"

"No Blair" Serena sighed with frustration. "Yes. A little. But we already went over that the other week, didn't we? I actually thought my best friend might be coming back and I figured I owed you a chance since you gave me one when I came back from boarding school. But you weren't sincere with me. You kept this big secret from me and you told Dan."

"What a mistake _that_ was" Blair groaned. "I never would have confided in him in the first place if he hadn't seen me pregnant."

"That's just it, B" Serena said. "You saw him while you were still pregnant but you didn't even think to _call __me_? Somewhere along the line you replaced me with Dan and I think you replaced Chuck with Dan as well."

"There's no need to be gross" Blair said, wrinkling her nose.

"I loved Dan once" Serena said. "But even I knew all along how judgmental he can be. Still you chose to tell him the whole truth while you said nothing to me. I don't know what to make of that. Just like I don't know what to make of the fact that you did something to my brother that's going to shatter him. He might keep it together for now but it won't last. I think you were the last person he ever expected to betray him and yet you did." She walked towards the elevator, then turned to look at her friend. "I just hope you're not planning on going to him now to whine about how his back hurt your knife. Leave him alone, B. If you care about him at all…"

"Everything I told you before was true. I love him. Honestly I thought you would understand that."

"I don't understand anything" Serena said and walked on the elevator.

When she was gone Blair took a shivering breath and wiped away the single tear that had fallen down her cheek. Panic was building up inside her again. If Serena reacted this way then how would Nate react? She may have spent years apart from them but her experience with them these past few weeks had taught her that she couldn't really live without them. Not in the long run. She really hoped she wouldn't have to.

* * *

><p>She wasn't sure if Chuck would even be home or if he would be staying at Emmy's. She took a chance, knowing she didn't have the strength to face his girlfriend right now, and went to his apartment. She knocked on the door twice but got no answer. Not knowing what to do next she stood by the door for a few minutes trying to figure out her next move. Luckily for her Chuck came walking off the elevator before she could decide on anything. She turned when she heard the elevator ring and felt a slight jolt go through her body when their eyes met and he recoiled a bit. As much hurt as there was between them the sight of him still made her spark inside. Unfortunately there was no trace of such a reaction in his eyes.<p>

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I came to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about."

"We have everything to talk about."

He walked past her, making sure not to touch her when he walked by her, and unlocked the door. She wasn't sure if she was invited in or not but she didn't care and followed him inside anyway. He gave her a glare and walked into the living room where he sat his briefcase down on the couch. He wanted her to leave but knowing her that wouldn't happen until she had said whatever was on her mind.

"Need money already?" he asked dryly.

"What?"

"That's the only reason I can think of why you'd be here."

"No. I've thought a lot about the things you said when we last saw each other."

"Not taken any of it into consideration, I'm sure."

"You're being juvenile."

"Ah, I don't really care" Chuck shrugged and went to the bar to pour himself a scotch. "I'm bitter so why the hell shouldn't I throw a juvenile slur or two your way?"

"You need to see Sebastian."

"We've been over this."

"_You__'__ve_ been over this. _We_ haven't really talked at all."

"How is that any different from the rest of his life thus far?" Chuck asked and took a large gulp of scotch.

"At least come and see him" Blair pleaded. "The two of you should meet. Feel free to spend the next hour telling me how I haven't been practicing what I'm currently preaching, just come and see your son."

"You really do enjoy torturing me, don't you?" Chuck said and sat the tumbler down on a large speaker.

"I'm trying to make right what I screwed up so badly."

"Some things can't be made right."

"I can at least try."

"You can't give me what I want. Rubbing my face in what I've lost doesn't help. For that matter, it doesn't help our son."

Blair took a step closer. At least he seemed calm now. More rational. She might be able to convince him that they needed to find a middle-ground.

"It scares me out of my mind to even think of you fighting me for full custody" she said. "Yet I'm willing to take the risk of you changing your mind and wanting to raise your boy alone because the current state of things isn't the best solution either. We can do this _together_, somehow."

"We can't" Chuck said and picked the tumbler back up, leaving a ring of fluid where it had been sitting. "All that can come from him and me meeting each other is misery. He's better off not knowing the father he can't be with than meeting him only scarcely. Why mess with his mind like that? Let him be Blair."

"You are a coward" Blair said. "You were a coward when we were teenagers and you're a coward now. Too afraid to look your son in the eye, too afraid to-"

"Yes I'm afraid!" Chuck cut her off. "I'm afraid of seeing him because I will love him and I'm deathly afraid of being denied another family member I care about. How do you not get that? You stand here talking about being afraid of losing custody yet we both know you have _nothing_ to lose. Taking him away from you would only make him hate me. I don't want to be hated by one more blood relative. I've told you where I stand. Why the hell can't you respect that?"

"Because I've spent four years making one mistake after the other and I've seen what happens when they start snowballing on you until they're so big you can't possibly come out of the whole thing intact. You're determined to go down that same slope and that's really destructive. Trust me, I know."

"No Blair I am cleaning up your damn mess" Chuck said, stepping so close he was practically standing on her toes.

She felt his warm breath on her face when he spoke and his close presence made her overcome with a desire to touch him. Had it really only been a few days, a little over a week, since they had stood out on the balcony and almost kissed? Since he had taken her in his arms and comforted her when he believed the child to be Louis'? She fought back against the urge to feel him beneath her fingertips and looked into his eyes, praying silently that he would see her genuine sorrow and regret. He didn't see any of it. He was too blinded by his own negative emotions. In that moment she wasn't even sure he was aware that it was _her_ he was talking to, the woman he had shared so much history with. All she was to him at that moment was the enemy.

"I'm paying the price for your mistakes" he grunted. "I could care less about bailing you out but I'm paying it nonetheless. For _him_. Give it up Blair. You won't soothe your guilty conscience, if that's what this is about. I'm not so sure you _have_ a conscience anymore. Perhaps this is all about you feeling sorry for yourself that you're no longer welcome in our circle and that if you ever want to return to Manhattan it's going to be a very lonely place for you. If that's the case then that's just too bad."

"I don't care about myself" Blair said in what was barely more than a whisper.

He laughed. It was utterly void of joy and seemed almost cruel. She braced herself not to react, telling herself he was just lashing out.

"I know things are screwed for me" she continued. "Any illusions I might have had of a happy ending are over. I'm not fighting for myself. I'm fighting for my son. My precious little boy. I've messed things up for him. I have to live knowing how badly I've hurt you but even worse is living with the knowledge that any chance my son had at a happy family life is gone and it's all because of me. Believe it or not Chuck I do _not_ think that what's best for him is to only have me in his life growing up. People raise children together without being a couple, it happens all the time. It's not how I would prefer it to be but it's better than for us both to continue making my mistake."

"You're ignoring the fact that he doesn't even know me" Chuck replied.

He walked away from her and she gasped a little, feeling the loss of his closeness. She followed him with her eyes and waited to hear what he would say next. He stopped by the bar and contemplated filling up his tumbler. He was a bit confused by her insisting that he and the boy should meet. She must have some ulterior motive. She couldn't keep Sebastian a secret for years and then all of a sudden be the number one supporter of a father-son get-together.

He turned and looked at her. She did look beautiful, standing there as straight as if she had swallowed a rod, hands hanging down her side and chin held high. There was a look in her eyes that held a certain desperation and he latched on to that look. She was playing a game. She was trying to bluff him. She knew she was everybody's least favorite person at the moment and she was trying as best she could to win back some ground. That was why she insisted he should meet his son. She knew he wouldn't change his mind about suing for custody but by acting this way she could pin it all on him. She could tell anyone who wanted to listen, including Sebastian, that she had done everything she could to bring father and son together but that Chuck had blankly refused. Even if he did come and see his son she would still have custody in the end and nothing would really change in her life.

He took a few steps closer and studied her reaction. Her eyes never left him. They were a touch wide and her mouth was slightly open. It seemed unreal to him that he had been about to leave his girlfriend for her not two weeks ago. What would have happened if he had gone through with it?

"I know what game your playing" he whispered to her.

"There is no game" she replied, voice quivering.

"There's always a game."

He hadn't quite figured out the whole scheme she was running but it didn't matter. The piece left unsolved was which outcome she was fearing to make her look afraid in this moment. He could let her have that secret. It didn't matter.

"Go ahead and tell everyone who cares to listen that you bent over backwards to bring me and my son together" he said, still in a voice that was barely more than a whisper. "Nobody will believe you. A half-hearted performance now doesn't change the fact that you tried so hard to keep me from ever learning the truth. Actions speak louder than words. Besides, it's all down to he-said, she-said. Your word against mine. Anyone who asks me if you tried to make me a part of his life will be told my version of the story. Who do you think they will believe?"

"That's not what this is about" Blair said, feeling her chances slip away. "Chuck I beseech you. Don't punish Sebastian for what I have done to you."

"I believe it is you who has punished him for what I have done to you. I stand by what I said before; if you need anything for him that I can provide then by all means come and ask. Just don't ask me to make the situation even worse just to make you come out looking better in the eyes of whoever knows about him."

"All I want is a father for him" Blair said, wanting to cry but determined not to show that weakness.

"Why?" Chuck asked, still practically whispering. "He's never needed one before. Why is now any different?"

"Does it make you feel better to say things like that to me?" she responded, also still practically whispering.

"No. Once more you seem to have missed the point that nothing can make me feel better."

"Please Chuck. Just think about it. Aren't you curious? Don't you want to know the sound of his voice?"

Her question made him feel like she had punched him in the gut. He couldn't believe she would be that cruel but maybe it was just another attempt to win. What was she going to do next, ask him if he didn't want to go back in time and see Sebastian take his first steps?

"Goodbye Blair" he said, voice now in a normal tone. "The next time you need anything, contact Alice. She'll make sure I get the message."

He turned his back on her and walked over to the bar, grabbing his tumbler. Realizing she had nothing left to gain by staying Blair turned and walked out of the apartment. The second he heard the door closing behind her he closed his eyes hard and felt tears falling down his face while he wondered what his boy's voice really sounded like.

On the other side of the door Blair wasn't feeling much better. All she wanted was for him to understand that she knew she had been wrong and she wasn't trying to make the situation better for herself. She wanted him to know that Sebastian's well-being was the most important thing to her and that Chuck's came in second. Her own was too far down on her list to matter.

Feeling like the weight of the world was on her shoulders she walked down the stairs and out the door. She walked slowly down the five stairs leading up to the building and sunk down on the third one from the bottom. Her face fell forward and her forehead rested against her arms as she began to shake with sobs. She could care less who saw her cry like this. She could care less about the hot summer wind or the foul smell of garbage someone had left out or the sound of traffic. In that moment she didn't care much what happened anymore. Everything seemed hopeless and she had no one to blame but herself. She had never truly known what it meant to be self-loathing. Even when she was bulimic it hadn't been so much about hating who she was as a person but rather hating who she saw in the mirror. Now when she looked in the mirror it wasn't her size that made her want to look away, it was her soul.

"Hey" a friendly voice said but she didn't bother to look up.

Nate took a seat next to her and studied her with incredulity. He ran his hand through his beard and pondered offering her his jacket or something but since it was a hot summer's day that probably wasn't the right way to go. He wanted to do _something_ though to make her feel a little better. He may not be her number one fan at present but he didn't like seeing her cry. He had never been comfortable with crying people.

"What is Blair Waldorf doing crying on my doorstep? You do realize the steps you're sitting on aren't at the Met?"

"Go ahead" Blair sobbed, knee-deep in her own misery. "Tell me how appalled you are and how much you abhor what I've done and how I should go tie myself to a stake and let the rest of you light me on fire like the witch I am."

"How about I offer you a handkerchief instead?" Nate said and fished one out from his breast pocket.

Blair looked up at him, taken aback by his kindness.

"Really Nate" she said. "I'd rather you just got it over with."

"Okay" Nate said. "I cannot for the life of me understand what you've done. I was really mad at you when I first found out and I damn sure haven't been thinking many flattering thoughts about you since then. It's just that something about this whole situation doesn't add up to me. At first I hated you a bit for doing something I couldn't fathom you doing and then I started wondering if maybe this seemed so wrong because there's something we don't know."

"There's no big secret" Blair said bitterly, twirling the hankie. "Chuck knocked me up, I hid it from him, the end."

"Surely _that_'_s_ not all there is to it" Nate said. "You don't owe _me_ any explanation. If you want to give me one though I'm all ears."

"You're Chuck's best friend" Blair pointed out.

"You were my girlfriend for a long time. I know I've never known you like Chuck does, or maybe even Serena. But I know when something you do is out of character for you. For the record I _am_ appalled by this whole thing. I just think I owe you the benefit of the doubt."

"You're kind of an idiot" Blair remarked. "It's one of the things I've always liked about you, Archibald."

"Don't think this means I like you right now or that I'm not one hundred percent with Chuck in this sordid mess. I just prefer having all the facts. So let's hear it. Why did you do this to my best friend?"

"When I knew Chuck was indeed the father it was already too late" Blair said, relieved that someone was willing to listen, even if that someone still hated her. "He was with Emmy and at first I was going to tell him everything anyway but I kept being told not to. I was too pregnant to come here anyway and then I had an infant to take care of and every day that went by it just got harder and harder. I should have told him when I first got past the first trimester, regardless of who the father might have been. But I didn't. I just… dug myself deeper and deeper."

"How does Louis fit into all this?"

"He doesn't. I can't blame any of this on him. He was prepared to raise Chuck's child as his own but…" She shook her head slowly. "When we finally ended it I was six months pregnant. Nate I've missed Chuck every day of my son's life. I can tell him that but he'll never believe me. It's the truth though. Every day I've wished I had the courage to tell him about Sebastian and every day I've wondered how he would react to hearing the news."

"What are you doing here?" Serena's cold voice interrupted her.

Blair looked up and found her former best friend standing on the sidewalk, her previous work attire discarded in favor of short jeans shorts and a red blouse she had only bothered buttoning half the buttons on. Her change in wardrobe reminded Blair vividly of how she dressed before she became a serious business woman and it made her ache to have her best friend back. The look on Serena's face made it clear that no such thing would be happening anytime soon but Blair refused to be shamed. She had every right to be here and she had every right to speak to Nate. Just because she wanted Serena and her to be okay that didn't mean she was going to cower or grovel. Maybe she'd do that with Chuck but not Serena.

"Leave Chuck alone" Serena said sternly. "Go back to France. That's clearly where you belong nowadays."

"Chuck can handle Blair" Nate objected. "Why don't you go wait inside until Blair and I have finished talking?"

"No that's okay" Blair said, standing up and drying her tears. Talking to Nate was balm to her soul but she knew when to retreat. "I won't accomplish anything further here today anyway. Just so you know S, I only came here to try and help Chuck and to make things right."

"How noble of you" Serena said dryly. "Forgive me if I don't believe in your selflessness right now."

"Do you think coming back here was easy?" Blair asked. "I left my son behind for the second time in a month to come here. Do you know what it's like to have your child clinging to you, crying, begging you not to go? I came because it was _necessary_, not because it was easy or in any way beneficial for me. I thought I could convince Chuck to meet Sebastian."

"If that's true then why didn't you bring your son with you to New York?"

"Are you really going to stand out here and argue over this?" Nate asked. "May I remind you that this is still hot news material and someone might overhear you and expose this child's existence?"

"I'm going to go" Blair said. "I'm really sorry for hurting you Serena. But it's Chuck I have to win over. I don't have the strength to fight for your friendship too."

She walked off, head held high and her Louis Vuitton bag swaying back and forth with her stride. Serena watched her go and then turned to Nate, shaking her head in disapproval before walking past him up the stairs.

"Now what did I do?" he asked in a groan.

"Why are you letting Blair cry on your shoulder?" Serena asked, stopping on the top step and looking down at him. "You don't think Chuck might be the one who deserves your support?"

"He has my support. I can be his friend and still hear Blair out. We're not supposed to judge, remember that S?"

"Playing Switzerland isn't going to accomplish anything except ruining your friendship with Chuck."

"That's not what I'm doing!" Nate argued. "I just don't think this all adds up and I want to hear what Blair has to say. She's not the devil, Serena. She used to be our friend. You were the one who reminded Chuck that he loves her."

"I guess I thought I could be more okay with this than I am!" Serena exclaimed. "Now that I've seen her again all I can think of his her betrayal. I never thought you would be the one to change sides."

"Hey I'm just as pissed off with her as you are. I just can't believe someone I considered a friend would be capable of this unless there's more to the story than we know. I can't stop thinking about that, Serena."

"I don't see any extenuating circumstances" Serena shrugged. "Frankly I'm shocked that you do. I'm going upstairs to see how Chuck is doing. If I were you I'd think long and hard about whose side you're really on."

"Being on Chuck's side doesn't mean turning my back on Blair. I still think she's the bad guy here and I'm certainly not going to _help_ her. I don't want her anywhere near Chuck romantically but I do think he's making a mistake not seeing his son. For everyone's sake the best thing would be if Chuck and Blair can be at least civil around one another."

"That's for Chuck to decide" Serena said and walked inside the building.

Nate sighed and ran his hand through his beard. He was aware that Chuck would be angry if he knew he had listened to Blair's story but he hadn't expected this reaction from Serena. Why were women so damn hard to figure out sometimes?

* * *

><p>Chuck leaned back in his office chair and threw his feet up on the desk. He couldn't concentrate, which was the normal state of things these days. It had been almost a week since Blair had come to see him and none of his misery had faded in that time. How could it be so hard to put a child you'd never met from your mind?<p>

His door opened and Lily walked inside. He wasn't very happy to see her. No doubt was she there to question why he had fallen so far behind on work. She was the only board member who ever dared to voice criticism to him so they sent her in whenever they felt the need to set him straight. Sighing tiredly he put his feet back down on the floor and assumed an indifferent facial expression.

"Don't tell me Bass Industries is working on a new drug to reduce the need of sleep and you've volunteered as a test subject?" she said with a hint of a smile.

"Come again?"

"Rumor has it you've been sleeping less than four hours per night lately."

"What, Nate and Emmy _clock_ me?" he snorted. "I sleep just fine, thank you very much. Though perhaps I'll start locking my door at night."

"Serena told me what happened" Lily said, always straight to the point, and sat down on the edge of his desk. "About Blair and her secret."

"I know this is not how you pictured becoming a grandmother" Chuck mumbled and avoided her eyes, twirling a pencil between his fingers.

"How are you, Charles?"

The soft tone in her voice surprised him but he refused to answer the question he had come to hate with a passion these past few weeks.

"Life goes on" he said. "Forget about the kid. That's what I intend to do."

"Why haven't you gone to see him?" Lily asked gently.

"I have my reasons."

"Even if we both live to be well over a hundred I don't think I'll ever fully know the way your mind works" Lily said. "But I never doubt that you have your reasons for the choices you make. I'm here to tell you that this decision is the wrong one. Take it from someone who knows, Charles. You don't want to let his life pass you by. We can try with all our might to forget but not a day goes by that we don't think about our children. The ones we raise and the ones we give up. I gave up Scott for all the right reasons but…"

"We're different people, you and I" Chuck said. "Besides, you gave birth to Scott. I could have gone the rest of my life without ever knowing about Sebastian. I'm not putting an end to something the way you did. I'm keeping status quo. I thought you of all people would understand."

"You're being offered the opportunity to know him" Lily argued gently. "If you don't take it you will hate yourself for it. What do you plan on saying to him when he looks you up fifteen years from now?"

"I don't know" Chuck said, getting irritated. "Why do you even care?"

"It's my natural instinct as a parent to want to protect my son from making a mistake that's going to pain him for the rest of his life. Trust me, Charles. I wasn't ready to be a mother when I had my first child and I couldn't provide a good life for him. You, on the other hand, could make a wonderful father to that little boy. You may think you owe him status quo but what you really owe the both of you is to be in his life. You want to be brave and make the right decision even if it's the hardest decision of your life? Then that's the one to make. When he's older he can decide for himself to which degree he wants you in his life and I'm not going to lie, it may break your heart and he may choose to be only with his mother. As his parent you at least owe him the opportunity to make a choice. And who knows? You might end up having a wonderful relationship with him."

She got up and gave his shoulder a pat. She walked out and Chuck followed her with his eyes, wondering how she could be so calm after hearing this bit of news. Maybe there was wisdom to her words but her situation had been entirely different. And with Rufus being a complete spineless doormat he had of course forgiven her in no time when he found out the truth. Perhaps she thought he would forgive Blair and marry her and raise Sebastian with her but if she did then she was sorely mistaken, not to mention very naïve and completely clueless as to who he really was.

He sighed and tossed the pencil on the writing desk. One thing was for certain. This thing would not go away no matter how hard he tried to will it to.

* * *

><p>"Look Mommy, I'm a subbamine" Sebastian declared and took a deep breath before disappearing under the surface of the water. His splashes and squirming sent water flying everywhere and Blair tried in vain to shield herself behind the towel she was holding up.<p>

"Okay, okay" she said once the boy resurfaced. "All submarines are now called in to dock. It's time to get out of the bath and get ready for bed."

There was a knock on the door and Blair looked up when Harold walked inside the spacious bathroom, phone in hand.

"Blair bear… You have a phone call."

"Tell whoever it is that I'll call back" she said, turning back to her son in the tub. "Come on, up you go."

"It's Charles" Harold said.

It took Blair a second to react to hearing the name. Chuck was calling? And on the landline? How did he have that number and why wasn't he calling her on her cell? She vaguely recalled not having seen the cell phone since she left New York when Chuck had just found out about his son and wondered if perhaps she had left it behind in her rush to pack. If Chuck had gone through the trouble of finding Harold and Roman's landline number then this must be urgent.

"Can you watch him?" she asked her father, nodding to the boy in the bath.

"Sure."

She took the phone and cast a glance at her son before leaving the bathroom to speak in private without the sounds of Sebastian splashing and playing interrupting the conversation. She felt strangely nervous when she put the phone to her ear.

"Chuck?"

"Alright" he said on the other end, sounding business like. "I'll come and see him."

Stunned by his words she begun to stutter a little before getting anything sensible out.

"That… that… Well that's, that's great. Fabulous."

"The Bass jet is going to Paris on Sunday. I'll be there Monday."

With that he hung up. Blair stared at the phone for a minute as if expecting it to give her more details. She wondered what had made him change his mind. For the first time since he had learned the truth a small glimmer of hope began to awaken in her.

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><p>Thanks for reading! Reviews are love =)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Is it weird to say I'm a bit nervous? In a way I've been building up to this chapter for one whole fic and the two previous chapters of this one. I hope it won't be disappointing. I guess you'll just have to read it and then tell me what you think!

I'm still having problems with review replies, so my apologies for giving people the silent treatment. It's absolutely not intentional! I'm hoping it will sort itself out real soon.

* * *

><p>Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest it almost made her nervous for her health. Her mouth was dry, her palms were sweaty and she had a sneaking suspicion that when she opened her mouth to speak her voice would tremble. She couldn't remember having ever been this nervous before. She wanted him to arrive right away so they could get this over with. She wanted him to never arrive so that they wouldn't have to face this.<p>

She paced back and forth in the kitchen, glancing out the window every couple of seconds. Her father told her to relax and have a seat but she ignored him completely, knowing she wouldn't be able to relax no matter what she did.

Sebastian came running into the room in the middle of playing something or other. She grabbed a hold of him and pulled him to a halt, kneeling to study his appearance.

"Sebastian!" she scolded. "I told you to sit still and watch the movie. You're suit will get wrinkly."

"I'm Aladdin!" the boy declared with a grin.

"No you're not" Blair said, standing back up. "Not right now. You can be Aladdin tonight. Right now you're Sebastian and you're going to sit still and behave, okay?"

He began to protest but she shushed him, too nervous to deal with his energy right now. She glanced out the window again and felt about ready to faint when she spotted the limo driving up in the distance. Of course Chuck had rented a limo to travel out to Harold's chateau. He wouldn't be Chuck Bass if he didn't.

Blair hurriedly sank down on her knees again and fidgeted with Sebastian's outfit to make sure it was perfect. She normally let him dress in casual clothes when they were at home, having learned a long time ago that little boys had no appreciation for finer clothing and had no qualms about climbing a tree or jumping in a puddle of mud while wearing hand-made suits. But he was meeting his father today for the first time and he had to look his very best. She had picked out an Italian three-piece suit which had been tailor made and cost more than two of her Gucci dresses. It was navy blue and he wore a lilac shirt underneath and a dark purple bowtie with a tiny matching pocket square. It looked a little off on a three year-old but he was Chuck's son and it didn't seem quite right without it.

"Okay" she said in a nervous exhale, making sure his hair was perfect. "This is it. You know who our guest is, right?"

Sebastian just looked at her. She had tried to explain that he was going to meet his father but it seemed to be an abstract concept to him. No wonder. He had never had a father in his life. 'Father' had never been anything _real_ to him, nothing more than characters in storybooks or movies, stories his mother told and a face on a photo. He had heard his mother call Harold "dad" but it had never carried any significance to him.

Blair glanced out the window and saw that the limo was almost all the way up to the house. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes hard for a second, trying to strengthen herself. This shouldn't be something to be nervous about. She had longed for this moment forever. She had spent a lot of energy convincing Chuck that this needed to happen. But now that the moment had arrived she was terrified of facing Chuck and trembling with nervousness over the thought of how he would react to seeing his boy.

"Come" she said and extended her hand to Sebastian.

"I don't want to" he protested. He was uncomfortable in his suit, annoyed that he wasn't allowed to run around and play and scared by his mother's obvious nervousness.

"Don't argue with me Bas, let's go" Blair said.

When he refused to budge she lifted him up in her arms even though he was a bit too heavy for her. Her father followed her to the door and put his hand on the handle to open it for her. He gave her a look and his previous encouraging smile was gone.

"Do you want me to follow you out?" he asked.

"No" she said. "No I think Sebastian and I need to do this on our own."

"I don't want to" Sebastian protested.

"Don't be nervous" Blair told him. "He cares about you so much."

Sebastian said nothing but it was clear that he didn't buy that statement, and why would he? He was about to meet someone he had never met before; why would that person care about him if he didn't know him?

Blair took another deep breath and then nodded to Harold. He opened the door and she stepped out into the bright sunny day and walked slowly towards the limo just as it was parking. She arranged her face in what she hoped was a calm and confident look and gave her son an encouraging kiss on the cheek before gently setting him down on the ground.

The door to the limo opened and Chuck stepped out. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him and it was nearly impossible to fathom that this moment had finally come. He was there, about to be introduced to their child. She had daydreamed about this moment from the second she knew her child was his and while she had often feared having to come clean to him her daydreams of the moment of the first meeting had always been of the variety where everything worked itself out. She had little hope that this day would end in a love fest and forgiveness but a small part of her still clung to the hope.

Then Chuck stepped aside and pulled his expensive sunglasses up with an expression on his face that Blair couldn't read and Emmy stepped out of the limo after him. Blair couldn't keep herself from gasping and it took most of her self-control not to start to cry with disappointment, frustration and jealousy. He brought Emmy with him?

The choice to bring her had been Chuck's but that didn't stop Blair from hating the other woman with a burning fury then and there. She had no business being there. Blair had not invited her. This was a special moment between three people who were family and regardless of Emmy's role in Chuck's life she was currently nothing to Sebastian. Her presence tainted the moment and Blair felt a disappointment like she had never known before.

Just as she was about to begin to wallow in self-pity and the misery of knowing what statement he was making by bringing his girlfriend her son distracted her. She felt Sebastian wrap his arms around her leg and step back to hide behind her, burying his face against her leg. She let a soothing hand rest on his head and pulled herself together. She needed to be strong right now. Her own misery was all of her own doing and she had to accept it. It was less important than being there for her boy.

Chuck stepped closer, very slowly. He didn't so much as look at her, focusing on the boy hiding behind her. He was nervous too, even more nervous than Blair was. He had a son but he had never even been in the same country as him before. He didn't have a clue how you prepared to meet your three year-old child for the first time ever. How was he supposed to react? What was expected of him? And above all, how would the child feel about him? He may be that boy's parent but he was nothing to him in practice. The child had no idea who he was and had no reason to care.

He felt Emmy's dainty hand on his back, a gentle encouragement. He knew he could keep his cool exterior but this was still one of the most significant moments of his life and he didn't have a clue how to act or react. He would just have to improvise.

"Hello Blair" he said without a trace of emotion and without looking at her.

"Hey Chuck" she replied weakly. Then she pulled herself together a bit more and nudged her child forward. "Baby, there's somebody here I'd like you to meet. Don't be shy." She looked up at Chuck. "Chuck… I want you to meet Sebastian Waldorf. Sebastian, this is Charles Bass… He's your dad."

Sebastian hid his face against Blair's leg again. Chuck kneeled slowly and studied his son with intense fascination.

"Hello Sebastian" he said, wishing he had come up with something a little more original as his first words ever spoken to his son. "I'm…" He drifted off. What was he supposed to call himself in front of the child? Should he introduce himself with his name or with his relationship to him? What was he supposed to ask the boy to call him?

Sebastian only glanced at the stranger for a second and then hugged his mother's leg tighter. This serious looking, suit-clad man who looked at him so absorbedly scared him. He seemed intense and absolutely somber. Everyone else he could remember meeting had always talked to him with friendliness and a touch of playfulness, the way people mostly talked to children. There was no trace of that in this man his mother claimed was his dad. This was clearly someone who wouldn't want to play with him, someone he would have to sit still and behave in front of. He didn't want this serious, frightening person to be his dad, even though he wasn't entirely sure what a dad truly _was_.

His mother pried his hands away and put her hands on his shoulders, nudging him further forward. He wanted to protest but Mom was acting weird and he was afraid she would scold him if he didn't comply. He stared with wide eyes and the man who was looking back at him with a deep frown. He felt like he was being scrutinized and couldn't determine how to feel about that. He just wished this person would stop looking at him.

"Oh Chuck…" Emmy said and kneeled down as well. "Chuck he looks just like you. _Exactly_ like you did at that age."

Blair's furious jealousy went up another notch and if her son hadn't been there she would have thrown some poisonous remark Emmy's way. Depending on which faces he made Sebastian was indeed the spitting image of the pictures of Chuck at age three but Blair hated that Emmy knew that too, that she had seen enough childhood pictures of her boyfriend to be able to recognize the similarities between father and son.

Sebastian's eyes left Chuck and trailed over to Emmy. He hadn't paid attention to her before but he knew instinctively that he preferred the woman to the man. The woman seemed soft and friendly and caring. She had a warm smile on her face and although she was studying him just like the man was she was studying him in a way that made him feel appraised not scrutinized, even though he was too little to be able to put such words on the feelings he got from the two people's inspections.

"It's almost uncanny" Emmy said with awe.

"I know" Chuck replied, much less overwhelmed than she was. He felt like he was looking at the picture his father had kept on his nightstand come to life. It was truly bizarre. "Do you know who I am?" he asked the boy.

Sebastian glanced over at him again but didn't answer. He was afraid to talk to the stranger and he didn't want him to be his father so maybe if he didn't confirm it then it wouldn't be the truth.

"I'm your father" Chuck said. "Do you know what that is?"

Sebastian didn't respond in any way, instead he turned his attention back to the friendlier woman who now seemed to be having tears in her eyes. Chuck studied the boy's reaction and glanced over at Emmy.

"This is Emmy" he said. "She's my girlfriend. Do you know what that means?"

"Chuck that's not important right now" Blair said.

"He's so gorgeous" Emmy said breathlessly.

She moved closer and reached out a hand to touch him but Blair instinctively pulled him back. Chuck should touch him before Emmy did. If Emmy noticed what Blair was doing she didn't comment on it. Instead she looked up at her with an expression on her face like she was going to adopt the little boy standing in front of her.

"Blair it's amazing" she said. Then she looked at Sebastian. "You're so handsome" she said. "I love your suit."

"How old are you Sebastian?" Chuck asked, knowing the answer down to the day but hoping his son would at least talk to him.

Sebastian glanced quickly at him and held up three fingers and one finger bent. Chuck formed his fingers in a mirroring image of the child's and reached out his hand so that their fingers touched.

"Three and a half…" he said. "You're practically the man of the house."

Sebastian stared at the large fingers touching his own and pulled his hand back, hiding his face against his mother again. Blair turned her head when she heard the door open behind her and her eyes fell on her father who was coming outside to make sure everything was okay. Chuck slowly rose, feeling a bit nervous around Blair's father. He may have been wronged by Blair but whatever had happened post-conception he was the guy who had knocked up Harold's daughter when she was engaged to another man. He couldn't imagine Harold being very fond of him because of that.

"Dad" Blair said, relieved to have him there. "Could you take…" She glanced over at Emmy and pretended not to remember her name. "Her… inside? Show her the restroom? I'm sure she needs to freshen up a bit."

Chuck gave her a quick, icy look which did not go unnoticed by Sebastian. Having known Blair Waldorf for over twenty years and loved her for nearly ten he knew exactly what that comment really meant. It wasn't even very subtle, he had a feeling Emmy picked up on the insult on her appearance and the fact that Blair willfully ignored knowing her name.

Blair met his brief, cold stare with eyes that weren't backing down from the fight. She wasn't asking her father to take Emmy inside so she could freshen up, even though that did provide a welcome excuse to deliver a stealth insult. She wanted the other woman gone for a moment so that she, her son and his father could be alone.

"You must be Blair's father" Emmy said in a friendly tone and smiled at Harold as she stood back up. "It's a pleasure meeting you."

She glanced over at Chuck, unsure of whether she should follow him inside. He gave her a quick nod telling her he could manage without her and so she sent another warm smile to Sebastian and walked up to Harold.

"Harold Waldorf" Blair heard her father introducing himself.

"Emmy Banks" came the answer.

Then they disappeared into the chateau and Blair and Sebastian were alone with Chuck. The moment was tense yet at the same time Blair couldn't escape the thrilling sensation that this was so right, the three of them together at last. Sebastian was very shy and a touch intimidated by his father but that was only natural. He was a three year-old boy after all. Chuck wasn't exactly at ease either but she couldn't fault him for not knowing how to handle the situation.

She caressed her son's head and looked down at him.

"What were you going to say to him when he arrived?" she prodded.

Sebastian moved his face away from his mother's leg and quickly peered at Chuck.

"Welcome" he mumbled, barely audibly, before hiding his face again.

"Thank you" Chuck said. He glanced at Blair for a second, looking for some guidance to what to say or do, before deciding that he didn't want or need her help.

"Can I go inside now?" Sebastian mumbled against his mother's leg.

Chuck didn't quite hear what he said, to Blair's relief. He knelt down again and switched to French, asking Sebastian if he had any pets. He recalled the photo of the child and a large dog and figured it might be a family pet. Sebastian shook his head in reply and Chuck looked a touch bewildered.

"So…" he said in French. "I'm your father. Do you know what that means?" Another head-shake from the boy. "It means we're connected, you and me. Like you and your mother are connected."

Sebastian made a whimpering sound that sounded like a protest. Blair could see the frustration in Chuck's eyes and began to worry that he might decide this was doomed to fail and just take off. She couldn't let him give up on Sebastian that easily.

"He's a three year-old boy, Chuck" she said gently. "He's shy of strangers. It will pass." She pried Sebastian's hands off her legs and knelt down beside him. "What do you say we go inside, huh? We should ask your dad if he wants something to eat or drink."

"I want to go play" Sebastian pleaded in a low voice.

"Not right now." She stood up and managed to smile at Chuck. "What do you say? Care to come inside? Can we offer you anything?"

"No…" Chuck said, standing up as well. "I don't need anything, I mean. I'll just… come inside and find Emmy."

Blair bit back a surly remark, wishing they could just forget all about that stupid woman. She wanted to tell him exactly what she thought of him bringing her when she hadn't been invited but there was no chance at all that her son would warm up to his father if their first meeting included his mother scolding him.

"Right this way, then" she said and turned to go inside.

Sebastian hurried in front of her, placing himself right in front of her and out of view for the visitor. Chuck walked slowly behind them, his emotional turmoil making his head spin. He vaguely recalled Jack saying something about how he would have known whose child this was if he'd run into him on the street and he had to agree that the similarities in some features were remarkable. For a brief second the thought of Bart fluttered by in his mind and he wondered what his father would have thought of meeting Sebastian. Then he thought of what it must have been like for Bart to see Chuck every day when he apparently looked so much like his mother. He dismissed the thought of Bart and walked inside the chateau, relieved to be out of the scorching sun. He squinted for a moment while his eyes tried to adjust to the comparative darkness indoors and absentmindedly placed his sunglasses in the breast pocket of his jacket.

As if on cue Emmy came walking in from an adjacent room and smiled happily. She seemed to have fallen instantly in love with Sebastian and he wondered if she was secretly aching for children of her own. If she was then she was in for a disappointment. He had absolutely no desire to become a father twice within the span of a year.

Blair's face visibly darkened at the sight of Emmy. She grabbed a hold of Sebastian's shoulders to stop him from running away and busied herself with adjusting his perfectly styled hair and his collar, anything to have an excuse not to look at Chuck's girlfriend. She despised her presence and didn't think she could hide it very well.

"What a lovely home you have" Emmy said.

"It suffices" Blair said with a completely disingenuous smile.

"You are so lucky to have a big yard to play in" Emmy said to Sebastian. "When I was a little girl we had two trees in our back yard. My sister and I climbed them all the time."

"I like trees" Sebastian said carefully.

"Me too" Emmy smiled. "What's your favorite kind?"

Chuck watched with amazement, Blair with horror, how Emmy effortlessly talked to the young child as if they'd known each other for years. Blair looked over at Chuck and wished she could give him cue cards, anything to get him to talk to Sebastian instead. He didn't seem to know what to say to a three year-old and just kept eyeing the child as if he wanted to commit every detail to memory or like he had the ability to learn everything about a person from just looking at them.

"Emmy don't you want something to drink?" Blair blurted, desperate to have the conversation between her and the child end.

"Oh, your father already offered me some water, thanks" Emmy said, taking her eyes off Sebastian for a moment.

"Mommy" Sebastian said, turning around and tugging at her dress. "I have to pee."

"Excuse us for a minute" she said to Chuck, ignoring Emmy altogether. "Why don't you go have a look in his room while we're visiting the little boy's room? It's down that hall, third door to the right."

Sebastian ran for the bathroom and Blair followed him, cringing as she saw in the corner of her eye how Emmy walked up to Chuck and wrapped one arm around his waist and rested her other hand on his collarbone in the type of gesture that signaled that two people belonged to each other.

"It's incredible Chuck" Emmy said. "What a wonderful little kid."

Chuck wanted to point out to her that it was a child and not the cure to cancer and that perhaps she should tone down her overwhelmed reaction. He knew it to be sincere, it was typical of her to react like this, but in Blair's eyes it probably looked like an act. He felt defensive of Emmy in front of Blair. Blair had hurt him so badly and he didn't want her to do anything to hurt Emmy just to get to him.

"Come" he said. "Let's go have a look at his room. Then we'll leave."

"We can't leave" Emmy objected. "Mr. Waldorf offered us to stay for lunch. We've come all this way and you need to spend actual time with your son."

Without bothering to answer her he released himself from her embrace and walked down the hall to Sebastian's room. As he approached it he wished he could stop for a moment outside it and brace himself before stepping inside the room that would tell him so much about who is son was. Children's rooms always said a ton of things about them, their likes and dislikes, and it was a window into their imagination. Taking that bracing moment was out of the question under current circumstances. He didn't want to have to deal with Emmy asking him if he was alright because he paused, or having her urge him on like he was a scared child on the edge of a trampoline at the swimming pool.

It would have been impossible to miss the right door. The name Sebastian was spelled out with wooden letters in bright colors and when he opened the door he caught sight of markings on the doorpost which detailed how much the boy had grown. He felt nothing but resentment looking at those markings, visual reminders of every centimeter he had missed out on. He walked inside the room and stopped on a thick, round, green rug in the middle, taking it in.

The walls were painted pale yellow and various posters of the Smurfs and of Donald and his nephews covered the paint on three of the walls. The fourth had two large floor-to-ceiling windows letting the bright summer sun in, presenting a lovely view of the trees and the garden outside. Thin, white curtains with smiling suns on them hung by the windows and Chuck wondered if yellow was Sebastian's favorite color or if Blair had decided it was the perfect color from a decorating standpoint.

The room was furnished with a large, white dresser, several shelves full of toys and books, a large toy chest and an oak writing desk. The headboard of the bed was shaped like a ship's wheel and the bedspread was dark green with no cartoons or animals or any other form of figures. All the toys were neatly arranged on the shelves and presumably inside the toy chest which Chuck assumed was Blair's handiwork earlier that day. The room was far too tidy for a normal three year-old. Not even Chuck himself had had his room _this_ tidy at the age of three.

Looking around the room he noted the absence of a TV or a stereo. Either Blair was old-fashioned and felt young children didn't need such equipment or Sebastian had a play room somewhere in the chateau where he played his video games. She had mentioned that he loved watching the Smurfs so there had to be a DVD-player somewhere.

Slowly he walked over to one of the shelves and studied the collection of toys. One row of dinosaur toys, another with toy dogs, one shelf with what he presumed to be characters from some popular kids' cartoon. He couldn't really get a feel for what kind of toys his son preferred or what kind of games he liked to play. He wondered if Sebastian was the only small child in the area or if he had any playmates. Chuck wasn't entirely sure at what age he had become friends with Nate but surely it had to be somewhere around four or five. It seemed sad that Sebastian should miss out on finding childhood friends. If there were other children around they must belong to hired help since the chateau was fairly secluded.

"Chuck" Emmy said, catching his attention.

He walked over to where she was standing by the dresser and peered over her shoulder. She was holding a framed photo he hadn't noticed before but he most certainly recognized the picture. Blair had had it framed when they were going out and kept it at her dorm while she was at NYU. He would have figured she'd thrown it out several years ago.

"He has a picture of you…" Emmy said, sounding touched. "Looks like she didn't keep you a secret to him the way she kept him a secret to you."

"Don't be a goose" Chuck said. "She put that up in here this morning."

"You sound awfully sure of that."

"I know Blair Waldorf."

"This is a nice picture of you" Emmy said, studying the photo. "How old were you here?"

Chuck grabbed the picture and studied it briefly.

"I don't know… fifteen… sixteen?"

"I like the scarf."

He put the picture down, determined not to let it affect him. He strongly doubted Sebastian had always had that picture in his room but even if he did that didn't mean much. It was just a photograph and Chuck knew better than anyone that a photograph was not enough to make up for the absence of a parent.

Blair and Sebastian came into the room and Blair had a look on her face like she expected him to be blown away by seeing the room. Or perhaps by seeing the photograph. Maybe she had run head first into another one of her fantasies and thought that seeing that picture would be all it took for him to forgive her. He decided to ignore her and looked at Sebastian instead, trying desperately to think of something to say to a three year old boy.

"You keep this place tidy" he blurted out.

Sebastian gave him a funny look and walked over to one of the shelves, grabbing a large tyrannosaurus toy.

"The view is amazing" Emmy breathed to Blair, looking out the window at the beautiful day outside.

"It's France" Blair answered with a faked smile.

Sebastian began to play with the dinosaur toy, appearing to have forgotten about their company. Chuck studied the posters up on the wall but his eyes kept drifting over to the child. Blair, whose eyes never left Chuck, smiled to herself and harked her throat.

"Charles" she said. "A word outside, please?"

He'd rather not have a word with her but maybe if they spoke he could get to leave before lunch and not have to suffer through what was bound to be one of the most awkward meals in the history of modern civilization. They walked out into the hallway and Blair cast a glance inside the room before pulling the door close.

"So…" she said and smiled at him with the eyes of someone who had just revealed that they discovered how to turn aluminum into gold. "Isn't he amazing? He does look a lot like you but when you start spending more time with you you'll notice that he looks a lot like me sometimes too."

"Yeah" Chuck said, sticking his hands in his back pockets and avoiding her eyes.

"You hear people talk about how their children is the perfect combination of the two parents but I've never understood it until Sebastian. He's you and me."

"I'm glad I came to see him" Chuck said. "I think we need to go, though."

"What?" Blair frowned. "You can't leave. You just got here like half an hour ago. I've had Roman make scampi just the way you like it and-"

"I need to process all of this" Chuck interrupted her, feeling a touch frustrated. "I don't even know how I feel right now. In case you didn't notice that boy wasn't exactly beside himself with joy of meeting me. Maybe this is enough time spent together for now."

"Do I have to start bucking like a chicken whenever you're around?" Blair asked, a touch annoyed. "I understand the need to reflect on your first meeting, trust me Bass I'm going to be doing some of that myself later on today. Just… stay a little longer. He's shy and he's nervous but that will start to go away in a little while. I promise. Stay for lunch."

"Fine" Chuck said, not the least bit thrilled with the idea.

"Good."

She opened the door to Sebastian's room and walked back inside, finding Emmy kneeling by the child and Sebastian running his hands through her long hair. She had let it hang loose today and Sebastian seemed to be fascinated by it. Blair felt almost physically nauseous seeing the woman she already detested on account of being Chuck's girlfriend being so easily accepted by Sebastian. The boy looked up at his mother and grinned.

"Her hair is as long as your Barbie's" he reported.

"Would you look at that" Blair said without enthusiasm.

"I thought stepmothers were wicked" Sebastian commented, having a bit of trouble pronouncing the Rs, making them sound like Ws instead.

"She's not your stepmother" Blair said sharply and threw a glair in Chuck's direction as if he was the one who had fed Sebastian the term.

"Your, uh… mother has invited us to stay for lunch" Chuck said awkwardly and walked further inside the room.

Sebastian ignored him and watched his fingers as they ran through Emmy's hair, over and over. Chuck walked over and knelt behind Emmy, running his fingers through her hair the same way Sebastian was. Emmy giggled and Blair grabbed a firm hold of the doorframe to prevent her fingers from grabbing a lamp and hurling it at the other woman. Sebastian pulled back a little when Chuck was so close. Chuck immediately drew back his fingers and leaned backward a bit, allowing the boy to continue what he had been doing. It was bizarre and he wondered if his son had developed a hair fetish a decade or so too early but he didn't mind just watching his son play with his girlfriend's hair. In fact, just watching the child seemed like enough for right now. Actually touching him was a bit daring.

"Sebastian!" Blair said, finally managing to find something to say to put an end to the scene. "Leave her alone. You don't go around touching people's hair."

"Oh I don't mind" Emmy smiled.

Blair stomped over and grabbed Sebastian's hand, pulling it back.

"It's inappropriate" she told her son.

"I want long haiw" Sebastian said.

"That's fine but you don't go around touching someone else's hair, especially a stranger's" Blair chastised.

"It's fine" Emmy assured her.

"Don't" Chuck told her in a low voice. "No undermining."

Blair let another fake smile spread across her face.

"I believe lunch is about ready" she said. "Shall we?"

She took Sebastian by the hand and walked out of the room, gesturing for Chuck and Emmy to follow. Chuck stopped on the threshold to take one more look around the room before walking out into the hallway. He wanted to remember as much of it as possible for later.

Emmy snuck her arm around his waist and he absentmindedly returned the gesture. He was glad she was there. He wasn't sure how he would get through lunch with Blair's father and stepfather if he didn't have warm and disarming Emmy at his side.

* * *

><p>Roman served scampi with chili and garlic and a white wine sauce for the adults and two scampi with a side of pasta for Sebastian. Lunch was served in the dining room, a large, spacious room where one wall consisted of floor-to-ceiling windows letting the sunshine in. The walls were painted white and most of the furniture were white as well, while carpets, tablecloth, cushions and other details were lime green. Emmy greatly admired the room and spoke to Roman for ten straight minutes about the decorating. Chuck barely said a word, eyes alternating between his food and the three year-old sitting on a high chair next to Blair, setting some new record in how long it took to eat one shrimp. At first he tried to play with the scampi but Blair firmly told him not to and Chuck saw her cheeks redden with embarrassment. She must think he thought she was too laid-back with the child and didn't teach him proper manners. Chuck did nothing to relieve her of those thoughts though he remembered very well what it was like to be a boy wanting to play with your food no matter how hard the adults tried to get you to knock it off. Chuck had been ten when he stopped playing with his food when Bart wasn't looking.<p>

He sat opposite Sebastian at the table with Emmy at one side and Roman on the other and their conversation went back and forth without him paying much attention. Harold, seated opposite Roman, waited for a break in Roman's monologue about the antique display case to start asking Chuck questions.

"So Charles" he said when Roman finally stopped for air. "When last I saw you, you were still in high school. Blair tells me you've since taken over the helm of Bass Industries."

Chuck resisted the urge to ignore the statement. Anyone with the ability to read and the slightest interest in business was aware that Charles Bass now ran his father's company. He settled for nodding, that way he didn't have to dignify the comment with a verbal response yet he wasn't exactly impolite either.

"How is the company these days?"

"Doing fine."

Harold waited for him to elaborate. Chuck lifted his glass of wine and took a sip. Some French brand he wasn't familiar with. Possibly local. When a minute had passed and he hadn't said anything further Harold cast an unsure glance at Blair and then made another attempt at communicating with his grandson's father.

"The Chuck Bass I remember was a wild and untamed boy with a disinterest in academics and a love of partying. You seem to have come a long way from there."

Blair shot her father an angry glare and wished she was close enough to kick him under the table. Chuck didn't mind the insulting remark as much. He had expected a whole lot worse but perhaps Harold kept from referring to his former love of fast women because there was a child and a girlfriend in the room.

"I was a teenager back then" he replied and shrugged a shoulder, lifting another scampi to his mouth. "Most people do change when they're in their twenties. Besides, the love of business is nothing new."

Deciding he was done after just the one scampi Sebastian tossed his knife on the plate and turned to Harold, pulling his sleeve to get his attention.

"Gampa!" he said and looked over at Emmy. "She has a dog."

Blair looked surprised. When had this piece of information been shared? Chuck had never mentioned any pets during the week they were rallying to stop Malcolm.

Emmy laughed a little.

"Well, _I_ don't have a dog" she clarified. "My parents have one. A soft coated wheaten terrier. He's twelve years old and well into his retirement, I'm afraid."

"He's yellow!" Sebastian told his grandfather with excitement. "Like my room!"

The R came out as a W again, making Chuck's eyebrows rise a bit. Blair faked her millionth smile for the day and reached over to release Sebastian's grip on Harold's sleeve.

"He speaks remarkably well for his age" she said. "With a few minor mishaps and some things yet to learn."

"It's a difficult letter" Chuck mumbled and pushed his food around his plate.

"Here Sebastian, at least eat your pasta" Blair said and handed the boy his fork.

"Mommy, she has a dog" Sebastian said, as if this piece of information excused him from having to finish his lunch.

"My grandson seems to have taken an instant liking to you" Harold remarked to Emmy.

"Like father, like son" Chuck replied, wishing the visible reaction on Blair's face could make him feel a little better.

"I think he's wonderful" Emmy smiled at Harold, then turning her smile to Sebastian. "It's strange how much he resembles Chuck when he was little."

"Sometimes he does" Blair agreed in a businesslike tone. "Other times he looks like me. It's hard to tell, really. Except for the eyes. I'm much more doe-eyed than Sebastian."

It infuriated her that she had always had trouble determining who he looked like more while Emmy instantly recognized him as the spitting image of his father. She thought to herself that Emmy must be spending way too much time looking at pictures of three year-old Chuck and that it was really creepy. Couldn't this woman do or say something that wasn't ultra-supportive or extremely enthusiastic or spilling over with approval? She was clearly trying too hard.

"Would you like some more scampi?" Roman asked.

"No thank you" Chuck said, not very interested in even finishing what was on his plate.

"Some more wine perhaps?"

Now there was a more appealing idea. He declined the offer but thought to himself that a few more glasses might have been just what he needed to calm his nerves a bit. But as long as Blair's glass was barely touched he wasn't going to have anything more to drink. If she could make it through lunch without alcoholic assistance he damn sure wasn't going to be worse.

His eyes drifted over to her for the first time during the meal. The sight of her still elicited a response in him but he couldn't interpret what the exact feeling was. She looked nice, but that was always the case. She had a red summer dress on, very little makeup aside from her ruby lipstick and her hair was up in a French twist. The hairstyle made her seemed a touch tense and he could easily read from her body language that she was on edge right now. Sebastian's disinterest in lunch probably didn't help calm her nerves.

Blair looked up from attempting to get Sebastian to eat another bite and their eyes met. Hers instantly softened a bit, his only grew harder. The look lasted for only a second before he broke it and sought Emmy's hand under the table. Feeling her dainty thumb caress the back of his hand gave him a touch of calm but also a touch of guilt. She had no idea that his intention had been for their relationship to be over by now. It felt like a lie by omission and it almost bothered him a little to have her constantly display how invested she still was through looks, touches and kisses. She was aware that his reciprocations had turned more mellow but she dismissed it as being the shock of sudden parenthood.

He let go of her hand and grabbed his glass, finishing the wine. Perhaps he needed a refill after all.

* * *

><p>It was afternoon by the time they stepped outside to head back to Paris. The limo was being brought around and Chuck fished out his sunglasses and put them on. He turned and faced Blair, who had stopped right outside the door with her hands clasped in front of her, looking like she was about to give a recital. Sebastian was in Harold's arms, leaning sleepily against his shoulder. It was time for his nap but Blair thought he should say goodbye to Chuck first.<p>

"Thank you" Chuck told Blair. "For having us. You're right, this needed to happen."

"Your father's leaving now" Blair told Sebastian. "Say goodbye to him."

"Goodbye" Sebastian said sleepily.

"Sleep tight" Chuck said.

"Bye sweetie" Emmy smiled.

"I'm taking him inside, Blair bear" Harold said in a low voice and turned to go and put the child to bed.

When he was gone Blair turned to Chuck, completely ignoring the presence of the woman standing right beside him. As far as she was concerned Emmy had ceased to exist and she was alone with Chuck.

"I'm so relieved you came to see him" she said earnestly. "I've been dreaming about this day since before he was born. You probably don't believe that but it's the truth."

"He seems like a nice kid" Chuck offered.

"You're free to come and see him as often as you like" Blair said.

She wasn't sure why she said those exact words. She wanted Chuck to see Sebastian often but the way she had phrased it made it sound like she planned on staying at the chateau. For some reason it was difficult to know how to say the things she really wanted to say when Chuck's girlfriend was standing right there. No matter what angle Blair viewed the situation from Emmy was not part of her equation and she didn't want her to listen in on this particular conversation. Blair wanted to raise Sebastian with Chuck. Not with Chuck and Emmy.

"If you think that will be alright…" Chuck said awkwardly.

"Of course, Sebastian's not _stuck_ here in France" Blair said, her mind working a mile a minute to find the proper way of wording her thoughts. "He can come to the States."

"Oh, we would _love_ to have him visit us!" Emmy exclaimed, putting a hand on Chuck's arm and giving him an excited look. "I really want to get to know him better."

"I was thinking-" Blair began.

"Your business here wraps up on Thursday" Emmy said to Chuck. "He could come with us when we head back. Just for the weekend!"

The very idea horrified Blair. What she had been meaning to say was that she would be more than willing to relocate to New York, not that she was open to sending her only child off across the Atlantic with the father he barely knew and his way too enthusiastic girlfriend. Luckily Chuck seemed to be of similar mind and held his hands up in protest.

"I think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves here" he said. "He doesn't know us. A trip across the Atlantic with strangers at the age of three sounds like a bit much, don't you think? Perhaps it's better if we wait for a while before scheduling that."

"Or I could come along" Blair heard herself saying, cringing inwardly at the thought of spending a weekend, not to mention a whole cramped plane ride, with Emmy.

"Chuck this is the perfect opportunity" Emmy argued.

"Emmy I don't think it's a good idea" Chuck insisted. "You know how I feel about this."

"It's a great idea" Blair objected, not really thinking that it was but terrified that he might return to the line of thinking that he should stay out of Sebastian's life.

"A weekend in your company sounds like the makings of a really lousy experience" Chuck snarled at her, knowing the comment was unfair but not feeling at all ready to spend much time near her. Especially not if Sebastian was there too. He had no doubt the boy would catch up on the tension between his mother and father and that it wouldn't do any wonders for the father/son bonding process.

"Then why don't we take Sebastian on our own?" Emmy suggested.

"Absolutely not" Blair snorted.

"He's never going to have a chance at forming a bond with Chuck if you're there" Emmy argued. "They need to spend some time alone together."

"Not a whole weekend, not outside this chateau and definitely not across the Atlantic" Blair insisted. "He's three years old!"

"Let's just forget the whole thing" Chuck said, feeling this was far too much far too soon, not to mention far too complicated.

"No!" both Blair and Emmy said in unison.

"Maybe we should just… scale things down a little" Blair suggested after a few seconds of silence. "Spend a _day_ with him. I'll bring him to Paris on Friday and we can go to lunch or a playground or whatever you would like. Maybe we can even spend a weekend. Then in a week or two Sebastian and I can come to Manhattan."

"Maybe" Chuck muttered, fixating his eyes on a tree by the house so that he didn't have to look at her.

"Chuck…" Emmy said. "Can I talk to you alone for a second?"

Blair rolled here yes and had to bite her tongue not to tell Emmy that if anybody should be talking to Chuck alone it was her. She watched the two of them walk towards the limo and stop to have a hushed conversation.

"Chuck why are you agreeing to her terms?" Emmy asked him.

"I'm not."

"She's dictating everything right now. I agree that she should have a say but are you really going to let her continue to keep you and Sebastian from bonding with each other? If she comes with him then he's just going to cling to her. You need time alone with him. _We_ need time alone with him. I think after three and a half years you deserve that."

"Fine" Chuck said unenthusiastically. None of the options seemed promising to him.

"Okay, then tell her that."

They walked back to Blair, who had crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. Chuck cast a glance at the waiting limo and decided to get this settled as soon as possible.

"Bring him to Paris on Thursday" he said. "We'll come and pick him up at Eleanor's for breakfast and we'll bring him back in time for bed."

"I don't think he's ready for-"

"Maybe I should make something clear" Chuck said icily. "Your thoughts on how my son and I should best spend time together are highly irrelevant. Thus far they have consisted of keeping us a continent apart."

"That's-"

"I will be at Eleanor's on Friday morning. If you're not there with Sebastian, or if you try to tag along with us, then you can forget this whole thing and the next time you hear from me you can expect it to be via my lawyers."

Blair understood the meaning of his words far too well. She nodded reluctantly. One day was not so bad. Still, Sebastian was very little and very shy of the father he had only just met and it seemed much more reasonable to her that until Chuck and Sebastian had begun to get to know one another it was better if she was there with them.

"I'll see you Friday then" Chuck said.

He turned and walked to the limo without another glance. Emmy cast a look over her shoulder on her way to the car but Blair barely noticed it. She walked back inside, hating to have to watch him drive off. Today hadn't gone the way she had wanted it to, though she knew it had gone well enough given the circumstances. If only Chuck hadn't brought his damn woman with him maybe father and son would have been able to connect better. That Emmy really ought to know when to step back and not be everybody's favorite. She should keep in the background until Chuck had gotten a chance to form a connection to Sebastian.

* * *

><p>Chuck sank back against the leather seats of the limo and slowly let his breath out through his mouth. He closed his eyes, keeping the sunglasses on, rolling his head to the left. This had been one of the most mentally and emotionally exhausting days of his life and he was glad to have a long drive back to Paris during which he could try and process it.<p>

Meeting Sebastian had made him petrified. The boy seemed frightened by him and unwilling to get to know him. Perhaps it was unreasonable to expect a different reaction the first time they met, but he had warmed up to Emmy within minutes. The thought of spending an entire day with Sebastian but without Blair's presence gave him a tight knot in his stomach. What if the boy would fuss and cry and continue to act shy around him? The last thing he wanted to do was push his son too far too soon. They could both use a period of adjustment.

Having now seen his son he was also scared of the idea of Sebastian growing up without him getting to be there to see it. He was curious about this boy, wanted to know what he was really like and who he would turn out to be. He was still too little to have goals, ambitions and real dreams but he wanted to be there to see those parts of Sebastian evolve. Was a weekend or two each month all he could hope for with his son? It wasn't fair to ask a child to jet back and forth across the Atlantic but with Chuck's schedule there was no way he could leave New York several weekends a month to see Sebastian in France.

His mind kept mulling over the problems and the conflicts and he was barely aware that he wasn't alone in the car. Emmy had cast a long look at him when they had driven off but she hadn't said anything to him. Feeling her heart sink to the soles of her shoes she saw him retreat behind his walls and knew that there was nothing she could say right now anyway. He wouldn't share what was on his mind with her. He wanted to be left alone and try to deal with the situation by himself and she might as well let him. If he didn't want her input or her shoulder to cry on he wasn't going to accept either.

She rummaged through her purse until she found her iPod and let the music fill her ears for the rest of the ride back to Paris. She too had a lot to think about. She had been instantly charmed by the little boy and she knew that if nothing else she would love him because he was a part of Chuck. At the same time it hurt to meet a child of his by another woman. Especially when that woman was Blair Waldorf, someone Emmy was disliking more and more each moment she spent with her.

* * *

><p>So how was that? Let me know =)<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Well it's been a while. Hope everyone had a great holiday season! I've been computer-free for a while and it's actually been quite the relief except now I'm seriously backed up. I'll do my best to respond to PMs as soon as I can, I promise!

This chapter feels like it took forever to finish (even excluding the no-comp thing) and it's not really how I wanted it to be but since I'm too lazy to be a perfectionist I'm posting it as-is. Here's hoping it works the way it is =)

* * *

><p>Dan sat on a bar stool in the van der Woodsen penthouse, slowly stirring his tea with a spoon while he waited for Rufus to arrive. He hadn't had a real conversation with his father for a while now, not since Blair had first returned to New York. So much had happened and for the most part Dan had been feeling too ashamed to want to talk to anybody. He had tried speaking to Nate once but been brushed off in a way that made it clear his presence was not appreciated. Blair had not returned a single one of his calls and he hadn't really expected her to either. After spending weeks mulling over the things he had done and the choices he had made he needed someone to talk to about it but he didn't want to dig himself any deeper and reveal Blair's secret to yet another person. Finally he had decided that Rufus would probably be able to give him some advice even without being told the full story so he had flown back to New York and headed to his father's place for a visit.<p>

Rufus was running late. They had said to meet at two o'clock and it was now two-fifteen. Dan kept stirring the tea, then lifted the spoon and observed with boredom how the liquid kept swirling on its own. He lifted the mug to his lips and took a sip, deciding he didn't really like tea. The taste was way too bitter.

He set the mug back down just as the elevator rang and Rufus walked inside the penthouse. Rufus greeted Dan with a warm smile and a hug and walked around the kitchen island to pour himself some coffee.

"It's been a while" he noted.

"Yeah I've been… I've been kind of busy."

"So what troubles you, my child?" Rufus asked in his best impression of a catholic priest and put his hands on the counter with a smile.

"Oh I've made a mess of things" Dan said, running his hand through the hair that probably needed to be cut again.

"A big mess or a small mess?"

"Blair's not talking to me anymore" Dan said. "Nate is pissed at me, for two separate reasons actually."

"Sounds like a big mess."

"You know Dad, looking back at these past few weeks I've… Looking back on these past few _years_ I sit back and wonder, what happened to that guy who used to object to the way the privileged kids do whatever they want whenever they want to without any regard for other people's feelings? You know, I mean, what happened to the guy who thought the truth should always be told?"

"Don't take this the wrong way but that guy was kind of judgmental at times" Rufus said, smirking a little while he poured cream in his coffee.

"Somehow I started to become what I despised."

"Dan you're not a bad person" Rufus said. "We all change a little from who we were in high school. It's part of growing up."

"Yeah, well I've really outdone myself this time."

"Are you going to beat around the bush or are you going to tell me what this is all about?" Rufus asked.

"Blair… has a secret."

"Of course she does" Rufus said. "There's always some drama going on here on the Upper East Side. Seeing as how she is a chronic instigator I'd expect nothing less. So how juicy is it?"

"Oh it's, it's juicy."

"Her secret love child with Chuck?" Rufus guessed, taking a large sip from his mug.

Dan's eyebrows nearly touched his hairline.

"You knew?"

"Yeah, the news that she is a grandmother eventually reached Lily" Rufus said dryly. "Chuck is over in France right now visiting the child for the first time. The question is, how do you fit into all of this? Why haven't you said anything to us before?"

"I've actually known about Blair's son all along. I convinced her it would be better not to involve Chuck. For the record I do believe that some people shouldn't be parents and just because you _can_ make a baby that doesn't mean you _should_. Or at least you shouldn't raise them."

"You don't think that was up to Blair to decide?" Rufus felt compelled to ask.

"I figured that deep down she agreed with me since she never made an effort to tell Chuck the truth. At least not that I know about."

"Well Dan, I've got to tell you…" Rufus said, setting his mug down on the counter. "Hearing that you helped keep a child from his father for several years does not constitute my proudest moment as a parent."

"Believe me, I'm not so proud myself" Dan sighed. "I think there's a right reason to do the right thing and a wrong reason to do the right thing. I'm fully aware that I may not be the proper person to judge whether leaving Chuck out of Sebastian's upbringing is the right thing to do. But even if it is Dad I've had to look inside myself and admit that I gave my advice to Blair for the wrong reason."

"What was your reason, exactly?"

"I love Blair" Dan said flatly.

"You… love her?"

"Yeah. I uh… do."

Rufus just looked at him for a moment.

"Really?" he then said. "You and Blair?"

"Yes, and I think Chuck is the completely wrong person for her" Dan said, getting a bit worked up. "All he does is bring her misery and he has no respect for her but she keeps going back to him. It makes me jealous. I don't think it's healthy or particularly romantic either, it's more about them being stuck in patterns. I wanted to keep them away from each other because I genuinely believed that if Chuck knew Blair was carrying his child he would pursue her and never let her go and that would not be the best thing for any of them. They have a way of destroying one another. _He_ has a way of destroying _her_."

"You know son, people change" Rufus said gently. "I would have expected you to think he at least deserved a chance to be a father to his son, and a partner to Blair."

"He's had plenty of chances and things have always ended the same" Dan said. "Dad I know I was wrong to tell Blair she should keep the truth from him. I know that. I can try to justify it but in the end it was my own jealousy of Chuck that drove me to do it. I wanted her. I wanted to be with her and I thought I could help her raise the child but she never asked me to. Hers and my relationship never advanced past the point of friendship even though Chuck wasn't physically present. It's been eating away at me how she can be so devoted to him in her heart when he doesn't deserve it."

"And now it's all blown up in her face" Rufus concluded. "Her keeping the child a secret. I can understand the way Chuck feels."

"Unfortunately my list of offenses doesn't end at insisting she keep the child a secret" Dan sighed heavily. "I… may have also been the one who told Chuck the truth."

"That's a good thing" Rufus said, sounding confused. "You finally came to see that you had made a mistake and you corrected it."

"Dad" Dan said in a tone that implied Rufus was an idiot. "It was not exactly my secret to tell. Again I may have done the right thing but for the wrong reason. I wanted him to give up on Blair."

"He's in a steady relationship" Rufus pointed out. "He doesn't have to give up on Blair. He's devoted to another woman. If the only way he is a rival to you is by the way _Blair_ feels then I don't see how turning Chuck away from her is going to help you. Her feelings for him aren't likely to change because of it."

Dan made a face, deciding it was probably better not to reveal that Chuck had been planning on leaving Emmy. From now on he planned on keeping his mouth shut about information that wasn't public knowledge.

"The point is… I really screwed things up. And now I think Blair hates me. I don't know what to do, Dad."

"Well you could offer Blair to help and mend what you helped break" Rufus said. "I don't think she'll be wanting your help though."

"Given that she's been ignoring my calls I'd say that's a fair estimate."

"Sometimes we have to just let things work themselves out" Rufus said. "Weather the storm. Give Blair some time to cool off and to solve the mess she's in and then tell her you're sorry and let her know you're there for her. Dan you've made a lot of mistakes but Blair's predicament is _not_ your fault and she can't blame you for it forever. Telling Chuck the truth was _her_ obligation."

Dan sighed heavily.

"How do I stop myself from feeling so lousy?" he asked.

"Through some soul searching, some change in ways and some time going by."

"Solid advice" Dan said dryly.

The elevator rang and Serena stepped off, carrying a heap of binders with a preoccupied look on her face. When she saw Dan she stopped for a second, then cocked her neck and demonstratively avoided looking at him.

"Serena!" Rufus said. "Lily said she'll be here as soon as she can. She's really excited about the plans for the fashion party."

"Great" Serena said with no enthusiasm. "I'll be up in Bart's study."

"Wait, Serena!" Dan said, getting down from his stool.

"What is it Dan?" Serena said icily and only gave him a brief look. "We don't have anything to say to one another."

"But wait, won't you let me-"

"Actually, we do have some things to talk about" Serena said, turning on the first step to look at him. "What is my nephew like?"

"Y, your…"

"Yeah, my nephew. Seeing as you know him and I don't we might as well talk about that, don't you think? What's his favorite cartoon? Favorite color? Does he have a favorite stuffed animal?"

Dan couldn't get a word out. He didn't know what to say to her. He couldn't tell her he had been justified in what he'd done and it only now began to fully dawn on him that in convincing Blair to keep Sebastian a secret he had gone behind Serena's back and hurt her feelings too.

"What, Dan?" Serena asked. "Cat got your tongue? I was right, we really do have nothing to say to one another."

She stomped up the stairs to wait for her mother. Rufus whistled and shook his head.

"Looks like Blair is not the only one who's not a big fan of yours at the moment" he needlessly commented.

Dan sighed and rolled his eyes, wishing he had gone to talk to Jenny instead. At least she would have some understanding for doing whatever felt necessary to achieve your goals. The fact that it was that mentality that had driven a wedge between Dan and his sister to begin with was an irony that was not lost on him.

* * *

><p>While Dan pondered his problems in New York it was evening in Paris and Chuck had collapsed on the couch of his hotel suite, emotionally drained and feeling exhausted. He had an untouched glass of scotch on the table next to him and hadn't eaten a bite from the dinner Emmy had ordered up. He had spent the entire ride back to Paris from the chateau trying to clear his head and come to grips with his emotions but he wasn't doing so well with it.<p>

Emmy had been right, Sebastian did look a lot like him when he was little. But there were elements of Blair there too. The way Sebastian had smiled up at his mother had been like a replica of Blair's smile and that nose was way too cute to be Chuck's. He was a combination of them both, just like Chuck had wished his children would be back when he had thought he and Blair would become parents together. Seeing his old fantasies brought to life was both eerie and amazing. If only the circumstances had been different he could have had everything he wished for when he was in his late teens.

If only Blair had told him. He had been over it in his mind a million times since she confirmed he was Sebastian's father. If only she had told him then, things would have been so different. He would have dropped everything and gone to be with her and their child, or brought her back home to New York. He would have left Emmy, not that it would have been much of a sacrifice at that point since they had barely started seeing each other when Blair left Louis. They would have been together, him and Blair and Sebastian, a family of three. He would have gotten to be there and support Blair through the birth and cut his baby's chord. He would have gotten to soothe him when he cried and see him take his first steps and hear him say his first words and watch him grow from infant to a little person. He would have had Sebastian and he would have had Blair and they could have been so happy together.

Instead he had a son who was frightened or shy of him, or both. Instead he had strong evidence to suggest Blair had never really loved him the way he loved her. He was stuck in a place where he knew he couldn't back away and he didn't know how to move forward. Now that he had met his child he knew he would never be able to not be in his life. His son amazed him, fascinated him, overwhelmed him. But he also scared him, and the transition would be difficult on them both. He wasn't a natural _someone_ in Sebastian's life and he didn't know how to form a bond with him. There was no way of forcing a child to like you or to feel comfortable around you. He could shower the child with toys and gifts but what good would that do? He wanted Sebastian to feel close to him, not like him because he always brought presents.

Emmy came walking into the room holding a tumbler in her hand. She glanced at the glass on the table, then at the untouched dinner and then at Chuck.

"I thought you would be done with your first scotch by now" she said. "I figured you were in need of a refill."

He said nothing. She set the tumbler down next to the first one and gave him a little nudge to make him sit up straight for a second, allowing her to climb up on the couch behind him and cradle him from behind. He allowed the embrace but he seemed a million miles away, staring into space with a thoughtful expression.

"Today went well" Emmy said. "Under the circumstances. He was even more beautiful than I had expected."

Chuck still said nothing, hoping she would get the message and not say anything either. Most of all he wanted to be alone but he felt bad about asking her to leave. He knew she only wanted to be supportive and he also knew she had taken a week off work when she really ought to be in the office, just so she could come with him on this trip. In a way it felt good to have her physical presence yet at the same time he couldn't overcome the intense longing for it to be another woman holding him. The mere thought of what life would be like now if Blair had told him she was pregnant made him desire that life so badly it almost took his breath away. At the same time he knew that life was a mirage and that there was no "if only". Blair hadn't told him the truth because she didn't want to raise a baby with him and she didn't care enough about him to want him to know he was a father. Perhaps he had dodged a bullet, been spared from committing himself to her only to learn down the road that her feelings didn't run as deeply as his did for her. Somehow that thought was not the least bit comforting.

He wasn't at all sure who she was anymore. Today she hadn't acted at all as he had expected. Part of the reason why he had brought Emmy along was to provoke Blair, to prove to both of them that her act of wanting father and son to bond was just an act and that she wasn't genuinely interested in letting Chuck be part of Sebastian's life. By reminding her that he wasn't single and that his serious girlfriend would be a stepmother of sorts to Sebastian he had thought her territoriality would surface but aside from a few hostile glances and one or two comments she hadn't said or done anything to object to Emmy's presence. When Emmy had overstepped her boundaries Chuck had let her, waiting to see if that would trigger a reaction in Blair, but her response had been much milder than he had anticipated. She wasn't acting the way he would have guessed, either she had truly changed or he had lost the ability to see into her core. Perhaps it was a combination of both.

Emmy's dainty hand caressed his forehead, moving his bangs away from his face. He knew she could feel how tense he was.

"_Try not to get worried, try not to turn unto problems that upset you_" she sang and he could tell from the sound of her voice that she was smiling a little.

It was probably meant as a way to lighten the mood but it only served to annoy him. He sat up straight and turned to her with a glare.

"Is that supposed to be funny?" he snarled.

Emmy looked surprised at his reaction.

"You just… need to relax a little" she stuttered.

"I'm not in the mood" Chuck griped and got up from the couch, walking over to look out the windows. Paris was one of his favorite cities but right now the view wasn't very uplifting or inspiring.

"Let me help" Emmy pleaded. "Talk to me, Chuck."

"I don't need anybody to help me" Chuck said with irritation. "What I need is a little peace and quiet."

"What you need is to eat some dinner, scream into a pillow and go to bed early."

"I'm going to the extra bedroom" Chuck said, walking over to grab both tumblers. "I'd rather you didn't follow."

He walked out of the room and Emmy let her head fall back, closing her eyes and groaning with frustration. Why was it so damn hard to reach him sometimes? She had been his girlfriend for almost four years now, why was it that he couldn't open up to her and tell her about the things that hurt? Why was getting that kind of information out of him like pulling teeth? It wasn't good for him to keep it all bottled up and she worried for his health if he continued on like this. Sooner or later something had to give.

She sat up and reached for his untouched dinner, taking a bite of it. She had ordered the salmon, something he always liked no matter how it was prepared. Eating it cold wasn't a very thrilling sensation and she tossed the fork aside with a sigh. She might as well draw a bath and try to relax. She wouldn't get anywhere with Chuck unless he wanted her to.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week went by and Emmy barely saw Chuck at all. He got up early every morning and went to his business meetings, returning to their hotel room after dinner. When he got in he didn't want to talk and spent most of his time going over reports and figures, or at least pretending to. Emmy did her best to entertain herself, borrowing his credit cards to go shopping and took the opportunity to do a bit of sightseeing. It was her first time in Paris and she had hoped it would be a bit more romantic but instead she felt a bit like Carrie at the end of "<em>Sex and the City<em>". Her disappointment grew with every day and she found herself thinking about the work she should be doing back in New York. It didn't make sense to her that this should be how they spent their days together in Paris. Not that she expected Chuck to be completely fine right now but she had hoped he would at least try to be constructive and not just silently mull over everything day in and day out.

On Thursday evening he got in while she was in the shower. She emerged from the bathroom in a large, white, fluffy robe and a towel around her long, thick hair, finding him slumped on the bed watching "_the Towering Inferno_" dubbed to French. He didn't seem to be paying much attention to the movie but he had seen it about a hundred times so he probably didn't need to be very alert.

She unwrapped her hair from the turban she had made of the towel and hung the towel up on a hook by the bathroom door. Then she got up on the bed next to him and placed a hand on his chest.

"How about we go and rent a movie we both can watch?" she suggested. She didn't speak French.

"Feel free" Chuck said. "I'm watching this. You can use the laptop and rent something online if you wish."

"I want to watch something with _you_."

"Then watch."

"Chuck."

"You don't need to speak the language to get the movie, do you?" he asked, slightly irritated. "It's a tall building. There's a fire. Steve McQueen is bad ass. What else is there to know? Besides you've seen it already, you know the important stuff."

"That's not the point."

He shrugged. She resisted the urge to tell him to pull himself together and stop acting like a grumpy child and instead got off the bed to go blow-dry her hair. When she returned fifteen minutes later he didn't seem to have moved a muscle.

"So…" she said. "We have Sebastian all day tomorrow."

"Mmm-hm…"

"What do you think he likes to do?" she asked, getting back up on the bed. "We could spend all day downstairs at the pool. Kids love pools."

"He's three and a half, I doubt he knows how to swim" Chuck pointed out, eyes glued to the TV.

"People take _infants_ to the pool" Emmy argued.

"Other people. I don't much feel like spending all day trying to keep him from drowning. Especially not if I have to wear a swimsuit."

"Well then, should we take him sightseeing?"

"Kids that age aren't likely to be thrilled by the Eifel Tower."

"Then what are your suggestions?"

"That we shut up and watch the movie. We'll figure something out tomorrow."

"I think it would be better if we came up with something tonight" Emmy argued.

"Why don't you leave it up to me?" Chuck snarled. "It's my kid."

Emmy snatched the remote control from him and paused the film, having reached her limit and feeling low on sympathy.

"I get that this is really tough on you, Chuck" she said. "That doesn't excuse you walking around acting like a douche."

"Excuse me?"

"This whole week you've been about as much fun to be around as the Grinch."

"Well I apologize if the turmoil in my life is an inconvenience to you" he spat out.

"Here's an idea" Emmy said. "Why don't you _talk to me_?"

"Here's a thought – maybe that won't help! Talking isn't going to make any of this go away or make it any different."

"Why am I even here?" Emmy asked. "I had a lot of work to do back home."

He made a face, biting his lower lip for a second, and looked at her.

"I'm very glad that you're here" he said.

"It sure doesn't show."

"I _am_ glad…" He shook his head a bit. "I just can't talk about this, Emmy. It's too… it's too weird and overwhelming. I know talking about stuff helps you but it doesn't help me. I don't work that way. I'm still glad you're here and God knows I'll be needing you to get through tomorrow-"

"You talk as if you're being put through something horrible tomorrow" Emmy pointed out. "We're spending the day with your son."

"It scares me."

"Tell me _why_" she pleaded, wrapping her arm around his shoulders.

He shook his head. He couldn't explain it to her. She hadn't been there when he was growing up. She had never met Bart. The way he felt right now was too complicated for even him to understand so how could she expect him to put it to words for her? He was frightened of the possibility of his son not enjoying spending time with him, terrified that they might not be able to bond. He didn't want to be like Bart, unable to connect with his son. Right now all that would mean to Sebastian was that his father was a person he didn't care much for and a father wasn't important to him yet. He was too little to fully understand the parent-child connection and too little to care. He wouldn't be this little forever. The day would come when he was older, a teenager perhaps, and his troubled relationship with his father would be a disturbance to him. It might even affect his future relationships. There was a lot riding on Sebastian being able to connect with his father and Chuck didn't have the first idea what to say or what to do to make the process easier.

"You know, you're right, let's not watch this movie" he said and got up from the bed. "It's got another two hours and ten minutes before it's done and we've got an early day tomorrow. I'm going to go brush my teeth."

Emmy watched him go and groaned loudly, tossing the remote on the floor. From the looks of it she wouldn't be getting anywhere with him on this anytime soon.

* * *

><p>Blair spent the following day shopping her troubles away, or at least attempting to. In truth her shopping spree only made her feel worse. She had no one to bring to this excursion save for her mother and while Eleanor may have improved in the motherhood department she was no substitute for a girlfriend, or even a minion. Blair had been so sheltered over at the chateau, so preoccupied with looking after her boy, that she had lost contact with all the women she used to spend time with. The loss of Serena stung the most but she was not the only friend Blair had lost. Shopping on your own seemed so incredibly sad. She wondered if this was the way middleclass people felt when they went to the movies alone.<p>

She bought a number of things but she wasn't enthusiastic about any of it and barely even noticed half the items that ended up in her bags. It wasn't as if she would ever wear any of it. When would she? She no longer went to parties, she didn't have college and she didn't have a job. She wished she had settled in Paris with Sebastian instead of at the chateau. In the city she would have had other mommies to spend time with and arrange play dates with and exchange experiences with, not to mention she could have gotten a job or even finished school. But she had been too afraid to move to Paris. It was a big city but that didn't mean she could go by unnoticed and she knew Chuck liked to visit. Whenever she had taken Sebastian there she had been worried sick about two things when she left her mother's place. One was being found out with Sebastian and having her secret exposed, on _Gossip Girl_ or worse. The other was running into Chuck or catching sight of Chuck on a romantic outing with his girlfriend. Paris may be a large city but she and Chuck had a marvelous tendency to run into each other, or at least that had been the case in the past.

Time seemed to move at a glacial pace and it took all her willpower not to call Chuck every half-hour to check on Sebastian. Seeing him leave with his father and Emmy that morning had been a difficult experience. It dawned on her more and more each day what a broken home her boy would end up having and the fact that Sebastian very much hadn't wanted to go had only made it worse. She had wanted to suggest that she go with them after all but she didn't know how to handle Chuck in his current state. When he had visited the chateau he had acted nothing like she would have expected and it made her insecure. She didn't want to say or do the wrong thing and cause him to back away.

After a few hours Chuck and Emmy returned to Eleanor and Cyrus' Paris home to drop off Sebastian in time for his nap. The boy was exhausted and Blair put him to bed right away even though she was dying to hear how his day had been. She could wait until he had woken up to know all about it. When he was asleep and she returned to the living room Chuck was the only one there. Eleanor and Cyrus had taken Emmy to the kitchen to offer her some tea at Chuck's request of a moment alone with Blair.

"Hey" Blair said softly, realizing she hadn't actually said anything to him yet.

"Hey" he said with a nod.

"So how was it?"

"Awkward. Small children don't find me very appealing. Luckily he's really fond of Emmy."

"It's not Emmy I want him to have a bond with" Blair pointed out.

"Look I didn't stay behind to chit-chat" Chuck said and walked over to the briefcase he had placed on the coffee table. He opened it up and took out a document which he handed to her. "I had one of my PR people draw up a press release this week."

"Press release?" Blair echoed, taking the piece of paper as if she was afraid it might burn her skin.

"Now that the cat's out of the bag we can't keep his existence a secret forever. Unless we decide you should return to your chateau exile, raise him there by yourself and keep him there indefinitely. Like Rapunzel, but with a really long driveway instead of a tower. The other option is that I'm involved in his life in some way and if that's to be the case then people are going to know about him. Nobody gives a damn what you do anymore but I'm still a semi-public figure. It's going to be hard to conceal the existence of a son."

"I just don't want him subjected to public scandal" Blair said.

"I'm talking about a public statement drafted by someone who does PR for a living, not a text to _Gossip Girl_. If it meets with your approval I'll be sending it out when we're ready."

Blair eyed through the draft. It said that Sebastian had been the result of a brief and untimely affair and to protect the child they had decided to wait before Chuck would claim fatherhood. According to the statement Chuck had known about his son all along and there was no mention of whether or not he had been involved in his son's life. The stated reason for going public was to ensure that Sebastian would be able to attend the finest schools and not be hidden from people all his life.

Blair looked up when she was finished reading.

"I don't see the point" she said. "Releasing a statement just creates attention."

"Or it can nip it in the bud. Kill rumors before rumors have a chance to spread."

"This makes it sound like we had some sordid affair that we both regret. That we kept our son a secret so that he wouldn't ruin your new relationship."

"It never mentions my relationship" Chuck argued. "Call that night at the Plaza whatever you want but I think sordid fits fairly well."

Blair said nothing, studying the draft again. She didn't like it but she couldn't voice any strong objections to it either. If this was something Chuck felt he needed to do in order to save face then she could be okay with it.

"I just… want my father to look it over first" she said.

"Fine. No rush. There's no need to send it out until… well until I start seeing him more often or he starts to come to New York. Judging by how things went today it will probably be somewhere around the time he hits puberty. Not that I can say that I blame him for being wary of me. He's never been given any reason to think of me as somebody important or friendly."

Blair braced herself for another round of his bitterness and hostility, letting him continue talking because she knew she owed that to him, but he didn't say anything further. She looked up at him with slight confusion.

"Well…" she said tentatively. "These things take time."

"Yeah" he said, not sounding too convinced.

"I'm really glad you want to get to know him. I know things aren't so easy right now but they will get better. Once you two start spending more time together…"

"You've veered off into one of your mind-movies again" Chuck said. "Sebastian's home is in France. Mine is in New York. That doesn't make for lots of time spent together. I can't just uproot my life and move to France. I have the business and Emmy has her work."

"Who's talking about Emmy?" Blair sulked.

"I am. She's important to me."

"How precious" Blair said with a sarcastic smile. "She also seems to have made you dumber. I never asked you to relocate to France. I've spoken with my mother and she agreed to let Sebastian and I stay at the penthouse for a while."

"You're coming to New York?"

"Yes I am" Blair said, resisting the urge to call him an idiot for sounding surprised. "Sebastian is three and a half. Moving to the States with him is not going to be that big a deal. Children adapt."

"I must admit… you surprise me, Waldorf."

"What do I have to do to prove to you how serious I am about you and our son having a good relationship?"

"Building a time machine would be a good start" Chuck said dryly. "Or at least borrowing the one we're developing at Bass Industries."

Blair blinked for a second, not entirely sure if the last comment was a joke, then found her bearings again.

"We're going to have some rough times ahead this fall" she said. "A lot of adjustments, a lot of agreements to be made… I still think that in the end something good may come of this."

"All your movies have happy endings" Chuck said. "Mine tend to end more like '_Reservoir Dogs_'."

"It doesn't have to be that way."

"Perhaps not" Chuck agreed. "But if you're expecting us to walk off into the sunset holding hands like a shiny, happy family then you're in for a world of disappointment."

"That doesn't mean things have to be nothing but misery and lost causes."

"When you arrive in New York we'll both lawyer up" Chuck said, changing lanes. "Make my fatherhood official and legal. I want to run a DNA test first, as a formality. We'll work out a custody agreement when the DNA test is finished." He managed a small smile. "Don't worry Waldorf. I don't particularly care to force a child who's not comfortable around me to live with me full time, or even part-time. You'll get to keep him under your roof. You just won't get to call all the shots anymore."

With that he turned and walked for the door.

"Hey wait!" Blair said to his retreating figure, desperate to have him in the same room with her for just a little while longer, especially now that he had given her a smile, even if it was a small, sad one.

He turned and gave her a tired look.

"What?"

She hesitated for a second, not really sure what she should say to him. Then she remembered she was still holding his draft and walked up to him to hand it back.

"Your press release" she said and held it out.

"I thought you wanted to show it to Harold?"

Her cheeks turned red and she looked away for a second.

"Right. Silly of me."

"Bye" he said and walked out of the room.

Blair walked slowly over to one of the large couches and sank down on it, pulling her feet up under her. This process was going to be much longer and much more difficult than she had expected. Chuck seemed so out of his elements whenever the subject of his son was brought up and from the sound of it they hadn't bonded today. But what had she been expecting? That just because they shared DNA their souls would click and they'd become instant friends? It didn't happen that way. Sebastian had always been more shy of men than of women even though he was being raised in a house with two of the former and one of the latter.

Things weren't all bad though. She had been wondering if Chuck's reluctance to come and see his son had had anything to do with a fear of not being able to love him and thus being a bad father. Now that they had met she was sure that whatever emotions Chuck was experiencing right now, indifference was not among them. She could see it in the way his eyes rarely left Sebastian when they were in a room together and in the look in those eyes when they were on his son. He probably wanted to run and hide somewhere where he didn't have to face the knowledge that his son was shy of him and the fact that he stuck around anyway and had begun to make arrangements to make Sebastian part of his life told her that he felt strongly about the boy.

So long as he loved Sebastian, or grew to love him, Blair would be satisfied. She didn't think she could ever be truly happy if she didn't have his love herself but knowing that he cared for his son was enough to sustain her through the rest of her life. It would have to be.

* * *

><p>It took just about a month to get everything ready for Blair and Sebastian to relocate to Manhattan. During that time Chuck didn't see Sebastian at all and Blair had her hands full with everything regarding the move and didn't have the time to think about it much. Even though it was only a temporary move and they would only be bringing a few boxes of their stuff it became a full-time project and Sebastian was not very happy to have to leave the chateau he had spent most of his life in.<p>

The night before they were set to leave Blair sat down on the large windowpane in her bedroom, glass of wine in her hand, wallowing in her own misery. It was almost midnight and she ought to be in bed but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. She had called Chuck earlier in the evening to remind him they were coming and Emmy had answered the phone. Blair couldn't recall ever answering Chuck's cell when they were dating but apparently Emmy felt free to do so. Blair had been so stunned she had hung up and when Chuck called her back ten minutes later she had claimed the chateau had bad cell reception.

Why couldn't it stop hurting already? Her heart didn't seem to care that her mind had accepted defeat. She longed for Chuck, ached for him, missed him so much it almost took her breath away at times. Especially when she saw him with _her_, which was the only way she saw him nowadays. Couldn't she at least get to talk to him for a while without that girlfriend of his interfering in some way? She always seemed to be in the room when she called him to give him an update on how the move was going. It was so much harder to stay afloat when she was constantly reminded of how the man she wanted now belonged to someone else.

On top of it all she was desperately lonely. Serena still refused to return her calls and she had drifted too far apart from the other girls she used to hang out with in Manhattan. She found herself missing Dan at times but she had a hard time thinking about him without remembering what he had done and hating him for it. She had no desire to contact him again but she missed having someone her own age to talk to. She hadn't tried calling Nate, knowing he might be sympathetic to her plight but his loyalties lay with Chuck.

The truth was she was about to move her young son across the world to a city that had once been her home but was now more like the scene of the crime. She had no friends left, no allies, no real security to offer her son. Sebastian was growing up and soon she wouldn't be able to focus only on being his mother, she would have to find something else to do with her time. But she had no valuable connections anymore, no education and she had lost all her social standing after the scandal of breaking up an engagement to a prince and then disappearing for years. Not that she wouldn't be able to win some of that social status back but with the added damage to her image that had no doubt followed Chuck's press release it would be far too much work. She needed time for her child and running around at parties and social events to try and charm her way back into society was too big of an undertaking. She felt like she was about to walk into the lion's den and wished she had at least one friend in the city. As it was she would just have to make do on her own.

She emptied her glass in three large gulps, pondering the idea of getting the rest of the bottle and emptying it on her own. It had been years since she got drunk and now felt like a wonderful time for it but she had to be awake and fresh early tomorrow morning, ready to leave at half past seven. She would neither have the time nor the energy for a hangover. She would just have to suck it up and get by without the haze of inebriation.

* * *

><p>A few hours after Blair finally went to bed Chuck stared into space without really seeing what he was looking at. He was in bed also, spooning with Emmy, wondering to himself what kind of chaos life would be from now on. Tomorrow his son would be moving to New York and he would become a real part of Chuck's life. And with him Blair would come, the person Chuck had missed like crazy all the years she had been gone from the city. Now she would be back and he wished she had stayed away. Except unless she came Sebastian wouldn't come either. It was difficult to feel so strongly tied to a child yet be so afraid of making room for him in your life and above all of spending time with him. Not that he didn't want to be around his child but where was the fun in it when Sebastian was clearly uncomfortable and didn't want to be there?<p>

He had taken Emmy to a restaurant that night, intent on showing her how grateful he was to her and hoping they could have an evening together just the two of them before things changed permanently. They had had a fairly nice evening in spite of everything occupying his thoughts. When they had gotten back to her apartment and she had begun to seduce him he had eagerly, almost thankfully, responded. Their sex life was good these days. Sex had used to be his go-to thing to ease anxiety and numb pain and with a supportive girlfriend in his life it had been far too easy to slip back into those patterns. It wasn't truly gratifying but it gave him a few moments of reprieve from his emotional anguish. If Emmy knew the reason why he had been such an active lover lately while he was growing more and more emotionally distant then she didn't let it show. Most likely she didn't know what the reason was and probably didn't spent time wondering about it either. He had gotten past the sex-for-comfort response by the time he had met her and she had never known that side of him.

Holding her in her arms he wondered if he had made the right choice in staying with her. He still loved her but with all that had happened he wasn't sure if he stayed with her because the love he felt for her was enough or because he couldn't bear handling life right now alone. Either way it wasn't fair to her and he should probably be honest with her and tell her exactly how it was. She deserved to know that he had been about to leave her because he loved Blair more, because there could never really be a contest, but then the bomb had dropped and everything he thought he knew had been turned upside down. It was probably the last thing she would want to hear but at least it was honest. Then she could decide for herself whether or not the way he felt about her was enough and whether or not she wanted to stay.

He knew he wouldn't say anything to her. Nate, who kept being Emmy's main cheerleader, had said the other day that in good relationships people took turns carrying each other and that right now this was Emmy's time to carry him. Chuck had a feeling that was the way Emmy looked at it too and wondered if she and Nate just thought more alike than he had thought or if they got together and talked about him behind his back. He knew though that he had to make a decision fast if he wanted the rest of his life to include Emmy or not. Either he ought to propose to her or break up with her and do it soon. If she saw him through this crisis then he wouldn't bear to break her heart when he could stand on his own again, even if he knew by then that he didn't love her enough.

But he wouldn't make any decisions tonight. Tonight he was just going to hold her in his arms and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow his son would be arriving on the Upper East Side and everything would be different.

* * *

><p>Nate and Serena were not in bed. They were out on a late dinner, intended to celebrate Serena landing a new high-profile gig, but spirits were not much higher with them than with Blair or Chuck. Serena sat slumped back in her chair with a pout, eyes fixed on the chicken she was pushing around on her plate. Nate worked on his steak and made an effort to pretend like everything was perfect, not quite sure why Serena's mood was so bleak, but he only got a few bites into dinner before he found her silence unbearable.<p>

"Can you please just tell me what is wrong?" he asked. "This has been driving me crazy all night."

"Oh, I don't know…" Serena said dryly. "Could be that we're supposed to be celebrating and you couldn't think of anything more original than to take me out to dinner. Could be that I just lost a major client this week so really I'm in status quo on the work front. Or it could be that I overheard you telling Anne on the phone that you think Chuck should make an effort and try to see things from Blair's point of view." She stabbed a piece of lettuce with her fork and stuck it in her mouth. "Take your pick."

"I never said that" Nate objected. "What I said was that he should hear her out. Clearly his strategy of being angry isn't helping the situation."

"I happen to think it's not on Chuck's shoulders to turn the situation right" Serena said icily. "Blair screwed this up. If Chuck's refusing to be won over by her then I say good on him."

"Maybe I think it's better for him in the long run if he can make peace with her" Nate said. "For his own sake and for Sebastian's."

"Right" Serena said, leaning forward as if she were on the pounce. "Let's talk about Sebastian. Why the hell does Blair think she can monopolize him and call all the shots? Chuck is his parent too. She comes back to New York _temporarily_ with the child only when it suits _her_ to do so. Why didn't she bring him here right away? Why did Chuck have to go to France to visit him if it was so important to Blair that the two should meet?"

"From what I hear from Chuck it was his suggestion to come to France" Nate shrugged. "He said Sebastian would probably be more comfortable in his own environment."

"How convenient that this idea is perfectly in keeping with Blair's wishes and desires."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I think she's manipulating the hell out of him."

"Serena, we are talking about your best friend here" Nate said, surprised by her venom.

"So-called best friend who lied to me for four years but told my ex-boyfriend every sordid detail" Serena said, filled with bitter anger. "The same best friend who didn't even tell the man she supposedly loves-"

"Whatever happened to the benefit of the doubt?"

"It got old." She sniggered and took a sip from her glass of water. "I don't trust Blair anymore and I don't see why you do, and I don't think Chuck should either. She can maneuver any situation to get the outcome she wants by citing that her way would be best for Sebastian. After all, she is the only parent he's known for most his life so who is Chuck to argue?"

"Hey I haven't forgiven her" Nate pointed out. "Still, she did seem really sorry when I talked to her this summer."

"I don't buy it" Serena said, shaking her head. "It doesn't make any sense for her to be sorry now and not sooner."

Nate didn't know what else to say so he stayed quiet and ate his dinner. This thing with Blair had been sitting between himself and Serena ever since they officially started dating again in June. He found it ironic that they were arguing over it even though they were both on Chuck's side. He couldn't understand Serena's ongoing anger and refusal to forgive the girl who had been her best friend most of her life but he had a feeling it didn't have quite as much to do with Chuck as Serena made it seem.

They finished their dinner in silence. Serena ordered in another drink when Nate was about to pay the bill and she sat there slowly sipping her gin and tonic, easy on the tonic, while Nate entertained himself by repeating the stuff he had to learn for his upcoming exam. The night was a bust and Serena blamed Blair, knowing it wasn't rational but not giving a damn.

The second she finished her drink Nate got the waiter's attention and made sure to pay the bill, eager to get home and put an end to this far too long night.

* * *

><p>I'll try not to take another month to update =) Hopefully I'll also have a chapter for "Grace" ready to post in the near future. Thank you for reading =)<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

So, what to say about this update? Well there's not all that much on my mind. A lot of people want Blair to catch a break and I can promise you that things will not be forever bleak for her (and she won't have to wait to the very last chapters to start feeling better) but it won't turn around quite yet for her either.

Read and (hopefully) enjoy!

* * *

><p>"This is where Mommy grew up" Blair explained to Sebastian as they walked inside the building where Blair had been raised. "I always said I would take you here someday. I will show you my room and all of my favorite places to play hide and seek and you'll get to meet Dorota."<p>

Sebastian said nothing. He was tired and cranky and had spent most of the flight over complaining about having to sit still. Now that they were in New York he wasn't in a much brighter mood and had immediately complained that the city was smelly and noisy and that he didn't like it. Blair had told him he would soon come to love it, it was in his blood to do so, and it had been more of an order and less of a reassurance.

"When we get up to Grandma's floor we're going to get something to eat and then go to sleep for a while" she said. "You will feel much better when you wake up."

"I want pancakes" Sebastian sulked.

"I'm not sure what we'll be getting" Blair said. "We'll have to ask Dorota. Dorota is great. You'll love her. She took care of me when I was little." They stepped on the elevator and Blair lifted him up, telling him which button to press. "Grandma' and Grandpa' Cyrus will be here" she said, hoping to awaken some of his enthusiasm.

"I want to tell Gwandpa' about the aiwplane."

"Okay sweetie."

They reached their floor and Blair ushered Sebastian off the elevator with an excited smile on her face. Finally she was getting to bring her child home, to the penthouse she had grown up in. It really was time to move back to the Upper East Side and show him everything she had loved growing up. When Sebastian was a bit older he could start school here, all the best schools. Chuck was already working on getting him admissions to the same ones they had gone to themselves. The thought of him attending St. Jude's one day brought a wide smile to her face and she could easily picture him in the school uniform.

Eleanor came hurrying in from the kitchen when she heard them arrive. Sebastian ran up to her, shouting eagerly about the ride over as if he had thought it was a wonderful experience and not tedious and boring. Eleanor gave him a warm hug and then a proper welcome, excited to have her grandson in New York and that he finally wasn't a secret anymore. Cyrus, who had been two steps behind her, cheered and knelt to give the boy a hug.

"Welcome to the Upper East Side" he said. "Your mother got into a lot of mischief here."

"I did not" Blair objected.

She nodded to the doorman to set their bags down. The boxes they had brought would arrive tomorrow and she had only packed two bags each for her and Sebastian. It was light travelling but she intended on filling up their closets very soon with some New York purchased clothes. She saw Dorota coming out of the kitchen with a disinterested look on her face and smiled at the sight of her.

"Dorota!" she said. "Sebastian, I'd like you to meet Dorota. Dorota this is Sebastian. My son." She smiled proudly and laughed a little. "He's incredible, isn't he?"

"Welcome Mister Sebastian" Dorota said in the same tone she'd use to welcome any random guest.

"If you need anything while we're here just call for Dorota" Blair instructed her son. "Dorota why don't you take Sebastian's things up to my room? You don't need to unpack, we'll do that ourselves after we've gotten some rest. I haven't quite decided yet where I want everything to go. Oh, and Sebastian gets the room adjacent to mine. The one Serena used to have."

Without a word Dorota did as ordered. Blair frowned, wondering what was wrong with her. She eyed her old caretaker as she began to walk up the stairs.

"Dorota" she said, halting the older woman. "Isn't it great that Sebastian has finally come here?"

"Yes" Dorota said with little enthusiasm and when she continued speaking it was with more than a slight touch of sarcasm. "We have all been on edge of seat many years for you and illegitimate, secret child we not know about to visit."

Blair's jaw dropped a little. Dorota continued up the stairs and Blair turned to her mother with a frown.

"What on earth was that?"

"She's quite hurt" Eleanor said. "Can you blame her? The two of you were so close most of your life and then you go and have a baby and never tell her."

"Clearly you have let her become insubordinate while I've been away" Blair snapped and stomped inside the kitchen to get something to drink.

She opened up the fridge and eyed through everything inside, expecting to find her favorite sparkling water. It had always been in stock when she came to New York but not this time. Apparently Dorota didn't think her worthy of water anymore.

Grabbing water of a different brand instead Blair slammed the refrigerator shut and went to sit down by the table. So Dorota was angry with her too. She could understand that she must be feeling very disappointed that Blair had never told her about Sebastian but she had had her reasons. Dorota would never give away her secrets intentionally but there was the possibility of her mentioning something to Vanya at some point or other and Vanya then telling Chuck. Blair didn't even like the idea of making Dorota keep such a big secret from her husband; keeping her out of the know had just been easier. Now it was just another layer to the skyscraper of trouble she had built for herself.

She had some of the water, deciding it tasted like tap water, and sulked. The intense feeling of loneliness that had plagued her for a long time now refused to let up. She checked her phone for the third time, waiting for an answer to a text she had sent to Serena but none was coming. With a heavy sigh she put her phone down on the table and pondered simply tossing it out the window. What good was it anyway? No one ever called her and she didn't really have anybody to call.

Cyrus came walking in and studied her with a sympathetic expression.

"Mind if I sit?" he asked.

"Go ahead."

"How did the meeting between Sebastian and his father go?" Cyrus asked gently, sitting down opposite her.

"I'm assuming you've already heard the answer to that. It didn't go spectacularly but I don't know why I expected it to be any different. It's never going to get better, is it? For the rest of our lives everything is going to be screwed up and no one will ever let me forget who's to blame, including myself."

"They just need time to adjust to one another" Cyrus said.

"Cyrus what am I going to do? I know I'm the one responsible for this mess but I can't live the rest of my life constantly apologizing and feeling like a terrible person. Martyring myself is not going to make things better."

"You're right, it's not. When the news first came out it was up to you to let people be angry because they had a right to be. After a while it is up to them to begin to forgive and move forward."

"How much time?" Blair asked. "Besides, let's be honest, nobody is obligated to forgive me. Chuck, Serena, Nate… Dorota…"

"If they still love you they will come around. You've given them a bit of time, now give them a reason to forgive you."

"How can I do that when they're not speaking to me?"

"You'll find a way." He smiled and placed a reassuring hand on hers. "I've never known you to back down from a challenge."

Blair nodded thoughtfully.

"You're right."

"This will all be for the best" Cyrus assured her. "You moving back here with Sebastian. It will be wonderful for him to be so close to his father."

"Let's hope so."

"It won't be long before Sebastian looks forward to spending time with him" Cyrus said. "You're not worried about Chuck taking care of him, are you? I know he lacks experience but what do any of us know when we become parents?"

"No, I'm not worried about that" Blair said. "You know it's never been about that. I think Chuck would make a good father."

"I'm sure he will. And that girlfriend of his will make a good stepmother!"

Blair frowned.

"I highly doubt that. When have you even met her?"

"Your mother and I have run into Chuck on various events over the years" Cyrus said. "Usually he's with her. Emmy, right?"

"Is it? I can't recall."

"She seems like a very sweet person."

"Oh she's sweet alright. So sweet that after spending five minutes with her I need root canal work done."

"Mommy!" Sebastian cried, coming running in. "Grandma' says there's a toy stowe here biggew than in Paris!"

"Haven't you had enough of toys and cartoon characters?" Blair asked with a grin, pulling him closer.

"No."

"Grandma' is right, but we don't have time to go there right now. It's afternoon and we need to get something in our stomachs and then some sleep."

"I'm not tired or hungwy!" Sebastian insisted.

"Yes you are. In fact, I think we're both starving. Cyrus, do you know if there's anything edible prepared for us?"

"I think it so happens that your grandmother and I cooked up some spaghetti for you!" Cyrus grinned at Sebastian, getting down from his seat to go and prepare to serve the food.

"They have spaghetti here?" Sebastian asked Blair with wide eyes.

"They do indeed. Come, let's go get you a chair to sit on."

She got up and took his hand to go get the high chair her mother had promised to buy. He seemed to have gotten new energy and the jet lag didn't seem to be affecting him too much right now. She wondered if she should give Chuck a call to let him know they had arrived safely but decided she could call him tomorrow morning. Tonight she just wanted to curl up in her old bed with her child and get some rest.

* * *

><p>It felt strange to be back in Chuck's office. She had only been back in New York for two days when she came by to see him and found herself marveling at the kindness and patience of Alice who managed to smile warmly at her even though she must know by now that she had screwed over her boss. Everyone else might buy into the story that Chuck had known about his son all along and kept him a secret but Alice had been right outside the door during all the confrontations that had taken place in Chuck's office lately and must have overheard at least some parts. But she showed Blair inside with a smile and addressed her boss like it was just any other business meeting.<p>

"Will that be all, Mr. Bass?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks Alice" Chuck said, looking up from his work. "No calls, please."

She left and closed the door and Blair was once more alone with Chuck in his office. She smiled nervously at him, thinking to herself that at least this meeting couldn't go any worse than the last one they'd had in here. Chuck didn't greet her, just motioned for her to take a seat opposite his desk. She walked over and sat down, a touch annoyed that he kept eyeing through the documents on his desk. Surely work could wait for a minute?

"Did you get settled in okay?" he asked, holding up a document to study it more closely.

"Just fine. Dorota's a bit… un-servantly. She'll get over it."

"I take it she's another person on the list of those you've lied to and betrayed" Chuck concluded.

"Would you have rather I'd told her?"

"I would have rather you told _me_. The rest I don't give a damn about." He put the documents down and clasped his hands, leaning forward over the desk. "I hope Sebastian is feeling comfortable here in New York."

"It's New York. What's not to love?"

"I've taken the liberty of speaking to my lawyers" Chuck said, turning his eyes back to the documents. "Gone over a few different solutions for the whole… custody thing."

Blair swallowed nervously.

"You went over the custody issue without consulting me?"

"Untwist your LaPerlas. You know perfectly well I don't intend to pry the child away from your claws and raise him all on my own. In fact I don't even think it's a good idea for us to share custody fifty-fifty at the moment. My son and I need to get better acquainted first before we start talking about him moving in."

"Moving in where exactly?" Blair wanted to know. "To your place? Yours and Nate's? I'm not letting my only child stay in that tiny little excuse for an apartment your lady friend calls a home."

"Where I stay when Sebastian is with me is none of your concern."

"On the contrary."

"If it's any consolation Sebastian gets along much better with Emmy than he does with me."

"What exactly is it you want, Bass?" Blair asked icily, having a feeling there was no way she would be able to win this argument, whichever direction it took.

"Every other weekend, for starters" Chuck said. "Starting right now. Tomorrow's Friday and I expect to see my son."

"That soon?" Blair exclaimed. "We've only just arrived in Manhattan. Give him some time to adjust to it."

"No time like the present. He should get adjusted to spending time with me right away. What's the point in waiting?"

"He's never spent more than a few hours with you at a time. He's never spent a night without a family member."

"I am his family."

Blair quieted for a moment. She hadn't meant it like that, it had just blurted out.

"What I mean is… he's never spent a night without someone he's known his entire life. It will be different when the two of you have gotten to know each other better. Chuck it's not all that easy for him; expecting him to spend a weekend with people he doesn't know very well just days after relocating to a new continent is asking a lot of him."

"He's a Bass" Chuck said. "He can handle it."

"Chuck if you want every other weekend with him that's fine" Blair said, getting anxious. "Just not _this_ weekend. Okay? And I really think it would be best if there was some period of adjustment, that you and I and Sebastian all spend time _together_ so he can get used to you. Once you feel comfortable together we can go ahead with an alternate weekend arrangement."

"Every other weekend is just for starters" Chuck said. "In January we'll change it to every weekend. Then after his birthday we'll discuss alternate weeks."

He held out the documents he had been eyeing but she barely noticed it, staring at him with bewilderment.

"You want to have him part-time that soon?"

"He will be four years old by then" Chuck said. "How is that _soon_? I've had my attorneys draw up papers. Look them over, sign them, have them back to me ASAP."

Blair stared at the documents in shock. Then she looked up at Chuck.

"No" she said.

"No?"

"No. I am willing to do a lot to ensure you and Sebastian can matter to one another but I am _not_ bending over backwards to heed to your every whim. I may be the villain in this particular story but I am still Blair Waldorf and no one, not even Charles Bass, is going to sit back and dictate everything regarding who raises my son and under which circumstances and then expect me to just sign the papers and live by the terms."

"You're not going to get a better offer than this" Chuck argued. "An even division of his time that doesn't kick in until him and I have gotten a better connection. It's only fair Blair. I have a right to spend time with him too."

"It is not for you to decide when the time is right for that and it is not for you to dictate all the terms" Blair replied angrily. "I know my son far better than you do and far better than you probably ever will. Right now he needs his mother; he's in a whole new environment that will take some time to get used to. Once he's settled in I'll give you your alternate weekends with him and then we can discuss expanding that time. But every weekend with him from January onward? Not a chance Bass. Once I've found a job the weekends will be my only time to spend all day long with him and I'm not giving up all of that."

"Once you've found a job?" Chuck sniggered. "You don't have a college degree."

"Neither do you."

"I'm Chuck Bass."

"I'll work for my mother if I have to" Blair said stubbornly.

"Then she can surely adjust your schedule to give you time for your son."

"Forget it Bass, you're not getting every weekend with him."

Chuck sighed and leaned back in his chair, making a sullen face.

"And what would your suggestion be? Every other weekend until infinity? Maybe if I'm a really good boy I'll get to have him when you're out of town or busy with more entertaining things."

"When you saw him in Paris you didn't even seem to like taking care of him" Blair pointed out sharply. "Why now demand all that much more time with him?"

"Because I _want_ him" Chuck said, rising to his feet. "I'll admit I haven't got the first clue what to say to him or how to make him not fear my presence but I'm sure as hell not going to give up now that he's in my life. I told you this would happen if I saw him. I warned you I would never be able to let go of him. He is my child and the only thing that really matters and I'm not going to sit back and let _you_ raise him."

Blair scoffed, offended by the insinuation.

"Hey I've done a pretty good job so far" she said. "Don't you dare try to suggest that he would turn out horrible if I handle his upbringing."

"I don't want him to be like you" Chuck snarled. Then he made an angry face, took three deep breaths and calmed himself. He knew he didn't really mean the things he was saying but he couldn't handle his conflicted emotions when he was near her. He loved her and he was furious with her and he no longer trusted her. "I used to think you would make an amazing mother" he said. "I thought you were always there for the people you loved, whether or not they deserved it. Either I was wrong, or you are. In which case…"

"In which case what?"

He didn't answer but she had an idea what he was referring to. She swallowed and stood up to face him.

"Chuck…" she said. "None of this happened because I didn't love you."

"You tell yourself whatever you need to believe" he said. "I tell myself what I need to believe."

"We want the same thing in the end" she tried. "He needs us both in his life. But we have to be in on this _together_, even when you want nothing to do with me. We can't be pulling in different directions. I don't want him caught in the middle."

"A little late to be thinking about that, don't you agree?"

She grabbed the documents and ripped them apart.

"I'm going to get a lawyer and we're going to sit down and work out an agreement" she said. "Until then I have no objections to Sebastian spending every other weekend with you but only once he's settled in and only after we've spent time with him _together_ so he can get used to all this."

"You're too generous" Chuck said icily.

"When the time is right we can discuss… shared custody."

"There's one other thing" Chuck said.

"What's that?"

"I want him to meet my family."

"Your family? You mean Lily and Serena?"

"And Nate. Emmy's parents and her sister would like to meet him too."

"I could care less what Emmy's parents and siblings want" Blair said. "The van der Woodsens and Nate… They should meet him."

"Since you won't let me have my son tomorrow that means my weekend is now free" Chuck said dryly. "I'll call Lily. What would you prefer? Bringing him to my place or to Lily's? I'm sure she would love to throw together a family brunch."

"Brunch sounds good" Blair said.

"Good."

"Just… keep it low-key."

"I prefer traumatizing him" Chuck said sarcastically. "By the way, your Muppet minion is not invited."

"Dan is not my minion."

"Sorry. You prefer partner in crime?"

"I prefer not to think about him at all."

"Really?" Chuck snorted.

"Careful Chuck, your passive-aggressive is showing."

He actually laughed a little at the comment but looked away. He knew he was acting asinine but he couldn't help it. The fact that she was throwing him so far off balance was another thing about her that upset him right now.

"I will see you this weekend" Blair said, deciding the conversation needed to end. "Text me with the specifics. My lawyer will contact you about… the other stuff."

Chuck nodded and sat back down, grabbing the document she had torn in half. He heard her leave the room and crunched up the paper into a ball, tossing it in the garbage. He wasn't quite sure who had won this round and who had lost but there were bound to be many more rounds before this was through.

* * *

><p>"This Saturday is going to be a big day" Blair told Sebastian that night as she was tucking him in. "We're going to meet some special people. Your father's family."<p>

"What are those?" Sebastian asked, hugging his teddybear.

"They are your… well, not exactly your grandmother or your aunt, but the closest you'll get. Your step-grandmother and step-aunt."

"Gwandma's going to be there?"

"Not Eleanor" Blair said, adjusting the comforter. "Chuck's stepmom. Her name is Lily. She's flakey but nice."

"Why do we have to meet so many people?"

"Because you are a very special boy" Blair said. "Lots of people want to know you better. Your father really wants you to know his family."

Sebastian frowned and looked like he was pondering something.

"Why do I have a father now and not before?" he asked.

Blair took a moment to figure out how to answer. It was a legitimate question, though she hadn't expected it from a three year-old. She scooted a bit further up on the bed and ran her hand gently through his hair.

"You've always had a dad" she said. "You just hadn't met him yet. You have a lot of time to make up for, the two of you."

"He's serious" Sebastian said in a very serious tone that sounded so cute it almost made Blair laugh.

"He is" she agreed. "Though… not all the time. Nobody can have a good time quite like him. He's just nervous because he wants you to like him as much as he likes you."

Sebastian's frown deepened. He didn't seem to understand what she was saying.

"Do I have to go meet people?" he asked.

"It will be fun" Blair said. "I'll be with you the entire time."

"Pwomise?"

"Promise." She leaned in and gave him a kiss. "Now goodnight Little Bas."

"Night!"

She kissed his brow and got up from the bed, leaving the lamp on the nightstand on. Sebastian rolled over on his side and would be asleep within minutes. For a small child he was usually very easy to put to bed and rarely had problems falling asleep. He seemed to be adjusting fine to New York, thus far at least. With any luck he would adjust to his extended family easily too.

* * *

><p>"Hey man" Nate said with a grin as he walked inside the kitchen and placed a hand on Chuck's shoulder. "Finally going to get to meet that son of yours. I never actually thought you would beat me to fatherhood. This is kind of cool."<p>

"If only Blair wasn't coming with him" Serena said dryly, taking a sip from her glass of orange juice.

"Okay, here's the deal" Chuck said, walking out of the kitchen with the other two in tow. "While Blair is here everyone behaves and keeps the mob mentality to a minimum. Try and limit your slurs, sarcasm and witty retorts to maybe three or four. No need for an open-arms welcome but the cold war has officially taken a cease fire."

"I don't know why you bother trying to protect her precious feelings" Serena said sullenly. "She doesn't deserve it."

"Kids are intuitive. You're hostile towards Blair, Sebastian picks up on it. We're having enough trouble forming a relationship as it is; I don't want any of you to make it worse by making him feel like he has to side with his mother over me and my hostile friends."

"Don't worry Charles, we will do everything we can to make your little boy feel welcome" Lily said, walking over and putting a hand on his arm. "And Blair as well."

"Thank you" Chuck said with relief.

"I really can't wait to meet this Blair person" Emmy's sister Julie said from her spot on the armrest of the couch. "She seems like a real piece of work."

"Be that as it may she is my son's mother and right now I'd like to at least give the illusion of unity."

The elevator rang and Vanya stepped off, hurrying up to Chuck, looking nervous.

"Mister Chuck, Miss Waldorf and the child has arrived" he said.

"Okay, thank you Vanya."

"Shall I send them up?"

Chuck nodded and glanced over at the bar, pondering turning his orange juice into a screwdriver. Lily said something about going to get her camera and was off and he heard Nate saying something else but whatever it was it didn't register with him. He didn't feel as nervous as he had done that day at the chateau but it was still a rather daunting experience ahead. He wanted Sebastian to feel comfortable with his family and he wanted the people he cared about to react to Sebastian the same way Emmy had.

Finally the elevator rang again, this time carrying Blair and Sebastian. Chuck walked over to greet them and the room felt completely silent as the doors opened. The silence stunned Blair and for a moment she wanted to press the button and go back down but then she forced herself to look calm and relaxed and nodded to Chuck while ushering Sebastian off the elevator and inside the penthouse.

"Good day Chuck" she said politely.

"Welcome" he replied, ignoring the feeling he got in the pit of his stomach at the sight of her. "Come on in."

He took a step back to give them some room and a servant hurried up to take their jackets. Sebastian looked around with wide eyes and when he noticed all the people staring at him he almost yelped and drew back a little. Blair grabbed him by the shoulders and gently ushered him further inside, stopping beneath the stairs. Smiling nervously she quickly took a head count. In addition to Chuck and that ever present annoyance Emmy she saw Nate, Serena, Lily, Rufus, some woman who looked enough like Emmy for Blair to assume it was her sister and a man who was presumably her significant other. A total number of seven people plus herself, Chuck and Sebastian.

Lily was the first person to break the silence, handing her glass of orange juice to Rufus and walking over to kneel in front of the newly arrived. When she moved the boy darted behind his mother and held on to her legs, much like he had done when first meeting his father.

"What a pleasure to finally meet you, Sebastian" Lily said in a warm voice, seemingly undaunted by the reaction from the child.

"Sebastian" Blair said and gently urged her son to let go of her and come to meet Lily. "Come and say hello."

"I'm Lily" Lily said.

"She's your grandmother" Chuck added.

"Say hello to her" Blair urged.

Sebastian nervously peaked around his mother's leg and seemed to relax a little when he saw the warm and friendly smile of the older woman. Lily looked at him and then turned to Chuck with a smile.

"Oh Charles, he does look like you" she said.

"So I've been told" Chuck said. "I don't know how everyone can tell so easily."

"I remember you at that age" Lily said. "You never had that shy expression on your face though."

Tired of watching from the sidelines Serena came over and knelt down next to her mother. She grinned from ear to ear when she looked at the little boy, feeling a weird sense of jealousy at the sight of him holding on to Blair like that. It hadn't truly hit her until now that Blair was somebody's mother. It was a role Serena hoped to have for herself someday and a part of her envied Blair. Sebastian clung to her like she was his rock. The thought of being that important to someone made Serena long for children of her own.

"This is Serena" Chuck said when a minute had passed without Serena uttering a syllable. "She's my stepsister which makes her your aunt."

"Why don't you tell them your name, sweetie?" Blair urged, running a comforting hand through his hair.

"Bastian" Sebastian managed.

"Sebastian?" Lily echoed. "That's a lovely name."

The bright sunny smiles from the two women kneeling in front of him began to make Sebastian feel a bit more relaxed. Especially Serena drew him in and he let go of Blair and walked up to her, reaching out to grab the long, dangling earrings she wore.

"Careful" Chuck said.

"Big eawwings" Sebastian said, holding on to the accessories.

"They're very hip, aren't they?" Serena grinned. She spontaneously threw her arms around him and pulled him close and to Blair's surprise he let her. "You and me are going to be such great friends!" Serena declared. "I'm going to show you all the best places in Manhattan. We'll go to Serendipity and have ice-cream, we'll go play in the park, we can even go and have lunch at the Met steps."

"He's my child S, not a mean girl" Blair objected, uncomfortable with how fast her boy had been won over by Serena's charm.

Serena released her embrace and made room for Nate to come over and say hello.

"Chuck told me you were three and a half years old" Nate said in a friendly tone. "Can that really be right? You're almost as tall as he is!"

"Thank you" Chuck said with rolling eyes.

Once everyone had been up to meet the boy and Blair took a seat on the couch with Sebastian right next to her. She felt a bit protective and wanted to keep some of the guests at arm's length but Sebastian seemed to have relaxed and was enjoying drinking orange juice from a champagne glass.

"I was so happy to hear you will be staying in New York" Lily said, taking a seat in an armchair. "I've been hoping I'd get a chance to see this little guy growing up."

"Where's the dog?" Sebastian asked.

"What dog?" Blair wondered.

"You said you had a dog" Sebastian said, eyes on Emmy.

"He's not here" Emmy explained. "He lives with my parents in Iowa."

"Why?"

"When I moved to New York I was unable to take him with me."

"Why?"

"Enough about the dog" Chuck said. "If you want to see some animals why don't you ask your mother to take you to the park and feed the ducks?"

"I like dogs better" Sebastian said.

"Perhaps we can go to Iowa sometime and visit him" Emmy suggested. "Guybrush loves children."

"Charming" Blair said with a fake smile.

"Excuse me for a minute" Chuck said and rose to answer his phone.

Blair followed him with her eyes and saw him disappearing in the direction of his old bedroom. When he was no longer in the room she turned her focus to Serena, who seemed completely smittened with Sebastian and in a wonderful mood.

"I hear your business is going well" Blair said, hoping to break the ice.

Serena cast a brief, not entirely friendly, glance at her.

"I can't complain."

"Perhaps now that I'm back in the city I could hire you to arrange a party or two."

"I don't think the annual Waldorf sleepover is the kind of event my business undertakes."

Blair's face fell for a second but then she put her game face back on.

"Oh that's a pity" she said, running her hand through her son's hair. "I guess I'll have to find someone else to help me arrange Sebastian's fourth birthday party then."

"I thought his birthday was in February" Julie said with a frown.

"Yes, but the months go by fast" Blair said, barely bothering being friendly. "Excuse me for a moment, I need to use the restroom. Sebastian, I will be right back. Will you be okay without me for a while?"

"Uh-huh" Sebastian nodded, studying Serena's bright green handbag with fascination.

She got up and walked in the same direction Chuck had gone. She turned her head and cast a glance at Sebastian, her irritation growing when she saw that Emmy had immediately taken a seat in her vacated spot. That woman had some serious boundary issues. Growling inwardly she walked to Chuck's old bedroom, took a breath to compose herself and knocked on the door. She walked inside the room where he was still on the phone and writing something down in a calendar. He glanced up at her and wrapped up his phone call. He put the phone in his right pocket and gave her a look.

"To what do I own the discomfort of this private tête à tête?"

"I would like a word with you. About how we proceed from here."

"Can it wait?"

"I thought we might as well talk about it since we're both here" Blair said. "Or would you rather we go out to lunch some day?"

"Fine, then say what it is you wanted to say."

"I hired a lawyer."

"Fascinating. And old news. I got a call from my own lawyer on Friday afternoon."

"Chuck, no need to sound so testy" Blair smiled and stepped closer. She was tired of not getting much time alone with him and that the time she did have wasn't pleasant. He had never been able to resist her when she turned her charm on and she intended to give it a try. "We still have our friendship, don't we? We can be civil." She placed a hand on his chest and smiled sweetly. "For our son's sake. You know all this hostility… From where I'm standing it's starting to look like you're protesting a tad too much…"

She was standing very close, looking at him with intensity. Her closeness, the look in her eyes, her voice and above all her hand touching him made his mouth dry and his mind having to work overtime to focus. Where on earth had this come from? What was with the teasing and the touching?

"Things always appear to be different from where you're standing" he said. "Perhaps you should go get your glasses."

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" she asked with a teasing smile.

"If anyone should be feeling uncomfortable right now it's you" he answered but his voice didn't sound completely steady.

She smirked and opened her mouth to reply.

"Chuck" Emmy's voice interrupted them.

Chuck's eyes left Blair's at lightning speed and met with his girlfriend's. He hadn't heard her come in.

"The pictures we took when we were with Sebastian in Paris, we remembered to bring them, right?" Emmy said.

"Uhm, yeah" Chuck said. "Yeah they're… they're on a memory stick in my briefcase somewhere. I left it upstairs in my father's old office."

Blair grinned slyly, enjoying his uncomfortable reaction. She slowly drew her hand back, having purposely let it continue to rest on his chest when Emmy walked in. She sure didn't mind if she made Miss Bland jealous.

"Briefcase, upstairs" Emmy nodded. "Great. Serena and Lily want to see them."

She was surprised and not exactly pleased by what she had just walked in on but tried not to misinterpret. Blair had seemed almost seductive but Chuck had not looked very comfortable. She walked over and smiled even though she didn't quite feel like smiling at the moment. If Blair thought she was going to be easily defeated she had another thing coming. Emmy's favorite method of attack was to be sweet and gentle to her opponent, knowing it would drive her crazy. She could get under Blair's skin without having to worry about coming out of it looking bad. All everyone would see was her being perfectly nice and sweet.

"Sebastian seems to have taken an instant liking to Serena" she said.

"Well he's male and they tend to react that way…" Blair said, a touch of bitterness in her voice.

"She's equally smittened by him" Emmy said with a warm smile. "You really have an incredible child, Blair."

"Blair and I were just talking about the custodial arrangements" Chuck said. "He might be coming to spend every other weekend with us, for starters."

Blair's confidence was slipping away and instead she grew increasingly annoyed. When had they discussed Sebastian spending the weekends with _them_? They had been talking about him spending the weekend with his father, no mention of Emmy.

"Oh I would love that!" Emmy chirped.

"You sure it won't be too much of a bother?" Blair asked, switching to friendliness with barely concealed venom.

"No, not at all. I love having him visit."

"Isn't that endearing?"

"So" Chuck said, anxious to break the uncomfortable tension. "My briefcase, my father's study, upstairs floor."

"I'll go and get them" Emmy said, kissing him on the cheek. "Thanks, plunder bunny."

Blair's jaw fell and she snorted with amusement while Emmy walked out of the room. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked highly entertained.

"Plunder bunny?"

"It's an endearment" Chuck said, a touch embarrassed. "Don't worry your head about it. None of your business."

"_Plunder bunny_?"

"Fine. Laugh if it makes you feel better."

He wasn't about to explain it to her. It had started out as a joke and he didn't have to defend it to her, though he wished his girlfriend would stop bringing private things up in public.

"Chuck I cannot for the life of me understand how you and someone like her can be in a _relationship_" Blair said, barely containing her amusement. "She's like the most naïve, sugary-sweet airhead I've ever met and you're… Chuck Bass."

"Why must you be so insulting towards her?" Chuck asked. "At one point you said that if she makes me happy then you like her. I'm not exactly happy anymore but that's on you, not on her. She's done nothing to you and you're nasty to her."

"What?" Blair said innocently. "I'm perfectly nice."

"Maybe in transcript" Chuck scoffed. "Not in tone. You're not sixteen anymore and she's not a minion you can turn your nose up at on the Met steps."

"You can't tell me that naïve sweetness doesn't drive you crazy" Blair said with a hint of a smirk. "I know you. I can't imagine why you put up with her. For the record, when I said that I liked her if she makes you happy that was before I got to know her."

"Right now is before you've gotten to know her."

"The two of you will never work out" Blair said, confident that she was right. "I'm surprised you haven't crashed and burned a long time ago. A woman like her is grade F and Chuck Bass only goes for grade A."

"That's an awful lot of hate for a woman who hasn't done anything you" Chuck replied. "She's not a business rival since you have no job. She's not a social rival since you don't run in the same circles. She's not a romantic rival since even without her I wouldn't consider rebooting the mess that was our relationship."

"Bitter, Bass" she said in a teasing tone. "If my life is so pathetic and yours is so great then why do you feel the need to put me down?"

"Gee, I wonder" he said. "What could you possibly have done to me to make me dislike you so?"

Blair stepped a little closer again, smiling slightly, refusing to be put down by his smarting remarks and instead opting to view them as a defense mechanism.

"Before you found out… you were really acting like you wanted me back. The way you looked at me, the way you talked to me, the way you held me…"

"You don't see me looking at you like that anymore" Chuck answered. "Or talking to you that way, or holding you that way…"

Blair had nothing to say to that. She knew it was a bad idea to push him but she was reaching the end of her rope. She needed something back from him, some form of glimmer that he still cared for her, somewhere deep inside. Every now and then there was a softer touch to his tone, a fraction of a second when he didn't look at her with dislike. As if he was fighting with himself, fighting his feelings. Blair knew far too well what that was like. More than once she had wanted nothing more than to stop loving him, hate him even, but it had been impossible. Even when he had hurt her the most there had still been a part of her that loved him, in fact that was what had made the hurt so strong. She wanted to believe that Chuck was going through that right now. If he was he would sooner or later reach the stage where he let go of his anger and if that happened she would be relentless in her pursuit of his love and forgiveness. Not just for herself but for her son, so they could be the family he deserved.

Seeing her resolve deflate Chuck felt a bit more relaxed. He hoped she had been rejected enough that she would let him be for a while. He hated the way he still reacted to her, as if his body and heart refused to cooperate with what he wanted. He didn't want to be with her anymore and he didn't want to physically respond to her.

"I'm going back out" he said. "I want to see my son while he's here." He walked past her to the door and left the room, heading back out to join the others.

"Charles, there you are!" Lily said, looking up from the laptop sitting in front of her on the coffee table. "Why aren't you in any of these pictures with Sebastian?"

Chuck refrained from commenting and took a seat on a chair in the corner. He wasn't in any of the pictures because Sebastian hadn't been comfortable around him. He had been much happier being near Emmy so Chuck had let the two of them play in the park and had stuck to watching. When Emmy had run over to him with the camera and chirped about getting some pictures he had taken a few but not volunteered to be in any of them.

Blair came walking back out, undetected by everyone but Rufus who seemed to be eyeing her in a weird way today. She ignored him and grabbed a waffle from the table, watching her son who looked very content sitting in-between Serena and Emmy eating a bagel. Her eyes drifted to Chuck and what she saw puzzled her. He had retreated to a corner and did nothing to interact with the others but he was watching Sebastian intently. Nothing the boy did escaped him and after a minute Sebastian felt his eyes on him and glanced up at him. He seemed to be getting uncomfortable and Blair couldn't blame him. She walked over to Chuck and leaned closer, lowering her voice.

"If you want him to be more comfortable around him try not eyeing him like that."

"Leave me alone Waldorf" Chuck said without taking his eyes off Sebastian.

"No, I'm serious. He's getting nervous. Try going up there and talk to him."

"I'm fine right here, thanks."

"Blair!" Rufus said.

Blair scoffed with annoyance and turned her attention to Dan's father.

"Would you… come over here for a moment?" Rufus asked.

Reluctantly Blair walked over and wondered if she should bother with a faked smile. She decided it might be the best course of action since Rufus was one of the few people in the room who wasn't practically scowling at her.

"Hello Rufus" she said.

"You look nice" he offered.

"You…" Blair began, striving for something complimenting to reply with, "have nice hair. Just a tad too much of it, nay?"

"I was more than a little surprised when Lily told me you had a son."

"Why? It's not like it is any of your business" Blair said, deciding not to bother being nice and marveling that Dan hadn't told his daddy everything right away.

"It's a pretty big secret to keep" Rufus argued. "Even for you."

"If there's a point Rufus, feel free to get to it."

"Dan misses you" Rufus said. "I know your friendship means a lot to him."

"It didn't seem that way when he stabbed me in the back."

"I know Serena is angry with you. I know Nate is on Chuck's side. Dan-"

"Dan is living proof that not everybody should be blessed with vocal chords."

"All I'm trying to say is that if you want Serena and Nate to forgive you then perhaps you should extend the same courtesy to Dan" Rufus said. "You may never get forgiveness from your friends but at least you'll have him."

"I'd rather be alone" Blair said sourly and walked off, done with the conversation.

She walked over to the couch where the only space left was next to Serena or next to Emmy. There was no room to sit next to Sebastian. She walked to the side Emmy was sitting on, stopped and harked. When the other woman looked up Blair gave her another fake smile.

"Do you mind?" she asked, motioning to the seat next to her son.

"Oh, of course not."

Emmy scooted over and Blair took a seat, not very happy to be sitting close enough to Emmy that their legs touched but glad that annoying woman wasn't sitting right beside Sebastian anymore. In the corner of her eye she saw Chuck shaking his head and rolling her eyes but she ignored him and wrapped an arm around her child.

"You doing okay, sweetie?" she asked.

"He's looking at me" Sebastian said in a low voice, sounding uncomfortable.

Blair looked up at Chuck and nodded towards Sebastian with a frown, trying to tell him to let up. Catching her drift he got up and walked into the kitchen area under the guise of wanting a refill to his orange juice. Once his eyes were off Sebastian the boy relaxed.

"Sebastian your father tells me you love the Smurfs" Lily said.

"Smuwfs" Sebastian agreed with a nod.

Blair's eyes went to Chuck again while Lily talked to Sebastian about little blue people with white hats. He was now by the kitchen island, eyeing Sebastian a bit more discreetly and occasionally glancing down at his own hands. Blair wished he would stop being such a wallflower and start interacting with the child. If this was the way he had acted that day in Paris then no wonder Sebastian hadn't warmed up to him.

Two hours went by without Chuck saying another word to his son but Blair was very aware that he rarely let him out of his sight. It bothered Blair that he sat back like that and let Lily, Serena, Nate and even Julie begin to connect with the boy. Finally she decided she had had enough of the gathering and announced that she and Sebastian would be on their way.

"No, don't leave yet" Serena pouted.

"It's almost time for Sebastian to take his nap" Blair excused herself with.

"He can nap here" Serena argued.

"Then once he wakes up from his nap it will be late afternoon and we will have to head home anyway" Blair pointed out and got up from her seat. "Come on Sebastian. Let's go get our jackets, okay?"

"I shouldn't be surprised" Serena said icily. "Of course you would be eager to get him out of here before any of us can really get to know him."

Blair froze and glared at Serena, feeling the remark was completely unnecessary. She instinctively cast a quick glance at Chuck hoping for his support but he turned his face away and didn't say anything. Nate placed a hand on Serena's shoulder and tried to defuse the situation as best he could.

"Blair is probably right, Serena" he said. "It's no big deal. We'll get to see Sebastian again when he's staying with Chuck."

"When he's staying with Chuck" Serena echoed with a snigger. "Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it."

Blair put her hands on Sebastian's shoulders and forced herself not to reply back to Serena. She didn't want a confrontation with the child in the room and she quickly herded him towards the coat closer to make sure they got out of there before anything else happened. In the corner of her eye she saw Chuck finally leaving his spot in a corner and slowly walking over to bid them goodbye. She wondered why on earth he was so adamant to have every other weekend with his son when he seemed afraid to even speak to him. A small part of her began to wonder if it was such a great idea to let him have a whole weekend so soon and if it wouldn't be better to have them start with spending the day together a couple of times more. If Emmy was removed from the equation and it was only Chuck and Sebastian then perhaps they would actually get somewhere. Unfortunately she knew that if she made such a suggestion Chuck would only think she was trying to edge Emmy out. There was some truth to that but the main issue seemed to be Chuck's inability to interact with Sebastian and Blair strongly believed he needed to be in situations where he _had_ to interact.

She got Sebastian's jacket and put on her own. It was only early autumn and the temperature was fairly warm but she was worried he might catch a cold if she didn't make him wear something extra when he went outdoors.

"Thank you Lily for a lovely brunch" she managed.

"Thank _you_" Lily replied. "It was so lovely to finally get to meet you, Sebastian. I hope you'll come and visit often. Perhaps when you're staying with your father?"

"Thank you for food!" Sebastian cried, struggling a little with his mother who insisted he wear a jacket even though he didn't want to.

"It's been so great to meet you" Serena twittered and clasped her hands, now back to sunny and sparkly. "You and I _have_ to go and play in that ball pit I told you about."

"Sounds lovely" Blair offered, hoping to be able to make some form of truce at least.

"Next time you come visit we'll watch a Smurf movie" Lily promised. "I'll send Rufus out to pick one up."

"He already has every Smurf movie ever made" Blair said.

She looked over at Chuck who was leaned against the wall with his arms crossed below his chest. His pose looked casual and relaxed but his eyes were intense and studied Sebastian as Blair finally managed to zip up the jacket.

"A little warm out for a jacket, don't you think?" he suddenly said, the first words Blair had heard him speak in over an hour.

She looked up at him, slightly surprised.

"It's windy."

"He'll be sweating before you've gotten to the car."

"Better than freezing."

She pressed the button for the elevator and managed to smile. Once again everyone was quietly watching her and Sebastian and she wondered if they were expecting her to say something.

"Blair, take care" Lily said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Bring Sebastian over as often as you'd like. We're more than happy to have him here."

"Thank you Lily" Blair said. "Sebastian, say goodbye."

"Au revoir!" Sebastian chirped and waved.

"Au revoir" Chuck replied.

The elevator doors opened and Blair was glad to step inside. When the doors closed she sighed heavily and leaned back against the wall, not realizing until that moment how tense she had been over the big meet-and-greet. She felt her son's tiny hand in her own and squeezed it a little, glad that he was there. Far too soon there would come a time when he wasn't there, when she only got to hold his hand every other week. Until then she was determined to make the most out of the time she had with her boy.

* * *

><p>I just thought I should mention that "plunder bunny" is a "Monkey Island" joke… It's not me losing my mind ;)<p>

Next update will be posted... uh... shortly, I hope. It will have more Chuck/Sebastian interaction so hopefully it will be interesting. Until then, thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

I've gotten comments about how the story seems more Chuck/Emmy than Chuck/Blair and I suppose it might seem that way right now but I promise that is not what the story is about. I suppose you're just going to have to trust that I've kept her in the story this far for a reason and that it is Chuck/Blair at its core. I'm just not one for quick fixes, for any of the people involved.

On my tumblr I've addressed a semi-related issue I've been getting questions about lately.

On with the update!

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><p>Blair walked slowly inside her room, rubbing her arms in an attempt to keep warm. She had forgotten to close the window before she left that same morning and the cold October air had significantly lowered the room's temperature. She wasn't surprised that Dorota hadn't closed the window after she left. Since her return to New York Dorota hadn't done her any favors unless specifically instructed to, in which case one could hardly call them favors to begin with. The room was dark but she didn't bother turning on the lights. She had lived in this room most her life. She knew her way around it.<p>

Earlier in the day she had dropped Sebastian off at Chuck's apartment. It had been one of the most painful experiences of her life. Yesterday when she had packed a bag for him he had cried and begged her not to have to go. She had tried her best to smile and sound excited, promising him a wonderful time with his father. It hadn't made a difference. He had cried and told her his stomach hurt and said he didn't want to go see Chuck. It had gone against her every instinct to hand him over to Chuck today but she knew it had to be done. She just hadn't expected it to feel this horrible.

She had been apart from her child before. But this was not her leaving him with Harold and Roman while she went to New York for a few days or Eleanor and Cyrus taking him to Italy for a little holiday. This was the first step in a process that would end with her only getting to be a part-time mother. She had been his whole world for over three years and now she had to give that up and learn to share, and all she could think about every single moment was the way things could have been.

Tears started to fall down her face. Right now her baby was out there in a city he had only lived in for a few weeks. with two people he had never spent a night with before. She wondered if he was crying, if he was asking for her. She began to sob and then another feeling welled up inside of her. She hurried to her bathroom, not bothering with the light switch, and sank to her knees in front of the toilet. Grabbing the seat with one hand she stuck two fingers down her throat.

After she was done purging she curled up on the floor, hugging her knees, barely feeling how cold the floor tiles were. She had been fighting this urge for so long but today she couldn't any longer. She had lost control of everything else but her body and her weight were things she could control. It depressed her deeply to fall back into the old patterns of her teenage years but she knew this wouldn't be an isolated incident.

Suddenly she heard the door to her bedroom open and someone entering. Quickly she got back up on her feet, flushed, gargled some mouthwash in record speed and then walked out to see who it was. She stopped in the doorway when she saw Dorota pulling out a drawer in the dresser to put away Sebastian's newly washed underwear.

"Dorota" she said.

Dorota nearly jumped out of her skin, having not expected anyone to be in the room since the lights had been out when she walked in. She dropped a group of socks on the floor and placed a hand over her heart.

"Miss Blair! You scare me. Why are lights out?"

Not feeling that she owed the other woman an explanation Blair walked over and knelt down to gather up the socks.

"Try not to be so clumsy next time" she said testily and handed the socks over.

"Did the young Mister Bass go to the old Mister Bass?" Dorota asked.

"His name is not Bass" Blair said defensively.

"In God's eye he is Bass."

Blair couldn't fight anymore. She felt what energy she had left leave her body and she walked past her old caretaker and crawled up on her bed, wrapping a blanket over herself, hoping it would help her regain at least some bit of body heat.

"Turn out the lights on your way out" she said.

Dorota eyed her former protégée as she put the last pair of socks in the drawer and pulled it shut. The woman on the bed felt like a stranger. She couldn't be the same little girl Dorota had comforted and played with and laughed with, the girl she had watched grow up into a young woman, the person who had been so much more to Dorota than just a charge or an employer. When Blair had left for Monaco Dorota had known their bond would be different and that she wouldn't be present for all the important things in Blair's life anymore but then Blair had left Louis and gone to France, changed her phone number and never called. Dorota had only seen her three times between then and when she had returned to the city earlier this year and those times Blair had seemed distant and different. She couldn't understand what had changed and why she had been shoved aside like that and she had spent endless days trying to make sense of it. She had missed her Miss Blair and felt rejected and abandoned. She wanted Blair to live her own life, and live it to the fullest, but with the bond the two of them had shared she had always expected Blair to stay in touch.

Now she knew her former charge had given birth to a child and raised him in secret, instructing Eleanor and Cyrus not to say a word to anyone, including Dorota. She had been almost as hurt as Chuck when she had found out, devastated that Blair had left her out of something so important and feeling like she was being punished for something without knowing what that was. For Blair to then return to the Upper East Side with her child and act as if nothing had happened and she had only been gone for a weekend was deeply insulting. She looked down at her former protégée who was silently crying on the bed and shook her head slowly with disdain.

"You used to care for other people's feelings" she said.

Blair hadn't noticed she was still in the room. She opened her eyes and looked up at Dorota, surprised by the look on the other woman's face.

"What?" she said with a trembling voice.

"You always do bad and selfish things" Dorota said. "But heart always in right place and always concern for people you love. Now look at you."

Blair didn't say anything back. This was too much for her right now. Couldn't everyone who hated her just gather together and write a joint statement? Did she really have to listen to every single one of them venting their dislike and disappointment time and time again? It hurt especially much coming from Dorota, the woman who had always been on her side one hundred percent. Dorota was loyalty personified but Blair knew far too well that loyalty had to be earned and could be lost.

"Mister Chuck love you and you hide son from him" Dorota said sharply. "I did not raise you to behave that way. And you lie to me, you look me in the eye and not say a word about being a mother. It would not have hurt more if it were Ana!"

The silent tears running down Blair's cheeks turned into loud sobs as she sat up and covered her mouth with her hand.

"I'm so sorry Dorota!" she sobbed.

Some of Dorota's anger washed away at the sight of Blair crying heavily. She had never been able to watch her cry, always wanting her to be happy. The apology surprised her. She couldn't remember a single time when Blair had actually put an apology into words; Dorota had always been able to tell when she was trying to apologize without actually saying it. Her heart started to soften a bit as she looked at the sobbing woman she loved like a daughter.

"Please…" Blair sobbed. "If you can't forgive me then no one can. I might as well just stow off to a convent and live out the rest of my days praying for an absolution no one will ever grant me while my youth withers away and my child grows up without me."

Dorota hurried closer and sat down on the bed, pulling Blair in for a hug. When she felt Dorota's arms around her the flood gates burst open completely and she cried desperately in the arms of the woman who had been there to comfort her as a child.

"There now, Miss Blair" Dorota said, gently stroking Blair's hair.

"I just miss him so much" Blair hiccupped, not sure if she meant Sebastian or Chuck or perhaps both.

"It will be alright."

"I'm sorry" Blair sobbed again. "I didn't mean for all of this to be this way. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you."

"Oh Miss Blair…"

Silence fell between them and the only thing heard was Blair's sobs and hiccups and Dorota's gentle shushing. She had been resolved not to forgive Blair and let everything be okay again but she knew that she had already begun to forgive. She couldn't bring herself to be mad at Blair anymore, not when she was this miserable and seemed so genuinely sorry.

Blair clung to her like a lifeline, afraid that if she let go Dorota would go back to being cold towards her and she would lose the person who seemed to be able to forgive her. She cried herself into exhaustion, thankful for Dorota and for some reprieve from her loneliness.

* * *

><p>It was past six o'clock and Chuck almost felt relieved that it was time for Sebastian to go to bed. He had been looking forward to this weekend and he had been dreading it, and now that it was here he hadn't known what to do. Blair had dropped Sebastian off and then left and the boy had screamed and cried and hadn't wanted her to go. Chuck hadn't had the first idea what to do to soothe a child in that mindset and the only thing he had been able to think of was to park him in front of a movie, which hadn't been helpful since he didn't own a single child-appropriate DVD. He knew Emmy owned a couple of Disney movies and had quickly called Dave to bring the limo round and then struggled with the crying child to get him to come with him. He hadn't even bothered to try getting Sebastian's jacket, gloves and hat on and sent a silent prayer of thanks to the heavens for the fact that <em>Gossip Girl<em> had closed and wasn't still reporting every detail of their lives. If Blair saw pictures of him outdoors with an indoors-dressed Sebastian in October she would no doubt throw a fit.

Once they were in the cab Sebastian had quieted and begun to explore the new surroundings. Chuck had sent a text to Emmy to tell her where they would be and then told Dave to stop somewhere for ice-cream to keep Sebastian from crying again.

Eventually they arrived in Emmy's apartment and Sebastian seemed a bit more at ease. Chuck let him pick a movie and parked him in front of the TV before getting his briefcase so that he could get some work done while "_The Great Mouse Detective_" entertained Sebastian. It wasn't so easy to concentrate on work with the sounds of the movie filling his ears but at least the child seemed fairly content and that was enough. When Emmy had arrived home after work both Chuck and Sebastian had been relieved to see her. She had been all smiles and warmth and kindness and cooked dinner while chatting happily with Sebastian. Chuck had stayed mostly quiet, observing rather than interacting, same as before.

When it was Sebastian's bedtime Chuck left Emmy to look after the child and went into the other room to get the checklist Blair had sent along, detailing Sebastian's bedtime rituals. The list seemed dauntingly long and he wondered if everything on it was an actual part of the program or if Blair had added things just to make it more difficult for him.

It ended up being Emmy who got Sebastian ready for bed. She had a better hand with him and Chuck was far too aware that the boy tensed up in his presence. But once Sebastian was in his pajamas and had had his teeth brushed Chuck decided to follow him into the spare bedroom to tuck him in for the night.

"Where is Mommy?" Sebastian asked in an unhappy voice while Emmy fluffed is pillow.

"She's at your grandmother's penthouse" Chuck answered.

"When will she be here?"

"She'll come get you on Sunday."

"Why can't Mommy be here too?"

"Why don't I go and get the storybooks you brought?" Emmy suggested. "I think I saw them in your bag."

She walked over and knelt by the bag on the floor to find the books. Chuck stepped closer to the bed, knowing Emmy was trying to divert Sebastian's attention but seeing no reason to not be frank with the child.

"Your mother and I… feel that it would be good for us all if you spent a few days with just us" he tried to explain.

"But why?"

"Well…" Chuck said, taking a seat at the foot of the bed. "I'm your father and fathers and sons spend days together without the moms."

"Why do I have to have a father now?" Sebastian sulked, hugging his teddybear close. "It was better before."

"I found your books!" Emmy declared and walked over with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Which one do you want to read?"

"I want Mommy to come and read."

"I'll tell you what" Chuck said, grabbing his phone from his pocket. "Why don't we call Mom and you can talk to her for a minute and say goodnight?" He looked at Sebastian. "Would you like that?"

Sebastian nodded. Chuck dialed Blair's number and only counted two rings before she answered.

"Hello, Chuck?" she breathed on the other end. Her voice sounded like she had been crying. "Talk to me, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine" Chuck reassured her. "There's someone here who wants to tell you goodnight."

He handed the phone to Sebastian and nodded to Emmy that they should step out of the room for a minute. She reluctantly followed him. Once they were out in the hallway her frown deepened and she placed her hands on her hips.

"Do you really think this is such a good idea?" she questioned.

"Of course. He misses Blair, why not let him talk to her?"

"He won't miss her any less because of it" Emmy argued. "On the contrary. Chuck this weekend is about you and Sebastian, not you and Sebastian and Blair."

"What is your problem with this?" Chuck asked.

"My problem is that we want him to connect with you, not lean on his mother."

"One phone call isn't the end of the world" Chuck argued. "He's probably never gone to bed without speaking to her first, in person or on the phone."

"It's time for things to change. You're being far too lenient here. Don't you understand that now is when you need to take action?"

"You've lost me."

Emmy took a second to decide if she should bring up what was on her mind but then spoke with determination.

"I think you should try and get full custody of Sebastian."

"What?" Chuck said after a few seconds of surprised silence.

"You heard me. Now is the time to do this, when he's little."

"You can't be serious. Blair is that little boy's whole world. She's his _mother_."

"Chuck I don't mean to be heartless and campaign to separate mother and child but Blair is a bitch."

"Careful" Chuck said. "That is my son's mother you're talking about."

"Think about it. She kept the two of you apart for years. Do you want him to be raised by her? Do you? Think about what's best for him in the long run. What kind of values would she teach him?"

"What kind of values would I be teaching him by taking him from his mother? She may have done some bad things but so have I and she's great with him. She's never done anything to harm him."

"Except keep him from his father."

"She doesn't hit him or neglect him or drink around him. That little boy adores his mother and I could never deny him what I had to do without. The love and care of a mother matters."

"He'll still have that. I'm not saying he should never get to see Blair. That would be cruel to them both. I'm saying she should have visitation rights, not custody. If he grows up with you and me he'll still have a mother at home."

"You can't take her place" Chuck said, shocked that she would even suggest it.

"His life is in uproar because of that woman and the choices she's made. It should frighten you to think of him being raised under her roof."

"You don't know the first thing about Blair so who the hell are you to judge? I don't want to hear one more word about this, not ever. I know all this has been trying on you so I will pretend we never even had this conversation. I will not file for sole custody unless Blair does something that makes _me_ feel she's unfit as a parent. Frankly I'm glad he has her in his life because she will go to hell and back for him and you can't ask for more than that. And I could _never_ take our son away from her."

"She kept him from you" Emmy reminded him.

"This is not an eye for an eye. He is not a poker chip to be use to extract revenge; he is Blair's any my son. This is about what's best for my son."

"I think the best thing for him is to be raised in our home."

"Then he's lucky your opinion doesn't matter. Why don't you pour yourself a drink? You look like you could need some relaxation."

"Chuck."

"Actually pour me a scotch while you're at it, would you? I need something suitably strong right about now."

He didn't wait for an answer, walking back inside the room. Sebastian was in the middle of a drawn-out process of ending the conversation and it took a couple of additional minutes before he was done talking. Chuck took his phone back and placed it in his pocket.

"Do you feel better having talked to her?" he asked.

"She says I should say _merci_."

"You're very welcome."

"How about that story, then?" Emmy asked, walking back inside the room without any drinks in her hands.

"Stowy" Sebastian nodded and Chuck wondered why he sometimes seemed to have trouble saying the letter R and sometimes said it without a problem.

Emmy sat down next to Sebastian on the bed, leaning back against the large pillows, and asked him to pick one of the books. He chose one and she opened it, only to realize that the text was in French. A quick gaze at the other three books revealed that they were all in French.

"Oh…" she said. "We have a little bit of a problem."

"The books are all in French?" Chuck guessed.

"Uh-huh."

"Read!" Sebastian demanded.

"I can't read this, sweetie" Emmy said with an apologetic face. "It's in French and I don't speak French."

"Read!" Sebastian demanded again.

"Is it okay if I give it a try?" Chuck asked.

"I want Mommy or her" Sebastian sulked.

"Mommy isn't here and Emmy can't read these books" Chuck said, trying not to lose his patience. "But I'm willing to give it a shot."

Sebastian grudgingly agreed. Chuck got up and walked around the bed to sit down next to him. The thought of simply pulling up a chair occurred to him but kids that age probably liked looking at the pictures while you read the story. He opened the book Sebastian had chosen and begun to read. Emmy got up and left the room, seeing little point in sitting there listening to a story in a language she didn't speak. Her mood had gotten even worse, feeling her resentment towards Blair growing even further.

There had to have been books in English Blair could have packed. English appeared to be the language they mainly spoke at the chateau and Eleanor and Cyrus must have bought him books in the States. The choice to pack French books had most likely been deliberate, a way of keeping Emmy one step outside the circle. It was typical of Blair to do something like that and it annoyed Emmy more and more each time. It wasn't that she couldn't understand Blair's desire for Chuck to have more quality time with Sebastian but it was time Blair realized that Emmy was going to be a significant person in his life too and as such she had a right to be involved. Sebastian had not just come into Chuck's life, he had come into Emmy's as well.

She went to the bar in the living room and poured herself a drink while trying to decide whether she should say anything to Chuck about this or not. Bringing it up less than an hour after another argument on a similar topic probably wasn't very smart but she hated how he seemed to yield to Blair's wishes and kept acting as if Blair was the only person who truly mattered in Sebastian's life. She was all for the idea of Chuck getting along with his son's mother, for Sebastian's sake, but there was something else going on. In Emmy's opinion Chuck ought to really set his foot down and stand his ground to Blair if he wasn't going to sue for full custody. No more letting her decide when Sebastian was ready for this or that, no more Blair having a veto on everything. Chuck was his parent too and he should be comfortable with making decisions without getting them approved first. If things kept going this way then nothing would ever really change.

After twenty minutes Chuck came walking into the room, looking tired and rubbing the five o'clock shadow on his chin.

"At least he seemed to have an easy time falling asleep" he noted.

He poured himself a large scotch and walked over to sit down on the couch. Sebastian had not enjoyed the way he read the story – as if it were a business report or a newspaper article. But at least the lack of feeling in the reading had made him fall asleep, clutching his teddybear in a death grip. Chuck wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing but at least things had gone much smoother than he had anticipated.

"Maybe we should go out to a bookstore tomorrow" he mused, trying to ignore the awkward tension in the room since he was too tired to argue more tonight. "We should have some books for him here. Ones that both of us can read from."

Emmy smiled a little, feeling slightly comforted by the confirmation that at least Chuck wanted her involved. She had been a bit worried that he might push her away and want to handle everything with his son alone in the aftermath of the evening's argument. He had been keeping her at arm's length in most ways except physically these past few months and it was beginning to weigh down on her. She walked over to him and sat down, placing a hand on his knee.

"Going to the bookstore sounds like a great idea" she said. "This is going to be his home too. He should have his own stuff here."

Chuck nodded thoughtfully. He hadn't given it any real thought but perhaps he ought to make a decision on where to be when he had Sebastian with him. Here at Emmy's or at the place he shared with Nate? Emmy's apartment was smaller but cozier and it had the benefit of letting them be alone without Nate and possibly Serena there all the time.

"Did you leave the door open to his room?" Emmy asked. "In case he wakes up?"

"Yeah."

"Good. We're going to have a great weekend" Emmy smiled, though she wondered if that would actually be the case.

Chuck managed a crooked smile and hoped he could share her faith. He was anxious about the following day, the first day Sebastian would spend entirely with him and not at all with Blair. He was worried the child would be unhappy and ask for his mother the entire time. He had been so miserable when Blair left him earlier.

"I'm going to bed" he suddenly announced, getting up from his seat and taking a gulp from his scotch.

"What, _now_?" Emmy said, blinking at him. "It's not even seven o'clock."

"It's not?"

"No."

He frowned a little. He wasn't tired but he wanted to be alone for a moment and think. Going to bed would have been the perfect way of accomplishing that without hurting Emmy's feelings. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and took another sip of scotch, trying to think of some other excuse.

"I'm gonna take a bath, then."

"Okay" Emmy said, getting up as well. "I'll join you. We can kiss and make up."

"Is that such a good idea? One of us has to be up and about in case Sebastian needs anything. You don't mind, do you?"

"No" Emmy said with a frown. "Of course not. Is everything alright?"

"Splendid" he said and kissed her cheek. "See you in… an hour."

He left the room and Emmy slumped back down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Once again he was shutting her out. It happened almost daily now and she was about ready to scream over it. She wanted her old relationship back, the one where they had talked to each other and shared their burdens. She was starting to feel lonely and it made her worried. The thought of losing Chuck frightened her and it was something completely new. Throughout their relationship she had been safe and secure, confident in her own feelings for him and in his feelings for her. She couldn't imagine another woman ever coming between them but now there was a different threat looming, one she had never anticipated. He was distancing himself from her to the point where she was scared they might start to grow apart.

She finished her drink and closed her eyes hard for a second. When she opened them again she had resolved herself not to let that happen. She would not give up on them without a fight and she was not going to let Chuck give up either. When all the dust had settled they would be stronger than ever.

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><p>Blair was on her bed wrapped in a blanket with Dorota next to her. She had stayed in the older woman's arms until Chuck had called her and asked her if she wanted to say goodnight to Sebastian. When the phone call was over she had leaned against the headboard supported by a pillow and hugged her knees, happy to note that Dorota had stayed during the phone call and wondering if she would be leaving now that the conversation was over. It occurred to her that it was almost seven o'clock and Dorota had two children of her own she probably wanted to get back home to. Especially since it was Friday night.<p>

"I'm sorry" she said with a small smile. "I didn't mean to keep you so long. You should go home to Vanya and the kids."

"Is no rush" Dorota said with a friendly smile and put a reassuring hand on her knee.

"I know how much I hate not being able to tuck Sebastian in. You must be feeling the same way."

"Vanya can tuck kids in" Dorota said. "Miss Blair, you should not be alone."

"It's okay, Dorota" Blair said with a more genuine smile. "I really needed a friend and you… you were there for me. I feel better now."

"Miss Blair I thought you knew, I'm _always_ there for you" Dorota said. "You were person who forgot that, not me."

Blair nodded. She had told Dorota everything through her sobs and it seemed like Dorota had understood but understanding didn't always mean being okay with everything.

"I know you would bring my secrets to the grave" Blair said. "I didn't want you to have to keep such a big secret. It didn't seem fair."

"Promise to tell me secrets from now on."

Blair nodded.

"I will." She tilted her head a little and smiled crookedly. "Why don't you tell me about _your_ family? Your youngest is almost exactly the same age as Sebastian. I want to know. I've gotten so out of touch while I was in France."

Dorota's smile widened and she began to excitedly tell Blair all about her two children and her life with Vanya. Blair nodded and listened and was happy for the distraction from her troubles and glad to finally be able to catch up with Dorota. She remembered how she used to buy presents for Ana when she went on trips and decided she would start buying gifts for both of Dorota's children from now on. She hoped they could be play mates with Sebastian. Dorota had always been important to her but right now she was more valuable than ever. At last she had an ally on her side again.

* * *

><p>It was getting late and Chuck knew he should be in bed. Blair had said Sebastian usually woke up around six in the morning and Chuck hoped to be up before his son was to help him feel more at ease. He wasn't really keen on getting into bed next to Emmy tonight though and he had a feeling he would have a hard time sleeping anyway. This was the first night he spent under the same roof with his son. It was something so mundane yet at the same time monumental.<p>

He walked inside the room where Sebastian slept and made his way to the bed as silently as possible. He stopped next to the nightstand and smiled a little as he studied his sleeping boy in the light cast by the Garfield night light he had bought earlier that week and luckily remembered to bring over from his own apartment. Sebastian was on his side, hugging his teddybear. He had told Chuck tonight that the bear's name was Mubby and from the looks of it Mubby had been around for quite some time. Chuck had been surprised when Sebastian had introduced him to his bear but he had liked it very much. It felt like a small step towards being accepted into the child's world.

He took a seat next to the bed and thought about what Emmy had said earlier. It really rubbed him the wrong way that she would suggest something like that and more than that it bothered him to think of her taking Blair's place in Sebastian's life as the woman who mainly raised him. It felt so wrong to even think about it and it irritated him to picture it. Looking at his sleeping son he was glad Sebastian was his child by Blair and not by Emmy. He had known for quite some time that he didn't want children with his girlfriend, not yet anyway. Sebastian was the child he had always hoped to have, something he shared with Blair that nobody could take away.

"Don't worry, little man" he whispered. "I'm not going to take you away. I'm not going to come between your mom and you. You need us both." He paused and smiled crookedly. "All I ever really wanted since the age of sixteen was to matter to her. You get to matter to her. More than anybody else can. She drives me crazy and I don't think she really loves me and she's broken my heart real bad, not to mention my trust. It hurts to love her still. I don't want you to ever feel that way about her. I want you to always love her without pain and know that she's there when you need her. You can have what I couldn't. You can give her what I couldn't. Unconditional love."

He looked away for a second. It was probably crazy to sit here and talk to his sleeping son about things that were too complicated for a child to understand. Yet it was so much easier to bear his heart to Sebastian this way than to try and talk to his nagging girlfriend. He knew Emmy meant well but he couldn't open up to her. There wasn't a way to make her understand. Sebastian might perhaps be able to, seeing as how he was the combination of Chuck and the woman he was so conflicted over.

"Things will work out in the end" he said. "I promise. Blair and I will find a way to make things work. I hope that in a few years' time you won't be able to remember not having me in your life." He got up and took one last look at Sebastian before heading to bed. "It's crazy but I think I love you. Even though we don't really have a relationship. If you someday will love me I think I can be okay with everything that has happened."

* * *

><p>October went by, and then November. Sebastian spent every other weekend with his father but the relationship continued to be strained. Blair never commented on the situation but Chuck knew it was unsettling to her, especially since Sebastian always cried when she left him on Fridays. He had hoped it would get easier with time but he hadn't given any thought to how much time he expected it to take.<p>

When Thanksgiving drew near Blair offered him to come and spend the holiday with her mother and stepfathers, and of course herself and Sebastian. Chuck initially planned on accepting but he ended up declining, deciding he didn't want to put Emmy through what would definitely be a difficult dinner. Blair was barely able to conceal her dislike for the other woman and Chuck wasn't very big on holidays anyway so it didn't matter much to him if he spent this one with Sebastian or not. He didn't state his reason for declining outright but Blair knew anyway and he could tell it annoyed her that he chose to be with Emmy over being with his son.

He and Emmy toyed with the idea of flying out to Iowa to spend Thanksgiving with her parents but then they got invited to dinner at Lily's and decided to go there instead. Serena and Nate would be there and he liked the sound of spending the holiday together with them. What none of them knew was that Rufus had convinced Dan to fly in from Los Angeles and come to dinner as well.

It was the most awkward dinner either one of them had been to in years. Chuck didn't say a single word until well into the main course, Serena was in full passive-aggressive mode, Nate wished he was anywhere else and the person whose presence brought on most of the sour faces was very well aware that he wasn't welcome and deeply regretted leaving Los Angeles. The only person around the table except for his father and stepmother who didn't openly despise him was Emmy, who had never met him before, but since she was Chuck's girlfriend she probably didn't have a high opinion of him either. At first Dan had been surprised by how friendly she seemed but not long into the meal she had stopped talking as well and seemed very uncomfortable, focusing on her dinner.

"I'm sorry, did we invite you all to a wake or to Thanksgiving dinner?" Rufus asked sarcastically, growing tired of everyone's attitude. "I know you have your differences at the moment but you're not teenagers anymore. Why don't you try and act civil for a bit?"

"So, Emmy" Serena said. "How, uh… How is work?"

"Really stressful right now" Emmy said with an exasperated sigh.

"Yeah, same here."

Nobody else said anything for a minute. Serena shrugged, deciding she had done her part to try and start a conversation. Neither Chuck nor Nate seemed to even be aware that there were other people in the room anymore and Emmy just seemed to be feeling very awkward.

"Charles" Lily said. "You haven't said two words all evening. I'm curious, what's new with the company?"

"You get all the monthly reports, you know what's new" Chuck answered.

"No other news you wish to share?"

"No" he said.

"Nothing new about Sebastian?" Lily prodded.

"No."

"Serena, you should talk to Blair" Lily continued, pretending not to be aware of the schism between the two former best friends. "I'm dying to see some pictures of him from when he was a baby."

"You should have said something sooner" Chuck said in a monotone. "Jack gave me a whole memory stick full of pictures and tidbits and what have you. I don't want it. You can have it if you wish."

"Why wouldn't you want that?" Dan had to ask.

Chuck just glared at him and Dan wondered to himself what kind of a father Chuck was now that he was actually in his son's life. Not wanting to keep pictures and information about his son sounded rather un-fatherly to Dan's ears.

"It was just a question" he said. "You can tone down on the death glares. Unless you're actually plotting to have me killed, in which case why don't you just get it over with and put me out of my misery?"

"Now, Daniel, don't be dramatic" Lily said. "Charles is not on a path of vendetta. As Rufus said, you are no longer teenagers and you can handle your differences without bloodshed, metaphorical or otherwise."

"I won't not promise to avoid refraining from harming you" Chuck said with an icy glare, the comment prompting a smile from Emmy.

"How is Blair these days?" Dan asked. He knew it was perhaps a bad question to ask but he really wanted to know.

Everyone paused and looked at him, except for Emmy who excused herself to go to the bathroom, probably sensing a major altercation. Serena shook her head with a combination of disgust and irritation and Rufus made a face like he though Dan had chosen the wrong moment. Chuck on the other hand looked calm and took a sip of wine before answering.

"Oh I wouldn't concern myself if I were you" he said, setting the glass down. "Rejoice. Your lover lost has returned home. Abandon your LA life, move back here and you might just be able to woo her tender heart. She does seem a tad lonely."

"Yeah, I get it" Dan said, rolling his eyes. "Look, I just want to know how she's handling all of this."

"A little late to be wondering about that, isn't it?" Nate asked. "I was there when she chewed you out, remember? You weren't so concerned when you told Chuck the truth."

"I'm sorry, are people around this table now mad at me for telling Chuck everything?" Dan asked. "If I hadn't done it who knows if Blair ever would have?"

The comment had been spontaneous, left his mouth before he had a chance to think it through, and he knew the instant he said it that it had been a mistake. He hadn't done himself any favors by saying it and he had probably made things even worse for Blair.

"Maybe we should give you a medal?" Serena said dryly after a minute.

"Okay, that's enough" Rufus said. "This is supposed to be a nice family gathering and a peaceful Thanksgiving dinner. A time of forgiveness!"

"That's Christmas" Dan, Serena, Nate and Chuck replied at the same time.

"Coming here was a mistake" Dan declared, tossing his knife and fork on the plate. "For the record I don't blame anybody here for not liking me much right now."

"Oh thank God" Serena said dryly. "You are far too kind to not hold our feelings towards you and what you've done against us."

"Can everybody please just cut it out?" Rufus said. "Arguing around the table is not going to change anything and the person you really should be mad at is not even here."

"That person being Blair?" Nate guessed. "We still don't know the whole story from her point of view."

Chuck snorted and Serena scoffed and shoved her chair back, rising with a huff.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked.

"I don't want any dinner. I'll be in my old room."

"I think I'll join you" Chuck said, rising as well.

"What?" Nate asked with an annoyed frown.

"I would say I've lost my appetite, but I never had one to begin with …"

He walked to Serena's old room and closed the door behind him, letting himself fall down next to her on the bed.

"Nate's a complete idiot" Serena griped.

"Well, you would know."

"Dan's an even bigger idiot."

"You know how to pick them."

"Mom and Rufus are the biggest idiots. What could possibly make them think inviting Dan would be a good idea?"

"They wanted it to be a family occasion at a holiday" Chuck shrugged. "Makes sense they would have a guest list that would incite anger. All that's missing is Cece and dear old Uncle Jack."

"I'm sorry Nate's gone all soft on Blair" Serena said after a minute.

"It's not an issue. I don't think his support runs all that deep even though it annoyed me just now."

"I don't know" Serena said. "I just don't get it."

Chuck turned his head to look at her.

"As I recall, when we first found out Nate was the one who damned her and you were the one reminding me of my feelings for her."

"I know. But when I actually saw her again I just couldn't handle it. She lied to you and she lied to me and we were supposed to be best friends. I know that you don't get it but we're girls and when your best friend has a baby it's a terrible slap in the face to not even be _told_, and even more so to have to find out through your _ex_."

"You think that applies just to girls?" He rested his head on his hands and stared at the ceiling. "If Nate moved away and turned up years later with a kid I would feel kind of left out too."

"She and I have done bad stuff to each other before" Serena said. "Never anything like this though. What makes it even worse is that she had her child by you. The love of her life, who so happens to be my brother through adoption. Her son is my nephew but that wasn't enough to make her confide in me. My best friend is a bitch who tells her secret to my Hobbit-haired ex instead of talking to me."

"Hobbits everywhere just took major offense."

They both let out a long sigh at the same time.

"This whole thing sucks" Chuck concluded.

"Like a vacuum cleaner" Serena added.

"When have you ever used a vacuum cleaner?" Chuck cackled. "For all you know they don't suck, they blow, or centrifuge."

"You're one to talk" Serena said, giving him a smack with her pillow.

"Should we go back out there? I feel bad about leaving Emmy in the middle of all that… holiday spirit."

"In a minute" Serena said. "I'm worried Rufus might have gone to get his guitar to lighten the mood."

Chuck started laughing at the comment and Serena rolled her eyes at him before giggling a little herself. It was the first time they had laughed together in months.

"So how is your relationship with Emmy handling all of this?" Serena asked after a few minutes.

Chuck waited almost a full minute before he answered. He was beginning to feel more and more like it wasn't a real relationship anymore only he didn't want to hurt Emmy by acknowledging it and she refused to see it. It would be a huge relief to talk to somebody about it but it felt wrong to have that conversation with Serena. She and Emmy had become friends over the years and it seemed like Emmy deserved to know what he was feeling before Serena.

"Everything is good, sis" he finally said. "Don't worry about us. We're fine."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile Nate and Dan were carrying empty dishes into the kitchen while Rufus strummed his guitar in the living room and Lily and Emmy talked on the couch. Nate made no effort to start a conversation but Dan was starting to get tired of the silent treatment.<p>

"So…" he said. "You and Serena, huh?"

"Me and Serena" Nate confirmed shortly.

"Things are going well?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but we're doing just fine. We hit our six month mark around Christmas and that will be a new record for us."

"Look man, don't you think it's about time we talked about this like a couple of adults?" Dan asked, grabbing a dishrag. "I get why Chuck hates me, not that his animosity is anything new, and I understand Serena's resentment. I never did anything to _you_ though."

"That's a funny way of looking at it."

"You seem to be willing to see things from Blair's point of view" Dan pointed out, wiping the counter. "Why not mine?"

"It's complicated" Nate said. "You lied to me by omission for years. You were part of something that did a real number on my best friend. My girlfriend is pissed enough about my sympathies with Blair; if I start to make friends with you again I can probably kiss that anniversary goodbye."

"I'm admitting my mistakes" Dan said. "I'm trying to move forward. And if Blair would only let me I would do my best to help her."

"Help her do what exactly?"

"Help her resolve this whole mess as good as it can be resolved."

"Can I just ask you one thing?" Nate asked, leaning back against the counter. "Why _did_ you do what you did? _How_ did you even find out she had a baby?"

"I saw her pregnant. And I helped cover it up because… because of my feelings for her."

"Feelings?"

"Yeah, you know... Feelings."

"What, you're in _love_ with Blair?" Nate asked with a scoff. "Buddy, you're even dumber than I realized."

"Oh thanks, that's, that's very helpful."

"Not here to help" Nate shrugged and walked back out to the others just as Emmy walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"I only drink wine with food" she explained to Dan, who hadn't asked. "Between meals I prefer plain old water."

He nodded automatically and stole a few glances while continuing to wipe the by now clean counter. He was curious about this woman who had stayed with Chuck Bass for four years yet seemed to be a sweet and friendly person. He would have never pegged Chuck for the type to want someone docile, not for more than a few weeks anyway. Emmy spoke in a soft, almost soothing voice, seemed mild-mannered and polite and did little to draw attention to herself from the way she dressed and styled herself. She was a few inches shorter than Blair and stood on her tiptoes to reach the glasses on the upper shelves. She proceeded to run the tap for a minute to get the water colder, then filled her glass and drank it in large gulps.

She caught him looking at her and raised an eyebrow. Dan blushed and looked away.

"You, uh… you're in my way" he managed, motioning to the sink.

"Oh" she said, stepping aside. "Sorry."

"No problem."

He ran the dishrag under the faucet, wrung the water out of it and put it aside. Emmy put her glass down with the rest of the unmade dishes and brushed a loose strain of hair away from her eyes.

"It's nice finally meeting you" Dan said. "I've heard a lot about you over the years. Mostly from Nate. He's kind of a fan of yours."

She laughed a little and blushed.

"Nate and I get along quite well" she smiled, folding her arms under her chest. "I must admit I've been curious about you too. Serena's ex who was in on everything with Blair the whole time."

"Great, and we're back on that" Dan sighed.

"I'm sorry" Emmy said, looking genuinely apologetic. "That, that's not what I meant. I don't know you, I don't know what you did or did not do, I… I've just been curious, that's all. You've really made an impact on them, one way or another."

Dan looked at her with a touch of wonderment. She seemed way too reasonable to be willing to spend her life with Chuck. Something had to be wrong with her. Underlying daddy issues, a need to fix people, something.

"I have to say, I… I'm surprised that Chuck chose someone like you" he blurted out.

"Someone like me?" She smiled. "You don't even know me."

"You seem like a nice person. Not like the kind of person I would expect to be romantic partners with him."

"He's not so bad" she laughed. "Maybe you two don't know one another well enough. I don't know much about you but I know you're not my boyfriend's biggest fan. He's really not the devil you may think he is."

"To be honest… so far he hasn't done anything to prove otherwise to me."

"He's never done anything to prove to me that he _is_ a bad seed" Emmy replied.

The conversation was interrupted by Chuck walking in, eager to get away from this particularly unpleasant family gathering.

"Em" he said. "I told Lily we're heading out."

"Already?"

"What, you don't want to miss out on any of this raging fun?"

"Point. Well, it was nice talking to you, Dan."

She sent a quick smile his way and then walked past him to leave the kitchen.

"Likewise" Dan said, watching her go and once more asking himself what someone like her was doing with someone like Chuck.

Chuck and Emmy said their goodbyes to the others and gathered their things. Once they were on the elevator Chuck breathed a sigh of relief.

"My apologies for a truly horrendous dinner" he said. "We should have gone to Iowa."

"I'd like to say I've been to worse but I think that would be a lie."

"I could barely get down a bite. What do you say we stop by someplace and bring some dinner with us home?"

"Fine by me."

"What were you doing chatting up Dan Humphrey in the kitchen?"

"I was curious about him" Emmy shrugged.

"That's like being curious about a sewer rat. Sure you might wonder what makes them tick but it's not wise to get too close to them. They're smelly, slimy and nasty. And if they bite you you're bound to get an infection."

"He really doesn't seem to like you much."

"The feeling is mutual."

"I'm not sure I understand" Emmy said. "I know you're no angel but his opinion of you feels unfounded."

"Basically, in the great '_Twilight_' of our lives Dan sees himself as Jacob and me as less-sparkles, more-evils Edward."

"And Blair… is Bella?" Emmy guessed, not liking the idea. "So who am I in this scenario?"

"I don't think he included you. The point is he thinks I'm a cold-hearted psycho and sees himself as the warm and fuzzy dogged hero. I wouldn't be surprised if when I walk into a room he hears '_the Imperial March_' playing."

"He should see you with your shirt off, then he can reevaluate who's fuzzy" Emmy teased and stepped off the elevator.

Chuck made an "if you say so" face and followed her, hoping this had been the last time he would ever be in the same room with Dan Humphrey and having a strong feeling that Dan was of a similar mind.

* * *

><p>I know this chapter had no ChuckBlair interaction but I felt they needed some time apart from one another. So to speak.

Stay tuned for the next update, where something a lot of people have been requesting finally happens...


	7. Chapter 7

This update came out faster than intended... Fanfiction is my therapy of choice right now.

As promised this chapter includes something many of you have been wanting to see for a while now. Some of you ventured a guess in your reviews. Read on to find out if you were right ;)

* * *

><p>The first weekend of December Chuck, Emmy, Nate and Serena attended a Christmas benefit at the Plaza, their first black-tie night out in almost a year. Chuck had tried to drown his guilty conscience over how he was handling things with Emmy by taking her shopping right after Thanksgiving and spending a ridiculous amount of money on a dress, a necklace and a clutch for her to wear to the benefit. Serena had come along and the women had giggled their way through the shopping spree and found Christmas themed dresses. Serena wore a dark red Dior gown with a white hemline and Emmy a white snowflake gown, both paid for by a dutiful Chuck. All in all the spirits were high when they arrived at the Plaza and it only took half a glass of champagne for Emmy to start to loosen up more than she had in months.<p>

"This is so exciting!" she grinned. "How long has it been since the four of us have been out causing mischief?"

"Who's causing mischief?" Nate asked. "My grandfather is here tonight. I intend on being on my best behavior."

"I bet a Christmas tree that the minute we're out of here you will be getting drunk of your ass in the back of the limo and suggest we all go ice-skating in the park" Chuck smirked.

"Oh, ice-skating!" Serena exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "That sounds like so much fun. Let's do that!"

"In _this_ dress?" Emmy objected, holding out the skirt of her gown.

"It would be a sight to behold…" Chuck said.

"Hey Chuck, don't you agree with me that Nate should have dyed his beard white for the occasion?" Serena said, her fingers playing with the beard Nate had let grow a touch longer. "I'd be out on a date with Santa Clause."

Chuck just snorted and Emmy laughed.

"Why don't we go sit down at our table?" Nate suggested. "I'm starving. When do you think this dinner is going to start?"

"Give it another half hour at least" Chuck said.

"I'm going to go sit down anyway" Nate said. "Come on Mrs. Clause, let's go."

He took Serena by the hand and walked off in the direction of the table they were seated at. Emmy excused herself to go to the bathroom and Chuck decided to join Nate and Serena. They sat down and talked for a while, relieved to be out at an event and away from the troubles in their daily lives. Emmy found them after fifteen minutes and sat down next to Chuck. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a couple of light kisses. It made him feel uncomfortable and he gently put his hands on her waist and nudged her away.

"We're in public" he reminded her.

"You're the one who always wants to do it someplace where we might get caught" Emmy reminded him teasingly.

"Oh, there's one piece of information I did not need to know" Nate said with a laugh. "Why am I even surprised?"

"Like you've never gotten carnal in a coat closet" Chuck replied.

"Unless someone hung up a mistletoe right above where you're sitting, keep your lips to yourselves" Serena said good-naturedly. "People will be trying to eat soon."

"Now, sis, this is the season of love and understanding" Chuck grinned.

Once dinner started they all tried to recreate the relaxed and fun atmosphere they had used to have when they were going out together all four of them but something seemed to be missing. Chuck shared a look with Nate and Serena and realized they were all thinking the same thing. Now that Blair was back in the city it felt odd to have Emmy be the fourth person present instead of her. Neither one of them wanted to acknowledge the feeling but it was there.

"So, you guys spending Christmas in Iowa this year?" Nate asked when dinner was over and the dancing had begun.

"No" Emmy said, before looking at Chuck. "At least, I assume we're not."

"You haven't discussed it?"

"Well, we… we would like to spent at least some time with Sebastian during Christmas" Emmy said, feeling the mood turn gloomier.

"Oh" Nate said. "Right. I uh… guess I should have thought of that."

"Smooth, Nate" Serena said dryly.

"You haven't discussed anything with Blair yet?" Nate continued on, seemingly not knowing when to drop the subject.

"She invited us over for Thanksgiving" Chuck said. "I'm sure she'll be alright with us spending time with him at Christmas. Though I was hoping to not spend an awkward Christmas morning with the Waldorfs."

"Good luck avoiding that" Serena said. "You know Blair and holidays. She'll want to make Christmas special for Sebastian and I have a feeling that includes opening gifts underneath the tree with a huge crowd of onlookers."

"As I said we've discussed nothing at this point" Chuck said. "I was hoping we could have him Christmas Eve and perhaps take him to Lily's for dinner."

"Blair's never going to let you take him somewhere without her tagging along" Serena argued. "Not on Christmas. She'll want to spend every magic moment with him."

"Which is understandable" Chuck said. "Still I hope we can have that time alone with him. Not that he likes me much, or at all really, but it's time we started to make some traditions."

"It's going to be a weird Christmas" Nate noted.

"Yes" Chuck agreed. "Thank you for pointing out the obvious."

Silence fell and nobody looked at anyone else. Serena gave Nate an angry kick underneath the table. Why did he have to speak before thinking? Sometimes he really could be daft.

After a few minutes she decided she had had enough of the gloomy mood and got up from her seat. She walked around the table and stopped next to Chuck.

"I want to dance" she said and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet. "Come on Chuck. Your sense of rhythm is much better than Nate's."

Chuck followed her to the dance floor as another song began to play. Emmy watched them dance and sighed wistfully.

"I wish I could waltz like that" she said. "You Upper East Side trust fund babies got to learn so many cool things growing up."

"Waltzing lessons did not feel cool in middle-school, let me tell you" Nate said.

"Still, look at them" Emmy said. "I could never look as graceful as Serena out on the dance floor. Whenever Chuck tries to steer me around the dance floor it's like one of Baby's first dance practice scenes from '_Dirty Dancing_'."

"Oh come on, you can't be that bad" Nate chuckled.

"Trust me."

"No, I'll have to experience it to believe it" Nate said, getting up. "Come on Emmy."

"You're crazy" Emmy said with a laugh.

"What have you got to lose? If nothing else at least we'll have more fun up there than those two."

She took the hand he held out to her and rose from her seat. Soon they were out on the dance floor together and Emmy proved to be just as bad at waltzing as she had claimed. She had a good time anyway, laughing at Nate and his various attempts at explaining away her mishaps and wrong turns.

Serena and Chuck continued to dance together when the next song began to play. They didn't say much to one another but both enjoyed the familiarity of the dance, falling back on things they had learned so well when they were little that they could practically do it in their sleep now that they were adults. Halfway through the second dance Serena excused herself to go to the ladies' room. Chuck considered walking over to Nate and tapping his shoulder to cut in and steal his dance partner but before he got that far his eyes fell on a doorway he had passed through with Blair the last time he had been dancing at the Plaza.

He remembered every detail from the night with almost painfully vivid clarity. The way it had felt to just be together with Blair again, out on the town, doing something fun. How happy she had looked when she joined in the dancing, and later got into the middle of the circle to dance her goofy dance. How much fun it had been to share that moment with her, forgetting all about the world and just being _them_. How awkward yet fun it had been to be lifted up in the chairs and the happiness in his heart that was bordered on painfully intense when he reached out his hand to her and she took it. The symbolism of the moment had not been lost to him.

He had barely realized his feet were moving when he stopped right in front of the door Blair had then pulled him through. Standing on that spot again sent chills through his spine, like he was standing on the thresholds to the moment when his life changed directions forever. If he hadn't followed her into that room… It was the sliding doors moment. Had he not gone with her into the room, not responded to her eager kisses, then his life would never have been turned on its head. Had he only resisted the passion, the intense attraction, forced his mind to be stronger than his body then his life would not be in shambles right now and Sebastian would have never been. It was strange knowing exactly when and where his child had been conceived. If he could go back in time and change the direction of that night would he do it?

With a hand that trembled slightly he opened the door and stepped inside. The room looked different now but he could easily tell it was the same room. The curtains were different, the furniture had been replaced, but it was their room. Memories of the last time he had been in there washed over him and almost overwhelmed him. He hadn't allowed himself to think about it all the years Blair had been gone. It was not easy to remember and even harder to forget. Part of him would always remain in this room, making love to the woman he had thought was his true and lifelong love. Had he only known then what he knew now he probably wouldn't have been as passionate. What had she really felt for him that night? Love? Or just gratitude that he had saved her and exhilaration at still being alive?

"Chuck?" Nate's voice said behind him.

He turned around. Nate and Serena were standing in the doorway, looking at him with worried faces.

"Why did you wander off?" Nate asked.

"Where's Emmy?" Chuck asked back.

"She got a phone call from her sister. Why are we standing in this room?"

Chuck slowly turned around 180 degrees, looking around the room.

"Blair and I… were in here."

"I think we've all been in lots of rooms at the Plaza" Nate said.

"No, I mean… We were here that night after Russell Thorpe tried to blow her up at the hotel. We went here and we crashed a party and then…" Thoughtfully he walked over to roughly the spot where Blair had begun to kiss him. "This is where we made Sebastian."

Nate looked away, finding it a little awkward to know such intimate details.

"You had sex in here?" Serena needlessly asked.

"Behind Louis' back. The room looked different then… There was a divan somewhere around there, and an armchair… Somewhere around here was where it actually happened. When I let her go that night it never even crossed my mind that I might have gotten her pregnant. I didn't have a condom but I assumed she was still on the pill."

"I guess that's a lesson to learn" Nate muttered, looking down at his shoes.

"I haven't been back here since then" Chuck said. "Now it's like… I don't know. It's just strange to be standing in the room where my son… where… It was the last genuine happy moment I had with her."

Serena walked over and wrapped her arms around him.

"Come" she said. "Let's get out of here. We'll go get Emmy and we'll have the limo brought round and we'll leave."

Nate walked over as well and put a hand on Chuck's shoulder.

"She's right, man. Standing around in here won't do you any good."

"Don't taint your good memories" Serena said. "Whatever happened after, the things you felt here with Blair were real."

"You're right, we should leave" Chuck said.

"Okay" Nate nodded. "Come on, let's go find that girlfriend of yours, huh?"

They left the room together, Serena's arm wrapped around Chuck's waist. Fifteen minutes later they were all in their coats, stepping outside, walking towards the waiting limo.

"Some party, huh?" Serena said.

"Puts you in the Christmas spirit" Nate sighed.

"It _was_ a lovely evening…" Emmy said. "At least the start."

No one bothered to agree. Chuck held open the limo door and the others got in. He got inside as well and closed the door, saying nothing as they car slowly made its way to his and Nate's apartment. Once they got inside the apartment they gathered in the living room, drinking hot cider and half-heartedly playing a round of "_Cheat_". After less than an hour Nate and Serena got up to go to bed. Nate stopped in the doorway and looked at Chuck.

"I believe someone owes me a Christmas tree" he said.

Chuck didn't bother answering. He got up and walked to his own bedroom without checking to see if Emmy followed. All he wanted right now was to be alone.

* * *

><p>The next morning Blair was sitting cross-legged on her bed, sleeping mask pulled up to the point where it was almost a headband, reading the morning paper. The society pages were all about the big Christmas benefit at the Plaza the previous night and Blair was secretly furious that she hadn't been able to go, or even received an invitation. Making it ten times worse was seeing pictures of Chuck and Emmy attending the event together with Nate and Serena. The picture showed a smiling quartet drinking champagne and talking amongst each other and it seemed like whoever wrote the comments to the pictures couldn't suck up to the girlfriend of Bass Industries CEO any more if they tried. Blair had to grudgingly admit that Emmy's gown was gorgeous and that her hair, for once styled in something other than strict buns or braids, in combination with the makeup and jewelry almost made her pass for an upper class citizen. Almost. But the thought of Emmy attending that sort of event on Chuck's arm, having fun with Nate and Serena as if she was a part of the group instead of Blair, made her fume.<p>

"I hate that woman" Blair spat out and threw the paper down on the comforter. "I hate her, hate her, _hate_ her."

"She make Mister Chuck happy" Dorota shrugged, carrying a breakfast tray.

"Not happy enough" Blair argued. "Not happy like _I_ made him happy."

Dorota gave her a look like she was wondering if Blair really ought to be pulling on that thread, and set the tray down in front of Blair.

"Mister Chuck devoted to her" she said. "Has been for four years."

"Yes, thank you, I know their timeline" Blair said sullenly and grabbed a raspberry. She put it in her mouth and chewed on it slowly. "I did my research on her and she's middle-class. From _Iowa_. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Nothing but the crème-de-la-crème used to be good enough for Chuck." She sighed and continued in a whiny voice. "Look at them, out having fun together as if I never existed. That should have been me at that benefit, drinking champagne and enjoying fine dining and adorning the society pages the day after. Instead Chuck's glorified rebound girl was out having a blast with _my_ friends."

"I know thing that might make you feel better" Dorota said and sat down on the bed, eager to brighten her boss' spirits. "Maid at van der Woodsen building is friend of mine. She tell me Miss Serena talk to Miss Lily during evening and say everything was good until Mister Nate start asking Mister Chuck about Christmas plans."

"Oh, Nate" Blair said, choosing not to question how Dorota would already know what Lily and Serena had spoken of less than twelve hours ago. "Cute as a button, dumb as a brick."

Dorota grinned excitedly.

"See? Evening not all fun."

"It does make me wonder though…" Blair said with a pensive expression. "What _are_ Chuck's plans for Christmas? I'd love to have him over but I'd rather not invite his girlfriend to my home for the time of year you're supposed to spend with those you care about."

"Perhaps she will spend holidays with own family?" Dorota suggested.

"Not likely. The woman sticks to him like a band-aid. Wherever he goes she follows like a puppy dog. It's sad, really."

Dorota rose from the bed to draw a bath for Sebastian and left Blair to eat her breakfast and ponder Christmas arrangements. Blair remained on the bed with the newspaper, slowly eating her breakfast while trying to overcome the urge to rush to the bathroom and purge it. She wouldn't be able to, not while Dorota was preparing Sebastian's bath. It had been a battle during the last couple of weeks to keep herself from falling back into old patterns and she had succumbed twice. She had a sneaking suspicion that if it hadn't been for Dorota being back in her corner that would probably have happened far more often.

Looking at the pictures in the paper it was hard to come to grips with Chuck's choices. Emmy seemed so mundane in Blair's eyes yet Chuck had chosen her. He had chosen her four years ago when they started dating, he had chosen her this summer when it had seemed like he might go back to Blair and in a way he had chosen her every day in-between. What was it about her? Why did Chuck stay with her when he hadn't been able to make it work with Blair?

With a sigh she closed the paper and tried to ignore the sadness welling up inside her. She had to get up and get dressed and be ready for another day. She could hear Sebastian talking to Dorota in the bathroom and got off the bed to go help him with his bath.

* * *

><p>The following weekend Sebastian was with Chuck and Emmy. The plan had originally been to take him Christmas shopping but those plans had to be postponed when Chuck got a call from the board of Bass Industries summoning him for an emergency meeting. Having to go into the office on a Saturday, especially one where he had his son, put him in a sour mood and he locked himself inside his home office to go over some last minute numbers before the meeting. When he was done he walked back to the bedroom to gather his things and he felt his frustration grow when he searched everywhere in the bedroom and couldn't find his phone anywhere. He may have lead a messy lifestyle at points but he had always kept things tidy in his room, and in his apartments when he got older. It was one of the few things Bart had appreciated about him, in fact sometimes even bragged about when he was a little kid and unlike all the other kids didn't have a complete mess in his room. As a result he didn't often misplace things and few things frustrated him more than having to search for something that should be in its specific place.<p>

He gave up on searching the bedroom and walked out to search in the kitchen. On his way he passed by the living room where Emmy and Sebastian were curled up on the couch, heads together, giggling about something. He passed by them without much thought but halted in the doorway. He turned his head to confirm what he thought he had just seen. Yep, that's where his phone was. He walked over to them and held out his hand.

"What are you doing with my phone?" he asked in a not-too-friendly tone.

"Nothing" Emmy said innocently and handed it back to him, bursting into another fit of conspiring giggles with Sebastian.

Angrily Chuck checked through his phone. He did not appreciate these kind of practical jokes, or whatever she would like to call them. His phone was his property and one of the few things in the apartment that was his alone and she should keep her hands off it unless she needed to make a call. After about two minutes he found what they had been up to. His ring tune when Blair, and thus by extension Sebastian, called had been set to the theme song from "_Tale Spin_", a show he was convinced Sebastian had never even seen since it was popular in the early nineties and even Chuck was too young to have watched it.

"Are you purposely trying to annoy me?" he barked at Emmy, cursing inwardly when he saw Sebastian recoil, and stomped off to the kitchen to get his coffee and change the damn ring tune back to the standard one.

Emmy gave Sebastian a reassuring stroke on the cheek and then got up to follow her boyfriend.

"Here's an idea" she said angrily as she walked into the kitchen, placing her hands on her hips. "Why don't we glue a round piece of cardboard to a stick, draw a sad-face smiley on it and you can just hold that up to cover your face all day? It was just a harmless bit of fun and having a special ring tune when he calls you-"

"You're the only person who still cares about ring tunes" Chuck snarled. "Did you think I would find it endearing to be sitting in a board meeting and suddenly have _that_ song playing from my phone?"

"You could stand to lighten up a little" Emmy snorted. "And really Chuck, think of how you act and talk when he's in the room. He's never going to warm up to you if you keep treating him like an alien life form you don't know how to interact with."

Chuck just glared at her for a second, unable to find words. Either she was purposely going in for the kill or she really had a talent for finding the sorest spots and pushing them. The last thing he wanted was to be a father like Bart had been a father and it hurt like hell to hear Emmy flat out tell him that his son wasn't warming up to him.

"I don't need you to tell me how to talk to my son" he said icily.

"I've never doubted you can be a great father but it's like you're not even trying" Emmy shot back, her left hand leaving her hip and resting on the counter instead.

"Hard to even get a chance when you spend all your time being best playmates with him."

"Someone's got to be warm and welcoming in this household."

He leaned in closer and glared at her with a kind of darkness in his eyes she had never seen before.

"Stop acting like you're his mother, because you're _not_" he said. "He's not yours to use as a substitute for the children you wish you had but you don't."

He walked past her, deciding he could get his damn coffee at the office, knowing her feelings were probably hurt but not giving much of a damn at the moment. He passed through the living room where Sebastian had curled up in a corner of the couch and peered up at him with the eyes of a child who expected to be scolded.

Chuck stopped for a second and looked at him.

"Next time don't let her take my phone" he said and walked out of the room, wondering to himself if he really was the worst parent of all time or if Emmy was just irritated because he hadn't appreciated her sense of humor.

He grabbed his scarf and his coat and put them on before stepping outside to the bleak December day. Very little snow had fallen, not even enough to cover the grass, and it looked like they were in for a grey Christmas. Not that he usually cared whether or not Christmas was white but he had hoped Sebastian's first holiday season on the Upper East Side would be of the picture perfect variety with lots of snow, bright shining lights and tons of presents underneath the tree. Not even mother nature seemed keen on complying this year.

* * *

><p>Snow did start to fall the following day, and lots of it. It didn't begin immediately, the start of the day was as grey and dull as the previous ones had been and the weather seemed to affect everybody's mood. Neither Chuck's nor Sebastian's improved when Emmy claimed she had to go help her sister through some pre-Christmas emergency. Chuck strongly suspected that there was no emergency and she was making excuses to let father and son spend time alone together for a while. She had been making comments the night before about how he would never bond with Sebastian if he didn't try to interact with him more and this sudden emergency seemed way too well timed.<p>

Once she was gone Chuck and Sebastian looked at each other, neither one of them knowing what to do next.

"Want to watch a movie?" Chuck asked.

Sebastian shrugged.

"Read a book?"

"You don't read well."

The comment surprised Chuck a little but he decided to let it slide. He racked his brain trying to think of other things they could do but he really sucked at coming up with ideas of entertainment for a child who wasn't yet four years old.

"Well… What would you like to do?"

Sebastian shrugged again and Chuck held back a groan. He walked slowly into the living room, Sebastian following him in silence. He stopped in the middle of the room and looked around, trying to find some inspiration. His eyes fell on a deck of "Go Fish" cards sitting on the living room table.

"Want to play cards?" he asked.

"You know how to play '_Go Fish_'?" Sebastian asked skeptically.

"Only one way to find out. What do you say?"

Sebastian shrugged again, a gesture that was starting to annoy Chuck, and walked over to take a seat on the couch. Chuck knelt on the opposite side of the table and grabbed the deck. "Go Fish" Smurf style. It didn't seem the least bit exciting but he was curious about his son's game philosophies. Both Chuck himself and Blair had always played to win, even as little children, and many times over the course of their childhoods they had ended up yelling and screaming at each other over who had really won and whether or not the other person had been cheating. He wondered if Sebastian had inherited that gene or if he was one of those children who just shrugged and moved on to something else if they lost.

He asked Sebastian to go over the rules with him, realizing he needed to brush up. He hadn't played "Go Fish" since he turned double digits. He dealt the cards and studied the ones on his hand, marveling at how ugly the Smurfs really were and realizing he hadn't a clue who half of them were.

"Poetwy Smuwf!" Sebastian demanded.

Chuck studied his smurfs. Two with a chef's hat, one Scottish one, one with glasses and one showing off his biceps but none that looked like they had anything to do with poetry.

"Go fish."

It only took a few minutes for Chuck to notice that Sebastian most definitely had his parents' outlook on playing games. He cheered loudly when Chuck had a card he asked for and his eyes turned dark with anger when he had to hand over a card. After the third time Chuck asked for a card he had he angrily tossed the card down on the coffee table rather than just handing it over. Five minutes later Chuck caught him grabbing a card from the pile on the table when he thought his father wasn't looking. He knew he should be discouraging these behaviors but he decided not to. For one he didn't want to be someone who lectured Sebastian and chastised him, at least not over harmless matters and before they had a better relationship. For another he thought it was rather funny that his son acted this way and didn't really mind it. When he lost the first round Sebastian cheered and seemed more excited than Chuck could remember him being in his company before.

"I want a rematch, Sebastian" he said. "I bet I can beat you if we do best out of three."

"I get to go first!"

"Alright" Chuck smiled.

They played another round and Chuck contemplated letting Sebastian win but decided to even the field a bit. He won the round and it only took about two minutes into the next round for Sebastian to begin to cheat. Amused by the child's antics Chuck looked out the window to give the boy the opportunity to cheat some more. It was then that he noticed the snow falling.

"Sebastian" he said. "Look. Out the window."

Sebastian eyed him skeptically and Chuck laughed a little.

"It's not a trick. I promise I won't touch the pile. Just take a look. It's starting to snow."

Sebastian turned to look and then tossed his cards on the table and ran over to the window. It was the first snowfall he had actually seen this winter; what little snow had fallen previously had done so during the night. He grabbed the windowsill and tried to look out the window from where he was standing but he was too short. Chuck walked up and grabbed him, lifting him up so he could see.

"What do you think?" he said. "Will Christmas be white after all?"

"Snow!" Sebastian cried.

"Do you want to go outside?" Chuck asked. "Snow is nice to look at but it's even more fun to be outside and feel it and smell it."

"Can we go to the pawk?"

"Sure." He frowned a little. "Though you don't have any real outdoor clothes. You'll get soaked through and through if you run around in just your pants."

"I want to go!"

"I know, just… We don't want you to catch a cold right before Christmas. Tell you what. I'll call your mom and ask her to meet us there. She can bring your overalls."

He set Sebastian down on the floor and the boy immediately ran for the door. Chuck smirked and grabbed his phone to call Blair.

* * *

><p>The snow was falling even heavier when Blair arrived in Central Park at the ice-skating rink where Chuck had told her to meet them. She had a bright smile on her face, excited by the falling snow and the prospect of spending a day out in the park with Chuck and Sebastian. Her smile grew even wider when she saw that they were alone, no Emmy in sight, and the sight of her son made her heart swell in her chest. He was standing with his arms stretched out and his head leaned back, mouth wide open, trying to catch as much of the falling snow as possible with his tongue. Chuck was next to him, watching him with an entertained smile that made Blair's heart melt.<p>

"Hello boys" she said with a warm smile as she approached them.

Sebastian said nothing, completely absorbed by what he was doing. Chuck laughed a little and smiled at Blair.

"This he gets from you."

"I seem to recall _you_ being the one who liked to do that when we were kids" Blair replied with a smile. "Sebastian, I brought your overalls."

"Don't need overalls" Sebastian claimed.

"That's a shame because you're not going to stay outside without them." She opened the large bag she had packed. "Come, let's put them on."

Sebastian reluctantly closed his mouth and looked at his mother. Blair took him by the hand and lead him over to a bench, sitting him down to put his overalls on.

"Since you asked me to meet you at the ice-skating rink I took the liberty of bringing my skates" Blair said to Chuck, hoping he wouldn't suggest that she go skating alone while he and Sebastian went somewhere else.

"I haven't skated since I was fifteen" he said instead.

"Then isn't it about time you did?" Blair suggested.

"What do you say, Sebastian?" Chuck asked. "Should we rent some skates and give it a try? I bet you you'll look just like Bambi the minute you're out on that rink."

"No I won't!" Sebastian argued.

"Yeah? Prove me wrong."

A short while later Blair was out on the ice, reveling in the feeling of gliding across the ice on a pair of skates again. She had always loved ice-skating but it had been several years now since she'd had the opportunity and the time. The first few minutes she was a bit wobbly but then she found her balance and gracefully sailed over the rink as if she hadn't done anything else her whole life. When she was little her father had let her take figure skating lessons and she still remembered a few tricks, leaning her upper body forward and lifting her right leg into the air as she made a wide turn.

"Don't try and do what she's doing" she heard Chuck tell Sebastian and realized that perhaps she should be setting a more responsible example.

She skated over to the other side of the rink where Chuck was gently pushing a very wobbly Sebastian forward on the ice. It was the most endearing sight she had seen all year and she grabbed her phone from her pocket to take a picture. Chuck had his hands on Sebastian's shoulders and the boy looked absolutely adorable in his purple helmet, his blue overalls, his mittens and the skates he was very wobbly on. She took three pictures and then put her phone away, skating up to them.

"Looking good, Bas" she said.

"I know" Chuck and Sebastian replied at the same time.

"Little Bas" Blair specified with a grin and sailed around so she was facing them. "Are you having fun, Sebastian?"

"My feet huwt."

"That's the skates. You'll get used to it."

She reached out her hands and Sebastian grabbed them. She began to back away, pulling him with her, and Chuck gave them a helpful shove. She skated backwards for a while, casting glances over her shoulders every few seconds to see where she was going, pulling Sebastian with her. Then Chuck came up to them, put his hands on Sebastian's shoulders again, and took over. Blair let go and moved to the side, skating next to Chuck as he pushed Sebastian around the rink going faster than Blair had done. Sebastian began to laugh and held his arms out like he was flying, probably pretending that he was but also attempting to keep his balance. After about ten minutes he stopped laughing and complained again about his feet aching.

"Perhaps that's enough skating for one afternoon" Chuck said. "Besides, all this snow is making it difficult."

They headed back to where they had stepped on the ice and left the rink. Once Sebastian's skates were off and his little boots back on he took off running without waiting for his parents. Chuck got his skates off quicker than Blair and hurried after, worried that he might slip and fall since there were ice patches underneath the snow in some spots.

It had been snowing for over an hour and a half and several inches had fallen. Sebastian got down on the ground and crawled around in the new snow, barking like a dog. Chuck stopped a couple of yards away, letting him play undisturbed. Blair came up to him and stopped to watch their son play. Sebastian rolled over on his back and then back around again, acting like he had never seen snow before in his life and shouting various things in French.

Chuck glanced over at Blair and for a moment the sight took his breath away. Her cheeks were rosy, her smile was bright and there was a sparkle in her eyes he hadn't seen in a very long time. Her soft, brown curls hung loosely down her shoulders and her back with a baby blue beret keeping her head and her ears warm. The beret matched the cashmere scarf she had wrapped around her neck and looked good with her white coat. She was beautiful. He had almost forgotten how beautiful she was, having not really seen her these past months, having not _wanted_ to see her. Right in this moment his guard was down and seeing her like this woke something inside him. He dismissed it in an instant but he couldn't deny that it had been there.

Blair felt his eyes on her but just for a brief second. She turned to look at him and by then his eyes were back on their boy. Her smile widened a bit when she looked at him, seeing him smile the way she liked best, when you could see his upper teeth. She thought that smile was adorable on him and it disappointed her that Sebastian never smiled like that, at least not yet. He had many of his father's features and mannerisms but his smiles were mostly Blair's.

"Mommy watch me!" Sebastian cried, vying for her attention.

"I'm watching, baby" she said, taking her eyes off Chuck.

Sebastian was rolled over on his back again waving his arms as if to make a snow angel but his legs went up and down in the air and not out to the sides.

"He has no talent for snow angels" Chuck remarked.

"What are you talking about? He's _perfecting_ the snow angel."

Blair walked over to Sebastian and tried to get him to move his legs to meet his hands and then back again, to make proper angels. Her instructions were lost on the boy and she had to admit defeat. Chuck walked closer and stepped on a patch of ice underneath the snow, slipping and very nearly losing his balance. He knelt down on the snowy ground, ignoring the icy wet feeling of the snow wetting his dress pants, and laughed.

"This is probably safer" he said. "The closer I get to the ground the softer I will fall. Sebastian be careful, there's ice underneath here."

Blair got down on her knees as well and tickled Sebastian. Then she put her hands on his legs to show him what to do to make a snow angel. Chuck came up to them and grabbed the boy's left leg, nodding to Blair to let go. She did and then they each moved one of his legs while Sebastian flapped his arms, finally creating a snow angel.

"Well, it's not the best looking snow angel of all time" Chuck noted when they were done and Sebastian had gotten back to crawling around on all fours. "Then again Basses swim, we don't fly."

"Apparently Basses walk on all fours" Blair said and laughed as Sebastian barked at her. "Perhaps I should put a leash on you, huh?"

None of them noticed Emmy who came walking towards them in the falling snow. Chuck had texted her and told her where they were going but it had taken her a good fifteen minutes to find them in the park. At first she had a smile on her face when she saw Chuck down on the ground with his laughing son but then the smile began to fade and she stopped ten yards away from them. Something about the sight of Chuck, Sebastian and Blair together gave her an uncertain feeling, almost as if she was intruding. It was the first time she had seen them resembling a family together and she knew that everyone who passed them by assumed they were a happy family out playing in the snow. Seeing Chuck relaxed in Blair's company brought back traces of old insecurities she had had regarding Blair and it was difficult to quench the feeling that she wanted to be the woman down in the snow instead of Sebastian's birth mother. Most of all she didn't know how to feel about the fact that this was the first time she had seen her boyfriend this relaxed without being post-coital since this summer, and the first time he had seemed genuinely happy in that time. She was happy to see him unwind but having it happen with Blair made her uneasy.

She stood there in silence for several minutes, watching mother, father and child play in the snow. Chuck was mostly observing, as per usual, but there was still a different feel to the scene before her than what she had witnessed previously.

Then Chuck looked up and spotted her and he smiled welcomingly at her.

"Hey, there you are!" he said, getting up and brushing the snow away from his pants even though he was already soaking wet.

His greeting made Emmy smile widely, all of her insecurities gone in an instant. Blair's smile on the other hand vanished at once, disappointed that the moment was gone. She had been reveling in the feeling of being like a family with the two people she loved the most and with the appearance of Emmy everything seemed to change in a heartbeat.

"You seem to be trying to catch a cold" Emmy said with a laugh and walked up to Chuck, giving him a quick kiss.

Blair got up and brushed herself off, mustering as much dignity as she could under the circumstances. Sebastian had gotten up on his feet and was running around with his arms stretched out making airplane noises and she kept her eyes on him, glad for the excuse to look anywhere but at Chuck and his girlfriend.

"Hey be careful!" Chuck called out to Sebastian. "The ground is slippery."

"Looking good, Sebastian" Emmy cried with a laugh.

"Hey Em, would you take him to get a pretzel or a donut or something?" Chuck asked. "I need to speak with Blair for a moment and I think it's better if Sebastian is not within earshot."

"Sure" Emmy said and walked over to the boy, extending her hand. "Come on, airborne. Let's get some warm donuts."

She took Sebastian by the hand and walked towards a vendor, asking him all about his day out in the park. Blair looked up at Chuck and wondered what was on his mind.

"So what's going on, Bass?" she asked. "What is it you want to talk to me about that you don't want him to overhear?"

"Christmas plans" Chuck said. "He's too little to have an input and if we're going to argue that's better taken care of without him as an audience."

"Why would we argue? We haven't had any arguments about him in a while now. Not since the temporary custody arrangements were signed. Listen, you are of course very welcome to spend Christmas with us. I think Sebastian would love it if you could."

"Yes, given how incredibly fond he is of me that would be the logical assumption" Chuck said dryly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and shoving his hands in his pockets to keep them warm.

"He's starting to warm up to you" Blair argued.

"He's a kid excited by the first snow. The fact that he smiled at me was just me getting caught in the crossfire."

"Come to our place for Christmas" Blair said. Her smile got a bit more strained. "I'll even let you bring Emmy."

"Your generosity knows no bounds. We're not coming on Christmas Day. If all of us are in the same room there will be tension and I don't want that for him on the holiday. What I want is to have Christmas Eve with him."

"Then come by on Christmas Eve."

"No… I want to pick him up around lunchtime on December 24th and bring him back around his bedtime."

"What?" Blair said. "Christmas Eve we sing carols by the piano. We eat dinner together and decorate the tree."

"You can do all those things on the 23rd" Chuck said. "Let me have him for Christmas Eve. Those traditions matter to you but they don't matter to him yet, he's too young. I want a chance to form some traditions of my own."

"You can do that at my place" Blair argued.

"That doesn't mean I want to. I want traditions that exclude you. Don't be offended, it's nothing personal against you. It's about me wanting something of my own with him. He's my son too Blair, a few hours on Christmas Eve is not that much to ask."

"So you're going to do what? Bring him back to your place and watch a movie? Recline in an armchair and watch Emmy play with him? No thank you."

"Actually I'm taking him to Lily's. Everyone is getting together, except for the Humphreys who will be in Hudson for some weird reunion of their own. I think Sebastian would enjoy it and Serena and Lily are really excited about having him there. Plus, he's never met Eric and this would be the perfect time."

Blair wrapped her arms around herself to keep warm, all the warmth she had been feeling five minutes ago gone. Everyone was gathering at Lily's? Everyone except her. She wasn't crazy enough to expect an invitation but when he phrased it like that it made it so obvious that she no longer belonged to the family. She really didn't want to agree to this but she couldn't think of any good reasons to say no. He wasn't making any crazy demands, just a few hours with his son. But why couldn't he invite her to come too? They could spend the evening at Lily's together.

"Fine" she said. "Pick him up before lunch, have him back home by six."

"Great. Thank you."

They stood there silently, waiting for Emmy to return with Sebastian. After a few minutes they came walking down the path, Sebastian chewing on a large pretzel. Blair made herself smile and bent down to pick up the bag she had brought to the park.

"Sebastian, are you ready to head home?"

"I want to stay in the pawk!"

"It's getting really chilly" Blair said. "You know, I bet when we get home there will be hot coco waiting for us. With whipped cream and marshmallows."

"That's your entire monthly intake of calories in one sitting" Chuck said with a laugh.

"I never said _I_ was drinking it" Blair pointed out. She put her hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "Come on, sweetie. Say goodbye to your father."

"Bye!" Sebastian said with a large wave.

"Bye" Chuck said. "I'll bring by your bag later."

Blair stopped and bent down to tuck Sebastian's overalls back inside his boots. Chuck and Emmy said goodbye and walked off in their direction. Blair rose to her feet and watched them leave, all feelings of joy and Christmas spirit now completely erased. She felt so jealous she barely knew what to do with herself. Why did those two have to stay together? Why couldn't she get desensitized and stop feeling that same sharp pain every time they looked at each other or touched each other or, worst of all, kissed each other? What she hated most was the natural ease with which Emmy wrapped her arms around him. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, not like she did it to mark her territory. She clearly didn't feel that she had to. Chuck was hers. The game had been lost a long time ago but Blair's heart never seemed to be able to accept it.

* * *

><p>I will tell you right now that next chapter won't depict Chuck's and Sebastian's first Christmas together. I haven't been able to write it up in any way that works and in the end I decided it was better left to the imagination.<p>

Let me know what you thought of the update.


	8. Chapter 8

This chapter was not originally supposed to be included… I was reading through the intended 8th chapter and realized it didn't work and that there seemed to be a chapter missing to bridge it with the previous one. So I sat down, moved some things around and wrote new stuff to better fit with what happens later. I don't know how well it holds up but I hope it's an okay read. I haven't had a chance to read through it myself so fingers crossed there aren't any blunders... =)

* * *

><p>The house was dead quiet. It was the middle of the night, Boxing Day since about two hours. Blair had been lying awake in her bed for the better part of those two hours, staring at the ceiling, trying to force herself to quench the sadness in her heart. The feeling was so overpowering sometimes. It took her breath away and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't enjoy moments that were supposed to be happy. Luckily there were other times, times when she felt genuine happiness. Without those times she wouldn't be able to survive.<p>

Christmas Day had started out as one of those days. Sebastian had been so happy and excited that it had been impossible not to be happy. Unfortunately that happiness hadn't lasted for very long. Chuck had called, wanting to wish Sebastian a merry Christmas even though they had spent the previous evening together. Blair had handed the phone to her son who had spoken to his father and to Emmy for about five minutes. The call had made it impossible to forget how much she hated the way things were and how badly she desired them to be different.

Lying awake in her bed all alone it was even more difficult to keep those feelings and thoughts at bay. She wanted things to be different with all her heart yet she was powerless to change it. She could scream at the top of her lungs and fight with everything she had but if Chuck loved Emmy there was nothing she could do about it. If Sebastian grew to love Emmy as a stepmother there was nothing she could do about that either, not without causing problems for her son. The fact that Chuck let Sebastian and Emmy spend so much time together and grow closer made her convinced that there was no hope. He wouldn't let his son form a bond with Emmy unless he planned on keeping her around for the long haul.

What made matters so much worse was knowing she had only herself to blame for all of this. It was her own choices that had led them to this path, right from the moment when she walked away from Chuck to be with Louis. Had she chosen Chuck instead they would have had it all. Their love for one another and a child to solidify that love. He would have never met Emmy and he would have had an amazing relationship with his son from the day he was born.

She sat up in bed, straight as if she'd swallowed a pitchfork, her heart pounding in her chest. She had been good for over ten days, fighting the devil inside her. Tonight it overwhelmed her. She felt like she couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't fight. She tossed the covers aside and got up, grabbing her robe but not bothering with the slippers. Shivering slightly she hurried over to the bathroom and opened the door.

The bathroom floor was cold beneath her feet but she barely noticed. She hurried over to the toilet, sank down on her knees and took a deep breath. When she purged it felt horrible and wonderful at the same time. It offered her relief and control. It was a physical outlet for all her anguish.

When she was done she closed the lid and rested her cheek against it, closing her eyes hard and hating the tears she felt wetting her cheeks. Purging might bring relief while she was doing it but once it was over it left her feeling even emptier than before. It scared her that she had fallen back into this pattern. What kind of a mother would she be able to be to her son if she was sick again? What if Chuck found out? Would he use it against her?

Trembling and slightly wobbly she rose to her feet and flushed. She walked over to the sink to wash her hands and gargle mouthwash, recoiling at the sight of herself in the mirror. Who was the pale, haggard woman looking back at her and where had Blair Waldorf gone? What had happened to her future? She was in her mid-twenties and felt like life was over. She couldn't keep this up. She had to find some other way of regaining control. Her whole life lay ahead of her and she could be so much more than this.

She didn't hear the bathroom door opening and almost jumped out of her skin when Sebastian's little voice broke the silence.

"Mama?"

She quickly dried her cheeks with the back of her hand and turned around, forcing a smile and hoping he wouldn't react to her distressed state.

"Why are you up?" he asked.

"Just using the bathroom" she said, terrified that her son would have caught her purging if he had walked in a few minutes earlier. "Come honey. I'll follow you back to your bed."

She took his hand and walked with him back into his room. She had to stop doing this to herself and to him. If he caught her purging she could always tell him she had the stomach flu or had eaten something she shouldn't but she didn't want to have to know her little son had seen her do something like that to herself.

He climbed up in his bed and she got in after him, wrapping the comforter around them both. He slept in a regular-sized bed here, his own bed having been left behind in France, and on nights like tonight she was glad. She didn't want to go back to her own bed and sleep all alone. She wrapped her arm around him and pulled him close, kissing the top of his head. At least she had him and could find some solace in that.

* * *

><p>Chuck was fast asleep, lying on his stomach with his cheek resting on his hand. Next to him Emmy was wide awake, lying on her side facing away from him. She wasn't feeling nearly as happy as she had expected to be the night after Christmas. She loved the holidays and had been looking forward to Christmas but it hadn't turned out the way she had expected it to. It was the first time in her life she had felt disappointed after Christmas and she wasn't sure how to handle that feeling in connection with what was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.<p>

They had had Sebastian with them at Lily's on Christmas Eve and it had been a pleasant evening. After they brought him back to Blair's place Chuck had been morose and she had let him be, understanding perfectly well why he wasn't feeling very jolly. They had spent Christmas Day alone together in her apartment and she had been looking forward to it, thinking it could be a really cozy Christmas with just the two of them. Things hadn't exactly gone the way she had hoped they would. They had exchanged gifts in the morning after calling Sebastian and then Chuck had kissed her eagerly and made love to her underneath the tree. That part had been perfectly in line with what she had had in mind but for the rest of the day he hadn't been acting like he was peaceful and at ease. They had had sex several times, each time initiated by him, but the only closeness between them had been physical. He had been as emotionally closed off as ever, seeming a million miles away when she tried to snuggle in his arms when they were wrapped together in a blanket on the couch. She had asked him what was on his mind and he had given her an evasive answer. She had told him about one of her favorite Christmas memories from childhood and he had barely seemed to be listening. She had tried to start a conversation about favorite Christmas movies but his answers had been short and uninterested. The whole day he was closed off and when they finally went to bed he had gone right to sleep.

For months now he had been closed off and there had been a distance between them she hadn't been able to breach. She had, perhaps naively, expected Christmas to be different. Instead it was just more of the same.

Her mind turned to Blair, the woman she was beginning to hate. All of this was her fault. It was beyond Emmy's comprehension how this woman could claim to love Chuck and then bring all of this on him. The fact that Blair still kept her head high and still acted like she could possibly have a claim on Chuck drove Emmy crazy. She could be fiercely protective of the things and people she cared about and she would like nothing better than to unleash her full wrath on Blair but she knew she had to respect the fact that she was Sebastian's mother.

She sighed and rolled over to look at Chuck. Even in his sleep he didn't look very happy. It killed her to see him go through all of this and it made it even worse that he wouldn't talk to her about it. It didn't seem fair that he should have to be this sad and she felt so powerless to do anything to help him. At this point she was willing to do just about anything.

The only thing she could do was support him and hope he would open up to her. If he didn't she wasn't sure what would happen.

* * *

><p>"It's a shame Nate and Serena won't be joining us for New Year's" Emmy said two days later, walking arm in arm with Chuck down fifth avenue. "The party won't be half as much fun without them."<p>

"I guess hitting the slopes held more allure" Chuck said.

"Should I get a new dress for the occasion?" Emmy wondered. "I know it's a mortal sin on the Upper East Side to wear something to more than one party but I really love that jade green dress I wore to my sister's birthday party. It's a shame to waste it."

"You'll look beautiful no matter what."

She glanced up at him, wondering what was on his mind. He had the hint of a smile on his lips and looked relaxed but she knew he wasn't completely paying attention.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"You'd be wasting your money."

She frowned. Obviously there was something on his mind. She hated when he didn't open up to her. Once they were back home she'd have to prod him a bit and find out what was going on. Whatever it was it probably wasn't something he wanted to discuss out on the streets.

"Maybe we should just go home" she said. "You don't seem like you're in the mood."

"No" he said. "I told you we'd have a day of pampering ourselves at your favorite spa and that's what we're going to do. We need it, both of us."

She smiled and felt a bit better. Their spa day had been one of his Christmas gifts to her and it was something they would be doing together. During their first two years together they had gone to get spa treatments every once in a while and she had always had a great time. Perhaps when they were both relaxed she would be able to get him to open up.

"I think you need this day of pampering more than I do" she said and kissed his cheek. "LeChuck, you are too tense."

"It's been one hell of a year."

"Luckily it's almost over" she smiled. "Next year will be so much better."

* * *

><p>"Be careful, Bas" Blair called out with a frown, watching her son go wild at the playground. "The bars are icy and the ground is really hard."<p>

If he heard her he ignored her. It was the first time he had gotten to play at a playground in weeks and he seemed to have a ton of pent-up energy that needed to be released. Blair frowned and shoved her hands in her pockets the same way Chuck tended to do. She was cold and bored and uneasy, wanting nothing more than to take her son back home and watch a movie or do something else that didn't involve going outdoors.

"Mommy watch me!" Sebastian cried, dangling from the monkey bars.

"Be careful!" Blair insisted.

"I am careful!"

She took her eyes off her son for a second when she heard the clicking of a camera. A lone photographer was taking pictures. She wanted to go over there and give him a piece of her mind but there was no point to it. All in all the media's reaction to Sebastian had been fairly mild and she should be thankful that the paparazzi mostly left them alone unless it was a slow news week. Since the existence of her son had been revealed through Chuck's public statement nobody had drawn any connections to Louis and Monaco and the huge scandal she had feared had never happened. A few photographers every now and then was something they could live with.

She turned her eyes back to her playing child. There weren't a lot of children out today. Most of them were probably at home playing with their Christmas gifts. Blair watched Sebastian exchange words with a boy roughly his own age and wondered if he was lonely. He hadn't made any friends since they moved to Manhattan and it was beginning to worry her. Chuck had brought up pre-school as way of making him socialize more with other children and she was giving more and more consideration to it. She didn't want her son to be like her, without any friends to spend his time with.

"Mommy look what I can do!" Sebastian cried and threw himself face-first down a slide.

"Sebastian!" Blair scolded angrily and strode over. "If you can't play safe you can't play at all." She grabbed his arm. "Come on, we're going home."

"But Mom!" Sebastian protested and began to cry. "I don't want to go home!"

"It's freezing out and you're going to hurt yourself."

"No I won't. I want to stay!"

"We're leaving" Blair said firmly, ushering him away from the playground. "We're going to the market to buy groceries for dinner and then we're heading home."

"I hate the mawket!"

"That's too bad."

Sebastian continued to loudly protest and Blair knew she was perhaps being a bit unfair but she was worried he might hurt himself. With everything else going on she didn't have the strength to deal with that kind of worry right now. From now on she would send Dorota with him to the playground.

"Sebastian Waldorf you stop that whining" she said sharply, more or less dragging him by the arm. "Mother is tired and doesn't want to hear it."

He paid no attention to her. Biting back a groan she steered him in the direction of the market, hoping the photographer was long gone by now and wasn't catching this far from lovely scene with his lens. If she had to read in the papers about how she was a bad mother and her son was unruly she might just throw a fit.

* * *

><p>Fresh from her pedicure Emmy walked into the room where Chuck was getting a massage. She wrapped her robe tighter around herself and smiled lovingly when she saw him stretched out on the table, relaxed and almost asleep while a massage therapist worked him over with hot lava stones. Seeing him like this was far better than getting her own pampering. It was like pampering to her heart and soul.<p>

She walked over to the massage table and knelt in front of him, paying no attention to the massage therapist. She placed her hands on his forearms and he opened his eyes, smiling slightly at her.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked, gently rubbing his arms.

"Relaxed" he mumbled.

"I'm glad."

The massage therapist finished her work and pulled a towel up to cover her client and keep him from getting cold. She then left the room and Chuck raised a suggestive eyebrow at Emmy, making her laugh.

"This is neither the place nor the time" she said.

"Just as well, I suppose" Chuck said, sitting up and putting his feet over the side of the massage table. "Right now I think every muscle in my body is completely relaxed. How about we sit in the hot tub for a while instead?"

She nodded and handed him his robe. Then she walked over to the hot tub on the other side of the room and sat down on the edge, settling for letting her feet and legs be soaked by the water. She had her own massage coming up in twenty minutes while Chuck would be getting a pedicure. It had always amused her how he enjoyed that kind of pampering, something she had never expected guys to be fond of. He let his robe drop by the tub and got in, sitting down between her legs and leaning back against her with a relaxed sigh. Her hands ran down his chest and then back up to settle on his shoulders.

"It's great to see you so relaxed, Mr. Bass" she said with a smile. "You've been so tense for so long I was beginning to think you'd never be able to unwind."

"Don't you worry about me" Chuck mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "It's been a rough year but Chuck Bass is not so easily defeated. You know my philosophy; when life gives you lemons…"

"Make lemonade? That does not sound like you."

"I was going to say: Shut up and eat your damn lemons."

She laughed a little.

"It's a bitter way of handling things" she said. "I'm better at making lemonade. You should give your lemons to me and let me handle it."

"This metaphor is starting to fall apart."

He opened his eyes and tilted his head back a bit further to look up at her.

"Listen, I know… that I've said some things over the past couple of weeks that have been… a bit…"

"A bit what?" she asked, knowing what he was referring to but wanting to hear him say it.

"Been a bit uncalled for. And hurtful. And I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"No it's not." He was silent for a few minutes, his mind drifting to other topics. "I've been thinking" he then said. "Maybe I should get a dog."

"A dog?"

"Yeah. Sebastian seems crazy about dogs. Don't you think he'd love having a puppy around when he comes to stay with us?"

"It's a lot of work having a dog" Emmy pointed out. "You sure you want to get one just to make your son happy for a while? Once the novelty wears off he might not be as fond of it anymore. He isn't even four yet."

"You think it would be trying to buy his affection?"

"No, but I think it's the wrong reason to get a dog. Though if you do want one go with a golden retriever."

"The ultimate family dog" Chuck nodded.

"Oh, you should name him Murray!" Emmy said, suddenly more excited about the idea.

"Murray?"

"Yeah!"

"You want me to name my son's dog after a demonic skull with delusions of grandeur?"

"Since Guybrush is already taken…"

"Why not just get a female dog and call her Elaine? If I do get one I think Sebastian should get to name him. Or her."

"Fair enough."

"I wonder what Blair would have to say about the dog idea…" Chuck mused.

Emmy frowned.

"Why would Blair have an opinion on you getting a dog?" she asked.

"It would be Sebastian's dog too."

"The dog will be living with us. Blair never has to see it other than when she drops Sebastian off and picks him up. So long as the dog doesn't end up biting him or he turns out to be allergic she has no right to have an opinion."

"Alright, alright. I get your point."

Emmy gently rubbed his shoulders, hoping they wouldn't tense up again.

"Chuck…" she said carefully. "This dog thing… that's now what's been on your mind all week. Maybe we should talk about what's bothering you?"

"There's nothing to talk about" he said and she could feel him tensing up a bit.

"All I'm saying is I'm here for you to share your burdens with" she said. "If there's a problem you're worrying about then maybe I can help you solve it?"

"There's no problem" he said and stood up. "I need to get going to my pedicure. See you in a bit."

He got up from the tub and grabbed his robe from the floor. Emmy sighed and pulled her feet up from the water. Dead end again.

* * *

><p>They returned to her apartment a few hours later, neither one of them as relaxed as they had planned on being. Chuck had barely said five words in the ride back and once they were home he walked straight to the bar to pour himself a drink. It made Emmy a bit uneasy that he seemed to be taking a lot of drinks these past few months but so long as he didn't get drunk or unruly she didn't think she had a right to police him. She walked after him into the living room and sat down in an armchair.<p>

"I think I know what's been on your mind" she said.

"What's been on my mind is that you're being an awful nag" Chuck muttered.

"You're thinking about New Year's Eve, aren't you?"

"What about it?"

"Fine" Emmy said with a sigh, getting up from her seat. "If you want to be that way then be that way. Here I was thinking it upset you not to get to celebrate the new year together with your son but clearly there are no clouds on your horizon whatsoever."

She walked past him to her bedroom to go call her sister. Chuck watched her go and cursed inwardly. It didn't take long after his apology for him to do something else to make her feel bad. Not only was he a failure as a father he was becoming more and more a failure as a boyfriend. He knew it wasn't right to treat her this way and that she only wanted what was best for him.

He emptied his tumbler in two gulps and set it down on a shelf. Then he walked over to the couch and slumped on it, reaching for the remote. He had never been much for channel surfing but he couldn't muster up the interest to decide on something specific to watch. Emmy had been right, he was obsessing over New Year's Eve but he didn't want to talk to her about it.

In a way there didn't even seem to be a problem. He wanted to celebrate it with Sebastian but three year-old children probably weren't up until midnight so he wouldn't get to celebrate it with him for real no matter what. There was always the option of joining Blair and Sebastian for dinner and leaving once Sebastian was in bed but he couldn't imagine that being a very pleasant occasion with Blair and Emmy clearly hating one another. It was the same problem they had had with Christmas. Spending the holiday together would make it uncomfortable for the person they wanted to enjoy it the most.

Perhaps they should just go skiing in Aspen with Serena and Nate and try to forget all about the world back in New York. Their friends would probably not protest, though he knew they wanted some time to themselves. Either way Emmy was really excited about the party they were set to attend and he wanted her to have a great time. Her life had been chaotic enough these past months and he felt she deserved a night of fun and excitement.

He closed his eyes and groaned. Why the hell did everything have to be so damn difficult?

* * *

><p>They ended up attending the party as planned. Emmy was bubbly and excited and he really wanted to enjoy himself or at the very least not ruin the night for her but his mind kept drifting to his son, wondering what he was doing. He put on his best fake smile, grabbed the first drink he could get a hold of, snuck his arm around Emmy's waist and did his best to pretend that this was just another party. The large banners wishing everyone a happy new 2016 made it quite difficult.<p>

"Look, there's Aaron and Melissa" Emmy said, pointing to a couple they had been to dinner with a handful of times. "I hear he's planning on popping the question real soon. Looks like we might be going to a wedding in 2016."

"They've only been dating a year and a half" Chuck pointed out, forgetting how he had bought an engagement ring for Blair after less than a year.

"I guess some people don't want to wait when they know it's right." She smiled and pulled a loose strain of hair away from her face. "When we get married we have to make Sebastian the ring bearer. Can you imagine how darling that would be?"

"I don't think that's part of our 2016" Chuck said, releasing his grip around her waist. "I'm going to get something stronger to drink than a gin and tonic. You want anything?"

"No."

"I'll be right back."

He walked over to the bar and got himself a new drink. While he waited for it he glanced back at his girlfriend and wondered if he had just hurt her feelings again. What the hell was wrong with him these days? Once he got the drink he walked back to her and managed to give her a genuine smile.

"You look absolutely gorgeous tonight" he told her. "Did I mention that yet?"

"Chuck" Emmy said, grabbing the drink from him. "No more alcohol for you right now."

"Emmy I-"

"You're being a grouch. And I know why. You should go."

"Excuse me?"

"You're here because I want to be here but it's not where you want to be right now. You should go to Blair's and spend a few hours with your son."

"It's past seven" Chuck pointed out. "He goes to bed at six."

"On New Year's Eve? Probably not. You should hurry. Go over there and be with him until he's fallen asleep. We'll still have lots of time together before midnight."

"Are you sure?" Chuck asked.

"Absolutely. And don't ask me to come with. We both know that's not going to make anyone's evening any fun. Go to Sebastian already. I want you to."

He leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"You're amazing" he told her. "I'll see you again in a few hours. Well before midnight."

He turned on his heel and hurried towards the exit. With any luck Sebastian would still be up for another hour or two.

* * *

><p>Surprised by the doorman calling to announce he had sent up a visitor Blair walked out from the kitchen to see who it was. She couldn't imagine who would be stopping by at this hour on New Year's Eve and when Chuck walked off the elevator she almost did a double-take. He was dressed for a party but he was alone, no Emmy in sight, and looked a little like he wasn't sure he was in the right place. She eyed him for a second, wondering if he was going to say anything.<p>

"What are you doing here?" she finally managed after some stuttering.

"Is Sebastian awake?"

"Yeah. He's in the kitchen, having ice-cream."

It confused her even more when he seemed to visibly relax at that information.

"Good" he said. "Am I… I'm not interrupting anything, I hope."

"No" Blair said. "I'm just… surprised. I wasn't expecting to see you."

"I know it's last minute and I know it's New Year's Eve and I know I haven't even talked to you about today" Chuck said. "I just really wanted to see my son for a bit. I know he'll be in bed long before midnight but it would mean a lot to me to get to wish him a happy new year."

"Of course" Blair said after a second. "Come on in. I think there's some ice-cream left."

"No thanks, I'm good."

He threw his coat on the divan and followed her into the kitchen where Sebastian was wolfing down ice-cream with chocolate syrup and bananas, having more dessert on his face than inside his mouth.

"Look who it is, Bas" Blair said, excitement beginning to build inside her. "We have a New Year's visitor."

"Hi" Sebastian said. "Where's Emmy?"

"She's not with me" Chuck said. "Mind if I sit down?"

"More chocolate sywup" Sebastian demanded.

Chuck took the absent of a protest as a sign it was okay to sit and pulled out a chair. Blair went to get more chocolate syrup and asked Chuck again if he didn't want a bit of ice-cream. He declined and began to wonder what on earth he was going to say or do. He hadn't thought that far yet and things could get pretty awkward if all he did was sit there and look at his son.

"How long will you be staying?" Blair asked.

"I… don't know" Chuck said. "I told Emmy I'd be back at the party in good time before midnight but that's still like three or four hours away."

"Sebastian and I were going to watch the Disney movie Lily gave him for Christmas" Blair said. "Perhaps you would like to stay and watch with us?"

"If that's alright with you, Sebastian" Chuck said.

"More ice-cream!"

"I think we can take that as a 'yes'" Blair said with a little laugh.

"Be careful Sebastian, you don't want to get a stomach ache" Chuck said gently.

Blair's smile widened a bit. She loved it when he acted like a concerned parent. Him being there with them tonight made her happier than she had been in a long time. She almost had to restrain herself so she didn't show him just how happy she was. The fact that he had come alone without Emmy made it so much better. It was her dream come true, just her boy, her love and she herself together on New Year's Eve.

* * *

><p>Sebastian stayed awake until just before ten, falling asleep in his mother's arms halfway through "<em>Bambi<em>", the second Disney movie of the evening. Chuck checked his watch and saw that it was later than he had expected but at least not too late. He looked over at Blair who seemed more serene than he had seen her since she came back into his life. She was gently stroking Sebastian's blonde hair with a smile on her face, watching the movie with a dreaming look in her eyes.

"I should get going" Chuck said and ruined the moment.

"What?" she said, waking up from her daydreams. "Already?"

"It's almost ten… on New Year's Eve… Sebastian's asleep."

"Oh. Right. Sure. Yeah, you should get going. I'm glad you came."

He stood up and studied his son, wondering how Blair would be able to get him to bed without waking him up again.

"Are you going to let him sleep down here tonight?" he asked.

"No I'll carry him upstairs in a few minutes."

"Let me do it. I'm stronger than you are."

As carefully as he could he took a hold of the sleeping child and with some difficulty stood up with Sebastian in his arms. The boy was heavier than he had expected and he wondered how Blair managed to carry him anywhere at all. They made their way up the stairs and Blair walked past him to pull aside Sebastian's covers. Chuck gently put him down in the bed and bid Blair a pleasant evening before walking out the door.

Blair glanced at Sebastian, knowing she ought to take his clothes off and put his pajamas on before she did anything else. She dismissed the thought. He could sleep in his regular clothes for a while, it wouldn't do him any harm. As quickly as she could she walked back down the stairs, catching Chuck as he was about to put his jacket on.

"Don't you want a drink before you go?" she asked.

"There are drinks at the party" Chuck said.

"At least have a sip of scotch."

He frowned and looked at the time. He supposed he could spare fifteen minutes. For some reason it bothered him to see her this way and know that she was all alone for the rest of the night. He put his coat down and took a seat while she went to get their drinks.

"I'm so glad you came" Blair said with an excitement that reminded him more of a school girl than a grown woman. She seemed to catch herself and rearranged her facial expression into something a touch more somber. "I mean, it meant the world to Sebastian."

"Thanks for trying, but we both know my presence probably just got in the way of his night of snuggling with Mommy."

"Watching a movie with Mom and Dad is the perfect New Year's when you're three."

"Except to him Dad is just a guest star in his life." Chuck studied the tumbler in his hand for a second and then took a sip. "It was nice to be here. Maybe he doesn't care that I was here now but when he's older he'll be able to see how much I've cared for him since I found out about him."

"I don't think he'll ever doubt that his father loves him" Blair said gently.

She leaned forward and set her tumbler down on a coaster. Chuck hadn't noticed until now that she was drinking scotch as well. She looked different than she had the day they spent together with Sebastian out in the snow, the last time they had been just the three of them. She looked a touch haggard and he wondered if she had lost some weight.

"Never known you to drink scotch before" he said. "Are you all out on other liquor?"

"There's a lot about me these days you don't know" Blair said with a hint of a smile, wishing they could have a chance to rediscover one another properly.

"Tell me about it" Chuck said dryly.

She looked away, knowing full well what his comment alluded to. Negative emotions began to build up inside her and she forced them away. She didn't want to feel that way. Not tonight, not when he had come to see them.

"I haven't actually had much alcohol at all since I got pregnant" she said. "Tonight I figured… why not try some scotch?"

"How was Sebastian's Christmas?" Chuck asked, not in the mood to hear stories of her life as pregnant or a single mom.

"It was great" Blair said, a little taken aback by the sudden change in topic.

"Good."

"How was yours?"

"It was Christmas" Chuck shrugged.

They continued to make awkward small talk for a while, Blair hoping he would stay longer and Chuck feeling bad about leaving her alone. Both felt it was strange to not have easily flowing conversation between them but at least it was for the most part friendly. Chuck had toned down his insults and his snarks over the past few weeks and for the most part Blair thought it was a relief. There was a part of her that worried this was all due to his feelings for her fundamentally changing and turning to indifference but she refused to let herself think about that tonight.

After a while Chuck looked at his watch and realized it was getting late. He quickly emptied his tumbler and got up, absent-mindedly thanking Blair for a nice evening and hurrying over to get his coat. Blair stood up and set her drink down, disappointed that he was leaving but realizing there had never been a chance he would stay until midnight.

"When Sebastian wakes up tell him I said: 'Happy 2016'" Chuck said, putting his coat on.

"Yeah" Blair said. "I will. It really was nice to see you tonight, Chuck."

He nodded slightly and stood there for a minute, knowing he had to go but feeling a bit strange about it. Blair did look thinner nowadays and more worn-down. For a fleeting second he wondered if she was sick but he quickly dismissed the thought. He took a step closer and almost on autopilot reached out his hand to brush aside a strain of her loosely hanging hair. He then bid her farewell and walked past her to the elevator, ignoring the eyes he felt following him until the elevator doors closed behind him.

* * *

><p>He arrived back at the party with less than ten minutes to go before midnight. New York traffic had been even busier than he had predicted tonight and he had pondered getting out of the limo and walking to assure he would get there on time, but the crowds in the streets implied that wouldn't be very easy either.<p>

He carelessly tossed his coat at someone who looked like they worked there and scanned the room to find Emmy. If he missed the stroke of midnight because he had been drinking scotch with Blair long after Sebastian had gone to sleep he would feel like an even shittier boyfriend than before. When he finally spotted her he breathed a sigh of relief. She was talking to one of her friends with a champagne flute in her hand, ready for the countdown to begin. He could tell that the smile on her face was fake and that she was very disappointed that he hadn't shown up yet. At least he had arrived in time and would be able to surprise her.

He grabbed a champagne flute from the nearest person, ignoring that person's protests, and walked up to Emmy.

"Looks like I'm just in time" he said.

She turned around when she heard his voice and the smile that lit her face made him feel like perhaps he had ended up arriving at the precisely right moment.

"How was it?" she asked, now bubbly and excited again.

"I think my son is going to begin his new year with an ice-cream induced stomach ache" Chuck smiled. "I bet he'll think it was worth it, though. How's the party been?"

"It's been good" she smiled. "It's even better now."

A few minutes later the countdown began and 2015 turned to 2016. Chuck and Emmy clinked their flutes together and each took a sip of champagne before setting the flutes down on a nearby counter. Emmy wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close for a kiss. He kissed her back with more affection than he had in some time, wrapping his arms around her waist. The kiss deepened and he heard someone jokingly telling them to get a room. When their lips parted he smiled at her though wasn't quite matching the beaming smile on her face.

"Happy new year, plunder bunny" she said.

"Happy new year."

He pulled her closer for a hug. The moment felt strange. He was glad she was having such a great time but he couldn't help but wonder if spirits would be as high when they welcomed 2017. In fact he wasn't even sure they would be kissing each other at the stroke of midnight next year. Instead of being something that kept him afloat his relationship was beginning to feel like a burden.

* * *

><p>So that's that. Next chapter should be up shortly since I just need to adjust it to this one. Thank you for reading!<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

This chapter is probably a little longer than the previous ones, if not by much… It's been one of those chapters that refuses to turn out the way I want it to. It has lots of Emmy and I know she's not exactly a fan favorite but hopefully you won't be bored out of your skull =)

* * *

><p>Nate and Serena spent New Year's Eve skiing in Aspen, enjoying themselves so much they decided to stay an additional three days. When they got back to New York Nate dropped Serena off at her apartment and then went back to his own place to unpack, take a shower and get some rest. There hadn't been much sleep during their trip, with the days spent in the slopes and the nights spent naked in front of the fireplace.<p>

He walked inside his apartment whistling a new pop hit to himself, expecting to find the place empty. Chuck was rarely there, usually spending his time at work or at Emmy's, much the same as things had been the entire time they'd had the place. So when he passed through the living room and found Emmy on the couch with a magazine he almost did a double-take.

"Emmy!" he exclaimed. "What, uh… I mean… I didn't expect to see you here. Happy new year! Where's Chuck?"

"Chuck is not here" Emmy said, sitting up and putting her magazine aside. "I'm waiting for him to get home."

"Is everything alright?" Nate asked. She didn't look very happy.

"Nothing's happened while you were away, if that's what you're asking."

"I'm going to go hit the shower" Nate said. "Trust me, I need to. When I get back out, how about we talk? From the looks of it there's _something_ going on."

Emmy nodded and picked up her magazine again. Her eyes followed Nate as he walked towards his room and she wondered what she should tell him and if she really should tell him anything. But she needed to talk to someone. Everything was driving her crazy.

Nate eventually got out of the shower and came strolling back into the living room, wearing jeans and a casual sweater while trying to towel his hair dry.

"Do you think I should shave my beard?" he asked. "I've never really liked the feel of it when it's wet after a shower. Serena says she likes the way it tickles but I'm starting to think that perhaps I should go with more of a goatee or something."

"Sure" Emmy said with a shrug, not really paying attention.

"Really? You think a goatee would suit me? I hope you're willing to back me up when Serena freaks." He slumped down in an armchair and tossed the towel on the floor. "Okay, what is it? What's bothering you?"

"It's… nothing."

"I haven't seen you since Christmas Eve… Did something happen on Christmas Day? Did Blair cause some form of drama?"

"No" Emmy said. "No nothing happened. Chuck and I spent the day at my place like we'd planned."

"Sounds nice."

"It was. Well, sort of. We didn't really… _do_ much, you know? Or talk much. We just… ate and had sex."

"Yeah that sounds like Chuck" Nate said with a little chuckle. "Whenever he's depressed that's the go-to thing. Sex and alcohol."

"What?"

"You know he's never been a big fan of Christmas, and with the whole Sebastian thing this year…"

"No, I mean about the sex and alcohol. What do you mean it's his go-to thing?"

"You guys are having too much sex? Is that the problem?" Nate asked, looking entertained with the idea.

"No…"

"I know you guys have been going through a lot this past year" Nate said, turning serious. "It will get better. Right now he just needs to… go through it. He's not very good at the emotional stuff, you know? It takes time. He'll get there."

"I can't reach him" Emmy said in a sad voice. "He just… closes off and nothing that I say or do matters. Like he doesn't want me there. Like he doesn't want anyone there."

"Yeah he's pretty good at that" Nate nodded. "Once something is really bothering him he closes off and won't let you in. I learned like fifteen years ago to just let him be when he gets like that. I often think he would be much better off if he confided in people but he doesn't. He bottles it all up inside and tries to manage it on his own. The only…"

He trailed off and almost let out a joyless laugh. He hoped Emmy wouldn't catch on to the fact that he had been about to say that there was an exception to the rule but she latched on to that notion very eagerly.

"The only what?" she asked. "Come on, tell me."

"It's not important."

"It is Nate. I'm his girlfriend, he shares his life with me, I should be allowed in. He can't shut me out this way, that's not how companionship works."

"I was never able to reach him when he got like this" Nate said, deciding to just be frank. "Neither was Serena. Nor was Bart back when he still tried, though that was a very long time ago, let me tell you. But Blair…"

He trailed off again. What he was about to say might hurt her and he hesitated. The look in her eyes made it clear she had understood anyway and that it was indeed hurtful to her.

"But Blair could, is that it?" she asked. "Wonderful, magical Blair was never shut out by him, ever."

"Oh he shut her out too" Nate said. "When we were growing up he didn't turn to her either when he got this way."

"Why would it matter to me if he confided in her when he was eleven?" Emmy asked, sounding bitter. "When she was his girlfriend, did he shut her out then?"

"No" Nate said. "Not all the time. I… Honestly I don't know all that well, I mean neither one of them talked much about it with me and it was a long time ago. But yeah, there were times when he initially shut her out but eventually she got him to open up to her."

"How long is '_eventually_'?" Emmy asked, sounding hopeful.

"I don't know, a week? A few hours? He doesn't go around shutting down all the time and they only dated for ten months. Though I know when Bart died she was the one he turned to."

"I see" Emmy said, looking really sad.

"For what it's worth…" Nate said. "He's not going to be opening up to her about anything this time around."

"Still…" Emmy said in what was barely more than a whisper.

"Come on, Emmy" Nate said. "Chuck loves you. He just…"

"He just loved Blair more."

"He's not going to leave you for Blair" Nate insisted.

"That's not what I'm saying either. I'm saying when he was with her he opened up and let her in. He would never have shut her out the way he does now with me. She really did a number on him. He can't truly trust anyone and it's all thanks to her. In spite all of this he still…"

"Still what?"

"He still can't hate her. I'm not an advocate for people to hate the mother of their children but if anyone has deserved his disdain it's her, yet he doesn't feel that way. I don't understand it Nate, _tell me_, what has she done to warrant that from him? Why doesn't he hate her?"

"Are you sure he doesn't" Nate asked. "He doesn't speak very highly of her."

"He doesn't hate her. I can tell." She shook her head. "You know what? Forget her. She's not even the real problem. Nate I'm worried that my boyfriend is slipping away from me and I haven't got the first clue what to do to stop it."

"I wish I could help you Emmy" Nate said. "If anyone deserves his loyalty and love it's you. And you have it. Him not being able to open up has nothing to do with _you_."

"I can't accept that there's no way to break through his walls" Emmy said. "I've tried being patient, I've tried giving him space. We've reached the point where something's got to give. We can't go on like this."

"Emmy please don't give up on him" Nate said, leaning forward in his chair. "He needs you right now. Everybody has given up on him, even Serena and me have shaken our heads at times and left him to handle his crises on his own. He needs someone to believe in him and be there for him and prove to him that love means never walking away even when the other person is giving you every reason to."

"You're saying this is some form of subconscious test?" Emmy asked tentatively. "On some level he's testing me to see if I'll still be there?"

"Everyone has left him at one point or another. Perhaps sometimes he's deserved it but this is not one of those times."

Emmy nodded slowly, processing everything he was saying. There was a knock on the door and Nate looked over to the hallway.

"Is it okay if I go see who it is?"

"Yeah" she said with another nod. "Thanks, Nate."

He got up and left to answer the door while she remained seated on the couch. Nate was probably right. He had known Chuck longer than anyone. If Chuck had never had anyone stay by his side through whatever came his way then it was no real wonder that he didn't let her in now. If this was some kind of subconscious test she was determined to pass. She knew that there ought to be a limit to what anyone could put up with but she was willing to set hers pretty far from where they currently were if it meant helping him and showing him how much she truly cared. She wasn't about to let him drive her away. She may be mild mannered but she could be unbelievably stubborn, especially when fighting for something she wanted. And more than anything she wanted Chuck Bass.

Nate came back with Dan Humphrey in tow.

"Hey, sorry about the interruption" Nate said with an apologetic smile. "I tried to tell Dan to come back later, but…"

"No, that's fine" Emmy said, not even noticing who the newly arrived person was. "I'm going to go wait for Chuck in his room."

She got up and hurried off, deep in thought. Nate watched her go and shook his head.

"Chuck's lucky to have her" he said. "I think she'll stay in his corner no matter what."

Dan made no comment. In his mind Chuck didn't deserve any such loyalty but he had to admit that this was one case where Chuck was entitled to act out of sorts and keep people at a distance. That was probably the way most people would react and there couldn't be anything wrong with standing by your loved one in a situation like that, no matter how difficult it might get. What he couldn't wrap his mind around was how Chuck kept having women care that deeply about him and be that devoted to him. Dan himself hadn't been able to make any woman fight like that for him.

"Okay, so spill it" Nate said, flopping down on the armchair he had been sitting in before. "What brings you here? I thought you would be back in LA by now."

"I'm not in that big a hurry to get back" Dan admitted, taking a seat. "I'm suffering from a really huge bout of writer's block and…" He shrugged. "Might as well stay back here on the east coast for a while."

"So what brings you _here_? If Serena comes by before you leaves she'll throw a fit."

"Nate… Isn't it time you forgave me?" Dan said. "I might be able to understand why Serena doesn't but I never did anything to you that's worse than what any of your other friends have done to you and to each other over the years."

"I don't really see how we can be friends after this" Nate said with a shrug. "I'm with Chuck in this, you know that. I don't see how I can continue to hang out with the guy who kept my best friend in the dark about his son for over three years just so he could have a shot with the child's mother."

"You think Chuck would disown you as a friend if you didn't disown me?"

"Chuck's not really the disowning type. Once he's decided that you're a friend he'll stick with you. What Chuck would do about it is not really the issue. I don't feel right hanging out with you as if nothing happened when I have front row seats to how my best bud's life is falling apart, partly thanks to you."

"From what I understand you haven't cut Blair out of your life" Dan replied. "I'm not going to say that I'm an angel and she's a bitch but I can't see how she can be worthy of forgiveness and I'm not."

"I _have_ to accept Blair" Nate pointed out. "She's Sebastian's mother. But you? There's no need for me to rebuild our friendship."

"You can't even rebuild it for the sake…"

Dan trailed off when he heard the door open and shut. Chuck was home. He felt himself tense up, nervous of what Chuck's reaction would be when he saw him in his apartment. Nate kept quiet until Chuck walked into the room, on his way to his bedroom, not sure what to say. Chuck stopped, cast a glance at Dan and then continued on his way. He thought he heard Nate say his name on his way down the hall but he didn't bother to go back and check. He found it weird that Dan Humphrey was there but he didn't really care much. If Nate wanted to be buddies with him again then it wasn't Chuck's place to approve or disapprove.

He opened the door to his bedroom and found Emmy sitting on the edge of the bed with a morose look on her face.

"Hey" he said with a frown. "Is everything okay?"

"I want us to have a talk" Emmy said, giving him a look he couldn't quite decipher.

"… Okay" he said hesitatingly and removed his bowtie.

"Most of all, _you_ need to talk." She rose from her seat and walked over to him. "Chuck I've watched you agonize over everything that's happened over these past months. You've barely spoken three words to me about any of it, acting as if there's nothing to talk about when there's _everything_ to talk about."

"I don't need to talk" Chuck said, walking over to the closet to hang up his jacket.

"Maybe you do."

"Talking isn't going to change anything" he said, sounding annoyed. "It is what it is. It doesn't make me feel better to put things into words."

"_I_ need you to talk."

He paused for a second, then hung his jacket up and closed the closet. He turned around and looked at her, a little surprised by what she had said.

"I need you to talk" she repeated. "I need you to let me in. You're going through something… huge… and just watching from the sidelines is too difficult. I really think you would feel better if you talked about it but even if I'm wrong we're both in this relationship and I need to be let in. Whatever it is you're thinking and feeling it's not going to make me leave you. No matter how bad you think it is."

He swallowed and looked away, in his mind hearing the echo of similar words Blair had once spoken.

"_The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything._"

In the end those words had been meaningless. He knew it was all his own fault, that he had pushed Blair too far, but it had taught him that no one could be counted upon to always be there, no matter how much they loved you. Everybody had their limit. Chuck himself hadn't been there for Blair no matter what. In return she had left him and never really returned. He knew Emmy probably meant the words she said but that didn't make them true.

"You should be careful with saying things like that" he said. "You might one day find yourself in a place where you can't live up to them."

"No" she said. "I will be here for you Chuck. I always have been, haven't I?"

"You haven't seen the darkness I'm truly capable of."

"Then what is it that's going through your mind that is so terrible you think it would make me run?"

"No, it's not… it's not about that" he sighed. "I'm not hiding some dark truth from you. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't vow to stand by someone when you can't know that you will be able to."

"Chuck" Emmy said with a hint of a smile. "It's called taking a leap of faith. I know you've been hurt and that people have abandoned you but that doesn't mean I will, and if everyone reasoned the way you just did nobody would ever get married, or start a family. You put your faith in me before. Why is it different now?"

"Look, I'm sorry that I've been… pushing you away. It's not personal against you. I just don't want to talk about it. Besides you won't understand because you weren't there all those years when my life was a huge mess. There are things at work here which you can't comprehend and I can't explain them to you."

"You have to give me a chance."

"Emmy this whole mess is about me and Blair and a poor kid who got caught up in our… crazy, dysfunctional melodrama. I'm grateful for your support but I can't put my feelings or problems into words and I shouldn't have to."

"We're in this together. If you fall then I fall too."

He knew her words were meant to be soothing and encouraging but the only effect they had on him was to frustrate him. Their connection wasn't that deep and it baffled him that she could think so. He had only experienced that kind of connection once, and now he doubted even that it had been real. Regardless though of what he and Blair had been he knew he had never felt the same kind of connection with Emmy as he had with Blair.

"No we're not and no you don't" he said and looked up at her. "You can't possibly know. This affects _me_ and it does so in ways you can't imagine. You cannot possibly be affected by this the way that I am and my life can crumble and shatter without yours doing the same. We're a couple. We're not one individual."

He didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't stomach listening to her talk this way. He felt more alone than he ever had in his life and her love couldn't do a thing to change that.

"Charles Bass" she said, her voice quivering. "Do you think your pain doesn't affect me? Do you think watching you fall apart doesn't kill me inside? You're right, I can't feel what you feel right now but seeing you in this turmoil pains me to the point where nothing matters except easing your pain. You think this doesn't affect my life, my world? It affects you and therefore effects me. Not only that, this boy is part of my world too. Our children will be his siblings."

"Your world shouldn't _have_ to be affected this much" he said, feeling guilty over everything she had been put through.

"But it is. Just like it would affect you if something bad happened to me."

He walked over to her and pulled her close. He had no idea what to say to her to make her back off and on some level he knew that her request wasn't so unreasonable. He just couldn't bring himself to open up to her. He wanted to have his thoughts and his concerns to himself and try and process everything internally. On some level it felt like he was in grief, grieving the years he had missed with his child and the consequences those missing years had had on their relationship, not to mention grieving what he could have had with Blair. He saw no point in trying to explain anything to her because it was something nobody could fathom unless they experienced it themselves.

He pulled back from the hug and gave her a smile which didn't reach his eyes.

"I'm really tired" he said. "I'm going to go take a shower. I know you're trying your best to help me and I appreciate it. I just need to handle some things on my own. I understand if you can't be patient but I hope you will be."

"How can you even doubt it?" she asked.

"It's a lot to ask."

"Sometimes I wonder if you really know how much I love you."

His smile got a bit more genuine and he gave her a kiss. Then he took his hands off her and walked to his bathroom to take a shower. Emmy watched him go and took a quivering breath, feeling her earlier resolve weaken a bit. Nothing seemed to have any effect. No matter what she said she still got no response.

She walked slowly through the apartment, ready to go home. She wasn't in the mood for another evening of him being preoccupied with his issues without opening up to her and if he wanted to spend time with her he could come find her. As much as she loved him she did have a life outside of him and she could spend her evening with her sister or one of her friends instead of with her closed-off boyfriend.

In the hallway by the door she ran into Dan who was putting his coat back on.

"Hey" he said. "You're leaving?"

"Yes" she said, managing a smile.

"Yeah me too. Nate got a call from Serena and this apparently means I can't be around anymore." He wrapped his scarf around his neck and made a face. "Maybe I should just accept that I've been shunned and start looking for new friends."

"Or maybe you should try harder to win your friends back" Emmy muttered while reaching for her coat, too preoccupied with her own problems to pay much attention to his.

Dan studied her with curiosity while she put her coat and gloves on. He didn't know her but he liked her, she seemed friendly. It bothered him to see her looking so gloomy and even though he didn't know what was troubling her at the moment he knew her life had been difficult lately and he was partly to blame.

"Bad day?" he asked.

"You have no idea" she groaned.

"Hey listen, I… You look like you could need a drink."

She put her hat on and gave him a funny look.

"What?"

"We've both had kind of bad days and… I don't know, I just thought… Would you like to get a drink?" When she just looked at him with a puzzled expression he began to feel embarrassed. "Perhaps your boyfriend will think you're fraternizing with the enemy. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I just thought…"

"No" she said. "No actually a drink sounds good."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She smiled a little. She would like to know more about this guy who hated Chuck and who had known about Sebastian all along. Maybe he could shed some light on the situation. And if it bothered Chuck that she spent time with Dan then maybe that was just what he deserved. "A drink sounds good."

"Oh. Okay then."

He opened the door and held it up for her, thanking his lucky star Chuck wouldn't get to see them out having drinks on _Gossip Girl_.

* * *

><p>They went to a quiet bar located where Butter had once been and ordered their drinks. Neither one of them said much until the drinks were served, both waiting for the other to start up a conversation.<p>

"I never read your book" Emmy said after a few minutes of silence, stirring her drink with her toothpick after biting off the olive.

"Oh. Well, uhm… you know, you probably don't need to. I kill off Chuck. You probably won't like it."

"You don't like my boyfriend very much."

"Him and I have always… butted heads." It didn't seem polite to tell her he thought her boyfriend was something of a sociopath. "What surprises me is that you've been with him for years now and you seem to think of him as… I don't know. Like some innocent, cuddly teddybear or something."

Emmy chuckled.

"I have no such illusions about him. I know he has his darker sides. But when push comes to shove he's a good man and he's been very good to me. We have a good life together." She made a face and looked down at the stirring toothpick. "Or, we had."

"It's not so easy finding out your boyfriend is a father" Dan nodded.

"It's not that. I think Sebastian is great and I'm happy to be his stepmom. The problem is Chuck. He tries to act like nothing's bothering him but he's been depressed ever since the truth came out. He's missed so much time with his son. I do not understand how he can stomach being around that woman after what she's done."

She stopped herself from saying anything else, surprised by the bitterness in her own voice. She didn't want to reveal too much to this stranger, especially given his relationship to Chuck. She took a sip from her drink and moved a loose strain of hair away from her face. Dan studied her with interest.

"Are things… good… with Chuck and Blair?"

"He can't put his foot down with her. She gets to dictate the terms, all the time, and our lives have to be adjusted according to her wishes and whims. She took the most valuable thing he's ever had away from him and yet I don't get the feeling that he deeply resents her for it. He resents what she's done but I get the feeling that he can't bring himself to hate _her_."

"Has he said that?"

"No." She laughed bitterly. "He doesn't say much of anything."

"Listen, I understand better than anyone what it's like to be in love with one of those two, and to want a future together. I've been in love with Blair for years now but she's never let go of Chuck."

"But that's Blair" Emmy argued. "Chuck let go of _her_ years ago."

"But he also didn't" Dan argued in return. "There's a connection between them. You feel it even though you don't want to and you know it's about more than Sebastian. It doesn't seem to matter what happens between them, they can't hate one another."

"Maybe what you're saying is true of Blair" Emmy said. "Maybe she can't let go of her feelings for Chuck, though if you ask me she's had one hell of a weird way of showing those feelings these past few years. Chuck is different. He moved on. He loves me now."

"I'm sure he does" Dan nodded. "It doesn't change my point. There's still some damn connection there which they can't seem to shake. Maybe they don't want to."

"Sometimes I have wondered what they were like when they were together…" Emmy said, stirring her toothpick again. "What could have possibly transpired between them to make Chuck…" She interrupted her line of thought and took another sip from her drink. "Maybe it's not even about her. He was younger when they were together, less damaged. _She_ did a lot of damage."

"Hey, if anybody damaged anybody it was Chuck who damaged Blair" Dan objected, feeling offended by the insinuation that Blair had been the worse party back when they were all teenagers.

"I think he was just more open back then" Emmy said. "More willing to let people in. Then he got burned even further and he… closed off. It wasn't that she was special, it was he who was different."

Dan didn't give much credit to her reasoning, recognizing it as wishful thinking more than anything else. He was starting to feel like he had found a person of like mind in Emmy, someone else who knew what it was like to be caught up in the Chuck and Blair mythos. They may not have much in common outside of that but in this regard she was perhaps the only one who could fully understand what he had been feeling these past years. He had wanted to believe the same thing she was currently trying to tell herself, that it had never been about Chuck and Blair but rather about circumstance. By now he knew better and it seemed to him that the sooner she realized that and came to accept it the better her chances were of having a functional relationship. Chuck did seem devoted to her and she was perhaps right that he no longer cared about Blair the way that Blair cared about him. Dan had wanted to be with Blair but she had turned him down. Emmy wanted to be with Chuck and had been his girlfriend for four years. But now that Blair was back in their lives she needed to realize and accept that Chuck had a bond with her that went beyond their son. Perhaps it was possible for Emmy and Chuck to be happy together in spite of that but she still had to accept it.

"I don't know…" he said tentatively. "I hope for your sake that you're right."

"I must be" Emmy concluded. "Who wouldn't be messed up if they had gone through what he's gone through?"

"Hey, again, he put her through a lot of crap too."

"I know" Emmy nodded. "In a way, doesn't that just further prove my point? They weren't that special to one another, they were just different back then."

Dan shook his head slowly.

"Whatever our souls are made of, theirs are the same" he muttered, reprising the words Blair had said which had echoed in his mind ever since.

"What?"

"Something Blair said to me."

"Maybe Blair fancies herself to be Cathy but my Chuck is not a Heathcliff" Emmy snorted and finally put the toothpick aside.

"What?"

"Everybody just loves to villanize him but he's _not_ like that" Emmy continued with an irritated frown. "If Blair can't outgrow whatever weird teenage fantasies she had then that's her business. I know my boyfriend and he is no Heathcliff, especially not to her."

"I'm sorry, back up here" Dan said. "Who said Chuck was Heathcliff?"

"Blair, apparently" Emmy said.

"Look, I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I do know this… Blair and Chuck have a connection. You're just going to have to accept that. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm just telling you what I didn't want to see but eventually had to face."

"Of course they have a connection. They share a son. It's not my ideal situation but I'm okay with Blair being part of our lives through Sebastian."

"It's got nothing to do with their son" Dan said. "Listen, if you love him… and want a life with him… you have to be prepared to accept that Blair has a place in his heart no one else can compete with. That's just the way it is with those two. I'm not saying he doesn't love you too or even that he doesn't love you more. I'm just saying he'll never not love Blair."

"That's a bold assumption to make when you barely even know him" Emmy snorted. "I'm sorry if you've got feelings for Blair and she's not over my boyfriend but that doesn't mean that Chuck still loves her. She took his child from him, Dan."

"Yes, she did. Even so he doesn't hate her."

"That doesn't mean he _loves_ her."

"He does, though" Dan insisted. "For your sake I hope I'm wrong. Experience tells me that Chuck will never be completely over Blair. I haven't wanted to admit it but the more I've thought about it the more I've come to see that there is something to what Blair said about their souls. They seem to have a way of understanding one another in a way that nobody else can. If you can be okay with that then good for you. Honestly though… I think you seem like a really nice person and you deserve better than to always have to compete with what Blair is to him."

"Tell me this" Emmy said. "You're in love with her. Have you given up on her? Do you think it isn't worth it to fight for her?"

"She won't even talk to me anymore."

"But if she did… and if she wanted to be with you… would you walk away because of her connection with my boyfriend?"

"No" Dan said after a moment.

"I didn't think so" Emmy said and got up from her barstool. "Listen Humphrey, perhaps you mean well but I think you're just upset and bitter that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. My boyfriend loves me. I'm not doubting _us_. Our problems are of a different nature."

She grabbed her purse, placed some money on the table to pay for her drink and strode out of the bar with her head held high. Dan watched her go and shook his head, wondering if she would be able to stay afloat through what was coming or if she would end up being destroyed by the force of Chuck and Blair.

* * *

><p>Blair was seated on the divan in the downstairs sitting room reading a job application on her laptop when the sound of the elevator ringing made her look up. She was expecting her mother or Cyrus to come walking in but instead Emmy stepped off the elevator, looking a touch insecure but at the same time determined. Frowning Blair took off her reading glasses and set them down on the table, putting her laptop down on the divan next to her, and got up.<p>

"Miss… Banks, was it?" she said and walked over.

She smiled a little, every fiber in her body alert and in a pouncing mode. She didn't have the faintest idea why Chuck's meek girlfriend would come to see her but if this constant annoyance in her life wanted something from her or thought she could intimidate her then she'd better think again.

"Hello Blair" Emmy said. "I've come to ask for your help."

"Is that so?" Blair asked with a completely disingenuous sweetness in her voice. "I assume you _want_ something from me. Seeing as how you've already got the father of my child, my best friend, my entire circle of friends really, I can only assume you've come for one of the two things of mine which you don't have."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I assume you're here either to adopt Sebastian or take over Dorota's contract. Whichever it is the answer is don't let the elevator doors squish you on the way out."

"I'm not here to start a fight, Blair" Emmy said in a dead serious voice and put her purse down on the hallway table. "I'm serious. I need your help. It's about Chuck."

"Chuck?" For a brief second Blair felt a sense of worry, wondering if there was something wrong with him, but then she dismissed it and smirked. "I don't see how I can be of any help to you. You're his girlfriend. The one he shares his life with."

Emmy tried to ignore the tone in Blair's voice. Coming to see her was more than a little difficult but it was the only thing she could think of. She refused to believe Chuck still loved Blair and didn't like the notion that the other woman might know her boyfriend better than she did herself but if Blair did know some secret trick to getting him to open up then she saw no other option.

"I know the two of you were very close when you were together."

"Uhm, yeah. That's the definition of being together – you're exceptionally close to the other person."

"It's not easy for me to come to you with this" Emmy said, refusing to be goaded. "I just want what's best for him. You don't know how this has affected him, everything that came with finding out he's a father."

"I do know" Blair said. "I see it in him every time we meet."

"What you see is brief glimpses. I see him every day. He's sinking and I don't know how to help him stay afloat. That's why I came to you. He used to open up to you. I don't know how to get him to do that and I was hoping you would help me."

Blair sniggered. Why would she help this woman out in any way if the idea was to help strengthen her relationship with Chuck? Blair was certainly not going to help save that relationship.

"I know you don't like me" Emmy said, nearing the end of her rope. "I'm not asking you to do this for me. I'm asking for him. Please… Help me help him."

"You've dated Chuck Bass for four years and you don't know the trick to get him to open up?" Blair sniggered. "Are you guys having sex at all?"

Emmy blushed.

"I don't see how that-"

"Chuck opens up post-game. He needs to give himself to you physically before he can give anything of his internal struggles."

"Well since you were the one who brought it up… We are having sex. More so now than we ever have, to be frank."

Blair cringed inwardly at this information yet it didn't hurt quite as much as it might have. Chuck had always behaved this way, turning to sex for comfort when his emotions were a mess. Screw the pain away. If they were having sex more often now than before that was a sign that it was him employing a coping mechanism and not necessarily a sign that his relationship was better than ever. The last part was comforting but the knowledge that he needed to resort back to his old defenses troubled her.

"So, in the midst of all this… fornication…" she said. "He still keeps his mouth shut? Maybe they don't have pillow talk in Iowa but you should look into it."

"He's never been this closed-off before" Emmy said and looked down at her shoes, feeling very awkward having this discussion with Blair of all people. "It's like everything changed after Sebastian. I expected it to, but it's been more than half a year and no change. It doesn't matter what I say or what I do. I've tried getting him to open up; I've tried a thousand times in a hundred different ways."

Blair sighed, knowing she was about to cede information to the enemy but realizing it was her only good option. Chuck had made it clear he didn't want her help, with anything anymore. By helping Emmy she could help him and if that was the only option available to her then she would choose it.

"You can't force him" she said. "If he doesn't want to talk then he doesn't want to talk. If you try to pry things out of him he just gets frustrated."

"I've given him _months_" Emmy complained and ran a hand through her hair. "I can't just passively sit on the sidelines forever."

"Well, going months without _forcing_ him to talk is one thing… Have you ever made it clear to him that it's okay if he doesn't want to talk? That you're there for him regardless of whether he's ready to let you in?"

"But it's not okay" Emmy said. "We're a couple and we have to let each other in."

"He doesn't need you to be a shoulder to cry on right now. He needs to come to grips with this in his own way."

"I can mend him. I've mended him before."

The comment surprised Blair. Was that the original basis of attraction for Emmy? That Chuck was a broken bird she could heal?

"You can't mend him" she said. "You can only be there for him. He has to do the mending part himself."

"How can I be there for him when he won't let me? I have needs in this relationship too."

"I know" Blair said. "The thing is, with Chuck… he needs to open up on his own terms. Being clear with him that it's alright to not want to talk makes it easier for him to open up because you take the pressure off. I had hoped he would have grown past that at this point but given everything he's been through maybe that's the way he'll always be. If that's the case then accepting that is part of loving him."

"If I do that he might never talk."

"That's the risk you have to take" Blair said. "But if I know Chuck the way I used to… he'll open up. Just let him know it's safe to want to keep everything to himself. That you just want to be there for him, whether or not he talks. I think to him that's part of what 'unconditional' means."

Emmy mulled it over in silence for a minute. It didn't seem to make much sense to her but she had no reason to doubt Blair knew what she was talking about. Nor did she think Blair was trying to deceive her. By the look in the other woman's eyes Blair had accepted that she couldn't win Chuck back and would have nothing to gain from messing with Emmy.

"Thank you Blair" she said. "I guess you honestly do care about him after all."

"I will always love him" Blair said. "Come what may. He has given up his happiness for me so many times. It's time I do the same for him."

Emmy nodded slightly and turned to leave. Blair watched her go with a heavy heart and hoped she would be able to help him. She knew Emmy was right, Chuck needed to talk to someone, and if Emmy was the person he could open up to then that was the way things had to be. She was beginning to feel like the movie in her mind had turned into a big screen version of "_Miss Saigon_" where she was the Kim to Emmy's Ellen. Being the love from the past who had bore Chuck a son wasn't helping her win in any way and her rival insisted on acting nice and sweet all the time even though Blair had a strong suspicion much of it was an act, at least around her. Tonight though she had seemed completely genuine and for the first time Blair caught herself reflecting on what it must be like to be in Emmy's shoes. She had to admit that it wasn't very pleasant but at least Emmy had Chuck on her side.

When the other woman was gone Blair turned and walked slowly up the stairs to wake Sebastian from his nap. She needed to feel his little arms around her neck and hear him call her 'Mommy'.

* * *

><p>The following evening when Chuck arrived at Emmy's apartment after work she was anxiously waiting and eager to get her new strategy going. She practically flew up from the couch when she heard him come inside and hurried to greet him with a smile and a kiss. He didn't look too chipper, setting his briefcase down on the floor and taking his coat off with a weary sigh. He wondered briefly what had gotten into his girlfriend but whatever it was he couldn't muster the energy for it right now.<p>

"Glad you're here" Emmy twittered. "I was just about to get started on dinner. Curry okay? I stopped by a market on the way home."

"Whatever" Chuck said. "It's fine."

She walked to the kitchen to get started on dinner while he strolled into the living room to get himself a drink. He hated going to work in January, it was all about the figures from last year and the budget for the new year and it seemed like nothing really got done to advance the company.

Drink in hand he walked to the kitchen to ask if Emmy needed help. It was a mere formality, they both knew that letting him get involved in the cooking would result in disaster. He could set the table but that was about as far as his assistance went.

"You seem in a good mood today" he noted and took a seat at the table.

"I might be landing a new client."

"I'm happy for you." He took a sip from his drink and made a face. "I've been buried in numbers and reports all week long, and not the fun kind. Care to trade?"

"Not on your life."

She talked cheerfully about her day at the office while she cooked. Chuck said very little, his mind busy with ideas for what he could do with Sebastian the next time he had him for the weekend. It was time he and Blair renegotiated their custodial arrangements and went from every other weekend to every weekend. His relationship with his son had improved, if ever so little, and he was worried that only seeing each other two weekends a month might keep them from growing closer.

He continued to be mostly silent while they ate, letting Emmy run the conversation on her own. After dinner he sat down on the couch and closed his eyes for a second. Emmy came in and sat down next to him, putting a hand on his leg.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, Chuck" she said. "And I… owe you an apology."

"For what?"

"For pushing you when you didn't want to be pushed" she said, looking down at her fingers for a moment. "I've been wanting you to let me in and talk to me, but…"

He groaned and got up from his seat, annoyed that they were apparently going to rehash the same old conversation for the umpteenth time. Emmy looked at him and felt a bit unsure.

"What I'm trying to say is that it's okay" she said. "If you don't want to talk, I mean. I won't pressure you anymore."

"Are you sure about that?" Chuck asked with an irritated frown. "Because you can't seem to go three days without pestering me about opening up. I'm starting to expect being tied to a rack and tortured for information any day now."

"That is really unfair" Emmy said. "I want you to open up to me, I do, but I'm telling you now that if you can't or won't that's okay."

"Lucky me to have your blessing."

"Chuck please! This isn't easy for me either."

He made a face and turned his back to her for a minute. He just couldn't muster up sympathy for her at this point. Nobody was forcing her to stay. If she chose to stick around and see this through she would have to accept that things were difficult. He was beginning to resent how she meekly accepted whatever came their way like some sort of martyr but then spent so much time complaining without doing anything about it. She could either accept things the way they were or fight to have them differently but constantly whining to him was not the way to go and he was beginning to resent her for it.

"If you want to talk to me then talk" Emmy said. "If you don't then don't."

"The only person I want to talk to right now is Blair" Chuck said, not noticing his girlfriend's reaction to his statement.

"Blair?" Emmy echoed after a few seconds.

"Yes, Blair. I need to talk to her and… try to sort it all out."

"This really is too much" Emmy said with exasperation and got up from her seat. "You can't talk to me, your girlfriend, the woman who loves you. But you can and _need_ to talk to your ex, the woman who brought this all upon you to begin with! What the hell is wrong with this relationship?"

She strode past him heading for the bedroom and he watched her go with a confused expression on his face. He wasn't sure what had just happened and put his tumbler down on the coffee table to go after her. When he walked inside the bedroom she was pacing back and forth, removing the pins that kept her hair bun in its place. She didn't usually react this way over things, he had only rarely seen her in any real distress. Maybe she had finally reached her boiling point.

"Don't talk to me right now" she said angrily. "You don't want to talk to me anyway. Go give Blair a call, have a wonderful heart-to-heart with her."

"I need to talk to her to change our custody arrangements" Chuck said. "I want to have Sebastian staying with me more often. I want to spend more time with him. What is the big deal?"

She stopped, removing the final pins, letting her long brown hair fall down her back. She looked at him with questioning eyes.

"Really? That's all?"

"That's all."

"But you did use to talk to her" Emmy said. "About the things that troubled you. When you were dating her. Can you please explain to me how you were able to talk to her then but you can't talk to me now?"

"Can't you just let this go?" Chuck asked with a sigh.

"No, I can't. What do I have to do to be as special as she was?"

"She was my first love" Chuck said. "The first person to ever believe in me. There will always be a place in my heart for her, regardless of what's happened, and she is also the mother of my son."

"I know you loved her. You loved her a lot." She sank down on the bed with a dejected expression. "Probably more than you've ever loved me."

"I loved her… differently."

Emmy scoffed.

"That is not the right thing to say. Why don't you just admit it to my face? Blair was the perfect girlfriend and I could never measure up."

"I don't understand why you're suddenly acting like you want our relationship to be just like the one I had with her."

"Because obviously you were more comfortable in that relationship. You let her in."

"You have no idea what she and I talked about."

"But you loved her a lot."

"Of course I did."

"I think I've had blinders on as to how deep those emotions truly ran" Emmy said. "How prevalent they still are."

"Meaning what, exactly?"

"Everything changed when she came back into your life. I've been thinking it was all about Sebastian but I don't think that anymore. I never thought she was a rival to me, even before we learned her secret, but now I'm not so sure anymore. Can you look me in the eye and tell me honestly that your feelings for her haven't been a threat to our relationship?"

He looked away. He knew he couldn't lie to her but he didn't want to hurt her too badly either. When he looked at her again he wondered if she could read the truth in his eyes. Blair would have been able to.

"She brought a lot of memories with her when she returned" he answered.

"Have you ever imagined that I was her when we've made love?" Emmy asked, looking up at him with watery eyes. "Fantasized about her?"

"Damn it Emmy, how the hell am I supposed to remember everyone I've ever fantasized about?" Chuck said with exasperation, running a hand through his bangs. "We all fantasize about others, what's the big deal?"

"I don't" she said. "There's only been you in my mind."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I find that very hard to believe."

"It's a big deal" Emmy said. "She was the one who got away so if you fantasize about her it's a hell of a big deal compared to if you fantasize about a supermodel or some woman you saw on the street."

"I've never called out her name during sex with you."

"So?"

"So obviously I've never forgotten who I was in bed with. The rest is irrelevant."

"Not to me it isn't."

Chuck groaned inwardly and wished he hadn't followed her into the bedroom. If he had stayed in the living room they wouldn't have ended up having this conversation and he really wished he didn't have to have it. There was no good outcome from it.

"I don't know what it is you want me to say" he said.

"Some reassurance would be nice."

"Reassurance of what? Us? That I don't love Blair?"

"It doesn't even matter to you that she kept your baby a secret."

"Of course it damn well matters!"

"No" Emmy said. "She did that to you and you still care about her. More than just care."

"You're putting words in my mouth" Chuck protested.

"Am I?"

He cringed and turned his eyes away from hers. Looking back over the past months he didn't have any real idea why he was still with her. Their relationship had been over in June, he knew it very well, and if it hadn't been for timing they would have been broken up when he found out about his son. He realized he had been using her ever since then, keeping her as a shield between himself and Blair and as a bridge between himself and Sebastian. As long as he was with Emmy he had a legitimate reason not to deal with his feelings for Blair, whatever they may be, and he didn't have to make the same kind of effort to make Sebastian feel at home when he visited. He didn't have to face the very real problems in his life. He had been treating her horribly and he was far too aware of it.

She rose from the bed and walked over to him, drying her tears with the back of her hand. She stopped before him and gently took his chin in her hand, turning his face to meet hers.

"Chuck…" she said gently. "I understand if you have issues to sort out with her. I do. I just… need some reassurance from you because I'm starting to feel really lonely in this relationship. I have complete faith in us but sometimes I really need for you to show me what you feel for me, and what's in your mind."

He looked at her in silence for a full minute, knowing they had come to the breaking point. More and more it dawned on him how badly he had treated her and that he didn't deserve her love or loyalty. He should have done this a long time ago but now it had to happen.

"Emmy we shouldn't do this" he said.

"I know you don't want to talk" she said, her fingers leaving his face and beginning to play with his lapels. "This time we need to. Not about you and your son but about you and me."

"That's not what I mean. It's no wonder you've been feeling alone because we're in completely different places. You want marriage, a family, settling down. I want my life back in order and to figure things out with my son. Getting married and having more children couldn't be farther from my mind."

"I understand" Emmy said. "We should wait."

"That's not what I'm saying either" Chuck said. "I'm saying we shouldn't do it at all. Not with each other."

Her jaw dropped a little and she took half a step back. Then she shook her head.

"I know you're under a lot of stress and that your faith in love has probably been shaken" she said. "But this is me, Chuck. I'm not Blair. I won't betray you."

"It's not about that. We don't want the same thing, Em."

"I think we do. You're afraid to want it and feel like you don't deserve it but you do. There's no rush, Chuck. We'll get there eventually."

"Please listen. I know this is sudden but in a way it's not. Haven't you felt it too? That something wasn't right?"

"Don't. Don't run away."

"I think… I think this should have ended earlier" he said, having trouble saying the words because he knew they would hurt her. "You mean so much to me, Em. I've really wanted to be able to make you happy."

"You do" she insisted, a tear falling down her cheek. "It's the circumstances right now that are making me unhappy. The lack of you."

"I'll never be able to make you as happy as you deserve to be" he said, finding it hard to look at her. "I love you but… just not enough."

"I don't believe you" Emmy said. "We're meant for each other. We bring out the best in one another. These years with you have been the best of my life. I will not let you go without a fight just because you're _scared_."

"I know how much you love me" he said and managed to look her in the eye. "I hate having to say these words to you but I don't love you back as much. I love you enough that I want you to have someone who feels about you the way you feel about me. I can't let you settle for this."

"You're an _idiot_" she exclaimed. "I'm not settling for anything. I deserve the man I love. I'll never find anyone else I love like I love you."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. Just like I know that you'll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do."

"Emmy…"

"What? Who would that be? Blair? She's truly shown her love for you, hasn't she? She's just using you, Chuck. Why can't you see that? Why are you punishing me when the one you're really mad at is her?"

"It's not about Blair."

Emmy wiped another tear away and felt panic beginning to rise for real. This was the last thing she had expected and her mind was working a mile a minute trying to figure out where she had gone wrong tonight to end up here. She didn't believe for a second that he didn't love her as much as she had always thought. Something else was at work here.

"You need to stop being afraid to be happy. You _deserve_ to be happy, Chuck. The only one holding you back is you."

"This isn't right" he said. "We've been good together but I can't do this anymore."

The look she gave him nearly broke his heart. He cursed himself for not having done this back in June when he had first known for sure. This was already bad and it would get a whole lot worse before it was done.

* * *

><p>He left her apartment late that evening feeling completely drained. He had never had a break-up like this before and he prayed he would never have to again. He couldn't blame her for how she had reacted. She had never perceived their relationship as being in serious danger while he had already seen it as over. In a way it cemented his viewpoint, that they weren't syncing. He hated having to break her heart this way and he almost wished she could have been angry longer. Her anger had been fiery but it had gone away fast and been replaced by sadness and, what he found the worst of all, pleading. She had begged him not to end things, insisted they needed another chance, tried every argument she could think of. Many of her arguments were pretty solid but the basic problem would never go away. He didn't love her enough. Perhaps they would both go on living alone from this point on, neither one of them finding the satisfaction of deep, mutual love again, but he saw that as the lesser of two evils. It probably meant that he was jaded and cynical but he knew now that while he might not get to have what he had had with Blair he couldn't settle for less. Maybe someday he would be able to find that love with someone else. Part of him still wanted to have that again with Blair but it didn't seem possible anymore.<p>

He left Emmy's apartment empty-handed, not bothering to bring any of his things. She had wanted him gone once she realized they were at the definite end. He would send Nate over whenever possible to get his things.

Sighing heavily he stepped on the elevator and closed his eyes hard. Now there was nothing left to deal with but Blair and his relationship with his son.

* * *

><p>I know a lot of you have been eagerly awaiting the departure of Emmy. Personally I felt that I wasn't able to get this chapter the way I wanted it and things moved a bit too fast. I hope it didn't seem too rushed… Next chapter will have far less of her (obviously) so at least there's that to look forward to ;) Thank you for reading.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

I'm not surprised people were happy with how the last chapter ended ;) Hope you'll enjoy this chapter too.

On with the update!

* * *

><p>Chuck glanced nervously at his wristwatch. Blair would be dropping off Sebastian within fifteen minutes. It would be the first time he took care of Sebastian all on his own for the whole weekend. Nate and Serena would be there, but not the entire time and not to help look after Sebastian. On one hand he was looking forward to getting a chance to bond more with his son; on the other he couldn't help worrying that Sebastian would hate every minute of it.<p>

When Blair finally knocked on the door he got up and absent-mindedly wiped his palms on his thighs. He was very fresh from his break-up with Emmy and hadn't told Blair about it yet, not really knowing what to say to her. He wasn't sure how it would feel to be face to face with her now that they were both single.

He answered the door and let them in. Blair had a smile on her face but he knew it was fake. She hated dropping Sebastian off. It was always the same story. He would cry and ask her not to go. Chuck could only imagine how challenging that was for Blair. Especially since she never got to see how it rarely took the child more than five minutes after she had left to stop crying and start playing with his toys. While Blair knelt to help Sebastian take his jacket off Chuck realized that the toys they had bought for Sebastian were all at Emmy's place. Nate hadn't been by to pick up his things yet. He could only hope Blair had packed some entertainment or they would have to go on an emergency trip to the toy store.

"Blair can I talk to you for a moment?" he said, deciding to breach another subject while she was there.

"Uh-huh" Blair said absent-mindedly. "Sebastian hold still!"

"_I_ can do it!" Sebastian insisted angrily and sat down on the floor to pull his boots off.

"Just let me help you."

"_No_! _I_ can do it!"

"Let him try" Chuck said. "We can talk in the meantime."

Blair paused for a second, then rose to her feet again with a nervous look on her face.

"Talk about what?"

He grabbed her gently by the arm, trying to ignore the feeling he still got whenever they touched, and led her a few feet away.

"Things with Sebastian and me are… well, progressing" he said in a low voice. "Very slowly but still."

"That's great" Blair said, her face lighting up with a genuine smile.

He returned her smile for a second, losing his trail of thought. Then he made himself focus and let go of her arm to help keep his mind clear.

"I worry though that we don't see each other enough" he said. "I don't think we'll ever make true progression when we go eleven days in a row without spending any time together."

"You're welcome to stop by my place whenever you want to see him" Blair said, casting a glance at Sebastian who was angrily trying to pull his shoes off but having little success. "Just call first so you know we're home."

"I want more than just that" Chuck said. "I think it's time I had him every weekend."

Blair said nothing for a minute. She hated the thought of not getting to spend weekends with her boy, especially now that she had begun to work for her mother.

"Chuck I don't know…" she said. "Can't we make other arrangements? That he spends an afternoon or two with you every week?"

"We can discuss it further later" Chuck said, looking over at Sebastian who was getting really angry. "I just wanted to give you a heads up on where my mind is."

Blair nodded, relieved that the topic had been dropped for the time being. She walked over to her son and knelt again, pulling off his right boot with a firm tug.

"_Mommy_!" Sebastian yelled. "_I_ can do it!"

Blair ignored him, knowing he would stop being mad at her in about a minute and start crying instead. She wanted their parting ritual over with as soon as possible. Chuck got down next to her, reaching for the other boot.

"_I_ can do it" she snarled at him, not realizing how much she sounded like Sebastian.

Chuck rolled his eyes but backed off.

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later Blair had left and Sebastian had stopped crying. Once the tears stopped Sebastian went and got his boots again.<p>

"What are you doing?" Chuck asked.

"Boots. We leave soon."

"Actually, not today."

Sebastian gave him a confused look. No wonder, almost every weekend he had visited they had stayed at Chuck's place for less than an hour before going over to Emmy's. This would be the first weekend they spent entirely in this apartment.

"Go there tomorrow?"

"We'll be spending the weekend here" Chuck clarified.

Sebastian seemed to ponder this new information for a moment. Then he shrugged and walked towards the living room with Chuck in tow. He walked over to the couch, tossed his bag on the floor and threw himself down on the comfortable cushions. Chuck repressed the urge to tell him to put his bag away and instead focused on undoing his own tie.

"Where's Emmy?" Sebastian asked.

"She's not here."

"When will she?"

Realizing he was about to have a serious talk with a near-four year-old Chuck walked over to the couch, let his jacket slip from his shoulders and tossed it carelessly on an armchair.

"Look" he said. "Emmy… is not going to come around anymore."

"She lives here" Sebastian objected. "And in the other place."

"Actually she doesn't. Live here, I mean. And she won't be coming by."

Sebastian looked down at his hands for a minute, his face and his posture signaling how sad he was to hear that news. Chuck had stopped right by the couch and Sebastian's eyes fell on his well-polished shoes and slowly made their way up to his face.

"Is she mad at me?" he asked in a sad voice.

Chuck's features softened a bit. He could relate to that question. It almost felt like a déjà vu from his own childhood and he had the odd sensation that he was Bart looking down at four year-old Chuck after another au pair had been let go. It had taken Chuck many years to realize the constant dismissal of au pairs and nannies had nothing to do with him and everything to do with things like Uncle Jack seducing them or them failing to live up to Bart's child-rearing standards. Bart had been a believer in the chastising approach to answering the kind of question Sebastian had just asked, seeming to think that his son would be less of a handful if he was given a tangible reason to behave. When Chuck had asked his father if his au pair had left because of something he had done Bart had usually confirmed that idea and told him that unless he learned to behave no au pair would stick around for very long.

Chuck sank down on the couch next to his son and gave him a small, reassuring smile.

"No Sebastian, she is not mad at you. She's mad at me though. For not letting her come over to play with you."

"Why?"

"We're just… not right for each other" Chuck said, leaning back on the couch. "When you realize that you need to go your separate ways. Everyone deserves to live their life with someone who truly loves them."

"I don't undewstand."

"We broke up. Sometimes grown-ups just… break up."

"She's never coming back?"

"No" Chuck said. "I know that probably makes you sad. To tell the truth it makes me sad too. The thing is, when there's love in a relationship you can get through almost any obstacle. When the love goes away… you lose that ability. It doesn't mean you're not sad to say goodbye or that it doesn't hurt to lose that person. You just have to trust that in the long run it's better to set each other free."

"How can you not love someone you loved befowe?"

"People change" Chuck shrugged. "Sometimes you love them still but not enough."

Sebastian pondered this for a minute. He was fascinated that he had gotten a straight answer to his question. Mom always tried to hide unpleasant things from him and made up stuff or told him he would understand when he got older. His father never seemed to do that.

"Is Emmy sad?" he asked.

"Very."

"Because you made her sad?"

"Because I made her sad" Chuck nodded.

"Can't you tell her you're sowwy?"

"She needs to be sad right now. Sometimes you have to go through feelings you'd rather not. There are times when you have to say and do things that will hurt other people. It's complicated. In the end… she would be much more sad if we hadn't broken up."

"Why?"

"She loves me more than I love her. I want her to find someone who loves her the way she deserves to be loved."

Sebastian's eyes were wide with fascination. He had never gotten this many straight answers to difficult questions. He was slowly beginning to like the way his father spoke to him like he was an adult and not a child. He didn't always understand much of the things he said but it made him feel grown up to have someone talk to him that way. Like his father saw him as smarter and bigger and more clever.

Glancing over at Chuck he decided that since he was answering so many questions this might be a good time to ask one of the things that had been wondering about his father.

"Are you Santa?" he asked.

Chuck had never been more surprised by a question in his whole life. Sebastian looked at him with eager anticipation, on the edge of his seat to hear the answer. He had been nursing this particular theory for quite some time but never thought he would actually ask the question. In his mind it made perfect sense. His father was very rich, which Santa would have to be in order to give presents to all the children in the world. He was almost always working, which Santa would have to do to get everything ready for each Christmas. There was someone at his work named Rudolph, which Sebastian was fairly certain was a reindeer name only. Plus, Mom had been telling him all his life that a mother and a father were people who always loved you and looked after you. It had made more sense with Mom since she was there all the time but if his father was Santa he would have been coming to see him when he had the chance – on Christmas when he was going around the world handing out presents. Sebastian had just not met him since he always ended up falling asleep before Santa got there. Besides, if Santa wasn't looking after you then who was?

It took a minute for Chuck to form an answer. He had no idea where on earth this question had come from but he kind of liked it. He liked the idea of his son thinking something like that about him and part of him wanted to tell him that it was true. The rational part of his brain told him it was a bad idea to indulge fantasies like that. Still, he was Chuck Bass, and if there was one thing he knew how to do it was answering a question in a way that later allowed him to claim he had given either a "yes" or "no" answer depending on what ended up working best.

"I'm not saying that I am Santa" he said, leaning a little closer to Sebastian. "But if I were I wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone. No one's supposed to know who Santa really is."

Sebastian nodded slowly, mouth slightly open with fascination.

"So don't tell anyone that you think I'm Santa" Chuck added, figuring it was probably better if his son didn't go around telling people that his father dressed up in a red suit and broke into their homes once a year.

"I promise."

"Good. Good boy. Now, what do you say we go out and buy some dinner?"

Sebastian nodded with wide eyes. Chuck smirked and got up from his seat.

"I can put my own boots on!" Sebastian cried excitedly and ran off to do just that.

Chuck shook his head slightly and laughed.

"Okay, but hurry up. If you can put your boots on before I get my coat on we'll go get some ice-cream after dinner. If I win I get to help you with your boots."

* * *

><p>When they got back two hours later Nate and Serena had gotten home and were busy making a big mess in the kitchen. They didn't even hear Chuck and Sebastian coming in until they walked into the kitchen. Serena had her arms wrapped around Nate's neck and he was trying to get her to eat something off a spoon. They were both giggling like little kids and it almost seemed like a shame to interrupt them.<p>

"Chuck!" Nate exclaimed when he noticed them.

"Sebastian!" Serena added. "There you are. We've been wondering where you took off to. Dinner is almost ready!"

"We've already had dinner" Chuck said. "Now we're getting some lemonade."

"Aw, we went through all this trouble to make dinner for the four of us" Serena pouted and gestured to the mountain of groceries and dirty dishes sitting on the counter.

"Coq au vin?" Chuck said with eyebrows raised as he leaned over the large pot on the stove. "Impressive. Especially when your target audience thinks spaghetti is the height of culinary sensation. Sis, no three year-old would eat this."

"Sebastian's almost four" Serena pointed out as if that made all the difference in the world. "Aren't you, little S?"

"I'm not little S" Sebastian pouted.

"Touchy" Serena commented to Chuck. Then she grinned widely. "Never mind dinner. We've also got pannacotta for dessert!"

"Home-made?" Chuck asked.

"Bought from the deli down the street" Nate confessed, wrapping his arms around Serena's waist from behind.

"Then we might consider eating it. Right now though, lemonade."

"Sebastian we're going to have so much fun this weekend!" Serena chirped while Chuck went to the fridge. "We should totally have a pajama party!"

"I've seen the pajamas you keep here" Chuck objected. "None of that until he's ten years older. Keep anything perky well-hidden, thank you."

"Such a prude" Serena grinned.

"I'm not a prude" Chuck insisted, handing Sebastian a glass of lemonade. "Can we just please hold off on the inevitable debauchery? This is the one innocent Bass on the planet. I like it that way for now."

"Okay, forget pajama party" Nate said. "We're going to have a great time, aren't we Sebastian? We really should get to know each other better. After all, Serena is your aunt and I would have been your godfather if we'd known each other when you were little." He turned to Chuck. "I would have been his godfather, wouldn't I?"

"Yes" Chuck said with rolling eyes.

Sebastian eyed the adults with confusion and suspicion while he sipped his lemonade. He liked Serena a lot though he hadn't spent much time with her and he had no opinion of Nate yet. Their eagerness to see him had confused him at first but now he was beginning to find it natural that people wanted to be around him.

"Come on" Chuck said and nudged him towards the living room. "We have some crayons around here somewhere. You can draw your mom a picture. I think these two are better left to their own devices."

He lead Sebastian out of the room, hoping crayons and paper would be enough to keep him entertained until it was time for bed. Tomorrow they would head out to the nearest toy store and he would send Nate over to Emmy's to get his stuff.

* * *

><p>Later that evening Chuck leaned back on the couch with a tumbler in one hand and his feet up on the coffee table. Keeping Sebastian entertained had been no small feat and now that the child was asleep he was exhausted. He should probably be heading to bed but he wanted to enjoy this brief moment of solitude while it lasted. He wanted more time with his son but at the same time it could be straining to look after him, especially now that he no longer had Emmy to help him out. Things were still pretty awkward between him and Sebastian for the most part and it was becoming glaringly obvious to him how little he knew about children and how to interact with them.<p>

He heard footsteps coming down the hall and looked up. It didn't sound like Sebastian's. It turned out to be Serena, who came walking in barefoot, wrapped in Nate's robe with probably nothing underneath. Chuck nodded to her and she came over and sunk down next to him, putting her feet up next to his.

"What are you doing up?" he asked, taking a sip from his tumbler.

"What are _you_ doing up?"

"Haven't gone to bed yet. You?"

"Couldn't sleep."

He nodded. She leaned her head back and sighed.

"How early does that kid of yours get up in the morning?"

"Don't worry, he won't wake you."

"I want us to have breakfast together, the four of us."

"We can do that on Sunday if you want to sleep in tomorrow."

She studied her fingernails for a moment, not sure what to say. Chuck didn't say anything either, content to just sit there in silence. After a few minutes Serena looked at him and decided to breach the subject she had been avoiding for the past couple of days.

"How are you?" she asked. "I haven't even asked. You break up with your girlfriend and I don't even bother to check that you're okay."

He laughed a little.

"I'm fine. It's weird not being with her anymore but I feel like this break-up was long overdue. She and I were just… not connecting anymore."

"Nate's worked up about it. He thinks you made the wrong choice and that you'll regret it."

"Is that what you think?"

"I think if you weren't sure about the two of you then this was the right way to go." She paused and bit her lower lip for a second. "You were going to leave her months ago. You would have if you hadn't found out about Sebastian."

"Yeah" Chuck said.

"I assumed you stayed with her because you realized you didn't want Blair anymore" Serena said. "The way I understood you back in June you were going to end things with Emmy in order to be with Blair but Blair is no longer part of the equation. Is she?"

"It's not about whether or not I _can be_ with Blair, nor about whether or not I should want to" Chuck objected. "It's about me and Emmy and the fact is that I knew a long time ago that what I felt for her wasn't enough. I should have ended things the moment I knew for sure. I feel like an ass but not because I broke up with her; because I stayed with her when my heart was no longer in it. To be completely honest my heart never _was_ fully in it. What I felt for her has always been… affection and gratitude above anything else. I've loved her these four years but now I'm not entirely sure I was ever _in_ love with her."

"So this has nothing at all to do with Blair?"

"I believe it has been well established by now that my appreciation for Blair is somewhat less than it used to be" Chuck answered dryly.

"What are your feelings for her now?" Serena asked, wondering if she would be brushed aside or if he would actually open up. "Do you still have any?"

"The relevant issue is not what I do or do not feel for her" Chuck said, taking another sip from his tumbler. "What matters is what I've come to realize she never actually loved me. Years of misery and drama could have been avoided if I hadn't been so blinded by my lust and longing for her."

"I know you don't always think highly of my intelligence but I seriously do not follow this logic and I don't think it has anything to do with brains" Serena said, looking at him like he had declared he believed the earth to be banana shaped.

"We had a passion and an attraction that only happens once in a lifetime. It's easy to confuse that for love. I'm not saying she lied to me, I just don't think she understood the emotions involved. Serena she can't love me and then go and do what she did."

"I'm mad at her" Serena said. "Mad as hell. Even I don't believe a thing you just said. I know for a fact that she does love you. I should think that would be what upsets you the most – that she can hide your son from you in spite of how she feels about you."

"That's just it; I don't think she, or anyone else, could."

"She loves you Chuck. I know that she does. She and I had a talk this summer, before everything went to hell. It wasn't even about the things she said that night, it was about the _way_ she said them and the look on her face whenever she said your name. Do you honestly think anyone could have faked the love she bore you when you were together? You know I'm right about this."

"I'm not so sure" Chuck said in a dejected tone.

"You don't _want_ her to love you still because it's easier to be angry at her then and you won't have to even consider the possibility of a future for you."

"There can be no future for us" Chuck snarled, a little too insistently.

"Probably not. I can promise you though that she does love you."

He sighed, not wanting to hear it right now. It was enough dealing with his own conflicting emotions without adding Blair's to the mix. Whether or not she loved him was irrelevant, or at least that's what he tried to tell himself. At the same time there was a part of him that felt relieved at Serena's insistence. He turned his head and looked at her, realizing this was the first time in months she had spoken kindly about her former best friend.

"You know what I don't really get?" he asked.

"What?"

"Why you're still so mad at her. Don't tell me it's on my behalf. You've never been _that_ fond of me."

Serena was quiet for a minute, trying to decide what to say. It seemed Chuck had turned the tables and now put her in the tricky spot.

"I just don't understand how she could do it" she finally said. "How could she hide her pregnancy from me, her _best friend_? I've been nothing but an afterthought to her all these years. She never bothered to call me and see how things were going with me."

"Much the same as how you didn't contact her when you were in Connecticut" Chuck pointed out.

"That was for a much shorter period of time and there were no babies involved."

"No but on the other hand you took her boyfriend's virginity before you left town. She forgave you. In like a tenth of the time it's taken you to forgive her now."

"It just… really hurts, you know?" Serena said, her fingers playing with the quilt next to her on the couch. "She doesn't even seem to care much! At least when I came back from Connecticut I tried my best to make her forgive me. Blair hasn't done anything."

"I don't blame her" Chuck said. "She _has_ tried. You didn't want to hear it. So she gave up. She has a son to raise and a very tangled mess to sort out with me. You believe she still loves me? I can tell you for a fact she definitely still loves _you_. You might have to reach out to her a bit too if you want your friendship back."

"Can it ever go back to being what it was?" Serena asked.

"I'm smarter than you but I'm not an oracle."

She gave him a shove and reached for his tumbler.

"Give me that. I need a drink."

"Wait…"

She downed what was left of the liquid and made a face before setting the tumbler down on the coffee table.

"What the hell?"

"Ginger ale" he said. "I thought it would be best to stay completely sober… in case Sebastian wakes up."

"God you're such a _dad_" Serena sighed and got up from her seat to go to bed.

* * *

><p>Blair walked off the elevator in a hurry, happy to be home after another day of working for her mother. It wasn't exactly the job of her dreams but it was better than nothing and she could perhaps find something more suitable as time went on. While she did enjoy having a job to go to it was a bit difficult being away from Sebastian all day long. For almost four years she had spent her days with him and it was a huge adjustment to make. Luckily he had grown accustomed to Dorota and enjoyed being around her so aside from a few tears every morning when his mother left he was doing quite alright with the change.<p>

She found him in the kitchen with a stack of papers and some crayons, working on a new piece of art. Blair had never understood children's drawings. They made no sense and seemed like nothing more than a waste of paper and crayon. She made an exception for Sebastian's drawings though, viewing them more as modern art than anything else.

"Hi baby!" she smiled and walked up to him to give him a big kiss. "Did you miss me today?"

"Yeah."

"What are you drawing?"

"Picture."

Blair set her purse down on the floor and walked around the table to take a seat. She leaned over to get a better look at what he was drawing. So far it was just a stick-figure.

"Who's that?" she asked.

"Me."

"Of course."

He looked pensive and was about to bite the bottom of the yellow crayon in his hand before Blair reached out her hand and stopped him.

"Can I draw Emmy in the picture?" Sebastian asked.

Blair made a face.

"Any reason why you'd want to?" she asked.

"She doesn't live there anymore" Sebastian said, grabbing a black crayon.

"What do you mean?" Blair asked. "Live where?"

"The weekend place."

"What do you mean?" Blair asked again, starting to feel a tiny bit of hope. "Did you not see her this weekend?"

"She can't come play anymore. Can I draw her in the pictuwe even if she doesn't?"

"Why don't you draw me in the picture instead?" Blair suggested, excitement building inside her chest.

"You don't live there" Sebastian shrugged and began to draw another stick figure, this one taller than the previous.

"And Emmy doesn't either?"

"Not anymore."

"Since… when?"

Sebastian shrugged. Blair was getting tired of having to pull information out of him and reached forward, grabbing both his hands with hers and giving him a stern look.

"Bas. Tell Mommy. Did Chuck and Emmy break up?"

Sebastian shrugged.

"That is not an answer" Blair said, frustrated that she couldn't find a better source than a little kid. "Did they break up? Did you hear your father say that they broke up?"

"Maybe if she's in the pictuwe she won't be sad anymowe" Sebastian mused, ignoring her demands for answers.

Blair let go of his hands and smiled to herself. Could it really be true? Had Chuck finally cut his losses and gotten rid of Emmy? She didn't dare believe it. It hadn't been much more than a week since Emmy had shown up asking for advice on how to help Chuck. Could things really have gone south for them that fast?

She saw that Sebastian had picked up the brown crayon and was drawing long hair on his latest stick figure. Apparently he thought Emmy should be in the picture after all. Blair smiled happily and decided she could allow it. So long as she was out of the real picture.

* * *

><p>Chuck walked inside his office hiding a yawn behind the back of his hand, having gone straight to work from the airport after a five day business trip to New Orleans. It was February 12th, three days before Sebastian's fourth birthday and two days before the birthday party. The occasion could not have come at a worse time, work seemed to be piling up on him recently and he had barely had time to go out and buy birthday presents for his son. Partaking in the birthday preparations had been thrown out the window all-together; he had left everything up to Blair and figured it was probably best that way anyway. What did he know about arranging a birthday party for a four year-old?<p>

He walked up to his large desk and tossed his briefcase on the new cherry writing desk before going to hang up his coat on the hanger in a corner. He had had the office redecorated a few weeks ago following his breakup with Emmy. The previous look and feel of it had been her doing and he didn't need the constant reminder of her. The new look of the office was a black and light blue styling with mostly cherry tree furniture, a combination which was all the rage according to the $100 an hour interior decorator he had paid to do the job. He was barely aware of what furniture he had or what colors surrounded him. The only changes which held any interest to him was the addition of a new movie poster and the removal of the framed photograph of himself and Emmy that had stood on his writing desk. The poster was one from the 2011 smurf movie and when his interior decorator had protested against it he had pointed out that at least they were blue and therefore matched the walls.

With a huff he sat down behind his desk, not pleased to see the large stack of notes Alice had left for him while he was away. He opened his briefcase, adjusted his tie and lifted out his small laptop and the binders he had been working on during the flight. He closed the briefcase and put it down on the floor, wondering to himself if he should send Alice out to get something for him to eat. Before he could press the intercom his eyes landed on the document at the top of the pile on his desk. He reached out and grabbed it, taking a quick look at the yellow post-it note attached to it.

"_Miss Waldorf had these sent over on the 11__th_" Alice had written in her dainty handwriting.

There was another note attached, this one written on a notepad and he immediately identified the handwriting as Blair's. He read it with a mixture of nervousness and anticipation, figuring these must be drafts for a new custody agreement.

"_I hope you can agree to keeping the every-other-week arrangement_" Blair wrote. "_In return I'd like to offer you as many weekday afternoons as you please. You can come and pick him up after you leave the office and spend a few hours with him before his bedtime. Also, remember you're more than welcome to come spend time with him at our penthouse whenever you so choose._"

He looked up from the note, feeling a touch of dismay. He had hoped she would agree to letting him have every weekend since they both knew that there was no point to him having Sebastian Monday through Friday. He wasn't enrolled in a daycare or preschool so he would have nowhere to go while Chuck was at the office. Offering to let Chuck pick him up and spend the afternoons with him was generous but he doubted it would work out very well in the long run. Too much back and forth. With a heavy heart he decided to read the rest of her note and then have his lawyers look over the draft. He wasn't quite prepared to settle yet.

"_Let me know what you think on Sunday_" Blair wrapped up her note. "_Sebastian can't wait for his birthday and to spend it with you. – B._"

Chuck didn't put much faith in the last statement but it was one of the things he just had to accept. He got up and ignored the pile of work on his desk, determined to go see his lawyers right away and go over Blair's suggestion with them as well as make up a counter plan.

* * *

><p>Meeting with the lawyers took longer than Chuck had expected and he didn't get nearly as much work done during the rest of the day as he had hoped. He sent everybody home for the day at five p.m. and headed out to get something to eat but then he returned to the office to make the pile of work shrink before Sunday. It was close to eight in the evening when he walked inside his office and flicked on the light switch, nearly jumping out of his skin when he saw his uncle leaned back in his chair, feet up on the desk, arms crossed behind his head and with a cigar in his smirking mouth. Wondering what evil he had done to deserve another visit from Jack Chuck pulled the door shut with a bang and gave his uncle a murderous look.<p>

"Greetings, Nephew dearest!" Jack cheered gleefully through his teeth, cigar bobbing up and down slightly.

"What could you possibly want?" Chuck asked, not so sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Just to say hi" Jack said, taking the cigar from his mouth. "Hi."

"I prefer 'bye'" Chuck said, putting his briefcase down on a chair. "You know the way out, I presume? You sure knew your way in."

"Now don't be like that" Jack grinned, using a jar of pencils as an ashtray. "Here I came all the way to New York just to see how my favorite nephew has enjoyed his first year as a father. Well, first eight months. Actually first four years, but who's counting?"

"Right. You in monetary problems? I sure hope so. So I can sit back and do absolutely nothing to help you out."

"Cranky, aren't we?"

"What can I say, you just bring it out in me."

Jack got up from the chair and looked more serious.

"Did you check everything on the memory stick I gave you?"

"No" Chuck said. "Nor do I intend to."

"You're really not the least bit curious over everything you've missed out on?"

"I'm more curious over why you give a damn" Chuck said. "All this boy really is to you is another person you're going to have to kill and make it look like an accident in order to inherit the Bass kingdom."

"At least tell me you're taking steps to assure that the kid will turn out a real Bass" Jack said. "Teach him the family values, make sure he doesn't waste his life on stupid Waldorf-like things like law school, make sure he knows how to handle his scotch…"

"Seriously" Chuck said with a curious expression. "Why do you care?"

"No one screws with the Bass family" Jack said. "Blair needs to be taught a valuable lesson."

"Feel free" Chuck said. "Leave me out of it. And if you could do it without traumatizing Sebastian that would be peachy."

Jack chuckled a little.

"You really are bitter, aren't you? Well at least you're not fawning all over her like you used to. Good on you for finally finding some balls. Now if you just got rid of that wet rag you're practically shacked up with you might finally become a real man."

"Your intel is pristine as always. Emmy and I broke up a month ago."

"Huh. Well, who can blame her? Your sunny disposition aside, suddenly being saddled with a secret love child and an ex you can't quite seem to shake would probably be more than most women could handle."

"Are you quite done?"

With an oddly cheerful smile Jack put the cigar away and stood up, grabbing a paper bag he had had on the floor and placing it on the desk.

"The littlest Bass' birth certificate told me there's a birthday coming up" he grinned.

"Oh God" Chuck said. "You're not invited to the party."

"Wasn't expecting to be" Jack said. "You know, when my dear older brother so sadly passed away and you had gone AWOL I helped Lily sort through some of his things. She thought I was being sweet and helpful; actually I was taking the opportunity to dig through the boxes he kept in storage in the hopes of finding something that could be useful someday."

"Did you have any luck?" Chuck asked, deciding to take the bait.

"Nah. Mostly he just kept all sorts of crap lying around in boxes. Who knew Bart was the type who'd keep it around somewhere rather than just throw it all out? Anyway, in one of the boxes I found this."

He stuck his hand in the bag and held up a frog plushie that looked almost as good as new, save for a hint of dust having settled on it. Chuck eyed it for a second and wondered if his uncle had gone completely mental.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It's a frog."

"Yeah I can see that it's a frog. What does it have to do with anything?"

"I gave it to you" Jack said, letting the bag drop and glancing at the frog. He held it up a bit to give Chuck a better look. "Quack, quack" he said. Then he looked over at Chuck who was eyeing him as if he had gone clinically insane. "You thought that was really funny at the time. You were just a little kid. It was your… fourth… birthday, if memory serves."

"I can't remember seeing that thing before in my life" Chuck shrugged. "I may have had my share of stuffed animals but I remember each and every one of them."

"I think you only had it for about an hour or so" Jack said with a musing tone. "Bart, bore that he was, didn't let you keep it. Said it was unfitting, or something."

"Unfitting?" Chuck echoed with disbelief. "My father may have been a buzz kill but he didn't take toys away for no reason. Anyway what the hell does it matter? Why did you even hang on to it after you found it? Looks like junk to me."

Jack gave him a look which seemed to be a mixture between surprised and insulted. He studied the plushie again for a second and then looked back at Chuck.

"I thought your kid could have it" he said.

"Sebastian has enough stuffed animals, thank you" Chuck said, walking over to hang up his coat rather than keep it thrown over his arm. "Nate and Serena got him a Snowy plushie so the quota has surely been met."

"Can't hurt though, can it?" Jack said with a shrug.

"Why are you so invested in this?"

"I have no heirs of my own" Jack said, shrugging again. "That boy is the last in a long, proud line of Bass men."

"So?"

"I just thought somebody should have this damn frog. See it as a peace offering. An assurance that I won't try to screw around with your munchkin."

"Be that as it may I'm not sure I want him to have something from you" Chuck said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It doesn't have cooties nor smallpox" Jack scoffed. "It's a stuffed animal, for God's sake."

"Why give my child a gift at all?"

"We weren't always enemies, you and I" Jack pointed out. "Not everything I do has an evil ulterior motive. At the end of the day we're Basses and we need to band together against the common enemy."

"We have no common enemy. If there's nothing else I'd like to get back to work."

"You should lighten up a little" Jack said, smile back on his face. He put the frog down on Chuck's desk and picked up his cigar again. "Didn't Bart ever warn you that if you keep that frowny face for too long it may get stuck like that?"

"Goodbye Jack" Chuck said pointedly and walked towards his desk.

"I'll be keeping an eye on that boy" Jack said, heading for the door.

"Please don't."

Jack stopped at the door and grinned widely.

"I can help you dig up dirt on La Waldorf so you can sue for full custody and bring the child back to the Bass fold."

"Why exactly would you do that?"

"I'm really bored" Jack shrugged.

"You'll be even more bored if you're unemployed" Chuck said. "Start doing some work in Bass Australia or you'll have nothing to do all day but avoid the people who have restraining orders against you."

Jack cackled and left the office. Chuck shook his head, decided not to waste time wondering what Jack's deal was, and tried to focus on work. He looked over at the frog sitting on his desk and frowned. He didn't like the idea of Jack giving Sebastian gifts but on the other hand he couldn't think of any direct harm in it. After deliberating with himself for a minute he grabbed the frog and put it back down in the paper bag.

* * *

><p>Eight people were gathered at Eleanor's penthouse on Valentine's Day to celebrate Sebastian's birthday the following day. Sebastian sat at the head of the table with a purple party hat on his head and cheerfully tried to sing along while the others sang "<em>Happy Birthday<em>" to him. At the end of the song Blair urged him to blow out the candles on the cake and he leaned forward to do so while everybody around him cheered and clapped their hands.

"Make a wish!" Cyrus cried.

It took Sebastian two tries to blow out all four candles but that didn't seem to bother him in the least. He grinned widely and seemed excited to the point where Chuck wondered if he really needed more sugar.

"I can't believe I have a four year-old nephew" Serena beamed.

"I had to restrain her when we went shopping for his birthday" Nate said, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Left to her own devices she would have bought half the store."

"Let's cut the cake" Blair said.

"Yeah, cake!" Sebastian cried, clapping his hands together.

"How about we let Dad do the honors?" Blair suggested.

She looked up at Chuck with a beaming smile and he gave her a smile back. She held up the cake cutter and he took it, careful not to touch her. Blair had been acting differently since his break-up and he had his guard up. He wasn't ready to try and get closer to her, petrified that he might end up getting hurt again. It was safer not to touch her and not to look at her too much or talk to her for too long. Now that Emmy was no longer there as a wall between them he had to keep a distance.

He began to cut the cake and glanced up at Blair for instructions on how large a slice he should give Sebastian. Once the birthday boy had gotten his piece he moved on to cut similarly sized slices for Dorota's two children before handing the knife over to Roman. Roman took care of serving the adults while Blair went over to the table where they had put the opened gifts. They had let Sebastian open the presents from the guests today, right before they sang and brought out the cake. Blair and Chuck had agreed that Chuck would come over for lunch the next day and they would give Sebastian the rest of the gifts from them then. Blair was curious to see what her boy had gotten since she had snuck out to put the candles on the cake during the gift opening and had missed two or three presents. She looked over the things he had gotten, all perfectly organized on the table with little cards to clarify who had given what. She noticed a plushie that didn't have a card in front of it and picked it up with a frown.

"Who gave this?" she asked, studying it with curiosity.

"Oh…" Chuck said, looking up from his slice of cake. "I did. I just… thought I should bring him _something_ today for his party."

"Where on earth did you find it?" she asked. "It looks brand new yet… dusty, or something. It must have been sitting in some toy store's shelf for ages."

"I suppose" Chuck said evasively. "It's not a big deal. Just another stuffed animal to his ever growing collection."

Blair set it back down on the table and gave it no more thought. She walked back over to the others and smiled brightly at the sight of so many happy faces. Through some unspoken agreement everybody seemed to have set aside their differences for the day and were just enjoying the party. Chuck was sitting next to Sebastian at the table, a bit reserved still but more at ease around his son now than he had been before. Lily and Eleanor were talking about Blair and Serena's fourth birthdays while Serena laughingly used her finger to remove cake that had gotten caught in Nate's beard before leaning in to kiss him. The party was everything Blair had hoped for, much more than she had ever dared to expect when the truth had first come out. It had been less than a year but things were finally starting to feel hopeful. She was grateful beyond words that Chuck was on his own now and that she didn't have to have this day soured by the presence of Emmy. Since he was there alone she could drift off into the movie in her mind and pretend like she and her two favorite boys were a real family.

"Aren't you going to have some cake, Blair bear?" Harold asked with a smile.

"Yeah" Blair nodded. "Of course I have to have some."

It was a novelty cake shaped like a smurf with a birthday gift in his hands. Sebastian had been so excited when he had seen it but now you could barely tell it had once been a smurf. She cut herself a slice and sat down next to her father.

"It's great to see that you're both happy here" Harold said. "Though I'd be lying if I said we didn't miss you terribly. It's been so quiet at the chateau since you both moved."

"They have not moved" Roman insisted, sitting down opposite them with his second slice of cake. "Most of their things are still with us. This is only _temporary_."

"They're not coming back, Roman" Harold said in a tone that implied they had had this conversation before.

"Nothing's been permanently decided on, am I right?" Roman replied.

Dorota came up and interrupted them, leaning in to whisper in Blair's ear.

"Miss Blair. Miss Emmy on the way up in elevator."

"What?" Blair said with a frown.

She looked over at Chuck who was teasing Serena and Nate over something or other and felt a knot in her stomach. She didn't want Emmy to show up here today, even if she was Chuck's ex-girlfriend now. She had hoped she'd never have to lay eyes on the woman ever again. With a frown she rose from her seat and walked over to the elevator to hopefully get rid of the visitor before Chuck, or Sebastian, noticed she was there.

When the elevator doors opened she almost softened a bit. Emmy didn't look so good at the moment. She was well-dressed and had her hair in place in two braids but from the looks of it she hadn't been getting much sleep lately and she had probably lost a bit of weight. She had a smile on her face but it seemed forced and the look in her eyes was anything but happy. The less than welcoming look on Blair's face probably didn't help make things any easier.

"Hello Blair" she said, slight tremble in her voice.

"Emmy" Blair said. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard about Sebastian's party" Emmy said, her smile becoming a touch wider but still forced. "I'm not going to stay long I just…" She held up a present. "I wanted to give him this. I hope it's okay."

Blair wanted to tell her no. She wasn't going to play any part in Sebastian's life and it was better to make it a clean break. Yet she couldn't bring herself to say it. She could sympathize with Emmy. She knew far too well what it was like to love Chuck and to lose him. Now that the other woman was no longer a competitor she could see things more from her perspective and recognize what a terrible position Emmy had ended up in. One gift to Sebastian would do no harm in the long run anyway.

"Sure" she said finally. "You can give him a gift. Here, I'll take it."

"Oh…" Emmy said, handing over the present and looking over Blair's shoulder trying to spot someone. "I was hoping I could… give it to him myself. Wish him a happy birthday."

"I don't know that that's such a -"

"Emmy!" Sebastian cried and came running over. He threw his arms around her legs and grinned up at her. "Emmy it's my biwthday!"

"I know" Emmy said and her smile seemed more genuine now. She knelt down to give him a proper hug. "Happy birthday, sweetie!"

"Emmy I am this many!" Sebastian said and held up four fingers.

"You are, aren't you?"

Blair watched the scene with a frown but realized there was nothing to do about it now. She couldn't very well push the other woman back on the elevator and she didn't want to tell Sebastian to go back to the table. It was his party and he should get to do what he wanted to do. Without a word she walked over to the gift table and set Emmy's present down on it. Chuck was slowly walking over to the pair by the elevator, hands in his pockets, and she hurried over to keep an eye on what would unfold.

"Emmy's here" Sebastian told Chuck with a grin.

"Yes I see" Chuck said. "Hello Emmy."

"Hi Chuck" she replied, eyes starting to get wet.

"How have you been?" he asked in a low voice.

"You know what?" Serena said, walking over. "Sebastian I think you just got another present. Why don't we go and open it while your dad has a talk with Emmy?"

Blair opened her mouth to protest but Chuck nodded so she closed her mouth again. Sebastian took Serena's hand and followed her to the table. Blair reluctantly went after them, casting a glance over her shoulder at the pair by the elevator.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here" Chuck said, keeping his voice low so the conversation could be somewhat private.

"I wasn't sure I'd be welcome" Emmy said, rubbing her arms as if she was cold.

"You're welcome" Chuck said. "It's okay to stop by and wish him a happy birthday. I know you care for him."

"I love that little boy" Emmy said at the verge of tears, glancing over at the birthday boy who was opening her present.

Chuck nodded slightly. It was difficult seeing her like this, knowing all the pain he had caused her. He had nearly ruined Blair once and now he had perhaps done the same thing to Emmy. But she was strong and she would recover.

"I miss you" she said, tears beginning to fall down her face.

"I'm sorry" Chuck said. "Look, maybe you should… Maybe this isn't the time or place."

"Because of the party?" Emmy asked. "Or because Blair is here?"

"I didn't end things because of Blair and you know it."

"No Chuck" Emmy sighed. "Whatever the reason, Blair _was_ a huge part of it. And _you_ know it. You can't fault me for being bitter. I thought that by loving you and by being the better person and safer option I could get the ending I deserved. Turns out I was wrong."

He didn't object. He knew she was right but at the same time she was wrong. There was no point in debating it further.

"I'll go get Sebastian" he said. "Dry your tears. Don't let him see them. You can say goodbye to him and be on your way. I'm sorry about everything."

"Sorry doesn't help" she said, wiping a tear from her eyes.

Chuck walked over to his son who eagerly showed him what Emmy had gotten him. It was a board game for young children, the only game he had gotten for his birthday. Chuck obliged him with a smile and told him to go thank Emmy. Sebastian ran over to her and she knelt to give him one more hug.

"Happy birthday" she said.

"Want some cake?" Sebastian asked.

"Thank you but… I think I have to go."

"Come and play the game someday."

"Bye sweetie" Emmy said and gave him a kiss. She then rose and looked at Chuck who had come over as well. "He seems to have gotten bigger since I last saw him."

"Yeah" Chuck said, following Sebastian with his eyes as the boy ran back to look at his presents. "He's going to be fourteen and unruly in no time."

"I should go" Emmy said, pressing the elevator button.

"Okay" Chuck nodded. "I really do hope you'll be happy, Emmy."

"Same to you" Emmy managed.

They stood in silence, waiting for the elevator to arrive, well aware that everyone else in the room was trying to discreetly glance over at them. When the elevator doors finally opened Emmy managed a goodbye to the guests and then stepped on to leave. Chuck took a step closer and wished he had something encouraging to say but he didn't.

"Thank you Emmy" he said, not knowing what else there was to say. "For everything. I mean it."

The doors closed between them and he let out a deep breath. They both had to move on now. She to find someone else to love or another way of making herself happy. He to face the things he had been using her as a shield from. He walked slowly back to the party crowd but kept to himself for the next fifteen minutes, not really in the party mood any longer.

* * *

><p>The party wrapped up when it was time for Sebastian's nap. Dorota stayed behind to help clean up while Vanya took their children home and the rest got ready to leave. When Blair came down the stairs after getting Sebastian to go to sleep she saw Chuck, Serena and Nate putting their coats on, laughing together. She almost indulged in the luxury of allowing herself to pretend she was still part of that happy group of laughing friends but quickly dismissed the idea. Nate was friendly towards her and Chuck was not openly mad at her anymore but Serena was a different story and she had a long way to go yet before she was a real part of the group again.<p>

"Chuck" she said as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "Would you mind staying behind for a bit? I have something for you."

"Can't it wait?" Serena asked with a frown.

"I suppose, but…"

"Good. We're heading out for drinks at Kamikaze."

"You're spending Valentine's Day with your boyfriend and your _brother_?" Blair snorted.

"Who are you spending it with?" Serena countered.

"My Valentine is napping upstairs" Blair retorted.

"Wow, not even the official day of love can keep the bickering at bay" Nate sighed.

"Can it wait until tomorrow?" Chuck asked hesitantly. "I have… someplace to be after the drinks."

"Oh" Blair said, feeling a hint of panic inside. Was he going on a date? Was he meeting up with Emmy?

"Tomorrow?" Chuck suggested again. "I'll be here anyway to celebrate the birthday boy."

"Tomorrow" Blair nodded. "Thank you all so much for today. He really had a wonderful time. Thanks for all the gifts!"

"Our pleasure" Nate smiled.

The elevator doors opened and Serena, Nate and Chuck got on it. Blair watched them leave with a heavy heart before walking slowly back upstairs. She would be spending the rest of her Valentine's Day watching "_Breakfast at Tiffany's_", eating chocolates and probably crying into her pillow. Or, even more likely, binging herself on what was left of the cake and the cookies and then making herself sick. An awful way to spend Valentine's but at least it was something she had control over.

* * *

><p>The following evening Chuck had dinner with Blair and Sebastian, their original lunch plans having been pushed back due to a meeting he had to attend. It was in many ways a low-key re-play of the previous day with Sebastian being so excited about his birthday that he could barely sit still and eat his dinner. When dinner and opening of presents was over Chuck agreed to stay behind and watch a movie before they put Sebastian to bed.<p>

"But I'm not sleepy" Sebastian protested as Blair carried him from the bathroom to his bed.

"Yes you are" Blair said, putting him down on the bed. "Look at you, you can barely keep your eyes open."

"Is it my birthday tomorrow too?"

"Sorry. It only comes once a year."

"Like Christmas?"

"Like Christmas" Blair nodded. "Come on, lie down. What do you say I read you the story Grandpa' Harold and Roman got you? Chuck, would you go get it please?"

Chuck nodded and walked over to the dresser where three new books were waiting to be read. He picked up the one in French and brought it back to the bed where Blair had curled up next to an already half-asleep Sebastian.

"Thank you" she said.

"You're welcome" he said. He turned to Sebastian who had his teddybear in a firm grip and was sucking on his thumb. "Goodnight."

"Bas don't do that" Blair said, pulling the thumb away. She then looked up at Chuck who had taken a few steps towards the door. "You're leaving?"

"He's practically asleep already" Chuck shrugged. "I don't want to intrude on your bedtime ritual anyway. This day must be more special to you than it is to me."

She smiled a little and gently stroked the little boy's head.

"I can't seem to stop thinking about when he was first put in my arms" she said.

Chuck nodded.

"You said you had something to talk to me about. I'll be waiting downstairs."

"Could you wait in my room?"

"Fine" he said after some hesitation.

She watched him leave and shrugged her disappointment that he hadn't stayed behind to lull Sebastian to sleep. She opened the book, kissed her son's head and then began to read. After five pages he was sound asleep. She waited for a few minutes, enjoying the sound of his breaths and the way his chest heaved with each one he took. He had been so very little four years ago and now he was getting so big. Watching him grow had been the best experience of her life.

Eventually she got up and put the book aside on the nightstand. She let the night light stay on and walked through the bathroom into her room. Chuck was there, looking out the window with his hands in his pockets, seemingly uncomfortable. She harked and he turned to look at her. She smiled slightly, remembering so many happy times they had shared in this room, and some not so happy.

"So what's up?" he asked.

She walked over to her writing desk and opened a drawer. Inside was a large book. She let her fingers play with the cover for a moment before picking it up. She turned and held it up to Chuck with a nervous smile. He cast a glance at it but didn't seem to think it was anything out of the ordinary. It was a notebook, a large one, with purple cover and a silver back. There was something written on the cover but he couldn't make out what it was.

"I made this for you" Blair said. "But I admit it's a little harder to part with it than I expected. It's got a lot of memories. It's yours though and I want you to have it today, on his birthday."

"What is it?" Chuck asked, walking over to take the book. Their hands touched and he felt that spark.

"It's Sebastian."

He opened the book and looked at the first page. February 15th 2012 was written at the top and below followed various details about Sebastian's birth. What his weight had been, at what exact time he had been born, the name of the midwife who helped Blair through the delivery. There was also a picture of Sebastian at only five minutes old. Chuck studied it in silence for several minutes before turning the page. Every page was filled with various details about his son's life. Blair had meticulously written every milestone down. First smile, first time he rolled over, the date for each new tooth. Most pages had pictures, some had outlines of Sebastian's hand drawn and one had a tiny lock of hair from when it had first grown long enough to cut a strain.

"I missed you every single day" Blair said. "I grieved over you missing out on everything. I made sure to document everything so that you could take part of it someday. Every milestone from his first three years and four months are in there."

Chuck turned the pages slowly, not really reading any of the text. He would do that later when he was alone. Her gift surprised him. He wouldn't have been sure whether or not to believe that it had always been documented with him in mind but here and there he spotted his name where Blair had addressed something directly to him.

"Thank you" he said at last, looking up at her.

"You're welcome."

He nodded and looked at the book again. He had been determined not to find out details about his son through someone else's intel but there were things he had to read up on to know. He knew he would be spending a lot of time looking through this book.

Spontaneously he leaned in and kissed Blair on the cheek. Then he left, as surprised by his own actions as she was. She remained in the same spot for almost fifteen minutes, fingers gently brushing the spot he had kissed.

* * *

><p>I'll be trying to update this on a weekly basis for a while… We'll see how that goes. My motivation is fairly low at the moment with all that's happened on the show but I want to get this story done. Thank you for reading and let me know what you thought of it!<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

A shorter update this time! The last couple of chapters were pretty long and I felt I needed a bit of a break =) Despite the title of this story neither this chapter nor the next will feature Sebastian. He's on leave ;)

I want to take a second to thank each and every one of you who's sent me encouragements over the last week (and before that as well). The show may be really bad these days but some parts of the fandom are worth sticking around for!

Without further ado…

* * *

><p>With little to no enthusiasm Chuck walked out of his bedroom to join Nate on a night out on the town. It was supposed to be his weekend with Sebastian but Blair had wanted to trade weekends for some reason that had to do with Eleanor and Cyrus and he had grudgingly agreed. Nate had insisted that since Sebastian wouldn't be there they needed to go out and party, claiming they had barely done so since Nate got together with Serena. That wasn't even almost true, seeing as how they had gone out several times over the course of the past eight months, and the times they had stayed at home had had less to do with Nate and Serena dating and more to do with Chuck not feeling in the party mood. He still wasn't in the mood for party but it was easier to just comply than to argue. He had a sneaking suspicion Nate was trying to distract him from his breakup but the breakup was not weighing as heavily on Chuck as people suspected.<p>

"Hey, you're ready!" Nate chirped when Chuck came into the hallway. "Let's get going. This is going to be great, just like the last time we went out and partied just the two of us."

Chuck refrained from comment. The last time they had gone out partying alone Nate had gotten stoned and sung "_There Are 100 Ways To Love A Cat_" for two hours straight. It had not been Chuck's idea of a good time.

"Where did you have in mind?" he asked, grabbing a scarf on the way out.

"I'm kind of hungry actually," Nate said, "so what do you say we eat our way up town and drink our way back down?"

"Or you could stop and get a falafel on the way" Chuck said. "I already ate."

"Don't be like that. We're going to have a great time! Just us guys, out on the town."

Chuck said nothing and headed for the elevator. The sooner they got to a bar the sooner he could get Nate drunk and the sooner they could go home again. He had lost all interest in partying recently, not feeling the slightest bit festive and dreading the hangover. It was probably very adult of him, a depressing thought in itself, but he wouldn't be able to explain it to Nate.

They headed out to a nearby bar and Nate immediately ordered drinks for them both. Chuck faked a smile and slowly sipped his drink while Nate set off on a monologue about one of his professors who was apparently a big fan of "_Cool Runnings_" and referenced the movie as often as he could. To Chuck's ears it all sounded like proof that a college degree turned you insane but he knew the effect Nate was going for was comedy so he laughed at the appropriate places and entertained himself by going over the things he needed to address at an upcoming board meeting. Nate ordered another drink before Chuck was even halfway done with his first.

"Do you remember the first time you got us into a bar?" Nate asked. "We were…"

"Fourteen."

"Fourteen, right. They didn't even card us and we sure didn't look legal."

"If a Bass wants to get into a club he'll get into the club" Chuck shrugged. "I can't remember what we actually did once we got inside."

"I do. You had a couple of drinks and then went after some chick in her mid-twenties. I think you might have actually been successful too since you both disappeared for a while and left me alone at the bar, terrified that someone would come along and spot me and realize I was several years too young to be there."

Chuck laughed a little.

"Those were the days. You weren't much fun to party with though, not at that age. Serena was a much better party-partner."

"Yeah I remember the two of you taking turns getting wasted. Whoever stayed slightly more sober ushered the other one home."

"That was only for a few weeks" Chuck shrugged. "What a stupid system that was."

"Yeah well then you both got hammered and barely got home at all on a _Tuesday_ and you were both grounded for a few days."

"Serena was grounded. By her stepfather at the time. So I went over to her place with some pot and we kept partying."

"What? And you didn't invite me?"

Chuck shrugged.

"You were probably hanging out at Blair's watching Audrey Hepburn movies or something. You weren't much of a party animal until you turned fifteen."

"God what a bunch of wasted years" Nate sighed dramatically.

Chuck took another sip of his drink and refrained from comment. Things had been so very different back then. It was difficult to believe that they were the same people who had done all those things. Looking back at the first twenty years of his life it all seemed to be the life of another person.

His best friend took another swig from his drink and suggested dancing. This could really turn out to be a long night.

* * *

><p>Forty minutes later they were back out on the streets, walking to another bar. They passed by an alley and Nate grabbed Chuck's arm and pulled him in.<p>

"Just so you know, while I have had alley sex before and I've definitely had rebound sex before, I don't think it's good family values to have a combination of the two with your sister's boyfriend" Chuck commented dryly.

"In relations to a subject previously discussed…" Nate grinned, reaching inside his pocket for something.

"Can't we just go ahead and get to the bar?"

Nate's grin got wider and he held up a bag of drugs and a lighter.

"How cool is this?" he asked.

"Are you crazy?" Chuck asked. "We're not seventeen anymore. We smoke pot in the privacy of our own homes, not out on the streets!"

"First of all it's actually hash" Nate said. "Second, when the hell did you become such a bore? Getting a lecture on the evils of getting stoned in public from _Chuck Bass_ is like getting a lecture on the sanctity of life from an executioner. Now shut up and light up."

"I am seriously not in the mood for this" Chuck sighed.

"You've been way too sober through this breakup" Nate argued. "That's what's wrong with you. You know you'll be getting completely wasted and having sex with random women and/or hookers at some point so you might just get it out of your system right now."

"Did it ever occur to you that I might have grown up over the past four years?"

"Sure, and I'm Al Capone. Now stop being such a baby and light your damn joint!"

* * *

><p>Blair sat on the divan downstairs with her laptop on her knee and a glass of wine in her hand, feeling decidedly lonely. Her mother and Cyrus had taken Sebastian to the Hamptons for the weekend, even though it was late February and in Blair's opinion definitely not Hamptons season. She was all alone in the penthouse and had nothing to do but read fashion magazines online. It got very boring very fast.<p>

The elevator rang and she looked up, wondering if she had ordered home dinner and forgotten about it. When Serena came walking in she couldn't have been more surprised. She set the wine glass down on the coffee table and sat up properly, putting the laptop aside.

"Serena" she said. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Where is Sebastian?" Serena asked, looking around.

"You've come to see my son at nine o'clock on a Saturday night?"

"He's asleep then?"

"I should hope so. He's with Mother and Cyrus in the Hamptons."

"In February?"

Blair shrugged and took off her reading glasses.

"So… What did you want?"

Serena hesitated and moved her weight from one foot to the other. She wasn't entirely comfortable being there but she knew it was well overdue. She looked down at her feet and then up at Blair.

"When I returned from Connecticut I tried relentlessly to make you forgive me" she said. "You've barely even tried to make me forgive you."

"You made it fairly obvious you weren't willing to forgive" Blair said with a joyless smirk. She was definitely not in the mood to be submissive. "Besides, I have a child to think of. When you got back to the Upper East Side all you had to worry about was putting your own clothes on in the morning and you didn't even always succeed in doing that properly."

"One might wonder why I've taken so long to begin to forgive such a delightful friend" Serena replied dryly.

"You've come here to insult me? Why bother?"

"No B, I actually came to see if we can start calling it a truce."

Blair blinked a couple of times, surprised by what Serena had said and not entirely sure she'd heard her right.

"Why?" she then stuttered. "I mean, why now? What changed?"

"I don't really like being this angry with you" Serena said hesitantly. "I still am mad. I don't know, I… I've been waiting for you to take the first step but someone pointed out to me that perhaps you've tried a few times and I haven't been very forthcoming."

"I've been fighting to have Chuck's forgiveness" Blair said. "And Dorota's. Not to mention fighting for my son and his future. I can't fight you too." She felt herself getting more emotional than she wanted Serena to know. "But I've missed you."

"Like I said I'm still mad as hell" Serena said. "But I presume I should take my strangely zen boyfriend's advice and at least hear you out. I haven't been able to picture anything that would make it okay that you completely ignored me and told everything to Dan."

"Serena you're Chuck's stepsister" Blair said, relieved to finally get a chance to talk to her former best friend for real. "How could I tell you something I hadn't been able to tell Chuck yet? He had to know before you did. Dan finding out was accidental."

"I'm not so sure I believe any of it" Serena said honestly while walking around to sit on the couch. She put her purse down on the floor and sank down on the cushions. "If you're willing to talk though… I'm willing to listen. I promise I'll at least try to look at it fairly."

* * *

><p>"Brilliant" Chuck deadpanned as the lock clicked shut.<p>

Nate made an apologetic face and then burped before sinking back against the hard stone wall like it was a soft cushion and he was a wanderer who had many miles behind him. They were at a police station locked inside a holding cell. They had both smoked a bit of hash, Nate more than Chuck, and then begun to make their way to the next bar. On the way Nate had decided he was in dire need of a Reese's Pieces bar and marched straight into an open store and grabbed himself one. In his intoxicated state he had forgotten to pay on his way out. One thing had lead to another and now they had nothing to do but patiently wait for Chuck's lawyers to come sort out the mess they had created for themselves, one that hadn't gotten easier when one of the policemen found Nate's bag of hash.

"Relax, man" Nate said, eyelids beginning to fall. "You've been in here before. What's the big deal?"

"Don't you think we're a little old to get arrested for shoplifting candy and carrying around drugs in our inner pockets?" Chuck said testily, taking a seat opposite Nate.

"What is with you? The Chuck Bass I knew would never be this much of a buzz kill."

"I have enough worries on my mind without adding being arrested for drug possession to the list" Chuck said angrily. "I'm not a teenager desperate for his father's attention anymore! I have responsibilities. So do you, by the way. This is going to look real nice on your resume when you apply for a job with a fresh law degree in hand. Even better when you start going for a political career."

"It's relatable to the younger demographic" Nate shrugged, mind clearly muddled still. "Stop whining so much. _I_ was the one with the drugs on me anyway."

Chuck groaned and leaned forward, resting his arms against his thighs. He really wasn't in the mood for this right now. His life was such a mess as it was. Drinking and doing drugs and sleeping around had never been part of his repertoire solely because he thought it was fun. A large part of it had always been based in trying to get his father's attention by acting out when all other methods failed. After a while it had become a form of comfort zone he could fall back into when life was a pain. He knew it would be easy to fall back into those same routines again and he was trying as best he could to avoid doing so. He had to stay focused and keep his life in order now that he had a child to care about.

"Don't worry, man" Nate said, closing his eyes. "We won't have to wait until morning to get out, or even for your lawyers to get out of bed. I called Serena, she's on her way."

"Thank God for small favors" Chuck muttered.

"Yeah, but poor timing though" Nate said with a little chuckle. "She's finally hearing Blair out and I call and dist… disr… dis… bother them."

"What?"

"Oh yeah" Nate said, opening one eye slightly. "She was over at Blair's place trying to forgive and forget and all that. Hey, we should totally give the girls what's left of the hash! It's so much easier to make up after a fight when you're high since everything is so… mellow. Aw, no, I forgot, that cop took my stash."

"Nathaniel have you completely lost your mind?" Chuck asked sternly, the last traces of intoxication washing off of him.

"Huh?"

"I don't care how stoned you are; what the hell were you doing calling Serena to tell her about all this when she is with _Blair_?"`

"I want them to make friends again as much as anyone" Nate exclaimed, opening both his eyes.

"That is not the issue" Chuck said, rising from his bunk. "Blair is the last person I want finding out about this. What the hell is she supposed to think? What woman wants the father of her child to be someone who's out getting stoned and shoplifting Reese's Pieces?"

"Kids love candy" Nate shrugged.

"_Nathaniel_!" Chuck barked. "This is exactly the kind of ammunition I cannot afford giving her in case we end up in a custody battle. God, you'd better hope my lawyers get here before they do and bail me out. Then when Serena gets here she'll only find you and I will be able to claim you were here all by yourself. I cannot afford to have Blair knowing about this."

They heard a door open and both looked over to see who was coming. Chuck threw his hands out in frustration when he saw a police officer giving directions to Serena and Blair. The two women came walking down the steps and stopped at the bottom, both with displeased frowns, looking around to spot Nate and Chuck.

"Can I help you ladies?" a guard asked, walking over to them.

"We're here to spring Butch and Sundance" Blair said with little enthusiasm.

"The rich party animals with the sweet-tooth?"

"The moronic dweebs who haven't seemed to realize they're no longer teenagers" Serena clarified further, wrapping her arms around herself as if she was cold.

"Here" Blair said, handing a piece of paper over to the guard. "Not that I would mind letting them rot in here for a while but it's bad PR so we're taking them with us."

The guard eyed through the note and nodded.

"Alright ladies, this way."

Chuck stood right by the bars eyeing Serena and Blair as they came walking up. Even Nate seemed to sober up a bit and got up on his feet. When the women stopped in front of them Chuck looked nervously at Blair, wondering what she would do with this ammunition.

"Come here often?" she asked dryly.

"It's not what it looks like."

"Haven't heard that before" the guard said dryly and unlocked the door.

"Really, Nate?" Serena asked with disapproval. "You get busted for shoplifting _Reese's Pieces_? What is the matter with you?"

"They're all yours" the guard said and walked off.

"Thank you" Serena muttered.

"Serena, it was just a bit of harmless fun" Nate insisted, sounding more serious now.

"I wouldn't call it that. God, you're still stoned. If you puke in the car I'm not coming with you to your stupid college soiree next weekend."

Chuck said nothing, giving Blair another look before following after Serena and Nate. Nate was having a bit of trouble walking straight and leaned against Serena who seemed less than pleased with the arrangement. Blair walked a few steps behind Chuck, keeping silent until they were outside waiting for Chuck's limo to be brought around.

"Where is Sebastian?" Chuck asked Blair, wishing she could have stayed behind to look after their son while Serena ran off to bail them out.

"Hamptons. God Chuck, I thought you had outgrown your wild party habits. I see all it took was a breakup to have you right back in the saddle."

"I didn't even want to go out, okay?" Chuck griped.

"Guys I think I'm going to bring Nate to my place" Serena said, more or less shoving Nate inside the car that had just pulled up. "It's a lot closer and he needs to be promptly sent to bed."

"I'm thirsty!" Nate said.

"Too bad."

Blair sighed and got in after them with Chuck in tow. Once they were all inside the limo and it started to move Nate threw his head back and chuckled.

"I can't believe we got arrested" he laughed. "I can't remember being arrested before."

"It's not funny" Chuck sulked, cringing at the disapproving look on Blair's face.

"Just stop talking, Nate" Serena said. "You're done partying for the night. You're going home and to bed."

"Objection" Nate snorted. "The night is young and we could totally all hit a club!"

"Overruled" Serena and Chuck said in one voice.

"Am I the only one here who wants to have some fun?"

"Nate honey, don't try to talk with even less brain cells than normal activated" Blair said with a disingenuous smile.

"You are such bores, all three of you" Nate sighed.

* * *

><p>"You didn't have to usher me home" Chuck said, walking through the door and tossing his coat aside. "I only had one drink and what little hash I smoked has cleared my system."<p>

"I'm supposed to take your word for it?" Blair asked, closing the door behind her. "I just bailed you out of the slammer. You ruined the progress Serena and I were making, you got high in a public place and now you owe me money. Right now the things you say are somewhat… lacking in reassurance."

"It's been a rough year" Chuck said, walking towards the kitchen to get something to drink.

"Reverting back to the destructive coping mechanisms of your young adulthood seems rather immature, don't you think?" Blair replied, following in his heels.

"Look, you got me indoors, I'm safe at home" he said, opening the refrigerator and grabbing one of Nate's Fantas. "Consider me safe and sound. You can head on home."

"Since you seem to be sobering up I thought we might have a little chat" Blair said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Just say it" Chuck sighed, feeling the fight wash off him. He was too tired and weary to even care at this moment. "Just get it said and then you can leave."

"What is it you think I'm going to say?" Blair asked, tilting her head.

"A lecture on the evils of drugs and how pathetic I am for using them when I'm supposed to try and be a responsible father, topped with how I've nullified every step forward we've taken up until this point. Followed by an assurance that after this you're going to make sure you get everything you want custody-wise. By Monday you'll have compiled a report on the reasons why I should not be allowed to take part in Sebastian's upbringing, referenced in the Vancouver system. It's a real gem for you, isn't it? Something you can hold over my head to get everything the way you want it."

Blair leaned against the counter and looked at him in a way that was far less judgmental and triumphant than he was expecting.

"I just want to know what the hell happened tonight" she said. "I know you've been trying, Bass. To be a good father. I'm not going to hold this over your head to get everything I want, which by the way does not include sole custody of Sebastian. Don't think for a second that this _thrills_ me. Who wants to go bail their child's father out of the pokey? But… I know this was Nate's misadventure. You would never carry hash in a normal plastic bag in your inner pocket and you most certainly wouldn't steal a Reese's Pieces bar."

Chuck couldn't help but laugh a little at the tone in her voice when she said that. He looked at her with incredulity as she kept talking.

"You would have gone for Skittles. You always liked eating them when you were stoned. I remember one time when you sat around for like half the evening rambling about the different colors and combinations of flavors."

"I was fifteen" Chuck excused himself with a hint of a smile.

"And you totally ruined my sweet sixteen. Chuck I know things are difficult for you right now but I really do wish you would think about Sebastian before you go out and do these kind of things at this point. It may have been Nate who got you into trouble but what the hell were you thinking going along with any of his ideas anyway? This is the guy who thought '_Kingdom_ _Hearts'_ was an actual country."

"I appreciate you bailing me out" Chuck said, taking a few sips of soda before setting the can down on the kitchen counter and walking past Blair into the livingroom. "What I don't need is the lecture. This won't happen again, I assure you."

"It better not" Blair said, following him. "I'm not giving you a hard time to be a bitch. I'm worried about you."

"You know, it's really damn hypocritical to turn my life into a living nightmare and then get up on a soapbox and tell me you're _worried_ about me" Chuck said angrily, his emotions a mess after the many turns of the evening.

"At some point or other you're going to have to either stop being angry with me or find a way to function even with that anger" Blair shot back. "I don't know if what happened tonight is based on your fatherhood or if it has something to do with Bland Barbie packing up her bags and leaving but I am really getting sick and tired of walking on eggshells around you and giving you a free pass because I did something horrible."

"I'm not even mad" Chuck admitted with a small sigh. "I haven't been for a while now. Anger is… easy to get past. What I'm feeling is betrayed. Like I gave you all my trust and you threw it back in my face. That's more difficult to overcome. I suppose I don't have to tell you that, after all I've given you reason to feel the same thing."

"Oh, so you're not angry?" Blair replied, getting irritated. "You've sure been making a good impression of it up until now."

"I've been nothing but polite to you for the past couple of months."

"Barely" Blair snorted. "It's one step forward, two steps back."

"I disagree. When was the last time I lashed out at you?"

"About fifteen seconds ago. I am really sick and tired of being the villain in this story and at this point you'd better start getting constructive or I will hire a bunch of violinists to follow you around all day."

"Excuse me for taking my sweet time getting over everything that's happened" Chuck replied. "I guess we can't all be forgiving saints like your kind self."

"Are you just going to continue on like this forever?" Blair shot back. "At Sebastian's high school graduation will you be standing in a corner gawking at him while shooting daggers at me and wallowing in self-pity?"

"Get out" Chuck said. "I can't fight with you Blair. Not tonight."

"That's too bad because I'm not leaving. Not until we've said everything we have to say to one another. We've tried to play nice but there's a lot of animosity still brewing beneath the surface. You won't even _look_ at me for more than a second and a half at a time and more often than not when we touch you recoil like you've been bitten by a snake. Let's get it all out in the open and then we can move on."

"If you want a rundown of all the things I'm upset about we're going to be here for a very long time."

"The Chuck I knew used to face is problems head on. You've been doing nothing but hiding for the past-"

"I've been trying my damndest, Blair!" Chuck said. "I'm not hiding from Sebastian. I've been asking for more time with him!"

"You're afraid of Sebastian and you're afraid of me" Blair shot back. "I know you try to bond with Sebastian yet at the same time you've been keeping him at arm's length because you're scared of giving him power over you. Just like you're scared of giving me back any power I've had over you."

"Of course I'm scared!" Chuck snarled, surprised at himself for admitting it to her. "Why shouldn't I be? You took my trust, and my heart, threw it in a blender and pressed 'puree'. I have every reason to be scared. Stop acting like me being mad at you and having a hard time trusting you is some hugely overblown response."

"Stop acting like everything that's happened is my fault! I'm not the only one who's made mistakes and if I ever hesitated to tell you that I had your baby then maybe you had a part in that. Something bad happened to you, that's true, but I haven't felt like you're even _trying_! You're far too happy throwing cheap punches at me and keeping Sebastian and me both at arm's length so you won't have to deal with any positive emotions since you're so worried that loving someone will end up getting you hurt. We both know what your issues are; let's not waste time going over them again. Pull yourself together, Bass. Enough is enough."

"You don't get to decide on that."

"I just did."

"Believe it or not I _am_ trying" Chuck said. "You didn't get a three year-old dropped in your lap. How the hell was I supposed to react? What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Stop being a coward would be a good start" Blair said. "What is the worst he could do to you? What's the worst that could happen if you gave your relationship with him an honest chance?"

"You haven't got the faintest idea what I have or have not done" Chuck said. "You're not there when I'm with him. I said I was no longer mad at you and I meant that but that doesn't mean I have forgiven you. Every minute I spend with him without feeling like a real father to him I know who's to blame."

"The only think you're doing is using my actions as a carte blanche to act however you wish and to avoid dealing with anything. We've reached the point where '_Blair was mean to me_' is no longer a valid argument. You can't play the victim card forever. Not with me. I'm the woman you traded for a hotel and I forgave you."

"Did you? I'm not so sure."

"You can either continue hiding behind what happened and use it to win every argument or you can try to let it go and be happy."

"I got past the angry. I need more time to get past the hurt."

"Sympathies are running low."

"So you've told me a dozen times tonight!"

"You're not the only one who's mad here!"

"I'm not mad!"

"Well I am!"

"What do you have to be mad about?"

"_Her_!" Blair said, and to her surprise her voice broke and she began to cry.

Chuck looked perplexed and held back the comment he had been about to make. She sank down on the couch and hid her face in her hands.

"What are you talking about?" he said in a softer tone.

"I hate her" Blair said. "That perfect trollop of yours. She may be out of your life but that doesn't change the fact that I _hate_ her."

"For what? Loving me?"

"No, for you loving her!" She looked up at him, thinking she might as well go ahead and die if he was looking at her with anger, resentment or pity. When she met his eyes and all that was in them was confusion and a bit of concern she relaxed a little. "I knew you would move on at some point but why did you have to love her like that? I could have understood it if she was even remotely interesting, had the tiniest hint of a personality or seemed charming. Instead you chose to be with the most… blah person I have ever come across."

"That's what you want to think of her. You never bothered to see the things I saw. She saved me. Every day."

"You treated her better than you ever treated me. You loved her better than you ever loved me. Call me selfish but that _hurts_. Maybe I deserve it after what has happened but the Blair who laid her heart out to you at graduation didn't. The Blair who was there for you and supported you when Elizabeth came into your life, she didn't. The Blair you hurt so bad before she ever did anything to you, she did not deserve that."

"Being with someone else is a betrayal of what you've meant to me?" Chuck asked gently, more confused than ever.

"I may have kept secrets from you and gone behind your back but you betrayed my trust too. I thought you loved me completely and I wrote off the things you did to hurt me as part of the deal. I thought, I wanted to believe, that you weren't capable of letting go of your darkness even for love and that loving you meant accepting that part of you. I told myself that even though you did those horrible things to me you still loved me, maybe even loved me too much. To learn that I was wrong about that has been almost as bitter as your resentment towards me."

"You thought I wasn't capable of loving someone without destroying them" Chuck concluded. "That might be the worst thing anyone has ever said to me."

"That's not what I'm saying!"

"Then what?"

"Why could you be so much better to her than to me?" Blair asked, sobbing openly now. "I believed you loved me with all your heart but you didn't even make it a year with me. You were with Emmy for more than four. You were infinitely more protective of what you had with her than what you had with me and never did anything to risk it. You never traded her for anything. You never launched a war on her. You never broke her the way you broke me. You gave her everything I've always wanted you to give to me. Your love without pain. Your complete devotion."

He walked over and sank down before her.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you" he said genuinely. "I'm sorry for everything I did to you. The fact that I didn't do those things to Emmy doesn't mean I loved her better. I learned from my mistakes. What Emmy and I had was a simple love. The exact kind you wanted to find for yourself. I can't believe you would deny me the right you claimed for yourself."

"I don't get it" Blair said, looking down at her hands. "What was wrong with me that was right about her? Why couldn't you treat me the way you treated her?"

"The way I've treated her as of late is hardly admirable."

"What about the first years? Before I came back and you found out you were a father? Knowing she got to be loved by you the way I wanted to be loved by you makes me hater her. It makes me hate you a little."

"Who the hell said I loved her more?"

She looked up at him. The look in his eyes was confused yet reassuring. It was friendly and perhaps even loving. Without thinking she put her hands on his cheeks and pulled him closer, pressing her lips hard against his. It took a second but then he relaxed and gave in, kissing her back. Their first kiss in several years.

It wasn't romantic. It wasn't loving. It was desperate and desolate and passionate. Somehow they ended up standing, kissing each other with a mixture of anger and desperation, their bodies pressing together. She lost all sense of the world around her, ignored the knowledge that this would make things hurt so much more when their kisses ended, needing him to dull her pain. She had a feeling he needed something similar from her.

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><p>Isn't that just the perfect place to take a break? =D "Tune in" again next week to find out what happens next. In the meantime, tell me what you thought of the chapter!<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

Wow, last chapter was easily the most well-received one from this whole story (except for perhaps the chapter where Chuck breaks up with Emmy). Yet strangely I don't think I've been called cruel as often in reviews as for that chapter but I probably deserved it ) I'm glad I was able to make you guys happy for once and not just depressed. I'm guessing about half of you will approve of the direction this chapter takes and the other half will dislike it.

As I've already mentioned Sebastian is not feature in this chapter but he'll be back again next week.

Btw how awesome is it that we've gotten Chair filming pics this past week? Keep 'em coming, GG-team!

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><p>Blair woke up in the morning feeling like a princess. She had forgotten how incredibly comfortable Chuck's mattresses had always been and how wonderfully fluffy his comforters were. She was curled up on her side and felt like purring like a kitten. She could feel the scent of him, hear his steady breaths. Slowly the feeling of comfort faded and she began to feel worried.<p>

Last night had been a haze of passion. They had both gotten carried away. He hadn't been entirely sober. He might not be as pleased waking up this morning as he had been when he took her to his bed last night. After so much time spent being furious at her and hurt by her he probably regretted last night as much as Blair cherished it.

"Open your eyes Blair" she heard him say.

So he knew she was awake. She didn't open her eyes, not at once. The moment she did her happy bubble would be burst for no matter what mood he was in this morning it was sure to be different than the blissfulness she had felt waking up. She tried to analyze the tone in his voice. Had it been warm? Tender? Calm? Annoyed? Indifferent?

"You do have to open them, you know" he said.

Blair continued to keep them closed. She felt the bed shift, heard him sigh and then heard the sound of his feet hitting floor and taking a few steps away from the bed. She heard him fiddle with something, probably putting his robe on, and then leave the room. She wondered where he had gone and why. Had he gone to the bathroom? To order breakfast for them? Was he just eager to get away from her?

She didn't want to think about things like that. Instead she smiled as she thought back on the night before. The things he had said to her while they were having sex replayed in her mind over and over.

"_You are so beautiful._"

"_How I've missed this._"

"_No woman can compare to you._"

She lingered at the memory of those words and others like them but she knew they didn't necessarily mean all that much. He had always been a sex mumbler. He would mumble more or less coherent, more or less relevant things nine times out of ten when they had sex. That very first time in the limo hearing his mumbles had made her feel awkward; it felt more intimate than seeing her childhood friend naked or even joining her body with his. It seemed to be something he did automatically, like he would always mumble random compliments and observations whether his partner was her or a prostitute or some girl from their school, and it was a part of who he was which she had never thought about before or had any reason to know about. After the first few times they'd slept together she had grown used to it and accepted it as part of the deal. The only times she had taken the mumbled comments for genuine compliments were when they were boyfriend and girlfriend and making love. When it was just sex for physical pleasure the mumbles annoyed her a bit and while they were going out she had told him more than once to please shut up and stop distracting her.

Last night had been sex, not lovemaking, she knew that. Still the mumbles had not annoyed her. In fact she had loved every last one of them. Not so much for the things he had said, even though she loved pretending that he meant every word, but for the familiarity of it. Every mumbled word that came past his lips reminded her that this was Chuck. She was back in bed with Chuck.

In the midst of her pleasant thoughts she actually ended up falling asleep again. When she woke up she wasn't sure if it had been minutes or an hour but she whimpered a little and rolled over on her back, opening her eyes hoping to find him. The other side of the bed was empty. She lifted herself up on her elbows and spotted him flung up on his dresser, smoking a cigarette and wearing a lilac robe that would have looked ridiculous on any other man.

"Morning sleepy head" he said, sounding weary, and took another drag. The shocked look on her face made him raise an eyebrow. "What? The smoking? Something I picked up from Emmy. Bet you didn't guess she had those kind of habits."

"Little miss perfect _smoked_?"

"When we first met. She quit after about a year and a half. I sometimes liked to take a cigarette with her after sex or when I was having a crappy day."

"W… which is it right now?"

"I don't know what to say about last night" he said, staring out into space and taking another deep inhale from the cigarette. "I suppose that either I'm way better than I've given myself credit for or it's been quite a long time for you."

"I knew that glimpse I saw of the old you last night wouldn't last" Blair sighed.

"We shouldn't have done it. It complicates things."

"Too late to be crying over it now."

"I want to forgive and forget…" he said. "But I can't. No matter how good the sex was last night, I just…"

"You will hate me forever and ever, yeah, I got that" Blair snorted.

Chuck bit his bottom lip. He wished he could make her understand but he couldn't. Last night she had fallen asleep after they were done but he had been too wound up to be able to sleep right away. He had stayed away for almost an hour, just lying there looking at her, occasionally brushing a strain of hair away from her face. He didn't know what to do with himself or his feelings. How was it possible to love somebody that much and be so unwilling to be with them at the same time? He wanted to want her completely the way he had done before but there was too much hurt there still. What if he gave himself to her again and she broke him? What if he didn't know her as well as he had always thought? She had betrayed him in the past so what kept her from doing so again? In June he had been on the verge of leaving his girlfriend for her, walking away from a relationship that meant stability and security to take a chance in him and Blair. Before he had been able to fully take that leap of faith he had found out what she was keeping secret from him and everything collapsed. Could he really put his faith in her again? Could he afford to lose more than he already had? He loved her still and he hated that he loved her. Watching her sleep made him feel peaceful and happy one minute and like he wanted to cry the next. Part of him hated her for conflicting his emotions so. All he knew for absolute certain was that their night of passion was not the start of a rekindled relationship. The hurt and the mistrust needed to be gone first, on both their ends.

He turned his head and looked at her. She looked very fragile, sitting in his bed with the covers pulled up to cover her breasts, looking at him like she was a puppy he had just kicked. She didn't seem much like the Blair Waldorf he had used to know. She had probably been right the night before, he had done this to her. Maybe it had only been fair that she would do something horrible to him in return. How had they ended up here after loving each other so much?

"We used to be invincible" he said.

"We can still be."

"Can we? How the hell would that be possible?"

She wanted to say that anything was possible if they still loved each other but she didn't dare to. She wasn't ready to corner him about his underlying feelings for her.

"There was a lot of good between us" she said instead. "You cannot deny that."

"Maybe there was… but that was a long time ago. Looking back I can see that things were a mess with us."

"Things were amazing with us."

"I think we were right. But we did it wrong."

Blair trembled, looking into his eyes, wondering if she should be feeling hopeful or desolate or some third option that hadn't crossed her mind yet.

"You don't suppose we…" she began. "You said… You said _were_ right. As in that we're not anymore." She broke away from his gaze and stared at her hands. "Is there ever any chance that we might be right again?"

"Who the hell knows?"

She felt her bottom lip trembling and forced herself not to cry. The something snapped inside her and she looked back up at Chuck with an expression that made him recoil a little. She had switched from self-pity to the more classic Blair Waldorf battle mode in less than a second and if it wasn't for the knowledge that he would be on the receiving end he would have been impressed. She cocked her neck and stuck her chin up, all traces of fragility gone.

"Fine then" she said. "If that's the way you want it then that's the way you'll have it. Be miserable. Be a lousy father. Be nowhere near everything you ought to be. I have been bending over backwards to accommodate you for months and it stops right here, right now. Either forgive me or don't. I deserve a lot of crap for what I did but I don't deserve to sit back and watch life pass me by as I wait to hear if you will decide I'm worthy of the great Chuck Bass again."

"I'm not punishing you" Chuck said.

"Don't wave that cancer stick in my direction" Blair frowned. "Close your eyes. I'm getting out of bed and your seeing-me-nude privileges have been suspended indefinitely."

He tossed the cigarette in his coffee mug and closed his eyes, leaning his head back. Last night had ended perfectly. This must be a new record in screwing things up again.

"I'm through being meek and yielding" Blair sputtered, searching for her clothes which were scattered all over the floor. "I'm through waking up every morning hoping you'll want me back. I've wanted a real family for Sebastian so bad but not at the cost of my own self-respect. I've been punishing myself for far too long and it ends right here, right now."

Chuck's heart sank a little. Was this all just about Sebastian and not about himself and Blair? Had her goal been to get together with him so that Sebastian could have a nuclear family and Blair could be with him all the time without feeling guilty about keeping father and son apart? He wasn't objective enough to see that Blair had some points in what she was saying. To him it felt like further proof to his growing theory that she had never genuinely loved him.

"I don't need you and I don't need anyone else" Blair snorted, now mostly ranting to get her anger off her chest and not really caring if he was there to hear it. "All I need is Sebastian."

"Too bad for you then that Humphrey spilled your secret so you can't stay hidden away in France anymore" Chuck said with a resigned voice.

"Don't talk back to me" Blair snorted, pulling her skirt up over her hips. "If you want to be pathetic then fine, that's your call. I'm done being weak."

He opened his eyes and she halted for a second when she saw the desolate look in them. Why was he looking like he had just lost everything?

"I never wanted any of this" he said.

"You think that I did?"

"At least you had some level of control."

She scoffed and stomped past him. She got as far as to do the door before she realized she didn't have her jacket on her. She hesitated, not too keen on going back to get it from Chuck's bedroom floor but she had her phone in her jacket pocket and would need it. She stuck her chin up a bit further and marched back, determined not to allow herself to be hurt any further and determined to be strong and confident.

She walked into his bedroom just as he pulled the pants over his hips and she came to a complete stop. Seeing him putting his clothes on gave her an annoying desire to take them right off again, memories of his mouth, hands and body the previous night washing over her. The surprised look on his face as he buttoned his pants and looked up at her cleared her mind.

"Forgot my jacket" she said.

He looked down at the rumpled bedspread and various articles of his own clothing from the previous night that were strewn across the floor.

"Go fish" he said, walking to his closet to get a shirt.

Blair made a face at the mess on the floor and used her foot to try and move around clothes to find her jacket. Chuck cast a glance at her over his shoulder while buttoning his shirt, wondering to himself what she would do if he strode up to her and kissed her, tackling her down on the bed. The idea was quickly dismissed. Even if she would be willing to go another round it probably just had to do with her longing for sex and knowing she could get it good from him. It wouldn't be worth putting himself through what would follow just to spend a few more moments with her where he could imagine she had always loved him as much as he wanted her to. Besides, complicating things even further at this point would be wrong to Sebastian.

The thought of his son and how all this would affect him cleared his mind a bit. Whatever the reason they had both been eager to jump into bed the previous night it was now morning and things were different. If he let Blair leave now in this state of mind they would have taken a huge step backwards and Sebastian would once again be caught in the crossfire.

"Find your jacket?" he asked.

"Ugh, under your damn bed" Blair muttered.

"You might as well stay for breakfast" he offered.

"What?"

He turned and met her very surprised eyes.

"We're both Sebastian's parents" he said, grabbing a comb to fix his hair. "I don't think either one of us really grasped what happened last night but we have to be able to be around one another."

"That's all?" Blair asked, hating herself for feeling a touch disappointed.

"You could probably use the breakfast" Chuck said, eyeing her up and down. "You've gotten skinny even for you. Don't you find the time to eat anymore?"

"You've gotten chubby" Blair shot back. "I suppose your stressful breakup has driven you to comfort food."

Chuck settled for a sigh in response and walked out of his bedroom to go make breakfast. Blair followed, if for no other reason than that she was confused and couldn't make sense of anything that was currently happening. One minute he was yelling at her, the next comforting her, then making out with her followed by sleeping with her. Then in the morning he pulled back again and now he was trying to be friends. She would need a flow chart to keep track.

They never made it to the kitchen, getting so far as the living room before stopping in their tracks. Nate and Serena were standing there, staring at them with their jaws dropped and Blair wondered what time it was. If it was past ten in the morning this oughtn't to be so scandalous and it didn't seem very early to her.

"Blair…" Nate said tentatively. "Surprised to see you here."

"I was just leaving" Blair muttered, deciding to skip breakfast after all.

"Did you guys…" Serena asked, one eyebrow raised.

"We did nothing" Blair said. "Nothing that's any of your concern."

"You're wearing the same outfit as last night only slightly rumpled."

"Your powers of perception are nothing short of mind-blowing" Blair said with a joyless smirk. "I'll be leaving now."

"Sure" Serena said as Blair walked past her. "Walk away. Why change a winning concept?"

Blair stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around, shooting daggers at Serena. Chuck groaned and threw his hands out.

"Enough Serena!" he said. "Unless you have something to say that is constructive or in any way helpful-"

"No, let her continue" Blair said. "Last night she was all about trying to see eye to eye again but now she's singing a different tune. Pray tell Serena, what have I done this time to warrant your righteous wrath?"

"Everything is always on your terms" Serena said. "You cut us out of your life and then you came back and wanted to be besties because you needed our help. You claim you want Chuck involved in Sebastian's life but it's all from the standpoint of what works best for you. I think Nate and I have a right to know what's gone on here since last night but you're walking out since it doesn't suit you to talk about it."

"Whether Chuck and I tried to kill each other with sharp objects all night long or had wild, passionate, hear-it-all-the-way-from-Brooklyn sex it's none of your damn business" Blair replied. "Life does not revolve around Serena van der Woodsen."

"If you want to be our friend then those are the kind of things you share."

"What are the kind of things you share? What I do each night? You want a detailed schedule? Is that it?"

"Enough, both of you" Chuck said.

"This is not the time or the place" Nate said. "I have the world's worst hangover. Serena's got a point though, Blair. Not about what happened last night but about the other stuff."

"I said enough" Chuck said, more firmly this time. "The two of you can stay the hell out of this. This is between Blair and me."

"Hey man, I want things to turn out for the best for you both" Nate said. "I'm not trying to butt in with what's going on with you. I'm talking about mine and Serena's relationship with Blair. Trust me, I wouldn't get involved in what's happening between you and Blair."

"Oh please" Blair snorted.

"When have I ever done that?" Nate asked.

"How about four and a half years ago? You were the one who told me to stay away from Chuck and to keep the thing I needed to tell him to myself!"

Chuck turned to Nate with a deep frown.

"You did what?"

"Hey wait a minute" Nate said, holding up his hands. "All I did was tell you to not mess with him anymore."

"No, you told me to stay away from him because he had found true love with Emmy the dummy. I said I needed to tell him something important and you told me not to."

"I don't believe this" Chuck said, shaking his head slowly.

"Now wait a second" Nate said. "I didn't know she was pregnant. I never told Blair to keep her mouth shut about giving birth to your child."

"You had no damn business telling her anything regarding me."

"I was looking out for you!"

"You did a bang-up job" Blair said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Don't think this gets you off the hook" Chuck said, turning his irritation to her. "Since when did Nate's wish become your command?"

"Yeah, don't try to turn this around on me" Nate said to her. "As I recall I told you not to try and win Chuck back again unless you were sure. Clearly you weren't and not even his baby in your belly could make it so."

"You don't-" Blair began but Chuck cut her off.

"Nate's right. You have always fought for what you wanted, tooth and nail. If you wanted me then you would have returned to New York and fought for us. Nate's warnings would have been nothing but a challenge in your ears. If you wanted me to be involved in Sebastian's life you would have let me be and nothing would have been able to stand in the way of that. If you wanted Sebastian to have a father you would have made sure he had one."

"You have no idea what I went through" Blair said angrily. "Do you know what it's like to be all alone and pregnant? Have you ever had a baby growing inside you, worrying about its future every waking minute, seeing nothing but road blocks everywhere you turn?"

"I do know this. If I had known you were pregnant by me I would have ended things with Emmy and gotten on a plane to France faster than I've ever done anything before in my life. You knew this too. You knew I would do anything if I thought I could be with you again."

"No Chuck, I didn't. You do not get to tell me what I knew or what I thought or what I felt. You told me to be with Louis and then you hurried up and found yourself a girlfriend and Nate called me to let me know you've moved on and that I would be cruel to come back and fight for you."

"I didn't know there was a baby involved!" Nate argued.

"No you were too busy telling me how to live my life to stop to consider the possibility that you might not know everything about it."

"I was supposed to intuitively known you were knocked up?"

"You should have kept your damn mouth shut to begin with! _You_ called _me_. Out of the blue. Just to tell me to stay the hell away."

"I told you not to mess with my best friend when he was finally landing on his feet again."

"You-"

"Enough!" Chuck barked, shutting them both up. He gave Nate a murderous look. "You stay the hell out of my life and my problems, you got that?" He turned to Blair with an angry glare. "You, nothing Nate said or did changes anything. Why don't you take your sob story to someone who gives a damn?"

Blair threw her hands up and stormed out, done for the day. Chuck turned his wrath back to Nate who was miserably wondering why all this had to happen while he was nursing a bad hangover.

"Don't ever meddle in my affairs again" Chuck said icily. "Do not presume to think you know what is best for me. You told the woman I truly wanted to stay away from me. That's a hell of a rotten thing for a friend to do."

He stormed to his room, leaving Nate behind to clutch his aching head and groan inwardly. He wanted to go after Chuck and tell him that he had only been looking out for him and that he had meant well but both his head and his stomach were protesting and he knew he would need to go to the bathroom and then the bedroom before doing anything else.

Out on the street Blair burst through the doors and down the steps, grabbing a hold of the banister. She was completely still for a moment before breaking down into hyperventilating sobs. Before she had a chance to form a coherent thought she felt a pair of hands placed on her arm and she jolted. She looked up and saw Serena standing beside her.

"Come on" she said. "Not out here."

Blair didn't think to protest when Serena's hands pried her own off the banister. With a firm grip Serena marched her up to the curb and waved down a cab. She got Blair inside the vehicle and followed, telling the driver to go to the Waldorf penthouse.

"The boys are idiots" she said.

Blair didn't know what to say in response. She just leaned forward and cried, more from surprise at the turn of events and from sheer exhaustion than from sadness. She felt Serena's hand on her back and wondered why her former best friend was suddenly in her corner.

* * *

><p>"This whole thing has gotten far too messy" Serena said by way of explanation half an hour later as she walked into Blair's bedroom with a cup of tea. She handed the tea to Blair who was sitting on her bed hugging her knees. "I'm not sure what happened over at Chuck and Nate's, last night or this morning. I just know this has got to stop."<p>

"It will never stop" Blair said in a resigned voice, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand before sipping on the tea. "Sebastian is forever a living reminder of what has happened. The wounds are too infected to have any chance of healing properly."

"They may be infected but they're not gangrene" Serena said, sitting down on the bed next to Blair. "We're not ready to amputate yet. I'm not, Nate's not, Chuck's not. We still care too much about you for that."

"Please" Blair scoffed. "You have all been ready to amputate for months, especially you Serena. None of you are the least bit interested in finding out what drove me to make the decisions I made all those years ago. None of you spend any time considering the fact that I am a mother now and that changes things. You are all just too happy to put all your anger and your blame on me without a care in the world as to how it makes me feel. I know what I did and I know how bad it was. That doesn't change or excuse the fact that I have become the person you guys feel free to say or do anything to because I'm the bad one. I'm the one you can pretend you want to make friends with again in order to make you feel better about yourselves only to berate the following day when you're feeling superior."

"Blair I meant everything I said last night about wanting to try and take the first steps towards finding out what can be salvaged from our friendship" Serena said. "When I saw you at Chuck's this morning you caught me off guard. You slept together, didn't you?"

Blair said nothing, sipping her tea. Serena sighed, knowing the answer anyway.

"I don't understand, B" she said. "He is fresh from a breakup. He's been shattered by what you've done, and I'm not saying that to be cruel. I'm saying it because he is my brother and I've had to watch him shatter. What were you thinking getting into bed with him at this point when you know it's not going to lead to anything?"

"I've been shattered too" Blair objected. "I've got no friends, no social standing, nothing in my life except for a son whose life I so happen to have messed up completely."

"He still loves you but he doesn't want to" Serena continued. "You know better than anyone what it's like to have your faith in someone ripped away and your trust broken into a million pieces. That's what's happening to him right now. I think he wants to trust you again _because_ he still loves you but by sleeping with him at this point you're only going to ruin whatever steps you two have taken towards finding one another again."

"Serena I didn't plan on it to happen" Blair said sadly. "It just happened. And it was amazing. You don't know. We were in complete sync again, connecting, giving each other something positive in place of all the pain and the hurt. It may have caused a hundred new problems but I don't regret it. Chuck and I had a wonderful experience together. I don't think it will drive us further apart. I think it reminded us both of how damn good we are when we're pulling towards one another instead of apart."

"Blair he doesn't have faith anymore" Serena said gently. "I'm not saying it to hurt you. I'm saying it because it's true. I get that the sex felt good but I really think it will end up having done more damage than good."

"You don't know that" Blair said stubbornly. "Just like Nate didn't know what he was talking about when he called me up four years ago."

"I know that Chuck has lost his faith. In you."

"It felt good to be us again, S" Blair said softly. "You cannot know what that means. It's like we finally tapped into all our real potential again."

"Sex was never your problem" Serena reminded her. "Everything else was."

Blair glared up at her, annoyed by her negativity.

"Why are you even here, Serena? You haven't been interested in forgiving me for the past seven months so why start playing best friend of the year now?"

"I don't know" Serena said honestly. "Maybe because I really want to know what on earth happened to make all this unfold. It's been driving me crazy all these months trying to fill in the blanks on my own because nothing I can come up with makes any sense."

"Maybe the truth doesn't make sense" Blair replied and leaned back, stretching out her legs in front of her. "I'm all out of good answers. If there is one magic chain of events that would make me a non-deplorable person in your eyes than I will be disappointing you. But I'm still the same me. I lost my way, not my soul."

"Maybe we can't be friends after everything that's happened" Serena said. "But… I don't want to be enemies anymore."

"Be my friend or don't" Blair said. "I missed you all like crazy over the years but I'm not co-dependent and you know something Serena? If you guys don't think I'm good enough for you anymore then I can find new friends. I told Chuck and I'm telling you, I'm done meekly accepting all the crap you throw at me. I've done my penance."

"Chuck lost three years with his son, Blair" Serena said sharply. "There's no time limit on the penance you pay for that."

"Fine" Blair said, setting the cup of tea down on the nightstand and leaning forward. "What about selling your girlfriend for a hotel? What's the time limit on that penance? Or sleeping with Jenny Humphrey? Or taking my boyfriend's virginity? You want to play tit for tat, Serena? I think you'll find you owe me far more than I owe you. All I did to _you_ was not call you for three years and you were fine with that until you found out about my son. It just hurts your ego that I didn't include you in my secret. If you were truly my friend you ought to have tried to see things from my perspective and understand that not everything I do is based on how it will affect _you_. You would have remembered that I'm someone you've called a friend and someone whose well-being you ought to care about. You would have recognized that I was in one hell of a predicament and that I made a choice I've regretted every day since I made it and that things were really difficult for me for a long time. But you didn't care about any of that. All you care about is that it wounded your pride that you didn't get to be part of the secret."

"Blair he is my nephew!" Serena protested. "Maybe not by blood but what difference does it make? You took his first years from Chuck but you took them from me too. And from Nate and Dorota and everyone else who cares about you and Chuck."

"I did" Blair said. "What are you going to do about it now? You can either forgive me or you can hate me. I've been hoping it would be the former but at this point I don't know it would be much of a loss if it were the latter. You've certainly proven what a good friend _you_ are. Our friendship goes both ways."

"I'm here, aren't I?" Serena objected. "I'm trying!"

"Try harder."

"Why don't _you_ try for a change?"

"Miss Blair?"

Serena's and Blair's heads both turned to Dorota who had appeared in the doorway.

"Mister Chuck to see you, Miss Blair."

Blair looked surprised for a second and then slowly got up from her spot on the bed.

"Be careful B…" Serena cautioned.

"I can handle Chuck."

"I know. I'm not so sure Chuck can handle you."

Blair gave her a funny look and left her room. She walked down the stairs, nervously wondering what he wanted. She could see him standing in the downstairs hallway, looking around the room with his hands shoved in his coat pockets. She harked and he looked up at her as she came down the final steps.

"I wasn't expecting you" she said.

"I've been thinking…" he said. "Every second since you left."

"It's been an hour" she pointed out dryly.

"Everything's a mess. You, me, the boy… Nate, Serena… How the hell did life become so complicated?"

"Was it ever easy?" she asked, tired of being blamed for everything.

"We screwed this up together" he said to her surprise. "All of us, one way or another. Some played bigger parts than others but I don't think any one of us is blameless."

"You… have lost me" Blair admitted.

"I want to tell you I'm sorry" he said. "I had no idea you felt the way you did about how my treatment of Emmy reflected upon my feelings for you."

Blair blushed a little. She wasn't sure how she felt now about having told him all of that. Chuck didn't seem to notice her red cheeks, only looking at her for a second at a time.

"I learned my lesson with you. I won't ever lose another person I care about because of how I treated them. I valued our relationship more than you will ever know and I'm sorry that it didn't reflect in my actions. I valued my relationship with Emmy too and I didn't want to hurt her the way I had hurt you. Not because I loved her more. Because no one deserves to be treated the way I treated you."

"You made some really bad mistakes" Blair said. "That's all. I was unfair last night. You treated me wonderfully for the most part of our relationship."

"One act that breaks your heart or trust can be enough to nullify all the good that came before it."

Blair looked down for a second. She wanted to counter and tell him that was not the case but she wasn't entirely sure he was talking about himself anymore and not about her

"I don't know who to trust or what to believe anymore" he continued. "The only thing I know for sure is I love my son and I want to be near him. I want what's best for him. I'm scared that after what happened between us last night Sebastian's life is going to be even more of a mess. The only thing you and I both seem to be good at is making a mess of things."

"We could try acting like adults."

"Maybe. Look, I… I think what happened last night was… potentially something that could ruin every step forward we've taken since this summer."

Blair could only nod, even though her heart was breaking to hear him say it.

"At the same time maybe it happened for a good reason. Maybe now that we've gotten it out of our system we can move forward and put Chuck and Blair behind us."

Blair felt herself shiver and wondered if her voice would hold.

"Meaning what?" she asked.

"We can't be _together_. Neither one of us wants it. Our bodies have just been reacting to old instincts. The emotions have been buried but not the attraction."

"If the emotions have been buried why the hell are we able to hurt each other so much?" Blair asked.

"I've desired you. On a physical level. I don't want to be your boyfriend. I haven't been able to make those two things match. I really hope that we can put our physical relationship behind us and continue on from here. Find a way to be friends again. Sebastian is worth the work it would take."

"There can be no real friendship unless you've forgiven me" Blair replied, wondering how she was able to stand there and look at him when her heart was breaking all over again.

"The trust is what needs work" he replied. "From now on, let's… let's try and put our issues with one another to rest and focus on that amazing kid of ours."

"I disagree" Blair said. "In order to be the best parents to him that we can be we need to be on solid ground with one another. Until we've worked out all our issues there is always going to be tension and problems."

"So what do you suggest?"

"I don't know Chuck" Blair said. "I wonder if we even _can_ work out our issues at this point or if we've got to go back even further. I think we may have to find ourselves again before we can find each other. I know I haven't felt like Blair Waldorf in a long time and you haven't been the Chuck Bass I know."

"I've had to redefine my whole existence" Chuck said, almost more to himself than to her. "Finding out I'm a father… Finding out my past with you is not what I thought it was…" He looked up at her. "You may be right. Question is, how much time do we really have? How long can we keep trying to find one another without doing permanent damage to Sebastian? I cannot allow for anything further to damage him. He's too important."

"We can't rush it" Blair said. "It has to take however long it takes."

His eyes drifted over to the coffee table where one of Sebastian's stuffed animals had been left behind. It saddened him that the boy was in the Hamptons. He would have liked a few minutes in his company. He hated missing out on so much.

"I started thinking on the ride over…" he said. "It would be so nice if the three of us were under one roof. It would be complicated but Sebastian would have us both at all times and neither one of us would have to miss out on anything."

"_Families_ live under one roof" Blair reminded him gently. "Couples."

He looked back at her.

"I should go. I just… want to make sure that we are both in agreement that we will try and keep things uncomplicated. That what happened yesterday won't affect Sebastian."

Blair nodded slightly, fighting a battle with herself. It hurt so much to have to hear him say he didn't want them to have a romantic relationship but she was resolved not to let him have that kind of power over her anymore. She was going to find her balance again and stand on her own two feet. With or without Chuck Bass she still had to be Blair Waldorf.

"Tell Sebastian… that I stopped by" Chuck said. "That I miss him and I'll see him on Friday. Okay?"

"Sure."

He left and she remained standing at the bottom of the stairs, needing a few minutes before she could go back up to Serena. She could not be weak. She could not let it show how much this hurt her. It shouldn't hurt to hear Chuck say the things he had said because she had already lost him years ago.

After a few minutes she took a deep breath and braced herself. She had to look forward. She had to remember that Chuck was probably right. They shouldn't be together right now because neither one of them was really themselves. They needed to be Chuck and Blair again as individuals before they could be Chuck and Blair as a couple.

Wishing life didn't have to be so damn complicated she walked back up the stairs. When she reached her room Serena was still on the bed, waiting.

"Okay already" Serena said. "Tell me the whole story. From your perspective."

* * *

><p>When Chuck arrived back home Nate was waiting for him, sitting on the couch with a bag of ice pressed against his forehead.<p>

"Did you get in a fight?" Chuck asked, tossing his keys on the coffee table.

"Hangover."

"An icepack can't cure that."

"Maybe not but at least it will numb my skull" Nate sighed.

"Can it get any number?"

"Listen, can we talk about this?" Nate asked, putting the icepack aside. "I know you're pissed but at least hear me out."

"What do you want to talk about? Do you want to talk about how you meddled in my life at the worst possible time? Or about getting us both arrested at a point in my life when I have to be on my best behavior at all times?"

"I was only trying to help" Nate said. "Both times."

"Getting me thrown in the slammer does not help."

"Can we stop acting like you're mad at _me_?" Nate said. "And perhaps focus on the real issue. You needed last night. You've been moping around here for weeks, pretending that it's just your regular list of problems upsetting you. You need to admit to yourself that you've got lots of stuff left to deal with after your breakup."

"My breakup is the least of my concerns" Chuck objected.

"No it's not. After four years with one person you cannot walk away from the relationship and be fine. Regardless of why you ended it you still miss her and you grieve what you had."

"Thank God you didn't major in psych" Chuck snarled. "A fortune cookie could give me better insight to my problems. I left Emmy because I don't love her anymore like you should love a girlfriend."

"So? She's been a major part of your life for years. You're not the least bit sad? You're not having the least bit of trouble adjusting to life without her? You spend years practically living with her and suddenly not seeing her at all has no effect on you?"

"So the solution to such problems is to get stoned and thrown into jail?"

"I'm just trying to get you to look in the mirror and see what's going on" Nate insisted. "Maybe you should try dealing with at least one of your problems instead of running away from them. Your list of un-dealt-with problems is getting impressive."

"So is your lack of an adult vocabulary."

"If you don't want to talk to me about it then don't. But you'll have to face it, sooner or later. Emmy's still a part of you and will be for a while. Perhaps forever."

"Right" Chuck snorted.

"Snort all you want to. I'm right."

"Just like you were right four and a half years ago when you told Blair to stay away from me? If you knew me at all you would have known I still wanted Blair more than anything."

"Yeah, but I didn't think she shared your devotion. Excuse me for not wanting you to have your heart broken by her again."

"Just stay the hell out of it."

"Okay, okay, fine" Nate said.

"By the way. This whole roommate thing is something we're getting too old for" Chuck said. "I think I'm going to start looking for a place of my own."

"What? Hey I know you're pissed but moving out?"

"I need some space. Maybe you should ask Serena to move in here instead?"

He walked off to his room and Nate turned around in his armchair to watch him go, mouth slightly ajar. Surely what he had done four years ago wasn't _that_ bad? With a groan he grabbed the icepack and held it up to his head again, wondering who Chuck would have left in his corner if he insisted on pushing away everyone who cared.

Chuck walked inside his bedroom and closed the door behind him. The sight of his unmade bed with its rumpled sheets and the mess on the floor made him want to leave the room again until their housekeeper had been there to tidy things up. The room still seemed to smell of her and of them but it was probably just his imagination. Had last night been their sexual swan song? She must think so after the things he had said to her at her penthouse. He had intentionally been trying to make her think he was over them in order to protect his own heart from letting her try and affect it again. He needed to be sure that she loved _him_ and wanted _him_ and that she wasn't just trying to give Sebastian a complete family. Until then there was no way he would be brave enough to entrust her with his heart again.

Stepping over his own clothes from the previous night he headed for the bathroom to take a much needed shower. When he had taken off all his clothes he looked over his shoulder to toss the underwear in the hamper and caught sight of his back in the mirror. He had four long, thin scratch marks running down his left side. The mark of Blair and her passion. He stared at the thin, red marks for a minute, almost mesmerized by the sight. Then he shook it off and stepped into the shower.

* * *

><p>As I proof-read this I noticed that both Chuck and Blair scoff and snort a lot in this chapter. Instead of taking that to mean I should get a thesaurus or just be more varied I will claim it was intentional to show they're connected ;)<p>

In other news I've started working on my next multi-chapter story, though I won't "launch" it until later this spring. It's something based on the current season and some of the speculations going around but that is all I will say for now.

Thank you for reading! Tell me what you thought of the chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

I hate to disappoint but Blair will not be getting a new love interest. I've been getting requests for this for pretty much this entire story but it's not something I plan on going with. I have other things in mind for her and the rest of the characters =)

Sebastian is back this week! As well as an old familiar face, but who that is I won't spoil. Read on and enjoy!

* * *

><p>The following Thursday Blair was out running errands for her mother when Chuck texted her and told her he wanted to meet up. He gave her an address and filled with curiosity she hailed a cab and headed to the location, relieved that she had gotten through the dropping-off part of her errands and not yet gotten to the picking-up part and thus didn't have her hands full of bags and packages.<p>

She arrived outside a large building opposite Central Park, one of the houses she had often said she would live in when she got older. Chuck was there waiting, hands in his coat pockets, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. She stepped out of the cab and eyed the building with curiosity.

"You said to come and meet you here…" she said.

"Let's go inside."

"Inside?"

He held open the door for her, ignoring the doorman, and she walked inside the luxurious lobby, liking everything she saw. He walked with her to the elevators and pressed one of the buttons.

"I need a new place" he said. "I've never felt much at home in the place I share with Nate anyway and it would be nice to not have other people around all the time."

"I wasn't aware you were looking."

"I only started this week. I wanted you to come look at this place."

She smiled a little, feeling like this was a good sign. Him wanting her opinion on the place where Sebastian would be staying part-time spoke a lot about how things had progressed between them and it was a relief that even after what had happened during the weekend they could keep moving forward.

They reached the intended floor and Chuck stepped off the elevator first. Blair followed, looking around with astonishment. It wasn't the grandest place she had ever seen but it was beautiful and very large for one man to live in, even if he did live there with a child a few days a month. She followed Chuck as he walked through the hallway, admiring the wide spaces and the large windows letting sunlight in.

"What do you think?" Chuck asked, taking a few steps into the large kitchen and dining room, his voice echoing slightly in the unfurnished space.

"It's… a penthouse" Blair said.

"It's spacious. It's at a fine address. It's got all the room we need downstairs and five bedrooms upstairs. One for me, one for you, one for Sebastian and two spares. I was thinking one could be a home office."

Blair's jaw fell a little. He had spoken about the three of them staying under one roof but she had thought he meant it as a best case scenario years into the future.

"You were actually serious?"

"Perfectly serious. Once it occurred to me it seemed so obvious that I can't imagine why I didn't think of it from the start. I want to be with Sebastian, you want to be with Sebastian, he needs to be with both of us. I really like this place but if it's not up to your standards then we can keep looking. It's already been promised to another couple but I spoke with the realtor, he's done some work for Bass Industries, and if we want it it's ours."

"Chuck this is madness" Blair exclaimed with a disbelieving laugh. "We can't be under one roof without either bludgeoning each other or fornicating and whichever way it ends up going it's a recipe for disaster."

"It's worth a try" Chuck said, walking back over to her. "Have a look around. See what you think. I wouldn't mind the corner room upstairs, I think you'll love the one with the fireplace and neatly located in-between is a room with yellow walls. Like Sebastian's room back at the chateau."

"Chuck" Blair said. "There's no way this is going to work."

"I know it will get complicated" Chuck said. "One of us will meet someone, or both of us will… Awkwardness would ensue… I still think it makes sense."

Blair frowned, having not thought about either one of them meeting someone else and hating the fact that he did.

"It will only confuse him" she argued. "His mother and father living in the same home but not being together and then one of us will move out to make room for new relationships. Children need stability, not sitcom material house arrangements and family moulds that are taken straight from a soap opera."

"I know it can get complicated" Chuck said. "Just… Just think about it though. Think about Sebastian waking up in the morning with both his mom and his dad in the house. No more broken homes. No more division of custody."

"For the time being" Blair pointed out. "Those things will happen again at some point. We might as well allow him to get used to it now. The only way it won't happen is if you and I end up getting back together."

"Lots of children end up with parents moving apart" Chuck argued. "We have the chance of giving Sebastian a complete set of parents under one roof. Even if it doesn't last very long we should at the very least try it. Who knows, it might even be good for our relationship to one another."

"Sebastian's and ours? Or yours and mine?"

"Yours and mine. Though I won't deny that I think living with my son seven days out of the week would do wonders for my relationship with him. Blair please, I've never lived with him full-time. Don't you think Sebastian and I deserve a chance at that? Even if it doesn't last?"

"It's not that easy" Blair objected. "He's been through enough already. Moving from France to New York, meeting you, adjusting to everything… He grew attached to Emmy and now she's gone. I'm not comfortable uprooting him from my mother's place to move in here with you if I don't know that it will last."

"You can't stay at your mother's until Sebastian goes to college."

"The opposite of staying with my mother is not buying a place with you" Blair said, realizing how ironic it was for her to be saying these words when buying a home with Chuck had been something she had wanted for many years.

"Just have a look around" Chuck said. "You'll love the place."

"I already love the place. That's not the point."

"So a tour then?"

She frowned but all her protests died on her lips when he placed a hand on her back and ushered her towards the staircase. As long as he kept his hand there she could agree to a tour even if it would be futile. The hand remained in place until they were halfway up the stairs and the spot where he had held it felt cold when the heat of his hand was removed. They walked inside two of the rooms and she looked around, admiring everything she saw. It was a lovely place, exactly the kind of apartment she would love to live in. But there was no way it could work.

"So?" Chuck asked with an eager smile when they were back downstairs.

"It's lovely" Blair said. "Get it if you want to. But Sebastian and I will not be moving in here. It can't work, Bass."

"It's a gamble. It's the first gamble in a long while that's been worth taking."

"I'm sorry" Blair said. "The answer is no."

Without waiting to see the look on his face she walked past him and left the penthouse. It was difficult to leave when she really wanted to live there. But not under these circumstances. They had to avoid quick fixes and really work on their problems and that could not be done under one roof. Living together should be reserved for when and if they were back together.

She made it as far as back out on the street before her phone rang. It was Chuck, calling to tell her what her part of the down payment would be. She sighed and shook her head at his stubbornness.

"I said no" she said. "We can't."

"As you wish. I'll resort to playing dirty, then."

"Chuck!"

He hung up. She groaned and glared at her phone, wondering if she should call him back. What difference would it make? When Chuck wanted something he reminded her of a dog that had gotten its teeth into something and refused to let go. It was a quality he had in common with their son, and with Blair herself even though she didn't realize it. He wasn't done trying to get his way. She had to find a way to stall him long enough for him to have a chance to think this through. The fact that he had said he was going to play dirty was very unsettling. She hailed a cab and decided that the things her mother had asked her to pick up could wait until tomorrow, or next week, or whenever this whole thing had been settled.

* * *

><p>Nate looked up from his book when the doorbell rang. Grateful for a bit of distraction from his studies he tossed the book aside and got up to answer the door. He opened it to find Blair on the other side, looking a bit stressed.<p>

"Chuck has gone off the deep end" she said.

"What?"

"He's lost his marbles. Gone bananas. Need more similes? He's flown over the cuckoo's nest. I think the stress of everything that's happened the past months has finally gotten to him and made him snap. His latest idea is downright madness!"

"Chuck is fine" Nate said. "You, I'm not so sure about."

"Come on now, Nate, don't you trust me?" She strode past him inside the apartment. "Never mind, don't answer that!"

"Blair I think you're the one who's a little stressed out" Nate said with a slight smile, closing the door and following her to the living room. "What exactly has Chuck done that makes you think he's ready for the men in white coats with the hugging sweaters?"

"He's gotten it into his head that him and I should buy an apartment together and live there with Sebastian."

"No he hasn't. He's talked about getting a place of his own but not with _you_. I don't think you're someone he wants to see every morning at the breakfast table."

"I will have you know I find that insulting" Blair said. "I will also have you know I just came from a penthouse apartment Chuck wanted me to look at. I told him we can't live together all three of us under current circumstances but it was about as efficient as telling a Trekkie that teleportation could never work."

"I'll talk to him" Nate said. "I think you must have misunderstood each other."

"The only thing anyone misunderstood was Chuck thinking that 'no' meant 'yes'."

"I admit I'm surprised" Nate said. "I thought you would be all over the chance to live with him."

"Not like this" Blair said. "Why do I constantly have to remind everyone, Charles Bass included, that we have a son now and need to think about what is best for him before anything else?"

"Because you thought about everything _but_ what was best for him for three and a half years" Nate answered.

"I'll take that as my cue to leave." She strode past him but stopped in the doorway and turned. "Chuck said he was going to start playing dirty. I need you to stop him from doing so."

"You'd better hope I can, or the entire Upper East Side might be lost in the nuclear explosion that might follow."

Satisfied with that answer Blair left the apartment. Nate glanced over at his books and decided they could wait another couple of hours. This seemed way more important. He hurried to his bedroom to get his keys, wondering if he should call Serena. Chuck might not want to listen to anything he had to say at the moment but he usually listened to his sister. Then he remembered that Serena had a meeting with an important client and decided to give it a try himself first. He wasn't even sure he believed Blair. The whole thing seemed way too foolish to be real.

* * *

><p>Chuck sat leaned back in his office chair, trying to concentrate on work. There wasn't a lot for him to do at the office today but he should at the very least go over the figures he had received for the new business proposal he was working on. His eyes left the documents in his hands and trailed over to the pictures on his desk. The endoskeleton from "Terminator" was still sitting there like a proud family member but the picture of himself and Emmy from their vacation in Greece 2014 had been removed. In its place he now had a picture of Sebastian from his birthday party.<p>

He knew his idea of Blair and him living together right now was a potential disaster waiting to happen but he didn't care. What he wanted more than anything was to live with his son but he was having trouble seeing it work without Blair around. Right now he still spent every other weekend with Sebastian and their relationship was awkward still. It had gotten better but not good enough and Chuck knew that the main source of the problem was himself and his inability to interact with children. He was convinced that it would have been different if he had been there from his son's birth. They would have gotten to know each other over the first months of Sebastian's life and found their own way of interacting right from the very beginning. Bonding with a baby seemed fairly easy but bonding with a child past his third birthday was a whole other matter.

If he could live under the same roof as Blair and Sebastian both then he would have more time and a better environment. He could become a natural part of Sebastian's daily life without removing the boy's core source of security. They could take it one step at a time at whatever pace worked for them.

He had to find a way to get Blair on board. He knew it would be difficult for them to stay in the same apartment but he was determined to get her to agree to at least give it a try. Maybe it would even be good for their relationship to live together? They would be forced to spend more time together and find ways of interacting without things getting tense or uncomfortable.

He was stirred from his thoughts when Alice buzzed him. On a reflex he leaned forward and put the document on the desk, leaning over it in a pose that looked more efficient. Then he pressed the button on the intercom to find out what she wanted.

"Mr. Archibald is here to see you" Alice said on the other end.

Chuck grimaced and contemplated claiming to be busy. Then again if he didn't see Nate now he would still have to deal with whatever was on his mind once he got home from work.

"Send him in" he said, turning the page in his document, doing his best to appear hard at work.

The door opened and Nate walked inside. Chuck looked up for a second and then back down at his work.

"Is this urgent?" he asked. "I'm swamped here. As you should be at home with your boring books."

"I got a visit from Blair."

"Mmm-hm" Chuck muttered.

"You don't care? You're not interested in why she came to see me?"

Chuck looked up again.

"Of course I am. This is me bursting with excitement."

"Yeah, sure" Nate said and walked over, tossing his coat and scarf on one of the chairs and sitting down in the other. "She tells me you're hunting for an apartment."

"I told you I was going to find a place of my own" Chuck said and grabbed a pencil to doodle in the report and look like he was working.

"Why do you need a new place? You're really that mad at me?"

"Nathaniel for most of the time we've owned our apartment I've spent the vast majority of my nights at Emmy's. You'll barely notice the difference when I'm officially moved out."

"So you are that mad?"

"I don't care what you told her over the phone" Chuck said. "She made her decision all on her own. But it annoys me that you chose to meddle in my life."

"Oh, like you've never meddled in mine?"

"The difference is I know what I'm doing and I get good results."

"I still don't see why this means you have to move out. I really hope the other part Blair told me was just her being delusional."

"What was the other part Blair told you?"

"That you've got it into your head that you and her and Sebastian should all move in to an apartment together."

Chuck tossed the pencil aside and put down the document, leaning back in his chair and dropping all pretences of working. He studied Nate with a stern face.

"I want to live with my child. Is that so strange?"

"So it's true? You really have lost all your marbles."

"If anything I've gained clarity. Father, mother, child all under one roof. That's how it's meant to be."

"Yeah, but the father and the mother are also meant to be involved and loving and raising the child without issues such as that child having been kept a secret lying between them. If you guys moved in together it would be a disaster!"

"Maybe. That's a risk I'm willing to take. I want to live with my son, Nate, and in order to do that I have to also live with Blair. I cannot take him from her and get full custody. Even if I wanted to I doubt I would be able to."

"Oh please" Nate scoffed. "This is not some sacrifice you're making on the glorious altar of fatherhood. You _want_ to live with Blair."

"Why on earth would I want that?"

"If I knew the answer to that question I'd be the wisest, or the craziest, person alive. I just know that you do."

"Living with Blair is neither a plus nor a minus as far as I'm concerned" Chuck claimed. "Again, it's Sebastian I want to live with."

"I believe you want to live with him. I just believe you really want to live with Blair too even if you can't admit it even to yourself. But listen man, do you really think this is a good idea? Set aside Sebastian for a moment. What of you and Blair? After everything that's happened do you really think it's wise to substitute Emmy for Blair like this?"

"Who said anything about Emmy?"

"You're not over her. I know what you've been saying, that you broke up with her because you weren't in love with her anymore. That doesn't mean you're over the relationship."

"Nathaniel if you're so enamoured with dishing out poor insight to other people's lives why don't you just launch a love advice column? Let the people who want other people's advice seek you out and leave me and my life alone."

"You're out of luck. I'm interested in helping _you_."

"Blair and I have been going around in circles for months. If we move in together at least things will develop in one direction or the other."

"Yeah, they're going to go straight to hell."

"Your faith in us can move a rock to tears."

"Living together at this point is a really bad idea" Nate stressed. "What you need is to take some time and get over Emmy and figure out how you feel about Blair."

"The problem is not how I feel about Blair, the problem is how she feels about me."

Nate looked surprised.

"Really?"

"Nathaniel do you honestly believe that she loves me? That she really loved me all those years ago?"

"I'm… surprised you'd ask" Nate said. "Of course I believe she loves you. Though I can see why you might doubt it."

"She's never been above lying to get what she wants. What she wants is Sebastian full-time but now that I'm in the picture it's not so easy."

"Blair may have done some weird stuff but I don't think she would lie to you and make you think she loves you just so she can have Sebastian every day of the week. You're talking about pretending to love someone for an entire lifetime."

"I don't know what else to think. That's why I need to get this apartment with her and our son. If I give her the opportunity to live with us both without being involved with me I stand a chance at knowing for sure if she honestly wants me."

"Be careful" Nate advised. "These kind of games never end well."

"The worst that can happen is that Sebastian gets confused for a while and I have my heart broken some more. I can live with that. What I can't live with is never knowing for sure how she truly feels."

"Here's a crazy idea. Why not talk to her? Have you tried communicating through normal means?"

Chuck rolled his eyes but Nate was not discouraged. He had had it with all the Chuck and Blair drama and wanted nothing more than for life to return to normal again.

"You are both adults. Sit down with her, tell her how you feel, see what she has to say. It's not like you have anything to lose."

"There is no way in hell Blair is going to be honest with me in that situation" Chuck argued. "Even if she was I wouldn't trust it. The words that come out of her mouth don't have all that much meaning to them anymore so I have only her actions to go by."

"What about your actions? You haven't given her much reason to show her love for you, now have you? You stayed with Emmy for months after Blair came back into your life and you've been keeping her at arm's length since you became single. Everything you do tells her she doesn't stand a chance so why should she lay her heart out there for you?"

"Oh now you're saying I stayed with Emmy for too long?"

"I still think you made a mistake leaving her but that's not the issue here" Nate said. "If you want to know if Blair still genuinely loves you don't you think there's the slightest chance that Blair wants to know the same thing about you? Who the hell wants to have their heart broken? Who wants to be rejected?"

"She left _me_" Chuck pointed out. "When I met Emmy she was engaged to a prince. I'm not the one who needs to show my love for her first. She needs to give me a reason to believe she loves me before I'll give her even an inch."

"So you'll end up being alone but with your pride intact."

"At least I won't end up crushed for the umpteenth time."

"If you move in with her now you just might" Nate argued. "If you want to make that huge mistake then fine, go ahead. Just think about your son before you rush into anything."

"Him and I will get to live together. What could I give my son that would be better than having both his parents in one home?"

"Both his parents working out their issues and making their relationship work" Nate answered.

Chuck sighed and looked away, thinking to himself that Nate didn't understand. He was done discussing this with him. He knew what he wanted to do and nobody would be able to stop him. If it led to disaster then so be it.

* * *

><p>A few hours later Dorota announced to Blair that Chuck was on his way up. She frowned and felt a bit nervous, wondering if he had launched whatever crazy schemes he had planned to get his way. She walked into the downstairs hallway to greet him and gave him her best stern face when he stepped off the elevator.<p>

"Chuck" she said. "I wasn't expecting you."

"I was hoping to see Sebastian for a while. Is he here?"

"Why do you need to see Sebastian?" Blair asked. "I'm dropping him off at your place tomorrow, you can see him then."

"I haven't seen him in over two weeks" Chuck pointed out. "I didn't feel like waiting until tomorrow. You said it was okay for me to stop by and see him any time."

Realizing she had been cornered Blair flashed him an insincere smile.

"Wait here then."

She walked into the kitchen to go get her son. Chuck waited in the hall and smiled when she returned with Sebastian.

"Hey there" he said. "Long time no see. What have you been up to?"

"I went to the park with Sewena!" Sebastian said.

"With Serena?" Chuck said, eyebrow raised.

"She and I are trying to make friends again" Blair said. "She wanted to spend an afternoon with Sebastian in the park and I agreed. We had a lovely time actually."

"I bet. Serena has gone wild on the jungle gym before." He turned to Sebastian and knelt down to be on level with him. "How would you like to move?"

"Charles" Blair said warningly.

"Why would I move?" Sebastian asked cheerfully.

"I was thinking… you could move with your mother and come live with me. All three of us could be together."

Blair grabbed his shoulder hard enough to leave bruises and more or less pulled him back up to standing straight. She shot him a death glare and spoke in a tone that sounded friendly enough in front of Sebastian but he knew there was a lot of anger behind them.

"He is a four year-old. At least six years too young to have an opinion on where we're going to live. Don't drag the child into this, Bass."

"I'm just asking his opinion" Chuck said innocently. "He should have some say, don't you agree?"

"You're playing _very_ dirty" Blair growled.

"Honey you haven't seen anything yet." He turned to Sebastian again. "What do you say, Little Bas? Would you like to live with both Mommy and me? Never having to go back and forth again? Seeing us both all the time?"

Blair frowned even deeper and grunted with disapproval. She had never heard Chuck call their son Little Bas before and it wouldn't surprise her at all if he was using it now for the first time as a form of manipulation.

"Live like when you lived with Emmy?" Sebastian asked.

"Something like that" Chuck nodded.

"Oh and here I thought we'd be sleeping in separate bedrooms" Blair said dryly.

"Would you be okay with that?" Chuck asked Sebastian eagerly, ignoring Blair.

"Yeah" Sebastian shrugged, not really understanding what was going on and thus not caring either way.

Chuck looked up at Blair with a triumphant smirk.

"Would you look at that? It seems it's Sebastian and I versus you on this."

"Congratulations, you finally found someone who thinks your idea is good. Too bad that person is four years old and years away from being able to fathom action and consequence."

"He's old enough to have an opinion."

"He doesn't even understand what you're asking him."

Sebastian had already lost interest in what the grown-ups were talking about.

"Why don't we ever eat at that table?" he asked.

"What?" Blair asked, slightly annoyed.

"Why don't we ever eat at that table?" Sebastian asked again, using his whole arm to point at the piano.

"That's not a table" Blair said.

"Then what is it?"

"It's a piano."

"What's a piano?"

"Mom and Dad are discussing, be quiet."

Ignoring Blair's irritated comment Chuck walked over to the piano and lifted the lid to reveal the keys.

"It's an instrument" he told Sebastian and hit a few keys. "Hear that? You can play all kinds of melodies on it."

Sebastian ran over and slammed his palm down on the keys. He giggled at the sound he produced and did it again.

"Be careful with that!" Blair said. "Okay, you've seen what a piano is. Chuck can we get back to the subject at hand?"

Sebastian ignored her and slammed his palm down on the keys again, laughing excitedly at this new game.

"Sebastian!" Blair said sharply.

"You need to be gentle" Chuck said patiently. "Try using only one finger."

Sebastian used his thumb to hit only one key. Blair frowned and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Are we done with the piano lessons yet?" she asked.

Chuck sat down on the stool and tried to remember any children's songs he knew how to play. It had been at least fifteen years since he had last played anything like that.

"Hit the right keys in the right order at the right pace and you get a song" he said.

He used his right hand to play the first few notes of "_Beauty and the Beast_". Sebastian gasped and jumped up and down.

"Let me try it, let me try it!"

Blair rolled her eyes and walked over while Chuck showed him what keys to hit in what order. With a bit of difficulty he got up on the stool next to his father and eagerly tried to copy what he had done. It did not quite come out as a recognizable tune but that didn't seem to bother him in the least.

"Mom, look! I can play the piago!"

He looked up at Blair with a proud grin. Chuck glanced up at her too with a small smile on his face. Seeing the two of them smiling together like that melted some of her anger. She didn't often get to see father and son having a good time together since she mostly only saw them together when she was dropping Sebastian off or picking him up. Scenes like the one playing out before her right now were exactly the kind of things she had dreamt of all of her son's life. Scenes she would never be privy to unless Chuck and Sebastian spent time together with her present.

Then Sebastian seemed to lose interest in the piano just as suddenly as he had found it and jumped off the stool to run and get the toy train sitting on the stairs. Chuck closed the lid and got up.

"I don't have a lot of valuable things to teach him" he said. "Hope you don't mind that I took the opportunity when there actually was something I could show him how to do."

"_If_… we get that apartment together…" Blair said, "the piano stays here. I don't want a four year-old playing a loud instrument all day long."

Chuck flashed her a wide smirk, knowing he had won.

"He needs to get started now if he's going to have a chance at a future as a concert pianist" he said. "Though I suppose it's a point we can negotiate. I will call my realtor and-"

"I haven't agreed to anything yet!" Blair objected.

He smiled at her.

"You know I've won, Waldorf."

He walked past her to say a few parting words to Sebastian and then he was gone. Blair stood there for a moment trying to understand how this had happened. It was probably lingering guilt on her part that had made her weaken in her resolve and like a hungry wolf he didn't need more than the smallest sign of weakness to go in for the kill.

She walked over to Sebastian and knelt beside him to watch him play with his train. She could only pray she hadn't made a huge mistake just now. Chuck was right though, he did deserve a chance to live under the same roof as his son. It would no doubt do wonder for the relationship between father and son. The bigger question was whether it would bring father and mother back together or if it would destroy them both completely.

* * *

><p>Once the decision had been made everything began to move very quickly. Chuck was eager to move out of his and Nate's apartment and move in to the newly purchased one. Blair decided that it was time for her and Sebastian to complete their move to New York by going back to France to get all the things they had left behind. They spent a month at the chateau getting things in order and saying a proper goodbye to Harold and Roman.<p>

Blair found it both strange and comforting to be back at the chateau and the solitude in which she had raised her boy for three years. There was a part of her that felt sad to leave it all behind. This was where Sebastian had been a baby, where he had taken his first steps and said his first words. She had formed her bond with him in this house and there were so many memories that were very precious to her. The first week back she didn't do anything in preparation for a move back to New York and instead focused on enjoying the last week of her and Sebastian's old life. Her father and stepfather were both excited to have them there and sad that they would be leaving without any intention of ever coming back to live there. It was an emotional time for all of them.

Every night she called Chuck to fill him in on how things were progressing. In turn he updated her on where they were with the apartment. He had hired an interior decorator but he urged her to pack up some of their things and send them halfway through their stay in France so that they had some of their things to incorporate. Talking to each other on the phone was one of the highlights of her day but it was also a bit strange. They weren't as impersonal on the phone as they had been for many months but there was a touch of awkwardness there. Neither of them knew for sure how to act around one another. At the end of their conversations Blair would call Sebastian over so he could speak to his father before going to bed. She didn't know if it actually made a difference to Sebastian but she knew that it mattered to Chuck.

Once a week she spoke to Serena. The mending of their friendship was a slow moving process and their conversations were sometimes as awkward as the ones she had with Chuck. They didn't always know what to talk about or what to say to one another. Still Blair took comfort in those calls and in knowing that Serena had begun to understand what Blair had been through over the years and begun to forgive her for what had happened between them.

Two days before their flight back to New York Blair had packed almost everything up. She sat on her bedroom floor surrounded by boxes, feeling nostalgic and a touch melancholy as she looked around the room which had now been stripped of most of its furniture and things. Her bed was still there, one of the few pieces of furniture she would be leaving behind. She had been taking a nap on that bed when her contractions first set in more than four years ago. When she had gotten home from the hospital she had gotten up on that bed with her newborn son and just enjoyed him and his presence. She had nursed him in that bed, rocked him to sleep in that bed, laughed and played with him on that bed. Hopefully she would have many more beautiful moments ahead of her in another bed in another country but letting go of the things that had been was hard. When she had been living at the chateau she had had her problems and her demons to fight but it had still been a simpler life. Now every single day would have possible drama with Chuck. She longed for it and she feared it at the same time.

She was so lost in her memories that she almost forgot the time. Then she heard Sebastian yelling something out in the hallway and running past her door and she realized it was almost his bedtime. She got up and left the room to find him.

"Bas?" she said, walking into the kitchen where her son was asking Roman a million questions about birds. "Bas, honey, it's almost time for bed."

"I'm not sleepy" Sebastian complained.

"Nor will you be if you keep running around like a madman" Blair said. "Settle down. I'm going to go call your father and then-"

"I want to call!" Sebastian exclaimed.

Blair looked surprised.

"You want to?"

"I want to call!"

"Well okay then."

She held out her hand to him and he ran over and took it. They walked hand in hand to the sitting room and Blair took a seat on the large couch. Sebastian crawled up on her lap and protested when Blair grabbed the landline phone.

"_I_ get to do it!"

"Let me just dial the number" Blair said.

"_No_. _I_ get to do it!"

Nonplussed at his sudden interest in phone calls Blair handed him the phone and instructed him on how to dial. It took two attempts to get it right. He held the phone up to his face and waited for an answer.

"Yes, this is Chuck" came a familiar voice on the other end.

"Hi Chuck!" Sebastian cried excitedly, pronouncing the name 'shuck'.

There was a second of silence before an answer came.

"Sebastian! What a nice surprise. How are you today?"

"I can use the phone all by myself!"

"I know you can" Chuck said. "You're a big boy now."

"Here's Mom!" Sebastian cried.

He handed the phone to Blair and jumped down on the floor, running out of the room. Blair watched him go and then raised the phone to her own ear.

"Chuck?"

"Yeah I'm here."

"I thought he would say a little bit more than just that."

"He's a four year-old who's used the phone by himself for the first time" Chuck replied and she could hear a streak of pride in his voice. "He said all that was important to say."

"Everything's pretty much packed here now" Blair said, feeling a bit nervous. "How is everything on your end?"

"I moved in a week ago, as you know" Chuck said. "Everything is set here. The place is just waiting for its two additional residents."

"Are we doing the smart thing here, Chuck?" Blair worried, twirling the phone cord around her finger. "What if this is a huge mistake? I never really agreed to it, you know."

"It's not a mistake, Waldorf. Relax. Everything will turn out okay."

"I'm not so sure. Our poor son has been through so much already. I've made far too many mistakes with him. The thought of making yet another one scares me."

"No words of comfort to offer here" Chuck said. "You're going to make hundreds of additional mistakes with him. I'm going to make a great deal myself. It's what all parents do."

"Yeah, well there are mistakes and then there are mistakes that screw your child up for life" Blair remarked.

"True. But giving him the opportunity to live with both his parents is not one of those mistakes."

"God I hope you're right."

"I am, as usual. You just get everything packed and ready and let me worry about everything else. I will be there to pick you up at the airport on Saturday."

"Okay. See you then."

She hung up and sighed. She couldn't shake the feeling that life was about to get even more complicated. She would have never thought that moving in with Chuck would be what caused her so much distress.

* * *

><p>Blair was absolutely exhausted when she and Sebastian landed at JFK airport that Saturday. Sebastian had not been quiet for more than five minutes at a time during the entire flight, commenting on things non-stop and asking questions about everything. She was jetlagged and emotionally drained and more than a little bit fed-up with her extremely energetic son. She couldn't understand why he was so alert and active. It was midnight back in France and he hadn't slept at all so he should be exhausted.<p>

They passed through customs and headed for the exit. They had only brought carry-on luggage since everything else was being sent through the moving company and Blair was very grateful that she didn't have to put up with Sebastian's antics while waiting for their luggage to arrive. For the rest of the evening he would be Chuck's to handle. He was so eager to live with his son, thus he could take his share of the responsibility and work while Blair went straight to a hot bath and then to bed.

When they stepped outside she shivered and pulled her coat closer around her. It was mid-April but cold and windy and felt more like early February. She spotted Chuck leaned against his limo and was about to point him out to Sebastian when the boy noticed him too and took off running. Chuck leaned down and caught him in his embrace, lifting him up in the air for a hug.

"Hi Dad!" Sebastian cried happily. "I had spaghetti on the airplane!"

"Hey yourself" Chuck said with a bright smile.

He set the boy down while the driver opened the car door. Sebastian dove into the limo and said something neither parent could quite hear. Chuck turned to Blair with a smile on his face that made her feel both happy and welcome.

"I've never heard him call you Dad before" Blair remarked.

Chuck gave a short, happy laugh.

"That was the first time."

"Let's hope it's a good sign."

Spontaneously she leaned in and kissed him at the corner of his mouth. Then she got inside the limo where Sebastian was trying to get the refrigerator open. Chuck got in as well and sat down, watching his son with a content smile on his face.

"Sebastian come sit" Blair said. "We're about to start moving and I don't want you crawling around on the floor while we're out in traffic."

To her surprise Sebastian did as he was told, crawling over to them on all fours and getting up in-between them on the leather seats. Two minutes later he had fallen asleep with his head on Blair's lap and his feet next to Chuck. The long hours of travel had finally caught up with him and Blair breathed a sigh of relief.

"How was your flight?" Chuck asked.

"Exhausting. Why can't children be the way they are in the movies? Quiet and still and only opening their mouths when they have something adorable to say?"

Chuck smiled and leaned forward to give the driver directions. Blair leaned her head back and her eyes drifted shut. After a few seconds she opened them again and leaned forward a little, squinting to see better.

"Why… It's Arthur!" she remarked. "What happened to… the other guy?"

"Dave? I gave him the day off and gave Arthur a call."

"Why?" Blair asked, smiling a little at the familiar sight of Arthur in the review mirror. He looked up and met her eyes and nodded a greeting. "I haven't seen you in years, Arthur! Are you well?"

"Very well, Miss Waldorf."

"Chuck how did Arthur end up driving us?"

Chuck shrugged and pressed the button to close off the driver's seat from view. Traffic was heavy and he preferred it if Arthur was focused on the road and not distracted by Blair and a game of twenty questions.

"It felt fitting" he answered her question. "Arthur was the one who drove us that first night after Victrola. It only seemed right that he would be the one to drive us home."

Blair looked surprised and a bit touched by his answer. He looked out the window, feeling a bit awkward and a bit sad. When he had decided to leave Emmy and take another chance with Blair ten months ago he had found out about his son after only about two hours. Still in those two hours his mind and heart had envisioned all kinds of scenarios for the future he could share with Blair. One of the thoughts that had passed through his mind was that if he and Blair ever got married he would call in Arthur to drive them on their wedding day. This scenario almost seemed like a mockery of that daydream but he had called Arthur anyway. In its own way this was an even more fitting occasion to be driven by his former chauffeur. His story with Blair had begun when she gave her virginity to him in the back of the limo and today they were on their way to their joint apartment together with the person who was the product of one of their sexual encounters. In a very odd way it felt like it all came full circle.

They rode the rest of the way in silence. When they reached their destination Blair shook Sebastian awake but he whined and protested, far too sleepy now to want to wake up. She shook him firmly and got him to sit up but he started to cry. Chuck stepped out of the car and leaned in to grab a hold of him. He lifted Sebastian up into his arms and held him in a firm grip. It only took a few seconds for the boy to fall back asleep, drooling on his father's shoulder. The doorman came up to take Blair's and Sebastian's carry-on bags while Blair spoke a few words with Arthur and gave him a hug. Chuck walked inside without waiting for her, freezing in the cold April winds. She caught up to him by the elevators and they rode up to their new apartment together without saying a word.

They reached their floor and Blair smiled approvingly at what she saw when they walked inside the penthouse. Everything was decorated according to a sense of taste that fitted both herself and Chuck. She walked slowly through the downstairs hallway, taking everything in, and Chuck realised she would take her good time appraising each room in the house.

"I'm taking Little Bas upstairs" he said. "He's ridiculously heavy and I'm afraid I'll drop him any minute."

"Yeah, good idea" Blair said, only half paying attention.

"Should I put him in his own bed? Or will he be confused if he wakes up and neither one of us is around?"

"Put him in his own bed. We'll be nearby when he wakes up. It will be fine."

Chuck smiled again.

"Yeah. We'll be nearby. Both of us."

He carried Sebastian up the stairs and to his new room. He had found a bed in the same style as the one Sebastian had slept in at the chateau and had the maid use the smurf bed sheets Chuck had bought for him three months ago. It was Sebastian's favourite sheets when he slept at Chuck's place and he felt it was fitting that he should spend his first night in this new home with those sheets. He put his son down on the bed and carefully pulled the sweater over his head. Sebastian woke up but just barely and aside from a few complaining noises made no fuss. Chuck got him out of his clothes and into his pyjamas and then tucked him in.

He sat by the bed for a few minutes, listening to his son's sleeping breaths. He hoped Sebastian would like his new room. He had tried his best to decorate it similarly to how the room at the chateau had looked and even put up the wooden letters on the door to mark the room as Sebastian's. There were still a lot of toys and knickknacks missing that would arrive later but the shelves on the bookcase were far from empty. Chuck had gone to a toy store a few days ago and bought a number of new things to surprise Sebastian with. Blair would probably object to the shameless spoiling but Chuck saw no harm in spoiling his son for special occasions. Besides, he had three years of spoiling to catch up on.

After a few minutes he turned on the night lamp on the nightstand, a little ghost from IKEA that shifted colour from blue to green which Sebastian had once seen in an ad and gone crazy over. Chuck leaned in and kissed Sebastian's brow, then he walked out into the hallway just as Blair came walking up the stairs. He left the door slightly ajar and asked her how she liked her new home so far.

"Everything looks great" she said. "Is he sleeping?"

"Like a log."

"Good. I'll check in on him in a minute. I just want to see my room first."

"From the looks of it you should check in on him after you've had a good night's sleep. It's past midnight to you."

"I'm not _that_ old" she objected. "I can stay awake past midnight, thank you very much. Now which room is mine?"

He led her to the room past Sebastian's. She opened the door and stepped inside, her jaw dropping a little. The walls were a pale red rather than the blue she had had in her previous bedrooms but she liked it. Most of the furniture from her room at Eleanor's penthouse was there, arranged similarly to how she was used to. There was even a fireplace but it was opposite the bed unlike in her old room. She turned to Chuck with a surprised face and he smiled a little.

"I figured you'd appreciate some familiarity."

"I had no idea you were bringing my furniture here" she remarked, looking around the room. "I thought you were buying everything brand new."

"You have a nice bed" he shrugged. "Shame to waste it."

She turned and gave him a sly smirk but didn't retort the comment. She stepped further inside the room and felt a soft, thick rug under her feet. She looked down and saw the rug from her room at the chateau.

"I'm impressed, Bass" she said. "You've managed to combine my room at my mother's place with my room at my father's place. Come to think of it that's a little sad. I'm in my mid-twenties and still living like I did at my parents' homes."

"You've officially left the nest" Chuck replied. "Now you're living in your own apartment with your son and his father. This is going to turn out well Blair, if we only give it a chance. It won't last forever but we can give Sebastian a few really good years. It can be a strong foundation for the future."

She nodded thoughtfully and looked at the bed with longing in her eyes. She did feel completely exhausted. She walked over to it and sat down, her hand caressing the incredibly soft black blanket Chuck had bought and spread out on top of the bedspread.

"I'm just... going to take a little powernap" she said.

"Do that. I'll be across the hall in my study. When you wake up you can use the landline phone to call the chef on extension 4. The kitchen is filled with pretty much anything I remember you and Sebastian liking."

"It's a bad idea to start by spoiling me" Blair said sleepily, kicking off her shoes and putting her aching feet up on the bed. "Once I get used to it I'll be very displeased by anything else."

"Take a nap" Chuck said, knowing full well she wasn't going to wake up for another eight hours. "We can discuss it tomorrow."

She nodded sleepily and pulled the blanket up over her, adjusting the decorative pillows on her bed to fit comfortably under her head. Chuck turned the lights off and watched her for a second before closing the door to give her some privacy. He walked to his study and sat down by the desk, smiling to himself. He knew she was sceptical but he had every faith that this arrangement would turn out to be a success.

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><p>I didn't have a chance to proof-read this but I hope there weren't any big blunders in it. Thanks for reading!<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

My weekly update plan failed last week... I'm not sure I'll be able to keep it up in the near future either though I hope so because I was hoping to have this story wrapped up by mid-April and my new story up on the site. We'll see how it goes.

The update is shorter this week but hopefully it's quality above quantity ;)

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><p>Chuck reached for the coffee cup in front of him but then drew his fingers back. He was uncomfortable yet partly relaxed. The situation was awkward and at the same time reassuring. He hadn't expected it to feel this way.<p>

"Thank you for meeting me" Emmy said, looking at her tea cup and not at him.

"Of course."

Silence fell between them again. He wasn't sure why she had e-mailed him and asked to see him over coffee and even less sure why he had shown up. Being near her again felt oddly comforting, a reminder of the one constant in his life for four years. It saddened him to think that it had to be this way, knowing that if he had never known Blair he would have been perfectly happy with Emmy. Probably. It was hard to say what was nostalgia and what had been genuine emotion.

"How are you?" he asked after a minute.

"You don't want to know" she said. Then she looked up at him. "How are you?"

"Doing okay."

"Sebastian?"

"He's great." A smile spread across his face and it almost made Emmy smile too. "He's becoming more and more at ease around me. I keep waiting for him to call me 'Dad' but he's only done so once thus far. We've gotten him enrolled in a great pre-school and he starts in August. I know he's only four but he doesn't know any children here except Dorota's kids and he needs friends."

"I'm glad he's doing good."

"He misses you" Chuck offered.

"Yeah" Emmy said, not sure she believed it. "Can I stop by? See him? I would love to take him to the park now that it's spring."

"I… I'm not so sure it's a good idea" Chuck said. "Everything is changing in his life, all the time. I'm worried it might confuse him if you start seeing him again when you're not my…" He harked and looked awkward. "I hope you understand."

"And you and Blair? You're back together now. Is it everything you hoped it would be?"

The question was genuine, not sarcastic, but it still surprised him.

"Blair and I are not together" he said. "We… There was one night… But no. We sleep in separate bedrooms. Getting a place together was for Sebastian's benefit, well, mine and Sebastian's."

"You don't have to sugarcoat anything" Emmy said in a slightly strained voice, glaring at her tea while stirring her spoon.

"I'm not."

She looked up at him and it saddened him to see her this way. She looked broken and dejected, far from the serene woman he had shared four years of his life with.

"I can't stop thinking about what happened between us" she said. "About what went wrong and the things you said."

"I wish I can tell you how horrible I feel" Chuck sighed, looking away for a moment. "I've been an ass to you and you were an angel to me."

"You told me you had planned on leaving me before you found out you had a son. That you stayed with me because ending a long-term relationship on top of adjusting to fatherhood was too much at once. That is humiliating."

"I know" Chuck said.

"Which is why I don't believe it. I don't think that's what really went on."

"Please" Chuck said. "You have no idea how difficult it is to have to say things that will hurt you. Having that conversation once was painful enough. Must we do it again?"

"I've spent the past three months licking my wounds, trying to figure out what to do with myself and my life. Then it dawned on me that nothing you said that night truly adds up. I still think you're afraid."

"I'm petrified but not for the reasons you think."

She tilted her head a little and got a new look in her eyes. He drew back a bit, wondering what she was thinking.

"Maybe I've been wrong about this…" she said. "It's not about you and Blair. It's about you and Sebastian. You didn't leave me for her, you left me for him."

"Emmy…"

"As long as you were with me there was a greater distance between you and him, since I know Blair hates me with a passion. _Us_ added too much to an already strained situation. You didn't get to see him on Thanksgiving because Blair wouldn't want me to be there and you didn't get to be with him Christmas Morning since as long as you were my boyfriend there would be a palpable tension if we were all in the same room."

"It's not about that."

"I think it is" she said. She finished her tea and rose from her seat, now with the hint of a smile. "I don't give up easily, you know that" she said. "I won't give up on you. Take your time. Bond with your son, work things out with Blair. Fight for your son and I will be fighting for my relationship."

"Emmy" Chuck said. "Come on, you deserve _better_ than that. Find someone who would do anything to be with you. I want that for you."

"You would do anything to be with me" Emmy said confidently. "Anything except give up your son." She walked over and placed a kiss on his cheek. "I love you. This is not over."

She left the café before Chuck could think of a response.

* * *

><p>Back at the apartment Blair had just put Sebastian down for a nap. She knew Chuck was out somewhere but didn't have the faintest idea where. He came and left at his own behest without ever telling her where he was going. It wasn't strange in itself, he was a grown man free to do as he chose, but they were roommates now and parents together. It felt weird to not know where he took off to when he left home.<p>

Their new living arrangement had been going fairly well for the two weeks that had passed since Blair and Sebastian flew back from France. Neither Blair nor Chuck knew how to interact with one another in this new situation and it had resulted in stilted conversations and slightly awkward interactions but there had been no fighting. Chuck focused mostly on Sebastian and on work and Blair had a similar division of her time and devotion. Living so close to him but still being so far away from him made her unsure of how or what to feel but aside from everything with Chuck her life was starting to feel like it was coming into order. Her friendship with Serena was slowly progressing, she had made a few friends at work and she felt more like her old self with each passing day.

Her eyes drifted to the door that led to Chuck's room. She hadn't been in there yet. He always kept the door closed and she wasn't even sure if Sebastian had been in there. On a whim she walked over to the door and opened it. It was a corner room with windows on two sides and a wonderful view. The walls were a light green and the furniture looked brand new except for the bed which she recognized from his room at Bart and Lily's penthouse and later on the Empire. The scout painting was missing and she realized it had not been up in his and Nate's apartment either. She decided to blame it on Emmy, figuring that she hadn't liked it. Blair hadn't had an opinion on the painting either way but it was very much a part of Chuck and she would have liked to see it on the wall.

As she looked around the room she noticed Chuck's laptop on the nightstand. Filled with sudden curiosity she walked over and grabbed it, taking a seat on the bed. She wanted to know where he was and what he was doing and perhaps there was some clue on the computer. He obviously hadn't expected her to come snooping in his room since the browser was still open with several tabs. She eyed through them quickly. Two news sites, which seemed typical of Chuck. Bass Industries official website which made her scoff since she found it ridiculous that he would be browsing it himself. The bank where he had most of his personal accounts was also open and she clicked on that tab but found that he had been automatically logged off after fifteen minutes of inactivity. The remaining tab was for his e-mail account and she clicked on it with absolutely no sense of shame over going through his private correspondence.

She quickly eyed trough the list of e-mails. This was his private account and not the one he used at work. Two e-mails from Lily, one from Serena, three from some online store he had been shopping at and one from Emmy. Blair felt her mouth go dry and she tried clicking on the mail but got an error message. Just like the bank's website his e-mail logged him off if he was inactive for too long. Blair hit backspace and got another error message which made her panic a little. She had no qualms going through his e-mail but she most certainly didn't want him to know about it. Now he would find out for sure. In a moment of minor panic she closed the tab and hoped that he would figure he had closed it himself. Then she quickly put the laptop back where she had found it and got up on her feet, inspecting the bed to see if anyone would be able to tell she had been sitting on it. Then she hurried out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen.

What was Emmy doing e-mailing him? It wasn't an old mail; it had been dated just two days ago. Was he still seeing her? Was that where he had gone today? Why had he been visiting his bank; did that have something to do with Emmy?

Filled with nervousness and conflicted emotions she opened the large refrigerator and eyed the food available. She had been doing good for a while, resisting the desire to binge and purge. This time around she had found that her bulimia was much easier to control when she had a lot of things going on that distracted her. Today though there was no distraction. Sebastian was asleep and Chuck was out, possibly with Emmy. Was he giving her money? Paying for something for her? Buying her jewelry?

She spotted a sundried tomatoes and feta pie and grabbed it. This wasn't usually the kind of food she binged on but there were surprisingly few sweets in the house, as if Chuck was trying to keep Sebastian sheltered from such things until he got older. She grabbed a fork and sat down by the kitchen table, relieved that nobody else was in the house right now, and began to eat. The pie was cold and probably disgusting in that state but she wasn't aware of what she was eating. She finished the whole thing and tossed the pie dish in the sink. Then she ran up the stairs and into the nearest bathroom.

She purged until she had nothing left in her stomach. Gasping for air she fumbled with her hand trying to find the knob to flush. She didn't normally use this bathroom since she had one connected to her bedroom and wasn't sure where the knob was. Finally she found it and flushed, closing her eyes hard for a second.

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

Chuck's voice startled her and she sat up straight, staring at him with wide eyes. He was in the doorway, leaning against the doorpost, holding out a box of Kleenex to her. The look in his eyes was impossible to decipher. How long had he been standing there?

"Blair?"

"No" she said, grabbing a handful of Kleenex. "I'm not pregnant."

"Certain?"

She gave him a look.

"The last person I had sex with was you. That was in February, almost exactly two months ago. Of course I'm sure."

"Good. We didn't use a condom so that made me concerned."

"Breathe, Bass" Blair muttered and wiped her mouth with the Kleenex. "I know my pregnancy track record hasn't exactly included telling you all about it but for one I've learned from my mistakes and for another we're living together. If you had knocked me up I would have told you about it."

"What's the problem, then?" he asked. "By the looks of it you were vomiting up an entire buffet."

She blushed. He couldn't have been standing there for very long if he thought she might be vomiting because of a pregnancy. If he had seen her stick her fingers down her throat he would know what was up. Still it embarrassed her to no end that he seemed to have gotten a look at what she had been throwing up and the man she loved but couldn't have watching her do so was definitely on the list of things that could kill any romance.

"I had some bad pie for lunch" she said, avoiding his eyes.

"That's it?"

"Luckily food poisoning wears off within a day" she said. "When I was pregnant I had morning sickness for three months."

Chuck studied her for a moment with a thoughtful expression. She didn't dare to meet his eyes, petrified that he would see right through her and realize what was actually going on. Her bulimia was ammunition and she refused to give it to him. On shaky legs she rose to her feet and walked over to the sink to rinse her face and her mouth. Chuck's eyes stayed on her the entire time.

"Go lie down" he said. "I'll instruct the chef to give you something light for dinner. Some white fish, some rice. I'll take care of Sebastian for the rest of the day."

Great. Blair kept in a groan. He had bought her lie but now she would be confined to her bedroom for the rest of the day while Chuck spent Saturday afternoon having fun with Sebastian. Without saying a word she pushed past Chuck and walked to her bedroom, feeling worse than ever and wishing he would stop looking at her.

When the door to her bedroom closed Chuck still stayed in the hallway for a few minutes, wondering if she really was suffering from food poisoning or if she had caught stomach flu. He strongly hoped it wasn't the latter. If it was one thing he couldn't stand it was having the stomach flu and he didn't want poor Sebastian to have to suffer through it either.

He heard a noise coming from Sebastian's room and walked inside. Sebastian had just sat up on his bed and was rubbing his eyes sleepily. Chuck walked over and stopped a few feet away from the bed.

"Hey" he said. "Did you have a good nap?"

"I'm thirsty" Sebastian mumbled.

"Then let's go downstairs and get you some water." He held out his hand and Sebastian took it groggily. "I was thinking… Mom isn't feeling very well today. We should let her get some rest. What do you say you and I go to the zoo? It's lovely weather outside; we could see some animals, maybe eat some popcorn?"

"Do they have hippos there?" Sebastian asked, interest perked.

"I'm guessing that they don't. But they have all kinds of other animals."

Sebastian looked excited and began to fire off a number of questions about zoos in general and animals in particular. He had gotten very inquisitive over the past few weeks and sometimes it was hard to keep up with all his questions. While they walked down the stairs Chuck texted Dave to have him bring the limo around again.

* * *

><p>The following two weeks Blair made sure that whenever she purged she did so in her own bathroom with the door locked. It happened three times in those two weeks and each time she felt a bit more miserable. She knew she had to be more careful. Sebastian had walked in on her purging and so had Chuck. Unless she wanted to get caught she had to cover her tracks better and getting caught was the last thing she wanted at present.<p>

Living together was starting to get more difficult. Neither she nor Chuck had anticipated the problems that would follow when it came to Sebastian's care. Blair had just assumed she would be the one to get him dressed in the morning, who made sure he ate his breakfast, who took care of most his needs during the day and who tucked him in at night. She hadn't spent much time considering what Chuck would be doing and when he started to want to get Sebastian ready in the morning she felt like he was intruding on her turf. The two of them ended up awkwardly dancing around each other while Sebastian seemed to get more confused each day and more easily irritated.

On top of that there were none of the cozy family moments Blair had envisioned. Chuck preferred spending his time with Sebastian one on one in order to bond with him better but Blair didn't know his reasons. To her he just seemed to be avoiding her. It disappointed her a great deal that the only time the three of them spent together as a family was during breakfast and dinner and Chuck usually spent breakfast reading the paper and barely said two words during dinner. The whole thing was a mess.

On Saturday four weeks after she and Sebastian had moved in with Chuck she was sitting on the comfortable black couch in the downstairs sitting room reading a magazine when Chuck and Sebastian came down the stairs apparently on their way out. She looked up and put her magazine down, frowning with disapproval.

"Where might you be going?" she asked.

"All the snow has melted and it's getting warmer" Chuck said. "Sebastian needs a new spring jacket."

"I shop for Sebastian" Blair objected.

"Blair I am perfectly capable of picking out a jacket for my child" Chuck said gently.

"That is not the point" Blair frowned. "I am his mother and I do the shopping."

"In my household growing up it was always the father who did the shopping" Chuck countered. "Come on Sebastian, let's hurry up. Dave is waiting downstairs with the limo."

Blair snorted but before she could think of anything to say in return Chuck and Sebastian had walked out the door. In a really foul mood she tossed the magazine aside and felt her eyes drifting towards the kitchen. Then she made a decision not to be weak and got up to go call Dorota. If Chuck and Sebastian were going coat shopping then she could go shoe shopping. Spending money had always been her favorite way of taking her mind off her troubles.

* * *

><p>Chuck soon found out that shopping with a four year-old was anything but fun and that it was better not to bring the child at all. Sebastian had absolutely no interest in picking out a jacket and instead ran around the store Chuck had taken him to. Chuck managed to rope him in to get him to try on a few jackets but Sebastian complained loudly and thought it was boring. Annoyed by the unruly child Chuck grabbed a purple jacket in the right size and decided they could send it back if it turned out not to fit. He walked up to the register to pay for it and growled when he heard Sebastian making loud airplane noises behind him. He turned and saw his son running around the store like a lunatic with his arms stretched out as wings.<p>

"Sebastian!" he barked. "Get over here."

Sebastian stopped in his tracks and looked at him with wide eyes. Then he obediently came over, feeling frightened by his father the way he had done most of the time during the first six months.

"Stand still and be quiet" Chuck said firmly.

"My, my, my" Jack's voice said. "It's like a blast from the past. Except instead of Bart and Chuck it's Sebastian and Chuck."

Chuck turned around and stared at his uncle with disbelief.

"What on earth are you doing here?"

"Sure as hell not shopping for a child's jacket."

"I should hope not."

"I'm just stalking you" Jack shrugged. "Since you never call, never write, an uncle's got to find his own means of staying in touch."

"Perhaps _you_ could call or write? Or get a life of your own."

He put a hand on Sebastian's shoulder and turned to pay for the jacket. He glanced over his shoulder but Jack was gone. Feeling relieved he took the bag the cashier handed to him and walked out of the store with his hand still on Sebastian's shoulder.

"Bart would be proud" Jack's amused voice said the second they stepped out of the store. "Little Charles taking some real responsibilities."

Chuck turned and saw Jack leaned against the wall with an entertain smirk. Rolling his eyes Chuck looked over at the limo and saw Dave getting out to open the door for them. He handed Dave the bag and looked at Sebastian.

"Why don't you get in the car?" he said. "I'll be right with you."

Sebastian wasn't very keen on getting back in the car but he was still quite intimidated by his father at times and this was definitely one of them. With a nod he jumped up on the leather seats and picked up the stuffed animal he had left on there. When the car door closed behind him Chuck turned back to Jack.

"Now why did you go do that?" Jack asked, sounding a touch disappointed. "You didn't even give the kid and me a chance to get introduced and acquainted."

"Aw, rats" Chuck said, voice brimming with sarcasm.

"One of these days you're going to have to wake up and realize that I've been consistently on your side these past twelve months. This whole 'my uncle is my Hamlet-esque nemesis' thing is getting tired."

"You're never on anybody's side but your own" Chuck pointed out. "If you're nice to me right now it's only because it benefits you somehow to be. The moment it no longer does you would sell me out to the highest bidder."

"Perhaps I'm reformed."

"Perhaps you're not."

"So paranoid" Jack said, smacking his tongue. "You're going to teach the little munchkin to be that way too?"

"No, I was actually planning on giving him a secure and loving childhood."

"Aw that is just _adorable_" Jack said with a smile and tilted his head. He left his spot by the wall and walked closer. "Did he like the frog?"

"That's why you're stalking me? To find out if the frog was well-received? I can only assume that your office in Australia has been invaded by wolf spiders or alligators and that is why you've returned to New York this week and not to ask about a plushie."

"Actually I returned to scratch my vengeance itch" Jack said. "Upon, well, you know who."

"Is that really necessary?"

"Turns out it wasn't."

Chuck frowned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"That should be comforting to hear but when the words come out of your mouth they seem ominous."

"For one your little plan of shacking up with her made it more difficult to come up with a revenge plan that wouldn't hurt the kid as well" Jack said. "I don't want the kid to get hurt. My beef is with her but he is blood."

"Being related to you by blood has never been a vaccine against your antics before" Chuck pointed out.

"For another it didn't seem like I had to unleash any revenge upon her" Jack continued, ignoring the comment. "She seems to be rather miserable these days all on her own and with the flair-up of her bulimia it seems like she's actually punishing herself for me."

"What?"

"I'm not saying I've completely pulled the plug on operation Pound the Waldorf but it's been postponed at least."

"No, about bulimia. Blair had bulimia ten years ago. She's not having any flair-ups."

"Oh" Jack said. He began to laugh and shook his head. "Oh. Oh Nephew, Nephew, Nephew… You share an apartment with her and you haven't noticed that she's bulimic again? I really do hope you've gotten yourself a good nanny already because she is an unfit parent and obviously you pay about as much attention as a vegetable."

"Stop trying to be cute and be straight with me" Chuck demanded.

"Your lady of no virtue has been sick again since the end of last year. If _I_ can find this out then how come you had no idea?"

"How _did_ you find out?" Chuck wanted to know.

"I'm Jack Bass" Jack replied with a grin. "If I want dirt on someone I find it. See you around, my oblivious little nephew."

He walked off still laughing and Chuck wondered if he should believe him. He would have noticed if Blair was bulimic again. He had caught her throwing up once but it had been an isolated incident and she had had food poisoning. Jack was probably just fabricating things to cause problems.

He got in the car and paid almost no attention to Sebastian who was playing with his stuffed animal. As soon as he got a chance he would do his own investigation into the matter. If Blair was bulimic again he would find out about it, before her condition had a chance to hurt their son.

* * *

><p>He didn't get a chance to speak with Blair right away. She was waiting for them when they got back and Sebastian eagerly ran to her. She gave him a big hug and then demanded to see the jacket they had gotten. She studied it with skepticism but seemed to find it okay enough and told Chuck to go hang it up. When he got back she was already halfway up the stairs with Sebastian's hand in hers.<p>

That evening after Sebastian had gone to sleep he decided it was time to have a talk. He knocked on her door and stepped inside without waiting for an answer. She was stretched out on her side on the bed flipping though a fashion magazine. She looked up at him through her reading glasses and it occurred to him how thin she had gotten. He had reflected upon it before but never connected the dots.

"What do you want, Charles?" she asked.

"Did you really have food poisoning the other week?" he asked.

"Unfortunately, yes" Blair said, flipping through another page.

"You're not bulimic again, then?"

Blair froze and slowly looked up at him. Then she wrinkled her nose and gave him her best offended snort.

"Absolutely not. The mere implication is absurd."

Her eyes didn't match her mouth. He frowned and shoved his hands in his back pockets, deeply concerned now.

"For how long?"

"How long what?"

"How long has this been going on?"

"Chuck I'm telling you, I'm not bulimic. I had one case of food poisoning. Good grief."

She returned her focus to the magazine and did her best to ignore him and show him how preposterous she found the idea. Chuck wasn't fooled for a second.

"Blair. This is serious."

"I am _not_ purging myself" Blair said sharply.

"How much do you weigh?"

"Excuse me?"

"How much? When you came back to New York last year you were somewhere around 120 pounds I should assume. Looking at you now I don't think you're more than 90, if that even. That's a lot of weight for a tiny woman to lose in just a few months."

"You're keeping tabs on my weight?" Blair scoffed, sitting up on the bed. "Chuck what I weigh is none of your business. And I have _never_ weighed 120 pounds except for when I was pregnant. How dare you?"

"Your weight is my business if you've relapsed in your eating disorder" Chuck argued. "It's Sebastian's business and it's mine."

"Leave Sebastian out of this."

"So you admit it then? You are bulimic?"

Knowing she had more or less backed herself into a corner Blair said nothing. She felt embarrassed but more than that she felt afraid. What would Chuck do with this information? Over the past weeks she had begun to realize that he wasn't the same Chuck Bass she had known and loved before, there were some parts of him that were different now. There had been a time when she could always predict how he would react to something but not anymore.

"Blair why the hell have you not said anything?" he asked. "Why haven't you come to me? Or talked to Serena? Or Dorota?"

"You or S?" she said with sarcasm. "My loving friends who are there for me no matter what? Why oh why did I not turn to you, my eternal pillars of strength?"

"Probably because we helped cause it" Chuck muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair. "Well now I know. We have to do something about this."

"Well thank God you came along with that bright idea" Blair sulked.

"You can't go to a treatment facility" Chuck said.

"Why?" Blair had to ask, looking at him with incredulity.

"Sebastian and I need you at home. Plus we can't have the scandal. There's been enough turmoil in that child's life for one year. You're going to get better but it has to happen here. There are doctors at normal hospitals that specialize in things like this, right?"

Blair fought the sudden urge to get up from the bed and hug him. She had been worried sick that if he found out he would use it against her but he seemed to be on her side.

"Chuck I'm scared" she admitted. "What if I can't get out of this vicious cycle? What if our son has to grow up with a mother who binges and purges?"

"That is not going to happen" Chuck reassured her.

"I'm too weak to be a good mother. I should have known better and been stronger. If this is how I've reacted now then how am I going to handle Sebastian's rebellious phase?"

"The past year has been hell for you. I know that. It's not weak to crumble under the enormous amount of pressure you've been under. Besides, you're not the only one who's resorted to bad coping mechanisms. I should have left Emmy months ago but I stayed with her because I needed her. It was completely selfish and in the end I think I did more damage than I would have if I had left when I first decided to."

"You were planning on leaving Emmy before?"

"Before I knew that you had lied to me."

"You were going to leave her for me?"

"I was going to leave her because I realized my feelings no longer ran deep enough. Then I stayed because she was my rock. I used her and I'm not proud of that. What you've been doing is self-destructive. What I did was destructive towards someone else."

"I guess we're both pretty screwed up."

"Yeah I think so" he nodded. "Look I'm going to make some enquiries and see if I can find a doctor who can help you here or an out-patient program of some sort. The important thing is that you get better and that we keep Sebastian protected."

"Thank you" she said. "For not using this against me."

"We're done playing that game" he said. "The whole point of moving in here together was to give our son a real sense of a family. We're working together from now on."

She nodded and managed half a smile. He smiled back and left the room to go find a doctor or a program. She took a deep trembling breath and felt relieved. Her secret was out and disaster had not struck. She had been wanting to get help for weeks but had been afraid to do so since once she did she wouldn't be able to keep her condition a secret. Now Chuck knew and he wasn't going to use it against her. He was going to help her shield Sebastian from it. It would be a slow process for sure but at least she was no longer alone in it. Being able to turn to Chuck as a friend felt great and gave her hope.

* * *

><p>So Blair's eating disorder is out in the open (or at least known to the Basses) and Emmy has made her comeback. In other words there are a few issues left to deal with before the end =) I'll be trying my best to have a new update ready by next week. Thank you for reading, let me know your thoughts!<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

During Easter I had some time to work on this story and on my outlines for the chapters that are left and my estimation is that it will end up at around 20 chapters. Which is pretty much what I guessed last time too but now it's more of a researched estimate ;)

Emmy's return was not too popular. I hadn't expected it to be either. I can only hope you will be able to at least stomach her for the duration of her stay =)

* * *

><p>"Here's to our friend Nate and the miracle that is him passing his exam on law with flying colors" Chuck said, raising a champagne flute.<p>

Nate grinned good-naturedly and raised his flute, clinking it with Chuck's and Serena's. He took a sip and then gave his girlfriend a kiss.

"We should celebrate like this every time I pass an exam" he said.

"Really?" Chuck said, eyebrow raised. "I thought this celebration was due to this particular exam being particularly difficult and this therefore being a monumental occasion. I didn't know that every time you managed to not fail an exam it was to be considered monumental."

"Oh, what do you even know about passing exams?" Nate chuckled.

"I would just like to say that I am a very proud girlfriend today but this is not the real celebration" Serena said. "The real celebration is a private event in Nate's bedroom and you, Chuck, are not invited."

"Speaking of not being invited" Nate said. "Chuck you know it would have been okay if Blair had come, right?"

Chuck took a sip from his flute to masquerade his reaction to the comment. Blair was at an appointment with her doctor as part of the out-patient program they had found for her. Under different circumstances he might have considered asking her if she wanted to join them but he didn't want to let Nate and Serena in on the situation with her relapse. It was something private and it was up to Blair to decide if and when she wanted people to know.

"Don't be stupid, Nate" Serena said, saving Chuck from having to come up with a reply. "Someone has to stay with Sebastian."

"How are things going with him, by the way?" Nate asked while a waiter placed a large seafood plate on the table for them to share. "It's been more than a month since the three of you began playing house and I haven't heard peep out of you about it."

"Sebastian is doing fine" Chuck said. "Him and I are still two steps forward, one step back, but so long as we're moving forward it's all good in my book. He runs to Blair when he wants or needs anything but he doesn't seem to be afraid of me anymore. For the most part. When they arrived from France he actually hugged me voluntarily." He smiled a little. "And called me Dad."

"Aw, yay" Serena said, clapping her hands together. "See? I knew he would warm up to you, given a bit of time."

"It's moving at a snail's pace" Chuck said. "But I'm starting to have actual hope for the future. Maybe in a few years he'll think of me as his real parent."

"You mean you don't think he does already?" Nate asked, scooping as many prawns onto his plate as possible. "You said he called you Dad."

"I also said he's still intimidated by me to some degree."

"Uh-huh" Nate said. "You were intimidated by Bart at times."

"Touché" Chuck said with rolling eyes and grabbed a couple of clams.

"And what about you and Blair?" Nate asked. "You're sitting in front of us so clearly you are still alive. Blair is mysteriously absent but I think I would have seen something in the news if she had gone to meet her maker. So you haven't killed one another yet but does that mean you've made progress in the right direction?"

"It's not progress if it's in the wrong direction" Serena pointed out.

"Seriously Chuck, how are things going with you?"

"Seriously Nathaniel, things are going okay" Chuck said. "There's a fair amount of tiptoeing around one another and we've had some issues over who should do what when it comes to Sebastian. Though it seems we're able to work together… at least in some cases."

"So right now you're just two people who love each other and who share a child who live together but merely tiptoe around each other?" Serena summed it up. "Dan should write another book about you except nobody would believe any two people could be that screwed-up."

"Thank you sis, that helps" Chuck said dryly.

He changed the subject back to Nate's exam and hoped the couple across the table wouldn't drift back to the topic of him and Blair. The less that was said about it under current circumstances the better.

* * *

><p>When he got back from his lunch with Nate and Serena Blair was still out. He walked to the TV room downstairs where Sebastian was watching "<em>Sesame Street<em>" with his nanny. At least that was what he was supposed to do. When Chuck walked in Sebastian was standing next to the couch, hands gripping the armrest, jumping up and down while yelling the alphabet in a somewhat correct order. To the best of Chuck's knowledge the letter G only appeared once and S did not follow D.

"I see we're getting ourselves an education" he commented dryly.

"Oh hi Mr. Bass" the nanny said, leaning forward to stop the DVD. "Did you have a good lunch?"

"Yes. I don't have any work to do this afternoon so feel free to call it a day and head on home. I can handle Sebastian on my own for an hour or two." He raised an eyebrow at the jumping child. "I think."

"Thank you, Mr. Bass" she said and got up. She tousled Sebastian's hair and smiled. "See you tomorrow, Bas."

"Bye bye!" Sebastian yelled.

"Thank you, Marissa" Chuck said. When she had left the room he turned to his son. "Did you have a good time with her today?"

"Can I have a Big Bird for Christmas?" Sebastian asked.

"I wouldn't hold my breath. Come. I think it's time for your nap."

"No! No nap!"

Chuck waved him over with two fingers. Sebastian pouted and released his grip on the couch to walk up to his father.

"Nap time" Chuck insisted. "It looks like you need it."

"I'm not sleepy. Where's Mom?"

"She'll be home when you wake up."

He ushered the boy upstairs and into his bedroom. Sebastian reluctantly got up on the bed and Chuck grabbed the navy blue blanket from its place at the foot of the bed.

"Why can't Big Bird fly?" Sebastian asked.

"He's near-sighted" Chuck said, wrapping the blanket over him. "He lost his pilot's license."

"All the other birds can fly."

"Donald Duck doesn't."

"He's not a bird he's a duck."

Chuck didn't know what to answer to that. He handed Sebastian his favorite teddybear and pulled up a chair next to the bed.

"When you learn how to read I'm going to dig up my old Donald Duck comics" he said. "My father used to buy them for me when he was in Europe on business. They were never as common here in the US."

"You have a father too?" Sebastian asked, hugging the teddybear close.

"Everybody does. Only, mine died. A long time ago."

"Why?"

"He was in a car accident and he wasn't wearing his seatbelt."

The last part was added mostly as a cautionary tale. He racked his brain trying to think of something else to talk about than death when the boy was about to go to sleep.

"Is he an angel?" Sebastian asked.

"Probably not" Chuck said. "Hey you know another bird that can't fly? The roadrunner."

Sebastian wrinkled his nose.

"You're not familiar with the roadrunner?" Chuck asked. "We need to see if we can find some of those cartoons for you to watch."

Sebastian yawned and rolled over on his side. Chuck rose and headed for the door, knowing that the boy would be asleep within minutes if he wasn't disturbed. He heard a noise from the hallway which meant that Blair was back. He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. Hearing him she turned around and offered a faint smile.

"Hey" she said.

"Hey roomie" he replied, leaning against the doorpost. "How was your session with Dr. Morales?"

"Difficult. As I guess it should be. How was your day?"

"Productive. As you can tell since I'm home already and it's early afternoon. I sent Marissa home and Sebastian is napping."

"I'm going downstairs for a cup of coffee and some of Dorota's sponge cake. Do you want to join me? There's something I would like for us to discuss."

He nodded reluctantly.

"Fine. But no sponge cake for me. Dorota can do a lot of things but the woman can't bake worth a damn."

Blair gave him a playful nudge and walked ahead of him down to the kitchen. Chuck took a seat while she busied herself with preparing her coffee and cake. When she sat down opposite him at the table he seemed to be miles away in his thoughts.

"Earth to Big Bass" she said.

"Women usually just call me that in the bedroom" he said, snapping out of his thoughts.

"What lewd women would that be?" Blair asked, hiding her smile behind her coffee cup.

"You, for instance."

"I have no such recollections" she claimed, not even trying to make the lie believable. She put the cup down and leaned over the table. "Listen, I talked to Daddy last night and we spoke about summer."

"How poetic."

"Summer is not far off. Daddy thinks that Sebastian and I should come and spend it at the chateau for old time's sake. They never really got a chance to say a proper goodbye before we left. A few short weeks of packing chaos doesn't really cut it when you've spent four years living together."

"So… you're taking Sebastian to France over summer? How long a summer are we talking here?"

"Mid-June to early August."

"A month and a half, roughly."

"What I'd like to know is… how would you feel about spending summer at the chateau? I know it's far from the civilization you prefer to surround yourself with but you know how lovely it gets out there in the summer."

The invitation surprised him. He had assumed she was talking about her and their son spending summer in France alone, reliving the glory days that had been before Malcolm came into her life and turned it upside down.

"I… Thank you for the offer" he said. "I wish I could go, but Blair I run a company. It's not like when we were twenty and could jet off to Europe or Asia and spend all summer roaming around like madmen. A real CEO can't take a month and a half off from business."

"Oh."

She looked down at her untouched cake, disappointed by the answer and feeling dumb for having suggested it in the first place without considering his work situation. Her own job was mostly just a way to pass the time and feel like she did something with her days other than being a mother, at least until she could find something she felt truly passionate about, but for Chuck it was bread and butter, if on a billion dollar scale.

He was quiet for a minute, pondering the idea of Blair and Sebastian going to France over summer.

"You should go" he said. "I'll try and squeeze as much time off as I can and come stay there for however long that may be. Maybe I can even do some of my work from France. Just because I can't be there all summer that doesn't mean you and Little Bas can't go. It will be strangely quiet around here without you two but a summer back at the chateau would likely do him good."

"You don't have to agree to this" Blair pointed out. "When I talked to Daddy my plan was for all three of us to go. We're talking most of summer here. If you don't want to be apart from your son for that long I understand."

"No, I think it's a good idea. On one condition."

"Name your price."

"You have to tell Harold about your bulimia. Once you get back out there and things slow down a bit and all the stuff that surrounds you here eases up it might be easier for you to heal. At the same time you need people around you who are aware of what you're struggling with. You have to be open about it with your father."

"Chuck do we really need to make that big a deal out of it?" asked, sipping on her coffee with a displeased look on her face.

"It is a big deal. We're talking about your health, here. You have to get better and stay better for yourself and for Bastian."

"I'm making progress. It's still several weeks until we would be going to France. I'll be completely fine by then."

"That's not how things went when you were in your teens" Chuck reminded her. "You had relapses. It was a struggle. I was there, I watched you struggle and I wanted to pound my dense best friend for not seeing what you needed from him in order to get yourself back on track."

"I take offense to that" Blair snorted. "I didn't need Nate or any other man to help me get better."

"You needed him to see you. Like you needed your parents to see you. It was obvious to me. I needed the same thing from my father but unlike you I chose to act out instead of punish myself. You strived to find something that would give you control while I struggled to make my father care enough to want to control me. It sounds crazy when you say it out loud."

"A little."

"Point is… This is something that will take time and you need to let it take time. You might relapse during summer. If you do it's for the best that Harold knows what is going on."

"I was hoping this could stay between us" Blair said.

"I haven't told a soul and I'm not going to. You are the one who has to do that. If you want to bring Sebastian to France over summer then I need you to tell your father."

"Fine" Blair said.

"Good." He paused, then smiled a little. "You'll beat this thing Blair, just like you did before. You're strong. Sometimes you forget that but I never have. It's one of the things I admire the most about you and something I hope our son will take after you."

He got up and walked out of the room, leaving Blair puzzled by the sudden compliment.

* * *

><p>"Serena you have to help me" Blair said, walking down fifth avenue with her friend. It was early May and the rain was pouring down, making her regret the choice to wear her new Jimmy Choos. Though that was not the only thing troubling her at the moment. "Chuck's birthday is coming up and Sebastian and I have to find the perfect gift."<p>

"Wow" Serena whistled.

Blair gave her a look.

"It's his first birthday knowing that he's a father. I know this year has been rough on him and I thought it might make him feel better if he got something really special from Sebastian. Plus... We've been growing closer lately and it seems fitting that I should get him something nice. From one friend to another."

"That's not why I'm whistling" Serena said, twirling her Hello Kitty umbrella. "I never thought I'd see the day you needed advice on what to get for Chuck."

"I've never bought a present from a father to a son before. What kind of things would one get? It's a jungle out there trying to find the proper gift."

"If I were you I wouldn't buy him anything at all" Serena said. "I would have Sebastian make something for him."

"Well that's cute but abstract art drawn by a four year-old does not quite cut it as a gift on the Upper East Side."

"How about taking him to one of those places where you paint on ceramic? He can write '_World's Best Dad_' on a coffee mug."

"Sebastian can't write."

"Ask Nate to write it, then. His handwriting is sloppy enough that you could take it for a small child's."

"The idea is cute but I don't think Chuck would have any use for it. He doesn't drink coffee out of mugs anyway. He only drinks espresso."

"Gifts from young children to their parents are not meant for the parents to _use_" Serena claimed. "It's the sentimentality that's the gift. He can put that mug on his desk at his office and be like a real, cute dad."

"Maybe…" Blair said skeptically. "Ah, forget it. I'll figure something out. Let's go find a shoe store instead. My Choos are soaked through and practically ruined."

"Oh, no!" Serena said. "Poor babies! I don't get why you would take precious shoes like that out when it's raining."

"I just had an idea" Blair said, back to thinking about a gift. "What if I made him a collage of Sebastian's first years? I could-"

"Don't" Serena said.

"You haven't even heard the whole idea yet."

"Blair the less you focus on everything he's missed out on the better" Serena said. "Trust me on this."

"We can't hide from the past."

"He's not ready to deal with it yet. He gets this really strange look in his eyes whenever it's brought up and trust me, it's not a positive look."

"You don't know what you're talking about. On Sebastian's birthday I gave him our son's baby book. I wrote everything down in there for him, documenting on a daily basis so that once he was told about his son he would be able to catch up on everything he had missed out on. He was really grateful about that gift."

"Yeah but B he hasn't read it."

Blair frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"He told Nate about the book and he also told him he didn't feel ready to read about all of it yet. I'm telling you, find something else to give him."

"Fine" Blair sulked.

"Maybe just buy him a tie? I hear kids give that to their fathers."

"It doesn't exactly sound special, does it?"

"Maybe the gift itself doesn't have to be" Serena suggested. "The fact that it's from Sebastian will make it special enough. Though honestly, if I were you I wouldn't make a big fuss over that day. You may not know Chuck as well as you used to but he still doesn't like his birthday very much."

"This year he's going to find reason to like it" Blair said confidently.

* * *

><p>Chuck sat by his desk hard at work when his phone beeped with a text. Keeping his eyes on the draft he was looking over he reached out his right hand to find the phone. He then tore his eyes from work and saw that the text was from Emmy.<p>

"_Hey there busy bee. Do U have time 4 lunch? Café Chez in an hour._"

He thought it over for a second and decided to meet up with her. One lunch could hardly do any harm. He texted her back and then focused on the draft, hoping to have read through it and revised it before he had to leave for the café.

When he got there he spotted her immediately. She was sitting by a table in a corner, one leg casually crossed over the other and with a dreaming expression on her face. Her hair was in a strict braid but he thought he could spot blonde highlights in it. She had never even dyed her hair before to the best of his knowledge. If she was giving herself a makeover perhaps that was a good sign. He walked up to the table and she looked up, smiling widely at the sight of him. She rose from her chair and gave him a warm hug.

"I'm so glad you could make it" she said. "Happy birthday!"

Chuck had completely missed that it was his birthday today. Emmy had always wanted to make a big fuss over it while he preferred to not pay any attention to it at all. If he had checked his calendar this morning and realized what day it was he probably wouldn't have accepted any invitations for lunch in the hopes of being able to avoid all celebrations.

"You look great" Emmy smiled when she broke the hug. Her eyes appraised him for a moment and her smile widened. "Handsome as ever."

"You look better than when I last saw you" he replied and took a seat opposite her. "It's great to see you smiling like this again. Are those highlights in your hair?"

"Do you like them? I'm not very wild on them myself but Cassie insisted that I have to do something new with my hair at some point."

"I approve of the highlights. What I don't approve of is hiding them in braids and buns. Let loose a little."

She chuckled and shook her head.

"You know me, Chuck. I prefer to keep it away from my face."

"So what's on your mind?" he asked once the waiter had been by to take their orders.

"I know you don't care to acknowledge it but it is your birthday today. I wanted to take you out to lunch and wish you a happy birthday."

"I appreciate the thought."

"You would have appreciated it more if I ignored the date completely" she remarked. "That doesn't work so well though when I don't get to see you all the time."

"That's all part of the deal when you break up" Chuck pointed out. "Both parties move on with their lives."

"You know I haven't."

"Emmy… If you want to do something nice for my birthday then how about not going down that road again? I've made my feelings clear."

"And I have made my thoughts on your feelings clear" she said, leaning over the table. "You're right though. Today is not about that. We can still be… friends, can't we? Today is about two friends meeting up to celebrate a birthday."

"That I can be fine with."

She dove right into a recounting of what had happened a few weeks ago when her sister had made a fool of herself in front of her new boss and within minutes Chuck found himself relaxing and laughing at the funnier parts of her story. Now that any romantic agendas had been put aside he was beginning to enjoy her company and by the time they were done with their meals he was really glad she had texted him. Spending time with her felt easy and comfortable and now that they were hanging out as just friends and he wasn't burdened by his inability to love her enough and his problems with Sebastian and Blair he found he really enjoyed himself. It felt comfortable and safe. You couldn't be in a relationship with someone for four years and not develop a camaraderie and he was pleased to find that it was still there between them.

"So how's work?" he asked, licking a bit of sauce off his fingers.

"Ugh, you don't want to know."

"If I don't want to know I don't ask."

"Well work's been… slow lately" Emmy admitted. "It doesn't seem to be a good season."

"I don't believe that" Chuck said. "Is there something else going on?"

Emmy busied herself with folding her napkin, avoiding giving him an answer. She had lost several clients since their break-up, clients who all feared ending up on Chuck Bass' black list for doing business with his ex-girlfriend. She knew that if she mentioned this to Chuck he would do something about it but she didn't want her business to get back on its feet that way. She was also still determined to win him back and save their relationship and if she could do that she didn't need his help right now. She could keep business afloat for a while even with fewer and less prestigious clients.

"Don't worry about my business, Mr. Bass" she said with a smile. "One rough patch is not going to be the end. I'll bounce back. I always do."

"If there's ever anything I can do to help…"

"There isn't. But thanks anyway."

"Nate and Serena are moving in together. They might need some fine art."

"No charity" she said firmly.

"I apologize. It wasn't my intention." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Would you be fine with doing me a favor though?"

"I suppose that depends."

"I've been trying to think of something to get them as a housewarming gift. If you could help me find something for that then it would be very helpful to me."

"What did you have in mind?"

"That's the problem. I don't have anything in mind." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I know what kind of stuff Nate likes but to be honest I've never gotten a good feel for Serena's taste. She tends to change her mind a whole lot. There's also the matter of a fitting price range. Sure I could buy them a $ 5 000 painting but that seems a little overblown for a housewarming present. On the other end of the scale… Well it's not like they need a blender or a bread maker."

"I cannot for the life of me picture Chuck Bass buying someone a bread maker" Emmy laughed.

"Seriously, could you help me?"

"Yes, of course. Just name the time and place."

"How about right now? We can head back to my office and you can show me some good websites. If you could also help me figure out what kind of things Serena would appreciate the most then that would be peachy."

"Well, I should be heading back to my own office…" Emmy said. "But, seeing as it is your birthday…" She got up from her seat and nodded to the door with a smile. "Let's go, fancy pants."

* * *

><p>She followed him back to his office and they spent the afternoon trying to find the perfect housewarming gift. Neither one of them noticed how much time was passing by until Alice buzzed him and reminded him of his 3:30 meeting.<p>

"Shit!" he muttered and jumped up to find the folders he needed. "I completely lost track of time. I was supposed to prepare for this thing after lunch!"

"Have I been distracting you?" Emmy said coyly, spinning around in his chair.

"Thank you so much for all your help, Emmy. I'm sure I can find the right gift now." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "And thank you for lunch."

"You're welcome, birthday boy."

"Take care, you hear? Things with your work, they'll turn around. That I have complete faith in." He walked to the door, binders in hand, stopping and turning around just as he was about to walk out. "Perhaps I'll see you at Nate and Serena's housewarming party?"

"Perhaps. Now go! You'll be late to your meeting."

He nodded and left the office. Emmy let her head fall back and sighed dreamingly. She had only planned on taking him to lunch to get to be part of his birthday and to take the first steps towards coming back into his life. Spending the afternoon with him in his office, laughing together and having a good time, was something she hadn't dared to dream of. Things were going much better than she had hoped.

* * *

><p>Chuck was still at his desk working when Blair called him at half past five. He had a lot of work left to do before he could head home and if it had been anyone else who called but her he would have ignored it.<p>

"Blair" he said, answering the phone.

"Chuck" she said on the other end. "It's getting late. Where are you?"

"At the office. I fell behind today and I really need to catch up before I can go home."

"Go in early tomorrow and catch up then. Sebastian and I wanted to see you at the dinner table."

"Go ahead and eat without me" Chuck said, looking at the time on his wristwatch. "By the time I get home Sebastian will have starved half to death."

"Chuck. I know you're not the biggest fan of your birthday but Sebastian is four and to him birthdays are a huge deal. He wants to celebrate his father tonight and you should be home to dinner with us."

Chuck made a face and really wanted to tell her no. He didn't have the time and he wasn't keen on any form of celebration. His eyes fell on the photograph of Sebastian on his latest birthday and he studied it for a moment.

"Chuck?"

"I'll be home in thirty minutes. I'll work in my home office after dinner."

"You're not turning forty-five" Blair objected. "Fun is allowed. You can put a break on being a workaholic for one night."

"Bass Industries-"

"Will still be standing the day after tomorrow even if you let it slide for one day."

"I'll work after Sebastian has been put to bed" Chuck decided. "Okay, you win. I'm on my way home."

He hung up and sighed when he looked at the amount of work he had left to do. He should have known better than to waste that much time on personal business.

* * *

><p>He had only taken a few steps inside the apartment when Sebastian came running up to him, dressed in a fancy shirt and a bowtie. Chuck lifted him up in his arms and gave him a hug, surprised by the greeting and by the formal attire.<p>

"Happy birthday Dad!" Sebastian cheered. "I wanted to get chocolate cake but Mommy says we had to get strawberry."

"Strawberry cake, my favorite" Chuck said, putting him down on the floor.

"Next birthday we're getting chocolate" Sebastian decided. "Why do you not like chocolate best?"

"Why don't you like strawberry best?" Chuck asked back with a smirk.

"How come not everyone likes chocolate best?" Sebastian asked, puzzled by how people could appreciate different tastes.

"It's a mystery of life" Chuck said, running a hand through his hair. "Are you as starving as I am?"

"Mom gave me a sandwich."

"She's a smart lady. Where is she?"

"She's yelling at Dennis for not setting the table right."

"That sounds like her" Chuck noted. "Come on, let's got take a seat at the table."

He ushered the boy ahead of him into the dining room where Blair, also dressed up for the occasion, was busy ordering staff members around.

"We got the chef to make you Chicken Afritada!" Sebastian cried excitedly, making Chuck raise an eyebrow at the perfect pronunciation.

"Sebastian" Blair complained. "That was supposed to be a surprise."

"Sounds delicious" Chuck said.

"Of course, I've made sure of that" Blair smiled. She walked over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "How kind of you to join us. Happy birthday, Bass."

"Thank you, Waldorf."

* * *

><p>Both Blair and Sebastian were in a splendid mood while they had dinner. Chuck had to admit it wasn't such a bad way to be spending an evening, even if it was his birthday. After they had eaten it was almost Sebastian's bedtime but Blair decided he could stay up for a while longer and give his father his birthday gift. Blair had run out of ideas for a present so she had taken Sebastian to Sachs and let him pick out a tie. She was pleased to see that Chuck seemed to genuinely like it.<p>

"Sebastian picked it out" she said, pulling the boy up on her lap and wrapping her arms around him.

"You have very good taste, Sebastian" Chuck said.

"I know" Sebastian grinned widely. "I look like you today!"

"You do" Chuck nodded. "You look good in a bowtie." He took off his own bowtie and held up the tie. "Do you know how to tie one of these?"

Sebastian shook his head. Chuck gave him a demonstration and Sebastian crawled off Blair's lap and over towards Chuck on the couch.

"Let me try it, let me try it!"

Chuck undid the tie and let Sebastian take a shot. He ended up almost getting strangled the first time so Blair had to step in and coach him. The end result was far from a perfectly knotted tie but Sebastian beamed with pride anyway.

"You're a natural" Chuck decided.

"I want to wear a tie" Sebastian said.

"Not tonight, honey" Blair said, running her hand through his hair. "Maybe this weekend."

"We can go shopping for a tie for you" Chuck suggested. "I can't say for sure when I'll be able to leave the office each night this week but there's got to be some day that works."

"Then I can have a tie just like you" Sebastian said.

"Exactly."

They sat up for a while longer and then Blair took Sebastian upstairs to get him ready for bed. Chuck came up fifteen minutes later to read him a story. A week before he had begun to read "_Mio My Mio_" to Sebastian. The boy was probably a few years too young for it but if nothing else it made him fall asleep fairly quickly. Chuck's copy of the book was almost twenty years old and in surprisingly good shape considering how many times it had been read. Jack had given it to him on his ninth birthday and it had been his favorite book through most of his childhood.

The book was about a boy whose mother had died when he was born and he had been placed in an orphanage, eventually adopted by a couple who didn't really want a boy. Eventually the boy found out that his father had been searching for him all his life and the two were reunited. Then began an adventure where the boy and his best friend set out to stop a knight who abducted children and turned them into his slaves. The adventure story had appealed to Chuck when he was younger but most of all he liked the part of how the boy's father had been searching for him forever and was so pleased to find him. He had often wished Bart could be more like that and occasionally he had imagined that Bart wasn't his real father and that his real father was out there somewhere looking for him. Now that he had a child of his own he wanted to share the book with him, even if he might be a few years too young.

He had read a few paragraphs when Blair showed up, leaning against the doorway with a warm smile on her face.

"How's the story, Sebastian?" she asked.

"Long" Sebastian replied, the tone giving no hint of whether he thought that was a positive or a negative.

"It will take us weeks to finish it" Chuck said. "If we're not done by the time you go to France then you-"

"Then you'll finish it when you arrive later during summer" Blair said. "I won't bother you boys, go ahead and enjoy your story. You'd better hurry up with the reading though, Dad, because someone's eyes are looking very heavy right about now."

"I'm not sleepy" Sebastian mumbled.

"Good" Chuck said and continued reading.

Blair stood there for a minute, enjoying the sight of the two of them together like that. Then she left her spot by the door and walked into Chuck's office where he kept a small bar. She poured herself a gin and tonic and sat down in one of the two comfortable armchairs.

After fifteen minutes Chuck came into the room and looked surprised to see her there.

"I figured you'd run here the moment Sebastian was asleep" she said and took a sip from her drink.

"You know me well" he said, walking around his desk to take a seat.

"Oh no you don't" Blair said with a smirk on her face. "Tonight is your birthday and I will make sure you enjoy it even if I have to force you to enjoy it."

"Tonight's been lovely" he admitted. "I hope I've told you how much I appreciate the effort you made. I still have work to do though."

"All work and no play makes Chuck a dull boy" Blair said in a teasing pout. She rose and walked over to the desk, putting her glass down. "When the clock strikes midnight I shall set you free to work to your heart's desire."

"It's not even nine o'clock."

"Which gives me three hours in complete control."

"I'm starting to get nervous" Chuck said.

"No need to look at me like I'm going to bite you."

"It's not your bite I'm concerned about."

She walked over to the bar and poured scotch into a tumbler. She gave him a look and a sly smile.

"I suppose you have two choices. Either come with me to the sitting room and finish this drink I just poured for you…"

"Or?" he asked after a few seconds, leaning back in his chair.

"Or you can go ahead and work" she said, walking over and taking a seat on the writing desk. "Of course, if that's your choice you're going to have to put up with me sitting on your desk trying to make conversation."

"I suppose I will have to cave, then" Chuck said. "For an hour, no more. I've been distracted enough today and besides, as the birthday boy I should get to do what I want. What I want to do is get my work done before tomorrow."

"Who knew it was possible for the most fun man on Manhattan to turn into such a bore in just a few short years?"

"I grew responsible."

"I'm responsible. I'm a mother. I still have fun every once in a while."

"Can I schedule in some fun for tomorrow instead? Or how about this weekend? I thought we could take Sebastian to the park and let him ride a pony. After we buy him a tie."

"Sounds fun…" Blair said. "Though you're a real disappointment if you're only planning on having fun once in an entire week."

"Believe me, I wouldn't _mind_ having some fun. But work comes first."

"Is this what you're working on?" Blair asked, picking up the folder on his desk.

"That's supposed to be confidential" Chuck said but made no move to stop her.

"I'm going to read through the whole thing unless you come with me to a more entertaining setting."

"What is it with women and birthdays?" Chuck asked to himself, obediently rising from his chair.

"We like doting upon those we care about" Blair said teasingly. "It's in our genetic code. Like standing by the stove birthing babies."

Chuck snorted but took the scotch she handed him. He followed her downstairs to the sitting room and sat down in an armchair, stretching his legs out in front of him. Blair curled up on the couch, eyeing him with a smile while running a finger along the brim of her glass. She wasn't sure why she had dragged him down here but she would think of something for them to do. At some point he had to grow up and start enjoying his birthdays like a good little boy and this year was as good a time as any.

Chuck took a sip from his drink and wondered if she was going to say something. He had a hard time relaxing when he thought of all the work waiting for him upstairs. First he had allowed Emmy to distract him and now Blair. He was growing soft in his old age.

"Sebastian seems to love that book you're reading to him" Blair said, breaking the silence after a few minutes. "Don't you think though that it's a tad…"

"Too mature for him? Yeah, probably. He complains about how few pictures there are in it and that the story never seems to end. I think he'll like it better the further into it we get."

"Where did you even find that thing?"

"It was one of my favorite books when I was a kid. I found it when I was moving out from my place with Nate."

"You should find yourself a newer copy."

"Yeah maybe."

"Or get Sebastian a copy of his own."

"There's an idea."

There was another minute of silence.

"Did you see your doctor today?" Chuck asked.

"No" Blair said casually.

"I thought your appointments were on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

"I skipped it today."

"Why?"

"You wouldn't believe how much work it took to get the chef to prepare that chicken we had for dinner."

"You cancelled your doctor's appointment to worry about dinner?"

"I wanted to make sure everything was great for tonight" she said with a casual shrug. "In case you haven't noticed I'm running a campaign here to make you enjoy having a birthday every once in a while."

"You can't cancel on your doctor over me or my birthday" Chuck said with concern. "Blair it is imperative that you get better."

"One missed appointment is not the end of the world."

"If you want to give me something special for my birthday then please focus on recovering from your bulimia."

She studied him with her head slightly tilted, intrigued by what he had just said.

"Those didn't sound like the words of one roommate to another…"

"I want you to be well. It's important for our son and it matters to me."

"Because of Sebastian?"

"Because we're friends. Because you were my first love. Because in spite of everything I've never wanted any harm to come to you."

"That feels more like pity than concern" Blair said.

"It's not. You don't need to be pitied."

She didn't reply, taking a sip from her drink and trying to act as casual as possible. Chuck studied her in silence, paying more attention now to the way she had dressed up for the evening and realizing all the work she seemed to have put into it even though she knew he'd rather forget it was his birthday. He thought back to the conversation they had had in the kitchen a while back. Was he as blind now as Nate had been all those years ago? Did she need for him to see her in other ways than he currently did? He hadn't seen her properly for a long time, that much had been clear to him when he realized she had relapsed. Maybe she needed him to open his eyes even further.

"What do you do when you're with the doctor?" he asked.

She looked up, surprised that he had said anything.

"Uhm… Well… It varies. Sometimes we talk about the details of my relapse. How often I've done it, what I've been binging on before, things like that. Other times we talk about the… the things that might have caused me to relapse."

"Would it be okay if I came with you sometime?" he asked. "I mean… Would it help?"

"You want to come with me to see Dr. Morales?"

"I'd like to, if that's okay. I'm here for you for this. I'm also part of the problem, I should figure. Maybe it will be helpful to you if… if we talk a little to Dr. Morales together. He can get a better understanding of our situation and what kind of relationship we now have to one another. We could talk about how I've affected you in all of this."

She blushed and looked down in her drink. The fact that he offered meant a lot but she wasn't ready to bring him with her to the doctor. She felt too vulnerable there and wouldn't be able to open up completely the way she needed to if he was there and listened.

"I love the fact that you're offering" she said, looking up at him. "I don't think it's such a good idea though. Not right now. I need… I need more time."

"If you ever change your mind…" he said.

"Yeah" she nodded. "I probably will… when I'm ready."

"You know I'm here for you."

She smiled a little.

"It's nice to hear you say it every once in a while." She finished her drink and sat the glass down on the table. "I've kept you for long enough. If you have work to do you should get it done. I'm glad we had a chance to talk a little."

"It was nice" he nodded. He got up and walked over to her, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for a lovely evening."

"You're welcome. Oh, and Bass? I will hold you to taking Bas and me to the park this weekend. It's time Chuck Bass became fun again. If you're not careful you're going to turn into Bart... albeit a more fatherly version."

He gave her a smile and then walked out of the room to go back to his office. Blair got up and walked over to the armchair he had been sitting in. She slumped down in it and reached for his barely touched drink. With a smile on her face she took a sip.

* * *

><p>Yes, Chuck has been a bit of a bore for a while... =) He'll come around. The book he reads to Sebastian probably has the wrong English title but it's a very nice children's book by Astrid Lindgren and worth checking out if you haven't. There's also a movie but it's pretty corny... I've always imagined that Chuck would have been drawn to the book as a child if he had read it given the part of the story that's about a boy whose mother died at childbirth and whose father desperately wants him. It seemed like a fitting element to bring to this story since the father and son in "Mio" are separated for several years before finally meeting.<p>

Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

I know Emmy isn't popular but you're going to have to put up with her until further notice. I don't really have anything else to say about it. Hopefully the rest of the story will be entertaining enough for you ;)

Anyways, on with the chapter!

* * *

><p>Chuck managed a smile as Blair and Sebastian came down the stairs, bags in hand, but the look in his eyes didn't go well with it. They were leaving for France and he was far from excited about it. He had thought he would be okay with them going away for a while, in fact he had even thought it would be kind of nice to have the place to himself for a while and not have a noisy, inquisitive, hyperactive child in the house. But with each day that grew closer to their planned departure he had begun to realize how much he would miss them both when they were away and now that they were leaving he was anything but happy.<p>

They reached the bottom of the stairs and he walked over to them, lifting Sebastian up in the air.

"Don't bother your mother too much on the flight" he instructed. "Don't lick any toads on the French countryside. And eat your vegetables."

Blair rolled her eyes and suggested that he put the boy down and pick the bags up. He put Sebastian back down but waved a servant over to take the bags. They walked towards the door together, Blair checking her watch to see how much time they had.

"I hope Dave is as efficient a driver as Arthur" she said. "We have to be at the airport in less than thirty minutes."

"He'll get you there on time" Chuck said calmly.

"If not I'm commanding the Bass Jet."

They reached the door and Chuck knelt down to face Sebastian. He gave his shoulder a light squeeze and smiled a touch more genuinely.

"Have a great summer" he said. "I'll be coming to France as soon as I can."

"Come soon" Sebastian said with a grin.

"I'll try my best."

"Sebastian say goodbye to Dad" Blair said. "We really have to get going."

"Bye Dad" Sebastian chirped and waved.

"What, no hug?"

The boy threw his arms around Chuck's neck for about a second and then let go to pick up the teddybear that had fallen on the floor.

"Have a safe trip" Chuck said, rising to his feet. "Call me when you're at the chateau."

"Be good" Blair said teasingly and ushered Sebastian out the door.

The door closed behind them and Chuck sighed, looking around the empty room with his hands shoved in his back pockets. Now what?

* * *

><p>It was just past ten in the morning the first Saturday after Blair and Sebastian had left. Chuck was on his bed, leaning back against the headboard. He was bored and a touch lonely. The apartment was way too silent without his son running around and making noise and he missed not seeing Blair every day. He wondered how she was doing in France, if she was staying strong or if she had had any relapses. It had only been two days so she was probably doing just fine but he worried all the same.<p>

He studied the book in his hands, wondering if today would be the day he actually opened it and read a few pages. It was Sebastian's baby book. Four months had gone by since Blair had given it to him but he hadn't felt ready to look in it yet. He wasn't sure how he would feel reading about everything he had missed out on and seeing pictures of it and he still didn't want to get to know his son through someone else's intel. What felt different today was that he didn't feel like he would be doing his homework on the child. He had gotten to know Sebastian quite well by now and the details in the book probably wouldn't teach him anything new about who is son was. What he would learn from it was the specifics of his development during his first years and that was information he would have to acquire through such means.

He opened the book on the first page. It was dated Valentine's Day 2012 and showed Blair standing sideways showcasing her pregnant belly. It wasn't nearly as large as Chuck had thought it would be but it was very strange to see her that way. He could barely comprehend that it was Blair he was looking at. She looked happy, if a touch nervous, and had both her hands on her belly. Next to that picture was a sonogram still dated October 2011. It didn't interest him very much. He had seen a few sonogram pictures in his day and they all looked the same to him. Still he appreciated that she had included it for him to see.

The next page was dated February 15th and showed Sebastian at only a few minutes of age. There were five pictures in total, three of which showed Blair holding her newborn baby. She looked so happy and he could see that she had tears in her eyes. When he looked closely he could see that the infant in the pictures did resemble the four year-old he knew today. There was a lot of information on the page, all documented with Blair's dainty handwriting. He read all of it twice, trying to imagine what it would have been like to be there.

His thoughts were interrupted when his phone beeped. He put the book aside and reached for the phone, hoping it was someone who had a suggestion of something to do today. It turned out to be just that and with a smile he got up from the bed to put the book aside. Now that he had begun to read it he didn't want to read too much at one time. He had several long weeks ahead of him without his son and the baby book would be the best substitute he could think of.

* * *

><p>"I think it's so cute how you miss your boy" Emmy said with a smile. She was flung up on a swing trying her best to eat a pistachio flavored ice-cream before it melted. "All that time worrying that you wouldn't feel like a proper father to him and now look at you. I'll bet you anything he misses you too."<p>

"Judging by the brief conversations we have on the phone every day before his bedtime I think he's having way too much fun to miss me" Chuck said, leaning against a beam from the swing set. He finished his chocolate ice-cream and tossed the napkin over his shoulder. "I get most of the details of his adventures from Blair because he's too busy or too tired to talk to me for more than a minute or two. Every day it's like a new chapter in the big book of Sebastian's mischiefs. Yesterday he jumped into a large puddle of water wearing fine Italian shoes. The day before that he got grass stains all over a white shirt. The day before that he drew a kangaroo on the wall of Roman's china room."

"I miss that little boy" Emmy said with a sentimental laugh.

Chuck smiled slightly and studied his shoes. He missed Sebastian too. It had been two weeks since they left for France and the apartment had been way too quiet. Under other circumstances he probably would have spent most of his spare time hanging out with Nate but he was currently in the midst of his first weeks of having a live-in girlfriend and had little to no time for anything else. From what Chuck gathered Nate and Serena spent half their time having sex on all imaginable surfaces and the other half bickering over things like who should take out the trash and who was in charge of the remote and whose paintings should be up on the walls. No matter what they spent their time doing they seemed to be far too preoccupied with that and with one another to have time to hang out with their bachelor friend.

Due to this Chuck had ended up spending a lot of time with Emmy. They had met for coffee twice between his birthday and Blair's and Sebastian's departure and neither of those times had she made any mention of romantic feelings. They had spent time together as friends and it had been nice. When Blair and Sebastian left Chuck had found himself seeing her every other day or so. It surprised him a little that she had made such a seemingly smooth transition from scorned girlfriend to platonic friend with some shared history but that did seem to be the case and as far as he was concerned it was like winning the lottery. He had missed her support and her company and if she was okay with just being friends then it was the perfect scenario for him. He could enjoy her company on a platonic level and not feel any guilt over his feelings for Blair and not have to feel like he owed her more than he could give.

"Come on" she said, getting up from her seat on the swing. "I see children approaching. They would probably enjoy the swings more than I do."

"If you want I can find you a slide."

"Let's take a walk through the park instead" she smiled.

"You know I don't approve of needless exercise" Chuck said but walked beside her anyway.

"So, any big plans for this evening?" she asked in a casual voice.

Chuck hesitated for a second. Thus far all their interactions had taken place in the middle of the day or, more commonly, in the afternoon. They hadn't spent any time together past six p.m. and it felt safer to keep it that way. Making plans for the evening felt too close to couple territory for his comfort.

"There's a new movie I wanted to go see" Emmy explained when he hadn't said anything for a full minute. "I was just wondering if you had plans or if you'd like to join me. I was supposed to go with Lena but then she went and saw it with her cousin."

"I suppose…" Chuck said.

"Good" she said with a bright smile. "Oh, but you can get your own popcorn. Don't think you can steal half of mine now that we're just friends."

He chuckled and agreed to her terms. He hadn't been to the movies in close to a year. It sounded like fun. It would take his mind off the absence of a loud four year-old in his apartment. It was about time he did something normal, like other people his age did.

* * *

><p>Chuck eyed the lamp in the ceiling in lieu of better things to focus his eyes on and took a deep drag from the cigarette in his hand. He blew out the smoke slowly and turned his head to the side, looking at Emmy as he handed the cigarette over to her. They were lying next to each other in her bed sharing a post-coital smoke. Just like old times.<p>

He had no idea how this had happened. They had gone to the movies but it had been strictly platonic. A few days later they had grabbed dinner at a taco place, something which was usually miles beneath his standard. Tonight they had spent the afternoon together which had led to spending the evening together which had led to him walking her home. She had opened her door and leaned in to kiss him and he had met her halfway, acting out of old habit more than anything else. The first kiss had led to a second and eventually into bed.

He eyed her as she took a drag from the cigarette while twirling a strand of her long, dark hair. There was a smile on her face which was about more than just sexual satisfaction. She had played him like a pro. He realized it now and was embarrassed by how easily he had been maneuvered by her. It was not like him to be this easily fooled.

"This was not part of the plan" he said, taking the cigarette back.

"Lucky for you even the best laid plans sometimes don't work out" she said. "You definitely seemed to be having a good time."

"It was my first time since February" he admitted. "You know my needs. How I managed this long without getting any is beyond me."

She rolled over on her side and faced him with a smile.

"Oh you don't fool me, Chuck Bass" she said. "If you hadn't wanted to get into bed with me you would have never even kissed me tonight."

"It's not that simple, Emmy."

"It took practically no time at all for you to be back in my arms once your son and his obnoxious mother were out of the country. Seems my theory was correct."

"It's not that simple, Emmy." With a huff he sat up and got out of bed. "I should go. I'm sorry for… Look, I'm not so sure this was a good idea."

She said nothing but smiled to herself as he got up and got dressed. She had expected him to react this way, to let her in and then put his walls back up. She wasn't the least bit surprised that he was picking up his clothes from the floor to leave not fifteen minutes after they finished having sex since it had all happened so sudden and ahead of her intended schedule. The plan had been to stay strictly platonic for at least another month or so and then make a move, thereby reminding him of how much they enjoyed each other's company before reminding him that they should be lovers. The desire to kiss him had gotten the better of her tonight and since he had kissed her back she took it as a good sign. If he didn't love her still he could easily have run away at that point instead of sleeping with her first.

Little by little she would wear down his defenses and get him right where she wanted him. For good this time.

* * *

><p>Chuck felt exhausted when he reached his apartment building half an hour later. Not only that but he felt like a complete fool for having fallen for Emmy's plan and he felt like a jerk for allowing himself to get into bed with her when his feelings for her hadn't changed. He knew that the reason why he had ended up in this situation was probably that he missed her company even though he didn't miss her love and it had felt so good to be around someone with whom his past was fairly uncomplicated. He would have loved it if they could be friends but he realized now how incredibly naïve he had been for thinking it would be possible so soon after their break-up. Of course she would want more at this point and the more she acted like she just wanted to be friends the more the warning bells ought to have gone off in his head. Instead he had been completely blindsided. If it wasn't so frustrating he would be proud of her.<p>

Wanting nothing more than to take a shower, take a drink and take to bed he walked inside the apartment. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Blair walking in from the kitchen with a glass of water in her hand. She stopped as well and seemed surprised to see him.

"There you are" she said. "We've been wondering where you've been all night."

For a moment he wasn't sure what to say. She was the last person he was expecting to see tonight and her appearance in their apartment didn't make sense to him. For a brief second he wondered if he had just imagined that they had left and that he was going insane.

"What… Why aren't you in France?"

"Sebastian and I decided to cut our vacation short and come back home" she said.

That didn't make things any less confusing to him. He had spoken to Sebastian around twelve hours ago and had gotten no indication that they were leaving Europe. Nor had he gotten any indication that they might be wanting to. Sebastian seemed to be having a blast back at the chateau.

"I'm confused" he admitted.

"Believe it or not Bass but I've missed your boring company" she said, the hint of a smile on her lips. "Not to mention Sebastian's really missed his father."

A wide smile spread across Chuck's face and he walked closer to her, not quite grasping his good fortune that they had come back from France after just a three weeks.

"I had no idea you would be coming back" he said.

"I wanted to surprise you."

"It is _very_ good to see you."

He stopped in front of her and looked at her in a way that made her feel more special than she had in a long while. The sight of her made him feel better than he had in a while. Not only was it good to have her back it was great seeing her like this. She had gotten a tan and gained a few pounds while she was away and it made her look healthier and younger than she had for the past year.

"Europe agrees with you" he commented. "You look fantastic."

She smiled widely back at him and felt an urge to lean in and give him a hug but she wanted him to make the first move. Then she decided to hell with it and moved in to embrace him but before she could actually do it Sebastian's voice interrupted her.

"Mommy" the boy complained, causing both parents to tear their eyes away from each other and look at him instead.

He was standing at the top of the stairs dressed in Smurf pajamas, holding his favorite teddybear and looking exhausted. He slowly made his way down the stairs, looking quite groggy, and stopped by his parents' feet.

"Hey there, little man" Chuck said, kneeling to get on level with him, thrilled to see him again. "I would have thought you'd be fast asleep at this hour."

"I can't sleep" Sebastian complained.

"He didn't get much sleep on the plane" Blair said, lovingly running a hand through the boy's hair. "Sebastian honey you were asleep when I left your room. Did something wake you up?"

"I can't sleep" Sebastian complained again, sounding near tears.

"I'm glad you're awake" Chuck said. "I'm glad I get the chance to say hello to you. You and Mom sure surprised me. I'm very happy to see you both."

"I'm sleepy, Dad" Sebastian whined.

"I think he's overly tired" Blair said.

"Tell you what" Chuck said, scooping Sebastian up in his arms. "I'm going to take you up to your bed and I will sit with you until you've gone back asleep. Okay?"

"I'm sleepy but I can't sleep" Sebastian mumbled against Chuck's shoulder.

"Then we'll figure out something fun to do until you're able to sleep. We can watch cartoons on my laptop or listen to a storybook. If you're really desperate to go to sleep I could read you Bass Industries' tax reports."

He carried Sebastian up the stairs and into his room. The boy was cranky and fussy and nothing seemed to be to his liking but when Chuck sat him down on the bed he stayed put and didn't try to get back up. Chuck pulled up a chair and sat down, tucking him in.

"I can't believe you and Mom are back home" he said. "I was not expecting this at all. Did you have fun in France?"

"I didn't lick any toads" Sebastian mumbled sleepily.

"That's my boy."

Blair appeared in the doorway, still holding her glass of water. She smiled lovingly at the pair by the bed and walked up to them.

"You're going to feel so much better tomorrow morning, Bas" she said. "Waking up in your own bed, having breakfast in your own kitchen with both Mom and Dad. If you want you can stay in your pajamas until lunch. We can watch '_Sesame Street_' together."

"Oh, that sounds like fun" Chuck said in his most convincing voice. "You and Mom lounging in your PJs watching '_Sesame Street_' all morning. Poor old Dad has to work."

"What's that?" Sebastian asked sleepily and tugged at Chuck's sleeve.

Chuck looked down at his sleeve but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. He turned his arm around and noticed what Sebastian was asking about. Attached to his cufflink was a small charm in the shape of a bunny. It had come from Emmy's bracelet and must have gotten caught on his cufflink when they were tearing at each other's clothes.

"It's nothing" he said, quickly removing it before Blair had a chance to see it. "It's just my cufflink."

The warm feeling of happiness and excitement disappeared and instead he felt guilty. As if he had been cheating on Blair tonight with Emmy. It wasn't a rational thought since him and Blair were not together but he couldn't shake it. He knew he shouldn't have done what he had done tonight and he really didn't want Blair to find out about it. It would probably hurt her feelings. Things were going good between them. Something like this might set them back.

He looked over his shoulder and met her eyes. She looked so peaceful and he didn't want to take that away from her. Especially not tonight when she had made him so happy by her unexpected return to New York. Deeply wishing he could have been smarter and let his mind win over his physical urges he turned back to Sebastian, feeling uncomfortable looking at Blair. Sebastian's eyelids were getting heavy and he yawned big.

"Dad…" he mumbled sleepily.

"Yes?"

"Can we go swimming tomorrow?"

Chuck definitely didn't have the time to skip work in order to go swimming.

"Sure" he said anyway, finding it hard to deny his son anything after three weeks apart. "If the weather holds we'll go swimming tomorrow after lunch."

"You might not have to hold that promise" Blair said with a little laugh, moving up next to Chuck to lean in and stroke Sebastian's cheek. "He's so tired right now I doubt he'll remember any of this tomorrow morning."

"I'll hold the promise just the same" Chuck said. "Provided that he still wants to go swimming tomorrow."

It only took a few minutes before Sebastian had fallen asleep. Blair and Chuck stayed in his room for a few more minutes, saying nothing and just watching their son sleep. Then they both walked out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

"He really was exhausted" Blair said with a laugh. "I think he just woke up for some reason and couldn't go back to sleep immediately so he came looking for someone to sit with him for a while."

"Blair you have no idea how happy I am that the two of you are home" Chuck said. "I still don't understand why you cut your vacation short but I am very glad that you did."

"I told you, we both missed you, Bass" Blair smiled.

"I missed you too."

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close. He hugged her back for a second and then felt guilty again. Why did he feel that way when he was in no way bound to stay away from the beds of other women? Him and Blair were not in a relationship and he had no obligation to not have sex with others. Though it wasn't just the fact that he had had sex with someone, it was the person he had had sex with. He felt like he had let Blair down, like he had betrayed her somehow.

He broke the hug and felt again how tired he was. Blair had to be even more tired. It was almost four o'clock in the morning, her time.

"You must be dying to get to bed" he said. "I will see you tomorrow after lunch. Pick out your nicest bathing suit."

He walked past her to his bedroom and closed the door behind him with a groan. How did he always end up putting himself in these messes?

* * *

><p>"That thing goes in there."<p>

"No it doesn't. Read the manual."

"I don't need to read the manual. It goes in there!"

Chuck eyed the bickering couple on the floor and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He was in Nate and Serena's new apartment, flung up on a dresser with a beer in his hand, watching the happy couple arguing their way through the assembling of an entertainment system. It was the day after Blair and Sebastian had returned from France, and the day after he had slept with Emmy, and he had a strong need to unburden himself to someone. He had stayed awake for hours during the night, unable to sleep due to the guilt he was feeling. He had gone to work long before Blair and Sebastian got up and had spent most of the day trying to decide what to do now. He wasn't sure what he would say to Blair or if he would able to be in the same room with her without it being awkward. Since it had been pouring down rain all day and any plans to go swimming thus were cancelled he had only been home for fifteen minutes after work before hurrying off to Nate's, to Blair's obvious surprise and disappointment.

"Look Nate, it's not that complicated to assemble an entertainment system" Serena said. "Just so long as you _read_ the _manual_."

"This is ridiculous" Nate muttered. "It's the year 2016. You don't need to hook up your TV to anything other than an electrical outlet in order for it to run. You can surf wireless from a holding cell at the police station. But you can't hook up an entertainment system without needing forty-five different cords."

Serena handed him the manual with an eyebrow raised and he gave in and took it. She fished out another set of cords and he sighed, leafing through the instructions.

"This is useless" he declared.

"How would you know?" Serena argued. "You haven't tried following the instructions yet."

"These aren't instructions for how to assemble the damn thing" Nate said. "They're instructions on how not to completely ruin the device once it's hooked up."

"There are all kinds of instructions in there" Serena said. "Turn a page or two and you'll find the right ones."

"Do not get unit wet…" Nate read in a bored tone. "Do not expose to direct sunlight."

"Do not feed after midnight" Chuck said dryly from his spot on the dresser.

Nate looked up.

"You're not being very helpful."

"I'm the exact amount of helpful I mean to be."

"All you're doing is eyeing us with disdain while drinking our beer."

"The disdain is not directed at you" Chuck said. "It's at the fact that all you had to offer in terms of beverages was _beer_."

"I suppose we're just a tad more bohemian than you" Serena said.

"Why are you even attempting to assemble electronics yourselves?" Chuck asked. "There are people who do that for you."

"I know this is hard for you to comprehend little brother, but there are things Nate and I like to be able to do ourselves" Serena replied.

"That list including hooking up an entertainment unit is just stupid" Chuck said. "You're not cave people. Live civilized and call in proletarian expertise."

"Chuck is right" Nate said, tossing the manual aside with a sigh. "We're never going to figure this out."

"Serena why don't you go out and get some _real_ alcohol" Chuck suggested. "When you get back we'll all sit back, relax, have a nice drink and watch some blue-collar handyman do the hard work for you."

"Where are you going to find a blue-collar handyman to assemble this for us at this hour on a Thursday?" Serena questioned.

"I'm Chuck Bass. I'm also thirsty. Go fetch, Serena, like a good golden retriever."

She got up and gave him a look that was both entertained and a bit scolding at the same time. Following orders she grabbed her purse and left to go get them something stronger to drink than beer.

"So, now you've gotten her to leave" Nate said, leaning against the wall, stretching his legs out in front of him. "What is on your mind?"

"I slept with Emmy."

Nate was quiet for a moment, slowly stroking his beard while taking the information in.

"When?"

"Less than twenty-four hours ago. Oh, and get this. Blair and Sebastian are back in New York. Surprise!"

Nate's jaw dropped.

"Blair and Seb caught you… bumping uglies with Emmy?"

"I doubt I'd be sitting here in one piece if that were the case. I was with Emmy at her place. I arrived home to find Blair waiting for me."

"Oh my God" Nate said.

"Talk about a mess."

"Christ. You are even dumber than I am."

"Excuse me?"

"Now you're back to banging Emmy while trying to decide if you want her or if you actually want Blair more."

"No" Chuck objected. "I slept with Emmy once and it won't happen again. I know that I don't want to date her."

"I'm not sure that's any better. What the hell is _she_ supposed to think? Nice going Chuck, you've slept with both Blair and Emmy in the span of four months without the intention of dating either one of them even though you know full well they're both crazy about you."

"I didn't plan any of this" Chuck said. "Emmy on the other hand…"

"What, you're blaming Emmy?"

"She knew where she wanted me and she knew how to get me there. I know my ex, Nathaniel. I know she played me."

"If you know her that well you would have known she was playing you before you jumped into bed."

"It's complicated. I didn't come here to get judged."

"That's too bad because I'm judging you. What the hell is wrong with you? Pick a woman or pick bachelorhood but just effin pick already. I'm sick and tired of you biding your time and not making a decision either way. It's only going to end with you ending up with nothing. Emmy will have had enough at some point and won't be an option anymore. Blair will have had enough too and decide you're not worth wasting her life on."

"You don't think I know that? Nate I've told you I don't want Emmy back and frankly after the latest events I don't feel as bad for her as I perhaps should. She knew full well what she was getting herself into and I'm not going to bear the responsibility for her playing with fire and getting burned."

"You're forgetting that she loves you and thinks you still love her."

Chuck eyed him with an eyebrow raised.

"How do you know that? I've never told anybody that."

"I know Emmy and I know how she thinks, which is probably more than I can say for you at the moment. She's vulnerable and you took advantage."

"Great, one of those talks" Chuck said, getting down from his spot on the dresser. "You know what? I think I've had enough of your so-called help for one night. I should have known you'd still be on her side. Yes her situation sucks but I'm the one who's supposed to be your best friend. How about a little support?"

"You get no enabling from me" Nate said. "Go do what you should have done months ago. Go tell Emmy how you really feel, however it is you really feel, and then either commit to her for good or stay the hell away from her. Go decide once and for all if you want Blair or not then act on whatever decision you make. Either win her back or tell her there is no hope."

"I can't-"

"Yes you can trust her. You have to. If you knew with absolute certainty that she would never hurt you again then that's not trust or faith. Having faith in someone and putting your trust in them means believing that they will come through for you even though you can't know for absolute certain. It means taking a gamble. The question is, are you brave enough to do that or aren't you?"

"I don't like you when you pretend to be wise" Chuck said.

"Just make up your damn mind already. Nobody cares about your fears and anxieties when you do nothing to face them. Get over yourself already. Everybody has fears. And stop screwing with Blair and Emmy. I mean that both figuratively and literally."

"Thanks for nothing" Chuck snorted.

He put the half-full beer bottle down on the dresser and headed for the door. He hadn't turned to Nate to get scolded on things he already knew. He had turned to Nate in the hopes of being able to discuss the way he felt over what had happened the night before and how it would affect him and Blair. Clearly that wasn't going to be an option because Nate didn't want to hear about it. He had to figure this one out on his own.

* * *

><p>He arrived back home to find an annoyed Blair coming down the stairs to greet him.<p>

"Hey" he said. "Where's Sebastian?"

"Asleep. In case you haven't learned how to tell time it's ten past eight. His bedtime is at seven."

"Right" Chuck mumbled, feeling bad that he had missed seeing his son before bedtime.

"We came all the way from France because Sebastian missed you and then you can't even bother showing up all day" Blair said angrily, stopping at the bottom of the stairs and crossing her arms over her chest.

"I had to go talk to Nate."

"Oh sure you did. That could not possibly wait another twenty-four hours. Maybe we should just head back to France again so we're not interfering with your schedule."

"I slept with Emmy" Chuck said, deciding there was no reason to hide it. "Yesterday. Probably around the time the two of you arrived back here. I feel really… lousy and I needed a friend's advice."

"Here's a friend's advice" Blair said, showing no signs of being heartbroken over his revelation. "Date her or ditch her. If you want to settle for cat food instead of filet mignon then by all means, settle. Just stop sleeping with women who care about you when you obviously have no clue who you really want to be with."

"I made an error in judgment" Chuck said.

"You've made plenty of those."

"I thought she and I could be friends but it's obvious she still wants more."

"Even I know that and I've barely seen her at all this year."

"Blair it didn't mean anything. And I'm sorry."

"Tell that to her then."

"I'm sorry to both of you."

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"Because… You know why."

"I don't" Blair said. "If you'll excuse me I'm going upstairs. I really thought you had grown up Bass but it seems you will never stop astounding me with your stunts."

She turned on her heel and marched up the stairs. Chuck watched her go, utterly confused and more than a little disgruntled. He had been worried he would hurt her but she showed no signs of that and it made him feel disappointed. Had he burned all her bridges with her already? Had her feelings changed?

He looked over to the kitchen and decided to go take an inventory before he went to bed. In case Blair wasn't as unconcerned as she made out to be he wanted to make sure she wouldn't fall back into her old patterns without him noticing. He looked over everything in the cabinets and the refrigerator and decided he would check again on a daily basis to see if anything went missing in any larger quantities that didn't match what they had had for breakfast or dinner. It felt wrong to keep tabs on her that way but if she did relapse she probably wouldn't come and tell him about it. Why would she?

Feeling no better than he had when he woke up that morning he walked up the stairs and walked inside his room, taking off his suit jacket and letting it lie where it fell. With a tired sigh he undid his bowtie and unbuttoned his cufflinks, wondering if there was someone else he could talk to since Nate wasn't interested and Blair's reaction had puzzled him. Perhaps he could talk to Lily. She always lent an ear when he needed her to and even if she didn't always have advice to offer it was nice to unburden himself to someone who truly never seemed to judge him.

His eyes drifted to the door connecting his room to Sebastian's. Blair was right. She and Sebastian had come back to spend time with him and he had not spent twenty minutes in their company all day. He walked over to the door and opened it, walking inside his son's room wishing he had been there to tuck him in. They still had more than half of their book left to read and they could have continued with that tonight if he had only been home.

Sebastian was fast asleep, rolled up to the wall and looking like he was trying to press himself right through it. Chuck smiled a little at the sight. Checking in on a sleeping Sebastian was always interesting because you never knew where you'd find him in the bed. He was a very active sleeper, something he didn't get from his mother and as far as Chuck knew he hadn't gotten from him either.

Careful not to trip over any toys he walked up to the bed. He got up on it, stretching out on his side next to the boy with the intention of watching him sleep for a while. His plan failed when he knocked over a glass of water on the nightstand with his elbow. He sat up with a curse and tried to see if water had spilled on anything electronic and the movement woke Sebastian up. Chuck heard him groan and quickly stood the glass back up and turned to face him.

"Schhhhh…" he said and ran a hand up and down the boy's side. "It's just me. Go back to sleep."

Sebastian moaned a little and rolled away from the wall and over on his back. He peered up at Chuck with tired eyes, hugging his teddybear closer.

"Go back to sleep" Chuck said again. "It's okay."

"Were you in France today?" Sebastian asked sleepily.

"No" Chuck said. "I'm sorry I wasn't home more. I had to work and then… Well, it doesn't matter. I promise I won't be away this much all the time. You and I are going to do a lot of fun things this summer."

"And Mom?"

"And Mom" Chuck nodded, wondering if Blair would even be interested in going on outings if he was arranging them.

"Dad."

"Yes?"

"Grandpa' taught me math."

"During your summer vacation?" Chuck said. "That's… not nice of him."

"One plus one is this many" Sebastian said sleepily, holding up two fingers.

"You're so smart you're going to be running my company for me by this time next year" Chuck said.

"I know" Sebastian mumbled, closing his eyes again.

Chuck smirked and made himself comfortable next to the boy. Sebastian soon drifted off to sleep again but Chuck stayed in his bed for almost an hour, feeling much better together with his son than he did around anyone else today.

* * *

><p>While Chuck had gone to the kitchen Blair walked to her room and closed the door behind her. She stood there for a minute, then walked up to the bed and flung herself down on it, angrily throwing one of her pillows at the wall. What the hell was going on? It hurt her to hear that he had slept with Emmy again, it had taken a lot of strength not to show a reaction in front of him, and at first she wanted nothing more than to stuff herself full of whatever food she could find and then hurry to the bathroom.<p>

Then she sat up on the bed and grabbed another pillow, hugging it with a pensive expression. No, she wouldn't do that. This wasn't worth relapsing over. The more she thought about it the more she realized this was actually in her favor. Chuck had looked so guilt-stricken, like he had cheated on his girlfriend. As much as she hated the idea of him having sex with someone she knew he was allowed to, just like she was allowed to sleep with whatever guy she wanted to. Chuck knew it too. That meant his guilt and his insistence that it had meant nothing was not about breaking a rule or an agreement or being unfaithful. It meant that he was worried that she might feel that way anyway. It meant that his feelings for her were the same.

A sneaky smile spread across her face. This could be used to her advantage. Finally she was beginning to have the upper hand. She had the power to make him squirm and she was damn well going to use it. She had paid her penance for far too long and it was about time she made it clear to him that she was not a doormat and that if he wanted her he would have to man up and do something about it. The tables had turned and now she would back him into a corner. He had to make a choice, once and for all. If he wanted her he would have to show it and fight for it. If he didn't she would move on with her life. If his precious Emmy got crushed in the middle of it she wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

* * *

><p>I'll be ducking under a pillow reading the reviews for this chapter since I'm guessing there will be a lot of anger towards Emmy ;) Though I would keep in mind that it's not the first time Chuck has slept with the wrong woman slept with someone for the wrong reasons. It's also not my intention that their romp in the bed was a good thing, for either one of them in the long run. So please don't bash me completely =)

Thank you for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

Reviews for last chapter were really mixed. Some hated it and others thought it was great. Opinions will probably be divided after this chapter too so they will be interesting to read.

Enjoy the read and if you're one of my fellow-Swedes I hope you enjoyed your Valborgsmässoafton =)

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><p>Emmy walked slowly around Chuck's office, studying everything in detail. He had had the whole office redecorated since their break-up and she wondered what that meant. She didn't like the new style and she especially didn't like the new furniture but she did like the way he had included his son in the room. The Smurf poster especially. Though it didn't quite match the rest of the room she found it so touching that she didn't mind.<p>

She had stopped by unannounced to talk to him. He had avoided her for a week, ever since they had slept together. She had kept her distance the first four days and then texted him a few times but since he wasn't texting her back she had decided to talk to him face to face. She had expected him to react this way but she knew she had to be assertive if she wanted to reach her ultimate goal. If left to his own devices Chuck was just as likely to crawl back behind his walls and keep her at arm's length as he was to realize how much he missed her and take the first steps to rekindling their romance for real. It had frustrated her a bit to hear from Alice that he was out but she had been allowed inside the office to wait for him and perhaps this way was better. He wouldn't be able to claim he was busy working and send her away without talking to her.

The door opened and she turned with a smile on her face expecting to see Chuck. Her face fell a little when Blair walked in instead. Blair looked very chipper and had a sunny smile on her face, from the looks of it not the least bit bothered or surprised by seeing Emmy there.

"Oh hello" she chirped.

"Hello Blair" Emmy said warily, crossing her arms over her chest without realizing it. "I thought you were in France."

"I'm back" Blair said sunnily. "I love a good surprise. Don't you?"

"Chuck is not here."

"Yeah, I got that from when Alice told me that he's out" Blair replied with a hint of sarcasm in her sweet tone.

Emmy eyed her uncomfortably, wondering what the happy tone in Blair's voice was all about and what she was doing back in New York. Blair walked over to the "_Casablanca_" poster and adjusted it to make it hang more straight, not seeming the least bit concerned, annoyed or even surprised that Emmy was there. It made Emmy unsure of what to say or do next. Somehow she knew that whatever the conversation between them would be she had to win.

"I don't think Chuck is going to be back within the next ten or fifteen minutes" Blair said. "Which gives you plenty of time to reconsider your decision to come here. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that he's not that keen on seeing you."

"He's been quite keen on seeing me lately."

"Yes" Blair said, eyes running slowly up and down Emmy's body. "He's seen a lot of you recently. Everything, from what I hear."

Emmy felt herself blush.

"What are you implying?" she asked.

"Chuck told me he slept with you" Blair said, still not sounding the least bit bothered. "Confessed, rather. If I didn't find you so blah and so tedious I would almost feel sorry for you. He's not eager to do it again."

"You don't know the first thing about him and me" Emmy said.

"I know he regrets sleeping with you. He told me. When he asked me to forgive him for having slept with you. That doesn't seem like a wonderful outlook on your part."

Emmy scoffed, refusing to believe anything Blair said.

"He slept with you in February" she reminded her rival. "Then he asked you to move in with him – as his roommate. He hasn't come running back to my bed these past seven days but he hasn't come running back to yours either."

"Emmy" Blair said sweetly, tilting her head a bit. "Let's be realistic here. Chuck doesn't love you anymore. You should consider having a bit of dignity and not running after a man who is way out of your league, has a child with another woman and has no interest in you beyond a brief romp between the sheets."

"Giving me friendly advice?" Emmy said in a tone that matched Blair's in sweetness. "Let me return the favor. Move on. Chuck may have loved you once but you made him hate you by keeping his child from him. He's never going to get over that. Since he broke up with me he's had sex with you and he's moved in with you but he hasn't tried to get back together with you. You should consider having a bit of dignity and not running after a man who will never think of you as anything other than the witch who kept his son away from him but who can sometimes be good for a brief romp between the sheets."

"You can tell yourself that if you want to" Blair said generously. "The truth is that Chuck's feelings for me never changed and they never will. True there are some trust issues involved but we'll get past them. Right now we're focusing on our love child. The one I gave birth to. The one who will always bind us together."

"The one with whom Chuck has a strained relationship thanks to you."

"They're growing closer by the day. Sebastian calls him Dad now."

"That doesn't mean the hurt won't always be there. The betrayal…"

"I could see how you'd be unable to imagine moving past the things that have happened" Blair said. "After all, you don't know Chuck and me together."

"He was only with you for a few months, when he was a teenager" Emmy pointed out sweetly. "Puppy love. First romances. Those things can be hard to completely walk away from and I don't think there's any need for him to forget it. I'm not bothered by his sentimentality over his past. Chuck was with me for four years. _You_ don't know _me_ and Chuck together."

"I know he stayed with you out of habit" Blair said, her tone still sweet and friendly.

"He left me to save his relationship with his son" Emmy replied with a smile. "Not because of you."

"Well if you want to tell yourself that then go ahead" Blair smiled.

"You're too kind."

"Far too kind perhaps. When I think about my son and how well things are going for us now it worries me that anyone might try and disrupt that."

Emmy's eyes darkened and the sweet tone in her voice faded a little.

"I've never been bad for Sebastian. Him and I get along great."

"He gets along great with a lot of people. Family is more important though, don't you agree? I really think we would all be better off if you accepted the fact that Chuck doesn't want you anymore and moved on with your life. May I be frank?"

"Are you ever anything but?"

"Chuck… is a man of high standards. Of high class. He is someone who needs an equal. He is crème-de-la-crème and you… Well, I'm sure that for a countryside girl you're swell. But you are not part of this world. You do not belong in it. Chuck is a man who needs a queen by his side and you are a milkmaid. Sweet and gentle as you might be he needs something more than that. He needs someone like me. Someone with moxie and zest for life and ice-cold determination. Someone he can rise to the top with, not someone who can stay meekly in the shadows with no ambitions of her own while he rules the business world."

"I may be from Iowa and you may be born and raised here on the Upper East Side…" Emmy said, taking a few steps closer to Blair. "But I have more class in one finger than you do in your whole body. Don't you see, sweetie? Place of birth can only do so much. You either have it or you don't and people who possess real class… well they just don't go around cheating on their fiancés and hiding their illegitimate children from their fathers."

"They also don't keep throwing themselves at men who have made it abundantly clear that they are no longer interested… sweetie."

"Here's what I know for sure" Emmy said. "I love Chuck. I came into his life at a point where you had made a huge mess of it. I helped him heal. I pulled him back from the brink."

"You're already wrong" Blair smiled. "Chuck has never been a wounded warrior you could heal with your womanly warmth. The fact that the chance of healing him seems to be what allures you the most speaks against the idea that you know the real him at all."

"You're awfully sure of what he was going through at a point in time when you were nowhere to be found. Chuck and I built something strong together. Something real and loving and nurturing. What he had with you was passionate but it came at too high a cost. It was destructive for the both of you. With me he was at peace."

"With you he was bored out of his skull" Blair smirked. "He still hasn't been able to undo all the boredom you caused. He's working on it though. Give me a few more weeks and he'll be back to vibrant and fun again."

"I won't give you a few more weeks" Emmy said, stepping closer and stopping a few feet away from Blair. "Chuck is the man I want for life and unlike you I'm not going to throw him away, nor will I let him throw me away."

"So you're just going to cling pathetically to a man who doesn't want you?" Blair asked, tilting her head with a friendly smile.

"I'm going to let Chuck be the one to determine whether or not he wants me. He left me because he needed to create a real relationship with his son and you were making that impossible by punishing him for being with me. You couldn't stand the idea that I was good for both Chuck and Sebastian so you guilted Chuck into letting me go. Why should I give up the man I want and the future I want for someone like you?"

"You're going to put up a real fight, then? How adorable." Blair's sweet smile faded and a far more serious and determined look came over her face. "Know this, corn cob. You are not the first woman to try and come between Chuck and me or to try and win him over me. Women who were far better than you, far prettier, far more intelligent, far more intuitive, far more classy and even far more benevolent and compassionate than you have tried. Where are they now? Certainly not by Chuck's side. Yet I'm still here. I was away for years but I came back and I was involved in his life again right away. I'm here now and I won't ever go anywhere. I'm not going to lose. You, on the other hand?" The faux-friendly smile reappeared on her face. "And the Emmy goes to… Oh! No one."

Emmy opened her mouth to make a poisonous reply but the door opened before she could say anything and Chuck came walking in, in the middle with a conversation with his secretary.

"… If he calls, and he _will_ call, let him dangle for a bit" he instructed Alice. "I have no patience for mid-level business men who think they can tell me how things are going to be. When Chuck Bass says '_jump'_ bitches say '_how high'_?"

He took his eyes off Alice and noticed that his office wasn't empty. He stared at Blair and Emmy with disbelief for a second and then turned to Alice, annoyed with her for not having warned him.

"You didn't give me a word in" she shrugged even though he hadn't said anything, and walked off to answer the phone.

Chuck looked back at the other two women and wondered if he should be annoyed or worried or perhaps both. Blair was smiling sweetly and seemed to be in a very good mood. Emmy on the other hand wasn't smiling and he could tell she was trying not to show that she was annoyed. He closed the door behind him and harked.

"Isn't this a surprise" he said. "Blair where's Sebastian?"

"He has a play date" Blair chirped. "Dorota took the kids to the park. I was in the neighborhood so I decided to swing by and let you know that I expect you to be home for dinner at five. Sebastian and I are going to rent a movie tonight and we should all watch it together after dinner. Family night, nay?" She walked up to him and gave his lapels a light pat. "Toodles!"

She walked out of the room and he watched her go with an entertained look on his face. She seemed unreasonably cheerful over the prospect of watching a boring kids' film this evening. Then he turned back to Emmy and felt his mood darken a bit. He wasn't keen on seeing her and it suddenly bothered him a lot that Blair had been in such a great mood knowing that Emmy was there. It also bothered him that she had left on her own accord and seemed to have no problem with the idea of Chuck and Emmy being alone together.

"She was awfully cheerful" he commented to Emmy.

"I think her medication has kicked in" Emmy replied dryly.

"What are you doing here, Emmy?"

"You won't return my calls. We should talk."

"What happened between us last week was a mistake. I was naïve to think we could ever be platonic friends."

"Not naïve" Emmy said, softening from her previous irritation. "We are friends, Chuck. We always have been."

"I don't know what you were trying to achieve last week. I told you in no uncertain terms that my feelings for you do not match your feelings for me. Our relationship is over. A few weeks of coffees and lunches and one night of sex is not going to change that."

"I'll come back some other time" Emmy said with a sigh, grabbing her purse from Chuck's desk. "I thought you would be ready to have a rational conversation but you're clearly not there yet and I've had about enough verbal sparring for one day."

"I am having a rational conversation" Chuck said. "I don't know how to make my feelings any clearer. It's over between us."

"So you say" Emmy said, stopping next to him. "Your actions on the other hand…"

"You're confusing trying not to hurt you more than necessary with romantic affection" Chuck replied.

"Sleeping with me last week was you trying not to hurt me more than necessary?"

"My life is complicated enough. I'm asking you now to stay away, Emmy. If you love me then let me be so I can build a new life with my son. It's never going to happen for us again. I don't want it to. You're going to have to accept that."

"I don't give up easily. You know that. There's more to all of this than you've been telling me. I will not let you go until I believe there is a real reason to."

She walked out of his office and he made an angry face. He was angry with her for having played him and he felt betrayed by her for teasing him with the opportunity to have her friendship and then taking it away again. He knew that it was his own damn fault that he'd slept with her again but for the first time in as long as he'd known her he felt like she had backstabbed him. She had brought him to a place he didn't want to be and she had skillfully manipulated him to get what she wanted. She had never done that to him before. It surprised him and he wondered if it was something that had always been there hidden from his view or if it was something he had brought out in her.

* * *

><p>He was home at five o'clock sharp and sat down at the dinner table with Sebastian and Blair. As discreetly as possible he studied Blair to get an idea where her head was at. It both surprised and confused him that she seemed to be in a good mood and didn't seem the least bit bothered by anything that had happened in the past seven days. She had her hands full during dinner with Sebastian who was much more interested in playing with his food than eating it but her spirits were high and it made his mind work a mile a minute to figure out what the reason was. He was glad that she was in good spirits but at the same time he wished she could have seemed at least a little jealous. Jealousy had always been the emotion she had the hardest time hiding and making her jealous was usually like waving a red sheet in front of a bull. Her completely calm and content manner worried him a little, reminding him of the freakishly calm way she had sometimes acted right before a break-down. Either she truly didn't care that he had slept with Emmy, which would break his heart, or she cared far too much and was headed for a very bad place. Either way it was undesirable and he deeply wished he could have resisted temptation a week ago.<p>

"Sebastian Charles" Blair said with exasperation as Sebastian tossed a meatball into his glass of milk.

"Mommy, look!" Sebastian said proudly, ignoring the tone in her voice. "I got it in the glass on the first try!"

"It's not supposed to _be_ in the glass" Blair said.

"I can do it again!" Sebastian said and grabbed another meatball.

"Sebastian that's enough" Chuck said sternly. "We don't play with our food. Sit still and eat or we won't watch a movie tonight."

Blair rolled her eyes, having little faith that the boy would do as told. She got up and took his glass to the kitchen to get rid of the meatball and to her surprise Sebastian was obediently eating his food when she came back. She sat the glass down in front of him and took a seat, watching him with an eyebrow raised.

"Say merci" Chuck told him.

"Merci, Mommy" Sebastian said with a grin.

"Children need discipline, Waldorf" Chuck said with a smirk.

"Why doesn't he listen when I tell him to stop playing with his food?" Blair asked sourly. Then she smiled again. "Did I mention I found a gorgeous pair of Louboutin booties at Sachs before I went to pick up Sebastian?"

"No" Chuck said. "How sneaky of you to go shopping while Dorota had her hands full with Little Bas. I admire that kind of planning."

"Done!" Sebastian announced, tossing his fork on the plate. "Meatballs gone."

"Don't chew with your mouth open" Chuck chastised.

Sebastian finished chewing and swallowed the last of his meatballs. Then he gestured proudly to the plate.

"No more meatballs" he declared.

"You still have potatoes left" Blair pointed out.

"I don't want potatoes" Sebastian complained.

"Fine. You may leave the table. I'll come and get you in fifteen minutes and we can decide what movie we're renting."

Sebastian got down from his chair and ran out of the room. Chuck watched him go with an eyebrow raised and turned to Blair.

"Is it just me or is that boy getting unruly?"

"He's four" Blair pointed out. "I'm happy whenever he's not using potty language."

"Point taken."

"So" Blair said, smiling contently and taking a sip from her glass of water. "Is Emmy going to be around now?"

"Excuse me?" Chuck said, looking up from his food with a surprised expression.

"Emmy" Blair said, resting her elbows on the table, clasping her fingers together and leaning her chin against them. "Last week you were kind enough to warm her bed for her. Today she shows up at your office. Is it reasonable to assume that the two of you are finding your way back to one another?"

"I told you" Chuck said warily. "Last week was a mistake."

"I'm not sure I condone the idea of teaching Sebastian that sex is meaningless or that extremely casual dating on either one of our parts sends a good message."

"He doesn't know I was with Emmy last week" Chuck pointed out. "Nor is he going to find out. Neither one of us are prudes but we both agree that he doesn't need to know about sex for several more years."

"Good" Blair smiled. "We're on the same page, then." She leaned back in her chair and grabbed her napkin. "Truthfully I will be disappointed if you decide you want to go back to settling for someone from the Hawkeye state but who you choose to be with is your call. I would like to ask one thing of you though and that is that you don't bring her around here or back into Sebastian's life until you know for sure she's going to stay around. All this back and forth would really confuse him, don't you think?"

"She is not going to be coming around" Chuck said with an annoyed frown. "I _told_ you. Last week was a mistake."

"I'm not so sure Emmy got the memo" Blair said, rising from her seat with her plate in her hand.

"I will make sure she gets it, then."

"Either way is fine by me" Blair smiled. "So long as Sebastian doesn't get confused or hurt by the things you do, do whatever you like. You're a grown man."

She caught his confused face in the corner of her eye as she walked into the kitchen to put away her plate. When she knew she was out of sight she set the plate down and grabbed the kitchen counter with both hands, closing her eyes hard for a second and letting out a sigh. It was far more difficult than she had expected to act so indifferent in front him. Hearing herself talk about being fine with the idea of Chuck dating Emmy again was far too strange and she hated every second of it. The only satisfaction was Chuck's reaction. He was clearly displeased and the mentioning of Emmy's name didn't provoke a positive reaction.

She heard his footsteps approaching and opened her eyes again, arranging her face in a relaxed and content expression. Chuck walked in with his and Sebastian's plates and studied her with a frown.

"I'm going to go get Sebastian" Blair said, forcing herself to say it in a chipper tone.

He said her name when she walked past him. She stopped in the doorway and turned to look at him.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Funny question" Blair said. "Of course I'm okay."

"You seem… not quite yourself."

"I'm fine" Blair insisted. "Don't you worry about me."

She walked off and his frowned deepened. He leaned back against the counter and wondered how to interpret all of this. If she really was okay and the thought of him getting back with Emmy didn't bother her then he had been right. She didn't genuinely want him; she just wanted to get to continue to be a full-time mother to Sebastian. Still he hadn't expected her to take so kindly to losing him to another woman. Not that she actually had. He knew now more than ever that he didn't want to get back together with Emmy and now there was no longer any doubt that he had to cut her out of his life completely.

* * *

><p>Over the next couple of weeks Chuck didn't hear from Emmy. Blair's mood, which seemed to stay much the same, continued to confuse him and hurt him a little. Unwilling to rock the boat and create a problem between them when it seemed clear that he was the only one who actually had a problem he focused all his free time on his son. Blair wasn't working during summer so she got to spend her time with him while Chuck was at the office and as soon as he got home he would do something fun with Sebastian. Sometimes Blair joined them and other times she let them have their alone time. It was doing wonders for his relationship with his son but his heart and mind were not in a good place.<p>

When the weather was good Chuck took Sebastian outside, often to the park. They went to the playground, one afternoon they went swimming and together Chuck and Blair tried to teach Sebastian how to play miniature golf but it seemed clear they did not have a future golf pro on their hands. When the weather was bad they stayed indoors. Chuck fought to stay awake through a number of poorly animated movies, taught Sebastian how to cheat at Candy Land and continued to read from their book.

Two weeks after he had last seen Emmy she called him up again. He was at the office, debating with himself whether or not he should get out of there early and take Sebastian out for ice-cream when the phone rang. When he answered he was surprised to hear her voice. Even more surprising was hearing that it was trembling.

"Emmy?" he said, frowning and tapping a pencil against his writing desk. "You sound strange. What is it?"

"It's nothing" she claimed on the other end, her voice implying otherwise. "It's… Really, it's no big deal."

"If it wasn't a big deal you wouldn't be calling."

"My cab got hit by some lunatic who doesn't know how to use his damn breaks" Emmy quivered. "I'm fine. Really, I am. It was no big deal. It's just…"

"Where are you?"

"Mount Sinai. They insisted I come in and get an x-ray to rule out any neck or back damages. I don't know if it's because they told me that or if it's actually because of the accident but my back is starting to ache… I'm really sorry to bother you right now but I'm scared and I could really use a friend."

Chuck was quiet for a moment, mulling it over. She had kept her distance these past two weeks and even though she had played him prior to that it was not like her to fake an injury to get attention. The tone of her voice suggested that she really was shaken up and afraid. He would much rather take his son out for ice-cream than go sit with his ex-girlfriend at the hospital but she had been an important part of his life and he cared for her and it didn't feel right to abandon her in such a situation.

"I'll be right there" he decided.

"Thank you" she said in a relieved exhale.

* * *

><p>He walked inside the hospital waiting room and found her sitting on a plastic chair, leaning forward and rubbing her arms. She looked distraught and he felt concerned for her. He walked over slowly and took his suit jacket off with the intention of wrapping it over her shoulders.<p>

"Hey" he said.

She looked up and seemed very relieved to see him.

"Chuck… Hey."

"Have the doctors said anything yet?" he asked, handing her the jacket.

"They say they can't see anything on the x-rays" Emmy said, taking the jacket and wrapping it over her shoulders. "They also say that it can take days or weeks or months or even years for damage to become apparent."

"Where is everyone else?" he asked, looking around.

"I only called you" Emmy said, reaching out to take his hand. "I'm so glad you came. I know things have been weird lately but… What happened today freaked me out and you being here helps."

Chuck sighed and took a seat next to her.

"Em… You shouldn't have called me. We're not together anymore. I think the events of this summer have proven we're no good at being friends. I can't be the person you lean against. I'm glad you're okay and I'm sorry you were in an accident but you really ought to have called someone else."

"You've been there for four years" she pointed out, both looking and sounding miserable. "You can't deny that things aren't completely over between us. Is it so strange that I would turn to you first? But if you don't want to be here then just go. I've had a terrible enough day without you sitting here wishing you could be anywhere else on the planet."

"I'll call your sister" Chuck said and got up. "I'll stay until she gets here."

"I don't need somebody to walk me home" Emmy objected. "I just needed a friend for a while. You can go. I'll be fine. Though I think I'll take the underground home. I've had enough of cabs for one day."

"I'll call Julie" Chuck insisted. "She can stop by your place when she gets off work."

He walked out of the waiting room to find an area where he could use his phone. He felt bad not being there for Emmy but he didn't think it would do either one of them any good if he was. He had to make it clear that he was not the person she should lean on anymore and that their parts in each other's lives had played themselves out.

Emmy watched his retreating figure and felt a lump in her throat. She had been shaken by the accident even if it had been a fairly minor one and she had been even more shaken when the doctors had begun to talk about whiplash. Calling Chuck had not been a calculated decision; she had simply called the first person who came to mind and the person she most wanted to see. She had stayed away for a few weeks in the hopes that he would come to her and with the intention of forming a new strategy. Now everything just seemed like a mess. Would he have been this reluctant if Blair was still in France? It was getting harder to tell what part of his actions were because of Blair and how he might feel about her and what parts were about something else entirely.

She took a deep, trembling breath and drew his jacket closer around herself. It smelled like him and felt comforting. It seemed like the only comfort she would be getting from him today.

* * *

><p>Blair was getting angry. She had tried calling Chuck three times during the afternoon and it had gone straight to voicemail every time. The weather was fantastic and she wanted to take Sebastian for a picnic in the park and thought it would be great if Chuck could join them but his refusal to have his phone switched on made that difficult. She had called Alice to reach him that way only to be informed that he was out for the day.<p>

She couldn't stop wondering where he was or who he was with. It was probably none of her business but if he went somewhere with someone in the middle of the day and turned off his phone that seemed mighty suspicious. Not that she would tell him that. She had other arguments she could bring up once he dragged himself back home.

When it was past two in the afternoon she decided he was no longer invited to the picnic and ordered the maid to get everything ready for just her and Sebastian. She began to stomp up the stairs to tell Sebastian to get ready but had only gotten halfway there when she heard the front door open. She stopped and walked back down, ready to yell at Chuck if it was him. It was indeed and she stopped at the bottom of the stairs, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping a foot with an irritated frown.

"Look who makes an appearance" she said. "About time."

He looked surprised.

"I'm home three hours early."

"Uh-huh. Is your phone also home three hours early?"

"My phone?"

"I've been trying to reach you all afternoon."

"Did something happen?" he asked with a frown.

"That is not the point" Blair said. "The point is your phone was turned off and you were not in your office nor had you told Alice where you could be reached. What if something had happened to Sebastian? I need you to be reachable at all times."

"I'm sorry" he said. "I had to turn my phone off. I'll make sure I'm reachable from now on."

"Why? Where were you, Bass?"

"I was at the hospital. They don't allow you to have your phone switched on in radiology."

"The hospital?" Blair echoed, her arms falling to her sides. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it wasn't me."

"Nate? Serena? Lily?"

"Emmy, actually."

Blair looked annoyed again.

"What happened? Did a huge anvil hit her in the head making her realize she doesn't belong on the Upper East Side?"

"No" Chuck said, rolling his eyes.

"Pity. She could use one."

"She was in a minor car accident. Nothing serious."

"And she called you?" She forced herself to smile. "Sounds like you two lovebirds are finding your way back to one another. Endearing. I hope you held her hand real tight at the hospital. Those places can be scary."

"There's no need for sarcasm" Chuck said.

"You said it was nothing serious so I'm assuming she didn't get badly hurt" Blair replied. "Besides, who's being sarcastic?"

"If you'll excuse me" Chuck said, walking past her to go to his bedroom. "It's scorching hot outside and I need to get out of this damn suit and take a cold shower. Today has been a lousy day and I'm in no mood for a round of verbal chess."

She watched him walk up the stairs, mulling over what she had just learned. She was already skeptical about poor Emmy's accident. It wouldn't surprise her in the slightest if there had never been an accident in the first place and it annoyed her that Chuck had gone to see her at the hospital. Perhaps she had underestimated her competitor. She had no qualms playing dirty herself but it annoyed her to think her rival would try such methods. She would have to go stop by Emmy's place one of these days and remind her who was boss.

* * *

><p>The following day Blair took Sebastian to Lily's, happy to have a volunteering babysitter. When she arrived Serena was there, as bubbly and perky as ever. Blair was surprised to see her and raised a questioning eyebrow at her while Lily took Sebastian to the kitchen to get some juice.<p>

"It's barely nine in the morning" Blair noted. "I didn't think you got out of bed before ten if you could avoid it."

"I'm a working woman nowadays" Serena said. "I get up at decent hours. I came for Sebastian. Turns out Mom can't babysit for as long as she thought. Some important committee meeting."

"You're going to babysit?" Blair said warily.

"Relax Blair, I'm not going to ruin your child" Serena said with rolling eyes, taking a seat on the couch. "What do you need babysitting for anyway? You're off work."

"I have a doctor's appointment and then there's a bug I need to squash under my shoe. No, scratch that, I don't like the imagery of what it would do to my shoes. I prefer thinking of it as… spraying it with verbal pesticide."

"Doctor's appointment?" Serena echoed. "Nothing serious, I hope."

"I'm bulimic again" Blair said matter-of-factly. "I'm seeing a doctor twice a week to try and revert back to not bulimic."

Serena blinked for a second, her mouth opening and then closing. She wasn't sure what to say or do in response.

"B…"

"It's been… months since I started to relapse. I've been getting treatment since Chuck found out in April."

"Blair why haven't you said anything?" Serena asked softly.

"I've been handling it. I've been working really hard with my doctor. I haven't relapsed again all summer though I won't say I'm not tempted at times."

"Then Chuck goes and gets involved with Emmy again…" Serena said and looked very apologetic. "Blair I'm really sorry."

"Don't be. I came close to another relapse when that happened. You know what though? I decided I'm stronger than that. I decided I'm damn well not going to suffer another relapse over a _boy_. Especially one who doesn't know if he trusts what he feels for me. I know that he loves me but it doesn't do me much good when he won't own up to it."

"Why did it happen in the first place?" Serena asked gently. "Was it because of Chuck? Me? A culmination of everything that's been going on since last summer?"

"It was everything. Above all else it was the feeling of being completely powerless. I couldn't control my own life or Sebastian's anymore. His life was in danger of becoming a huge mess that would surely do a lot of damage to him. It was how unable I was to make my friends understand what I had done and what I had been going through. Not to mention the inability to make Chuck understand. I needed his forgiveness and I couldn't have it."

"And now?"

"Dr. Morales has helped me realize something. I need Chuck to forgive me, true, but that won't do me any good if I don't forgive myself. That's where the whole problem lies. I haven't been able to forgive myself for my mistakes and so I've punished myself. I can live without ever being fully forgiven by Chuck even though it stings like a bitch given how much I've forgiven him for. If I can't forgive myself… nothing else matters."

She paused, surprised by how much she had just revealed to Serena. She waited to hear what the other woman would say but Serena just looked at her in silence.

"I'm fine" she insisted. "I'm getting better every day. Chuck or no Chuck I am not going to destroy myself over my past mistakes. It won't benefit me and it certainly won't benefit my little boy."

"You've been dealing with this all alone?" Serena asked.

"Not since Chuck found out."

"B, if you ever need anything…" Serena said, looking like a sad puppy. "It doesn't matter how bad things have been between us. You can't go through something like this by yourself. Even if you need to forgive yourself in order to heal you still need the support of the people in your life. We all need that."

"Thank you, but I'm fine" Blair insisted, forcing herself to smile even though she felt like she could start to cry. "I have to run or I'll be late for my appointment. Chuck will be by to pick up Sebastian."

"Tell him he can pick him up at our place" Serena said.

"Sure. Bye S."

She walked to the kitchen and gave Sebastian a kiss before hurrying to get on the elevator. She had not intended on telling Serena anything more than that she had relapsed. Everything else had just burst out of her. She reached inside her purse to grab a pair of sunglasses, feeling overwhelmed with emotion and eager to hide any tears that might fall down her face.

* * *

><p>Feeling much better after her session with Dr. Morales Blair moved on to the second point on her agenda. With a little smirk on her lips she walked inside Emmy's apartment building, finding her way up to her floor and knocking on the door. It was the middle of the day in the middle of the week but something told her Emmy would be home. Sure enough the door opened after a minute and a weary look came over Emmy's face when she saw Blair.<p>

"Don't tell me you're here to check up on me?" she said.

"I brought fruit!" Blair chirped, handing over the fruit basket she had picked up at the hospital's gift shop. "Try an orange. Vitamin C is really good for healing after a terrible accident. Or is it for healing after a cold? I can't quite remember."

Without waiting for an invitation she strode past Emmy inside the apartment. Emmy looked at her with incredulity and closed the door behind them, hoping Blair would be quick about whatever she wanted to say.

"You poor thing" Blair continued. "Chuck told me all about your accident."

"I'm fine" Emmy said, annoyed by the fake friendliness and by the fact that Chuck had told Blair. "It was nothing. My back is a little sore but other than that I'm right as rain."

"Are you sure? Are you sure you're not just a little bit more hurt than that and using it to keep Chuck close?" Blair asked, giving her a knowing look and a smile.

"Why on earth would I do that?" Emmy asked, putting the fruit basket down on the coffee table.

"Because it's the only thing that would make him come hold your hand again. Oh don't give me that innocent, wounded look. This is not my first rodeo, little cowgirl."

"Cowgirl? I'm from Iowa, not New Mexico."

"Point is, I can tell what game you are playing and I'm here to warn you that you don't want to go down that road with me. Because I will destroy you. I never let anybody play dirty with me, regardless of the game."

"Why are you so threatened by me?" Emmy asked, not sure if she was intrigued or frightened by the other woman.

"Threatened?" Blair said with a little laugh. "Honey, it's not about that. It's about you not knowing your place."

"My place in your life is non-existent" Emmy pointed out.

"And so it shall stay." She eyed Emmy up and down with an amused expression on her face. "Let's face it, even without my reappearance on the scene you and Chuck would never have lasted. You're so plain you make vanilla look spicy."

"You're really wicked, aren't you?" Emmy asked with a glare, crossing her arms over her chest, tired of Blair's insults.

"Correct" Blair said sunnily. "That's one of the many qualities Chuck appreciates about me, in case you were wondering."

"That wickedness got him burned" Emmy pointed out.

"There's dark in him and me both. We understand that about each other. You know he needs something more than the cutesy little girl next door or you wouldn't have decided to come and play dirty with the pros."

"That's not what I'm doing" Emmy objected. "I didn't fake what happened yesterday and I'm not crippled over it. Don't worry Blair, I don't plan on resorting to schemes like that to get what I want."

"Fine, ignore the truth if you want to. Just keep in mind that I'm the last person you want to play rough with." She tilted her head and flashed Emmy her sweetest smile. "Ta."

With the smile still on her face she walked out of the apartment and headed back down to the street. She hoped Emmy had the good sense of staying away from now on. She was so damn tired of that woman and even if she wasn't a real rival anymore she wanted her gone.

* * *

><p>Chuck walked inside Nate and Serena's apartment building, casting a glance at his watch. He was running a little late and would have to rearrange his plans a little bit or him and Sebastian wouldn't make it on time. He walked inside the apartment without bothering to knock, calling Sebastian's name as he walked into the living room. He immediately heard the thumping little feet and after a few seconds Sebastian came running into the room with a grin on his face.<p>

"Hey you" Chuck said. "Careful, you might trip."

Nate and Serena came walking in as well, both looking a touch exhausted but in good spirits. Sebastian stopped by Chuck's feet and Chuck tousled his hair with a smile.

"Sorry I'm late" he said. "Did you have fun with Uncle Nate and Aunt Serena?"

"We've played hide and seek for the past two hours" Nate said. "As it turns out, hiding behind Serena's floor-length dresses is a brilliant move. In all likelihood because you don't expect Serena to own any, thus you don't think to look there."

Serena gave him an annoyed smack on the arm to which he grinned good-naturedly. Chuck refrained from comment and turned his attention to Sebastian.

"Did you find time for lunch in the middle of all this hiding and seeking?"

"Don't worry Dad, we kept your son fed and safe" Serena smirked.

"Good. Well I'd love to stay and chat but we're running late and have to get going. I appreciate you guys helping out with babysitting."

"Oh, any time" Nate said.

"It was our pleasure" Serena said with a bright smile.

"Sebastian say goodbye to Serena and Nate. We need to go get your shoes and your jacket and we need to do it now."

"I can put my own shoes on" Sebastian insisted, jumping up and down.

"Then hurry, go."

Sebastian ran off and Chuck followed him with his eyes, hoping he would manage with his shoes on the first try because he didn't have time or the patience to argue about it.

"Where are you off to that you would be running late for?" Nate asked.

"To the movies" Chuck said. "Sebastian's never been so I thought it would be a nice surprise. I just hope I can survive sitting through an hour and a half of poorly animated, barely plotted crap."

He walked towards the front door with Nate and Serena following him. Sebastian was on the floor, trying to get his left shoe on with a very annoyed expression on his face. Chuck knelt beside him and grabbed the shoe.

"Time's up, little man" he said.

"No, _I_ can do it" Sebastian insisted.

"You're probably right but you can't do it in under ninety seconds which is a requirement today."

Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest and pouted but he didn't fight when Chuck put the shoe on. He looked up at Nate who had stopped a few feet away with his arm around Serena's waist.

"How come you don't have a beard?" he asked his father, intrigued by Nate's facial hair.

Chuck looked up.

"It's not the way I roll."

"Santa has a beard."

"Clark Kent wears glasses" Chuck replied, rising to his feet after putting the other shoe on Sebastian's right foot. "Superman does not."

Nate looked at Serena with a confused face.

"Did you understand any of that?" he asked her.

"No" Serena giggled.

"I'm ready!" Sebastian cried, jumping to his feet.

"Not so fast, we need your jacket" Chucks said, rising as well.

Sebastian ran the four feet to the coat hanger and jumped to try and reach the jacket. Serena got it for him and he put it on and ran to the door.

"He sure is energetic" Chuck noted. "Thanks again, you guys. Give my love to Lily when you talk to her."

He ushered Sebastian out the door and then had to run to catch up with him since Sebastian was racing for the stairs. He grabbed the boy by his hand and hurried outside with him, glancing at his watch to see how much time they had before the movie would start.

After two blocks he was beginning to feel his patience running low. Sebastian was babbling non-stop, darting off in all kinds of directions meaning Chuck had to reel him in and jumping up and down on the spot whenever they stopped by a red light. On top of that he had spotted a couple of photographers following them in their heels. He didn't like the paparazzi taking pictures of Sebastian and he liked it even less when they could get pictures that made Sebastian look unruly.

"What is with you today?" he asked with a frown.

"Then I hid behind the couch" Sebastian cried, ignoring the question and continuing to rattle off all the places he had hidden during hide and seek.

"That's great" Chuck said with little enthusiasm. "What did they give you for lunch? If Nate did the cooking I'm betting it was actually edible."

"Pancakes! With ice-cream! And maple syrup!"

"For lunch?"

"Then we ate carrot cake."

"That explains a thing or two" Chuck sighed. "What do you say we go to the nearest playground? I had something else in mind but you seem to be in desperate need of getting rid of some excess energy."

Excited by the idea Sebastian darted off again in the direction of the park, this time managing to slip out of Chuck's hand.

"Hey!" Chuck cried, hurrying after him.

Sebastian only made it a few steps before tripping over his own feet and falling over, scraping his hands in the process. He began to cry and Chuck knelt beside him to inspect the damage.

"See what happens when you dart off like that?" he chastised, taking Sebastian's hands in his to see if any blood had been drawn.

Sebastian sobbed loudly, saying something Chuck couldn't interpret but at least his hands looked okay. He heard clicking noises and looked up to find three photographers huddled around them. Angrily he stood up and moved Sebastian in-between himself and the wall, hoping to shield him a little.

"Hey! Do you mind?" he scowled at the photographers. "There will be no pictures of my son and no harassing him when he's just fallen and scraped his palms. Is that clear?"

The photographers backed off, probably because they had gotten their shots already, and Chuck turned back to Sebastian who had dried his tears. He didn't like photographers and he was glad that they were gone. Chuck's brisk tone usually intimidated him a little whenever he heard it but he found he liked hearing it aimed at the paparazzi. It made him feel like his father would protect him.

"Let's just go home" Chuck said. "We can do something fun there instead, don't you think?" His phone rang and he checked to see who was calling. It was Emmy and he decided to ignore it. "I bet you I can win over you at Go Fish."

"No you can't" Sebastian objected, drying the last of his tears.

"Let's go home and find out."

* * *

><p>Emmy paid him a visit at his office the following day. She was upset when she strode through the door and initially he thought it was due to the car accident. Then she opened her mouth and he realized it was about something else entirely.<p>

"I don't like to say anything bad about Sebastian's mother but that woman is crazy" Emmy said.

"It's one of her many charms" Chuck replied, leaning back in his chair.

"She paid me a visit yesterday."

He frowned.

"Did she?"

"Not a very friendly visit, either."

"What did she do?" Chuck asked, a hint of alarm in his voice.

"She basically threatened me to stay away from you."

Chuck snorted.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Really? You don't think she's capable of something like that?"

"That's beside the point. Blair doesn't bother with things like that unless it concerns something she really wants. What does she get out of you staying away from me? She doesn't want me for herself. In fact she's surprisingly supportive of me dating… someone else."

Emmy looked at him like he had sprouted another head. That wasn't at all in line with what Blair said to her. Was he really that blind?

"Do you seriously believe her over me?"

"I believe this is beneath you both" Chuck said. "Forget about Blair and worry about yourself. I don't recognize you lately."

"Tell me honestly, Chuck" Emmy said, placing her hands on his desk. "How do you feel about me? Did you break up with me over Sebastian?"

"I've already told you that wasn't the case" Chuck said, deciding he needed to be harsh if the message was going to sink in. He stood up and absentmindedly adjusted his tie. "I told you I was thinking about leaving before I knew about him. Yes, Blair was a huge part of that. I love her. I've been in love with her since I was sixteen years old. It doesn't mean I haven't loved you too or that you haven't been a very important part of my life. If Blair had never come back into my life or I had never known her to begin with perhaps things would have been different for us but she did come back. When she did I knew for sure that it was her above anyone else. I'm more sorry than I can say but what I am most sorry for is not leaving when I first intended to. You deserve better than to be someone's second choice."

"She is poison" Emmy said. "What is it about her that draws you in?"

"It's just… her. Everything she is. You don't see the sides of her that I know the best. Her devotion, her loyalty, her cunning mind. Her drive and ambition and passion. There's a connection between us that I can't put into words; it's just there and I don't think it will ever go away."

"And what about me?" Emmy asked, tears burning in her eyes. "Was I just something to keep your bed warm at night while you waited for Cinderella to return to the ball?"

"You know that's not the case. We had a good thing. It was… exactly what I needed at that time in my life. Relationships don't always last. Ours did not. I can't explain it to you; I just came to see that it wasn't fulfilling my needs anymore."

"And being with her could?"

"I don't know."

She studied him wordlessly for a moment, wondering if she was more upset with him or with herself for not seeing the truth a long time ago. It was obvious that he wasn't quite the same man now that he had been a year and a half ago and that even if they got back together things would not be the same between them. She swallowed and gathered what was left of her pride, taking her hands off his desk.

"Then go do whatever makes you happy" she said. "It just breaks my heart to see you willing to throw your life away on someone who will do nothing but hurt you."

"I've done nothing but hurt you for a while now and you still want me" Chuck pointed out mildly. "We're both being self-destructive. There's not going to be a me and Blair, though. Like I said, she doesn't feel about me the way I feel about her."

Emmy gave him a tired look and walked to the door. She stopped with a hand on the doorknob and turned around.

"Just so you know… she does love you back. Trust me on this. She doesn't need you to be with her in order to keep Sebastian close, she has no need for your money and really there's nothing you can offer her that she would pretend to love you for. I don't doubt her feelings for you. What I doubt is that she's going to treat you right."

She left and Chuck stood there for a moment before slowly sinking down in his chair. A small smile spread across his face. Emmy had a point and when she told him Blair still loved him he could believe it. She had nothing at all to gain from lying about it and if she was telling the truth about Blair showing up to intimidate her that pointed towards Blair's feelings being real. The more he thought about it the more her behavior over the past few weeks pointed towards that too. She was playing a game with him. Now he just needed to decide if he wanted to play as well.

* * *

><p>When he arrived home the place seemed dead quiet at first but then he heard some noises coming from the TV room. He walked inside and was surprised to find a young redhead rearranging the DVD cases.<p>

"If you want to rob the place there are far more valuable things in the other room" he said, leaning against the doorpost.

His voice startled the redhead. She looked up at him with big eyes and hurriedly got to her feet.

"You must be Mr. Waldorf!" she said. "I'm Tricia. Mrs. Waldorf hired me as Sebastian's nanny earlier this afternoon."

"The name's not Waldorf" Chuck said. "It's Bass. And it's _Miss_ Waldorf. I wasn't aware we were browsing for nannies."

"I'm sorry." Tricia blushed and looked down at her hands. "You _are_ Sebastian's father, right?" A realization hit her and she blushed again. "You… You're _Chuck_ Bass. Right?"

"Indeed" Chuck said dryly. "In case you're wondering, most of what you've heard about me is true. I'm stronger than vodka, smoother than sherry and a hell of a lot more fun the day after."

"Chuck" Blair said sternly, walking in to hear the last part. "I see you've met Tricia."

"Yes. What happened to Marissa?"

"Ugh, something about wanting to go to college. She's not coming back when I start working again so I decided to hire someone new. Try not to get too lecherous."

"I think I'll manage" he replied, having no intention whatsoever of coming on to a member of the staff. "Can I have a word with you in private?"

They walked out to the hall and stopped a few feet from the door.

"Emmy stopped by to see me today… Turns out you've payed her a little visit. You and I have begun to rebuild our friendship and as friends I'm asking you not to bother her anymore. I know you don't like her but I loved her for years and I don't care to see her mistreated."

"Fine" Blair said with a displeased tone.

"I used the past tense…" Chuck pointed out, smirking a little. "_Loved_. You're still my number one girl. Just try and direct your inner barracuda towards someone else. Emmy won't be a part of my life anymore from this point on anyway."

He walked off and she watched him go, too surprised by the things he had just said to come up with anything to say back.

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><p>That was a bit longer than the previous chapters. I hope it wasn't too bad. Thank you for reading!<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

And so, at long last, an update for this story. I'm sorry I've kept you waiting for so long and should warn you that you might have to wait just as long for the next update. As for this chapter, it's not the best I've penned and it's probably a bit fragmented thanks to everything that's been going on lately. I hope it won't be too much of a disappointment after such a long wait.

* * *

><p>"I didn't expect it to be this crowded" Blair frowned when they walked up the Met steps with Sebastian in-between them, holding both of them by the hand. "Look at all these people! We're not even inside yet and it's packed."<p>

"Big celebrations draw big crowds" Chuck replied. "Especially when the champagne and caviar is free."

It was Saturday around noon and they had decided to spend the day at the Met which was premiering a whole host of new exhibits as part of a year-long cultural celebration in the city. Since it was the opening day and it took place on a Saturday the crowds were far larger than anything Blair had ever seen there before but she was determined to get inside and see the exhibit that interested her the most. Seeing it tomorrow or next week would not have the same impact as seeing it on opening day.

They made their way inside, cruising through the crowds with some difficulty. Once they were indoors they stopped to try and find their bearings. The Met was barely recognizable with so many people everywhere.

"I'm going to go directly to the golden age Hollywood exhibit" Blair said. "No point in browsing through the other exhibits with these crowds. Seriously, just because it's a celebration that doesn't mean that every other idiot from the street suddenly has to develop an interest in art and culture. Don't these people have homes?"

"Have fun with Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly" Chuck said. "I see three members of the Board of Trustees over there. I'm going to go over and say hi."

"See you in a bit" Blair said. "If we ever manage to get out of here with all these people blocking the way."

She walked off and Sebastian let go of Chuck's hand. Chuck walked over to the board members and introduced himself even though he knew most of the members already. He had a brief chat with them where he expressed his interest in making a donation to the museum and then he walked off to get some refreshments. Blair found him there thirty minutes later while he was working on his first glass of champagne and his fifth canape.

"Ugh, this place is a mess today" Blair said. "When I hadn't gotten anywhere near the exhibit after twenty minutes I just gave up. We can come back some other time when the rest of the world didn't have the same idea. Not even Audrey is worth this massive crowd."

Chuck turned around and licked caviar off his fingertips.

"Where's Sebastian?"

A concerned look came over Blair's face.

"He's with you."

Chuck's face began to match Blair's as he felt a tight knot in his stomach.

"No… No he went to see the Hollywood exhibit with you."

"No!" Blair said. "I left him with you!"

"No, you walked off and he let go of my hand so I just assumed…"

He turned and put his champagne flute down, the knot in his stomach growing tighter. Blair began to look around her, trying to see anything through the crowds but knowing it was probably futile to try and find a four year-old in a sea of adults.

"Oh God, where is he?" she said. "Sebastian? Sebastian! Good God Chuck, he's gone! He's not here!"

"We'll find him" Chuck said, not at all sure he believed it.

"How?" Blair cried, frantically turning around trying to spot her child. "There are nineteen curatorial departments in this building. He could be anywhere! Oh God Chuck he could have gone anywhere and we'll never find him! He could have been taken by someone, followed someone he shouldn't, he could have walked outside and gotten run over by a car or walked into the park and we'll never stand a chance at finding him again!"

"He can't have gone far" Chuck tried to argue, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

"Oh God" Blair cried. "Oh God where is he? Sebastian!" With panic welling up inside her she began to push her way through the crowd, frantically searching for him. "Sebastian! Sebastian! Sebastian where are you?"

Several people complained when she forcefully shoved them aside but she didn't hear them. She stopped in front of an information board and tried to gather her wits for a moment and try to think rationally about where he might have gone. It was no use. Sebastian couldn't read anyway and would have no idea what to find in which section of the museum. The only thing she could think of doing was retracing her steps from when they had first arrived and hope Sebastian had followed her at first. If he had he might not have gone far after that.

"Sebastian!" she cried at the top of her lungs, ignoring the stares people were giving her. "Sebastian _please_! Where are you?"

Twice she thought she spotted him only to realize it was someone else's blonde child she saw. Asking people in the crowd if they had seen him would be futile. The odds of anyone seeing him and remembering him in this vast crowd of people were anything but favorable and either way none of these people were likely to have been at the right place when he first walked off.

"_Sebastian_!" she cried again.

An announcement was made over the loud speakers and at first she didn't pay attention to it but something caught her attention and made her stop. The announcement was repeated and she listened carefully to hear over the noises of the crowd.

"Sebastian please come to the gift shop where your dad is waiting" a female voice said.

Blair swallowed and tried to think. What the hell was Chuck doing standing around by the gift shop just waiting for Sebastian to show up? He was only four and a half years old and wouldn't have the first idea how to find his way there. What good would it even do if somebody had taken him or he had gone outside? She would make her way through one more room and then hurry back to the gift shop and tell Chuck to stop standing there and go search instead.

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><p>Chuck's heart was still pounding in his chest fifteen minutes later when a second announcement was made to Sebastian. He had called the police and alerted security but it did nothing to help ease his worry. He was standing outside the shop, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, trying his best not to panic. Sebastian had to show up again. In his mind he berated himself and Blair over and over for having ever thought it would be a good idea to bring him with them today and for their lack of communication which had led to both of them wandering off thinking Sebastian was with the other.<p>

Then he saw a couple making their way through the crowd, the woman holding a young boy by the hand. They were headed for the gift shop and when Chuck saw that it was Sebastian they had with him he felt a greater relief than ever before in his life. He strode up to them and knelt in front of his son, grabbing him firmly by the shoulders, barely able to restrain himself from shaking him hard.

"Sebastian!" he barked. "Where the hell have you been? Don't you _ever_ do something like that again, do you understand me? You scared the hell out of us!"

His firm grip, the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes made Sebastian start to cry. He had been frightened when he had first realized he couldn't find either one of his parents and now that he had found Dad again but Dad was yelling at him it proved to be too much.

"I have never been so scared in all my life" Chuck scolded.

Sebastian just sobbed instead of replying, wanting to say that he was sorry but unable to get the words out. Chuck pulled him close and hugged him tight, still frightened but above all relieved and feeling a bit bad that the boy was now crying. He pulled back from the hug and placed his hands on Sebastian's cheeks.

"Listen, I am not mad at you, okay?" he said. "You had me scared half to death. Sometimes when we're scared we sound like we are angry. I mean it Sebastian, don't you ever walk off like that without me or Mom or anyone else we know, understand? But I am not mad. I was just so scared we wouldn't find you."

He rose to his feet, keeping a safe grip of Sebastian's shoulder, and turned to the couple who had brought him there. He was about to address them when he heard Blair's voice shouting Sebastian's name. He turned around and saw her making her way through the crowds with tears falling down her face.

"Sebastian!" she gasped, running the last steps up to them and scooping him up in her arms. "Give me my child… Sebastian honey you had me scared senseless!"

She hugged him close and cried, mumbling a stream of unintelligible words into his hair, causing him to start crying again as well. Chuck let her have a moment and turned back to the couple. They looked like they were in their forties, clearly a pair of tourists judging by the way they dressed and the large system camera hanging around the man's neck. Chuck shook both their hands, trying to find the right words to say to them.

"We found him the Costume Institute" the woman said with a British accent. "Poor little boy, lost in this huge place."

"We had only just asked him his name and where his parents were when we heard the announcement on the speakers" the man filled in.

"Thank you" Chuck said empathically. "He just walked off. We both thought he was with the other. I cannot express our gratitude enough."

"Oh don't mention it" the woman smiled. "We're just glad he got back safely to his parents."

"He probably wouldn't have if it wasn't for you" Chuck said. "I'm Chuck Bass. If there is anything I can do to repay you for what you have done for us just say the word."

"You don't have to repay us anything" the man said.

"It's not a matter of having to; it's a matter of wanting to." He turned his head and looked at Blair who was still hugging Sebastian close. "If we hadn't found him again I don't know what I'd do."

"Oh you don't need to tell us" the man said. "We have three of our own, though ours are a lot bigger now."

They both looked like they would like to say a few words to Sebastian before leaving but Blair barely even noticed them, completely wrapped up in holding her son in her arms again and crying half-hysterically. Chuck managed to get their names and where they were staying and then they were off. He watched them go, not daring to think of what might have happened if a less kind-hearted couple had found Sebastian instead.

* * *

><p>They rode home in silence. Blair kept Sebastian cradled in her arms. Her crying had lessened and while tears kept coming she was no longer sobbing. Sebastian was not his usual energetic self, scared and slightly shocked by what had happened at the museum. He crept as close to his mother as he could, comforted by her caresses. In his arms he tightly held a dinosaur plushie Chuck had let him pick out in the gift shop before they left as a way of calming him down and rewarding him for having gone to the shop to meet up with them. Chuck had a hard time looking at Blair and Sebastian, fighting the panic that hadn't quite loosened its grip yet and battling the guilt that was growing louder inside his head by the second. He knew how unbelievably lucky they had been that their son had been found again so quickly. They had been on the brink of disaster and he hadn't quite fathomed that everything was alright again.<p>

When they arrived back home Blair took Sebastian upstairs for a nap and stayed with him the entire time. Chuck called Alice even though it was Saturday and she had the day off, sending her to the office to make arrangements to thank the couple who had brought Sebastian back. Chuck wanted her to arrange for them to be moved from their three star hotel to a suite at the Empire, all expenses included, and to upgrade their flight home to first class. It seemed like so little by ways of thanking the people who had brought your child back to you but he didn't know what else to do to show them his gratitude.

Sebastian was very low-key during the rest of the day, playing fairly quietly and doing so in the sitting room with both his parents in the room. Neither Chuck nor Blair said much to each other, both wrapped up in their own thoughts and feelings over what had happened. When it was time for Sebastian to go to bed Blair decided to let him spend the night in her room. Chuck asked to have a moment alone with him once he was in bed and she agreed, stepping out to give them some privacy.

He got up on the bed and reached out a hand to push the bangs from Sebastian's brow. The boy had both the dinosaur and his favorite teddybear with him, one tucked safely under each arm, and looked fairly okay now that he was safely tucked in.

"How do you feel, little man?" Chuck asked.

"Good" Sebastian said, not sounding entirely convincing.

"You had quite a day." The boy nodded. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Like I told you, sometimes when we're afraid we sound like when we're mad. But that's over. You're safe at home in your mother's bed and tomorrow will be a much better day than today has been."

Sebastian nodded. The day had been rough and unsettling but he felt much better now. He didn't feel afraid; he felt completely safe.

"You will always find me if I get lost" he said, not doubting for a second that his father would come through.

"I would try" Chuck said. "With my last dying breath. I would prefer it though if you didn't get lost again."

He had such a strong urge to just grab the boy and hold him as close as possible. He wanted to continuously touch him or hear him to know that he was still there. The fear he had felt during those hour-long minutes Sebastian was gone was beyond anything he had ever felt before. It was difficult not to scold and chastise the boy for having walked off like that, a reaction which would have been perfectly in line with Bart Bass' parenting style. Desperately wanting to be a better father than Bart and to always have his son be aware that he was loved and wanted he tried to find something else to tell him.

"You… are very important" he said. "To me, to your mother, to your grandparents… There is nothing I wouldn't give to keep you safe. You're my boy and I love you."

Sebastian just nodded but seemed in better spirits than he had since they first reached the Met. He yawned big and felt his eyelids getting heavy. Chuck leaned in and kissed his brow, bidding him a good night. Then he got up and walked to the door to get Blair so that she could finish tucking him in. When he opened the door she was standing right outside it, waiting impatiently.

"Is he asleep?" she asked.

"No not yet. I assumed you wanted to say goodnight."

She nodded and hurried past him. Chuck watched her climb up on the bed and align herself to Sebastian. It felt like he was spying on a private moment. He closed the door and walked to his office to sort out his thoughts.

When the door closed behind him he felt himself start to shiver a little. He grabbed a hold of his desk and leaned over it a bit, his heart pounding in his chest again and feelings of guilt and fear washing over him. What on earth had they been thinking taking a small child to such a crowded place? Why hadn't they kept better eyes on him? He couldn't stop himself from thinking about how dangerously close they had gotten to losing their son forever. Children got lost all the time, kidnapped or worse, and it would have been so easy for the wrong person to find him instead of a friendly British couple. The rest of their lives would have been spent in a constant search for a son who may not still be alive and neither one of them would ever be able to find peace again, not to mention the kind of horrors Sebastian might have to live through. He had only known he was a father for a year and the idea of spending the rest of his life back being a father without a son in his life petrified him.

At first he didn't fully recognize the feeling that came over him. Then he realized he was crying, something he hadn't done in a very long time. He berated himself for what had happened during the day, accused himself of all kinds of lacks of judgments and bad calls. What had he been doing all this year? Dancing around his issues, afraid of letting Sebastian close and even more afraid of letting Blair close. Since his last conversation with Emmy a few days ago he had decided to play the game with Blair and give her a run for her money and now he couldn't believe he had been so infantile and foolish. What was the point of wasting time on games when everything that truly mattered could be lost so easily? This morning he had had the prospect of a real family together with Blair. Then he had faced the possibility of losing the child he had thought would always bind them together. Nothing could be taken for granted, especially not when he was acting like such an idiot.

"Chuck…" Blair's gentle voice suddenly said. "Are you alright?"

He turned around, startled by her voice. He hadn't heard her walking in and at first he wasn't sure he wanted her to see him like this. The caring and concerned look on her face managed to make him relax a little bit. She had been great to him all day. She could have easily yelled and screamed and blamed him for letting go of Sebastian's hand but she had not uttered a single syllable of accusation or blame. It was evident from the way she was looking at him right now that she wasn't going to either; that she was concerned for him and not angry.

He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a trembling breath. He loved her so much it hurt in that moment. He couldn't understand how she could still be there, still care about him even after everything that had happened. He didn't want to be afraid to love her anymore and he didn't want to feel such a distance between them.

"I let go of his hand" he breathed. "I thought he was following with you but I didn't actually make sure, I just… let go of his hand."

"I did too" Blair said gently. "We're both at fault. We'll never be that careless again and that's what we have to take away from this. I don't want you beating yourself up. Today had a happy ending and nothing else matters."

"I let him go Blair" Chuck said. "I'm even worse at this than my own father. You know as well as I do that it was only dumb luck that brought him back to us. I'm so sorry. I know you've feared losing your son because of me but this wasn't what you had in mind. Apparently I can threaten to ruin your life in ways you'd never expect."

She shushed him and walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. He hesitated for a brief second, then buried his face at the nape of her neck and wrapped his arms around her. He felt her hand caress the back of his head the same way she had done with Sebastian earlier. It was comforting yet for some reason it made him cry more.

"It's okay…" Blair shushed. "It's okay… We've both been completely terrified today but it's over now. Our son is fast asleep in my bedroom, safe and secure. You know, he said to me that he feels completely safe because you will protect him."

"I failed him today."

"No… You got him back. I was too panicked to think straight but you did all the right things. He's home now. Forget about everything else."

"I'm a failure as a father" Chuck said. "I'm so much like Bart… Cold, distant, unable to connect."

"That was you ten months ago" Blair argued gently. "You're talking rubbish at the moment. You know Sebastian feels close to you now."

"What the hell is wrong with me, Blair? I can't seem to break out of these destructive patterns. I destroyed you all those years ago and this year I've destroyed Emmy as well and I'm probably well on my way to doing it to you all over again. God knows what I might to do Sebastian. Maybe people like my father, my uncle and myself aren't supposed to enjoy other people's affections because we certainly don't know how to cherish them."

Blair shushed him, thinking he was being a touch melodramatic but recognizing the need to vent. It was the first time he had been this open with her in years and she was going to lend an ear for as long as he needed one.

"I'm sorry for the way I've treated you" he said. "I'm sorry for all the games. I'm sorry for losing faith and for punishing you for things that you were already feeling horrible about. I'm sorry for not wanting to see how you were really doing and for being so careless of your emotions. I just couldn't handle you breaking my heart again. I protected myself in any way I could. I should be above things like that now. I'm not a kid anymore."

She broke the hug and placed a hand on his wet cheek, staring into his eyes.

"No apologies" she said. "Not to me. You don't need my forgiveness. You need your own. You should give it to yourself. If we continue to keep score of who has hurt whom the most and when then we will never move forward."

"I was so wrapped up in my fear of having my heart broken again that I broke Emmy's and I treated you in a way you didn't deserve."

"It's okay" she insisted. She placed a brief kiss on his lips followed by a long, desperate one, so hard it almost hurt. She then wrapped her arms around him again and hugged him close. "I'm here" she whispered.

"God Blair, we cannot even communicate with one another" he said, his tears subsiding a bit but not entirely. "We keep being at cross purposes. I have no idea what's going on inside your mind or what you feel about me, nor do you when it comes to me. It didn't use to be like that. We used to understand one another perfectly but now… now it's like we can't at all. Today we almost lost our child because we couldn't communicate properly. We should have decided who would have Sebastian. We should have both made sure one of us was holding his hand when we went in different directions. This whole mess could have been avoided. Just like all the other messes between us."

"We lost our way" Blair said gently. "We lost track of ourselves at some point during these years. Whether we have the same future or we go our separate ways we both have to move forward with clean slates."

"I'm not angry that you kept Sebastian a secret anymore. Anger hasn't been the problem and even though I may not have shown it I forgave you a while ago. It's the trust that's been harder to repair and it's made me bitter."

She nodded.

"I know. I've been there. I forgave you for the hotel deal but I didn't feel that I could trust you. It's what messed things up for us again. It seems like such a long time ago now… I almost married Louis, you lived with another woman… Through it all we've still been drawn to each other."

He broke the hug and shook his head a little to clear it, wiping his cheeks with his sleeve and feeling ridiculous.

"I'm sorry" he said. "I didn't mean to… have this outburst of emotion. Everything that's happened today just…"

"Chuck?" Blair said. "Have you even allowed yourself to fully… grieve the things you lost with Sebastian? I don't like to pull on that thread, trust me, but I think it would do you some good and allow you to deal with it properly. Dr. Morales keeps telling me that we need to allow ourselves to grieve for our losses in order to move forward with our lives without self-destructing."

"I'm just glad he's my son" Chuck said with a faint smile. "What's the point in still obsessing over the years I missed? It won't give me the time back. I'd rather make the most of the time that I do have with him."

He looked at her and wanted to add that he would like to make the most out of the time he had with her instead of harping over the past. This did not seem like the right moment however and she hadn't said anything about her feelings for him.

"Ugh, I'm getting a headache" Chuck said, rubbing his temples. "I need some water."

Blair nodded.

"Okay."

He gave her a faint smile and walked over to the bar he kept in his office. He usually kept a bottle of water or two in there in case he got thirsty while working. He grabbed one and unscrewed the cap, taking a few long gulps of water.

"Do you want anything?" he asked her when he was done drinking. "A drink to calm the nerves never seemed more fitting."

"No thank you."

He laughed a little.

"Yeah I shouldn't have one either. I need to find better coping mechanism than alcohol and sex."

"You'd better" Blair replied. "You've dehydrated yourself enough for one night and you don't have anyone to have sex with."

He laughed again, a little more genuinely this time.

"Right on both accounts." He placed his hands against the bar and leaned back on it a little. "What happened with Emmy earlier this summer was… a huge mistake. The only reason it happened is because it was familiar and comforting and it's my modus operandi. Though when has it actually brought me anything good? It's not like drinks and women have solved any of my problems or made me feel better for more than minutes at a time."

"I should think it would depend on the woman" Blair replied, raising an eyebrow.

"If you're referring to yourself I can tell you that you have indeed got a gift for making me feel better but you don't need to sleep with me in order to achieve that." He made a face and tossed the almost empty bottle in the trashcan. "Anyway… I'm done making the same mistakes over and over. I'm also done repeating my father's mistakes. Sebastian will never have to feel the same way I did when I was a kid. You've never said it but I suspect one of the reasons why you kept us apart was that you weren't sure I was fatherhood material and you were right to question that. I am, after all, a Bass."

"Your aptitude as a father was never an issue" Blair said calmly. "I've always seen that potential in you. You're doing a great job, Bass. What happened today was just as much my fault as it was yours. All that matters is that it had a happy ending. Now let's not talk about it anymore or I _will_ need a drink."

He chuckled and nodded. Then he smiled and met her eyes. She smiled back and felt more at ease than she would have thought possible after the events of the day.

* * *

><p>Together they went to Blair's bedroom to check up on Sebastian. He was fast asleep, teddybear in a secure grip and the dinosaur covering half his face. They stood there in silence for a few minutes, both relieved to have their son there and both knowing they didn't have to say anything because the other was feeling the exact same thing.<p>

They ended up on Chuck's bed, still in silence for the first ten minutes, each with their own thoughts filling their heads. Then Chuck turned his head and looked at her and she smiled faintly back at him. He turned to lie on his side and returned the smile.

"What a bitch of a day" he said.

"Stop talking about that or meet my wrath."

He nodded slightly, looking down at his hands for a moment. All the strategies he had been planning in his head, every step of the game he had been set to play, all of it seemed so irrelevant now. He had known beyond a doubt what he truly wanted early last summer. He had lost faith it for a while but for months now he had known it again but been too afraid to act on it. After the latest debacle with Emmy he felt confident that Blair's feelings for him were genuine and he didn't feel the least bit interested in playing another game with her. Not after what they had just been through and when he looked back at everything that had happened over the years it all seemed like such a waste.

"I'm just going to be candid with you" he said, looking up at her again. "I think I know where you stand but I don't know for sure so I'm taking a bit of a gamble. One of us has to and I probably owe you a few."

"What's on your mind, Bass?" she asked.

"I never stopped loving you. When you came back I was going to leave Emmy and tell you how I felt. The things that then unfolded scared me and… You know what, I don't want to talk about that. All that really matters in the end is how I feel now. Which is the same way I've felt since the first night in the limo. I never did manage to murder those butterflies. I think you are the most resourceful, witty, cunning, clever, driven, emotionally generous, devoted, lovely, utterly gorgeous woman I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I spent years with another woman and I thought I was happy but when you showed up in my life again I was ready to walk out on her just to have the chance to be with you again even though you might not still love me. You're the one, you always have been and that will never change. Even if you don't love me anymore or you don't want to give us another chance. I leave it up to you to decide what you want to do with your life and your heart but if you want me I am yours. Try as I may to pretend otherwise I'm under your spell and even though it hasn't shown in a long time you always have been and always will be my first choice."

Blair opened her mouth to answer but couldn't find the words. She wasn't quite sure she had heard him right. After over a year of him acting like he didn't care he was suddenly telling her everything she wanted to hear and he wasn't asking for anything in return. It was a lot to take in and for a moment she wasn't sure how she felt about it.

"No matter how you feel about me…" he said when she hadn't spoken for over two minutes, "you deserve to know how I feel. You deserve to hear those words from me."

"Three words, eight letters?" Blair said. "Say it and I'm yours?"

"I thought you didn't love me anymore" he told her. "In fact I thought you may never have truly loved me at all. One of the reasons why I tried so hard to keep you at arm's length. I would love to hear those words from you but I understand if you can't say them or don't feel it. I just feel that you should know how special you truly are to me and I'm tired of not owning up to my own feelings."

"I never stopped loving you either but at some points it has really hurt to love you and I've deeply wished I didn't have to feel that way anymore. Then I've always come through to the other side and none of the bad things have seemed to matter as much anymore."

"Our lives are a mess" Chuck said. "That's nothing new. It seems that no matter what age we get things still keep being complicated between us."

"They weren't while we were dating" Blair reminded him. "When we were together, working towards the same goals, we were unstoppable." She paused and smiled a little. "I know what it means to you to lay your heart out to someone, especially with no guarantee of getting a favorable outcome. It's not strange to me that you chose to be with a woman who, as much as I despise her, clearly did adore you. Maybe you needed that after everything that transpired between you and I. Believe me Chuck, I know how much the gesture you've made just now means."

Chuck nodded and drew a slow breath, having a feeling that he wouldn't like what she was about to say. It sounded very much like she was going to try her best to let him down easily. Still he didn't regret having said anything.

"You don't have to feel the same way back" he said, still hoping that she would. "I just want you to be happy. After everything you've been through you deserve that and it's what I've always wanted for you, Blair."

"Then let's try and make this work" she said. "Me and you and our boy, together as a family. Nothing would make me happier. I love you. As much as I always have. All the mistakes and all the hurt and all the cross purposes haven't changed that."

"_Can_ we make it work?" he questioned.

"If we're meant to be together how can we not?"

She reached up her hand and let her fingers brush against his jawline, her eyes studying his lips and her body subconsciously moving closer to his. Finally what she wanted the most was within her grasp but she was afraid to do or say anything in case one wrong move would take it all away again.

Chuck's hand landed on her hip, his eyes studying her with building lust while he fought the urge to pull her close and not just _tell_ her how he still felt but also _show_ her.

"I do know one thing that was never a problem for us" he said.

"What?" she asked, her eyes trailing over the lines of his face.

"Sex. We've never had a problem in that department. A perfect fit right from the start."

"Perfect" Blair agreed. "Maybe we just need to… remind ourselves of that?"

He frowned and removed his hand from her hip, rolling over on his back.

"This may sound like an alien idea coming from me but… perhaps we shouldn't. Have sex, I mean. You and I both know that the moment we're sleeping together again we're going to be unable to resist doing it over and over again and we're going to keep coming back to the thing that always works for us. We've perfected sex years ago. It can wait."

"Sometimes I think you've had your mind swapped with someone else's while I was away" Blair said, frustrated by his suggestion.

"I want us to find a way to work through our issues and be good together again. When we're fully clothed. If sex is involved we'll resort to that as a way to make ourselves feel better about the state of our relationship and use it as a tool to convince ourselves that things are better than they actually are. I propose we wait and find our way back first and let sex be the reward when the doubts and the fears and the hurt is all behind us. The stronger foundation we build the smaller the risk that Sebastian will end up getting hurt. Let's focus on the areas where we're not so good instead of what we excel at."

Blair groaned in disappointment but had to admit that there was some logic to his words. Some, not a lot. Still, if he thought that would help she would be willing to give it a try.

"Fine" she said. "I'll _try_." She scooted a little closer and ran her finger down his jawline. "So… What exactly does that make us? Friends?"

"More than friends."

"A sexless couple?"

"I prefer… chaste."

"So we are a couple, then?"

"I don't know."

"I suppose going public wouldn't be the smartest move…" she mused, her finger drawing a line from his jaw to the corner of his mouth. "Yet we are exclusive. Working on _us_."

"Sounds about right" he murmured.

"Well, then… if we are together… then this should be okay, right?"

She leaned in and gently pressed her lips to his.

"Oh yeah, definitely" he replied, wrapping one arm around her neck to pull her closer and kissing her eagerly. "After all…" he mumbled between kisses. "There must be something that shows this is more than friendship."

She giggled against his lips and rolled him over on his side, wrapping a leg around him. For the first time in years they were daring to show their emotions when they kissed, neither of them pretending any longer. She couldn't believe how much she had missed this or that she had ever lived without it. She had always viewed him as the best kisser she had ever been with, including the kisses they had shared in the limo and before she had fallen in love with him. The last time they had kissed she had felt his hunger and desire but also felt him holding back the full extent of his emotions but that was not the case right now.

Chuck moaned against her mouth, hissing when her lips left his and began to nibble at his neck. It had never felt the same being kissed by anyone else, whether it was a one night stand or the woman he had lived with for several years. Blair always stood out. He ran a hand into her hair and massaged her scalp gently, urging her mouth back to meet his. Then he rolled them over so that he was on top of her and automatically began to grind himself against her. He pulled back, panting and making a frustrated face.

"Need to stop?" Blair asked breathlessly.

"Less than ten minutes and I'm already about to forget holding off on sex."

"Down, boy" she teased with a smirk.

"Easier said than done" he replied with half a chuckle.

With a frustrated groan he rolled off her and stared at the ceiling for a moment. After a minute she rolled over on her side, smiling at him with a far more pleased expression than he would have expected.

"This should be fun" she said. "Seeing how long Chuck Bass can go without sex. Has it ever been studied?"

"I don't see where you find it interesting" he replied. "You're the one I'm wanting to have sex with."

"It's funny because it's your own rule."

"Yeah…" He paused for a moment. "I do think it's for the best. Hard as it may be to refrain. The focus should be on the things we need to work on."

"I know" she said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "We've waited five years, aside from one brief night months ago. We can wait a while longer. It will be worth it in the end if we can finally make this love affair work."

She sat up and he frowned.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed. My own bed. You're naïve if you think we can share one and stay chaste after such a long time apart. Besides, if Sebastian wakes up I want him to find me there."

She leaned in and placed a sweet, lingering kiss on his lips.

"See you in the morning, Chuck."

She got off the bed and headed for the door to Sebastian's room.

"Sleep well, Blair" Chuck managed.

His head fell back against the pillows. A smile spread across his face. Moments later he was asleep, exhausted by what had been one of the longest and most emotional days of his life.

* * *

><p>Well, that's that. Hope it was okay. No promises on when I'll update again but I do hope I'll be finished with the story before summer is over.<p>

Thanks for reading!


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